(no subject)
So he did it. After we shared beautiful, emotional moments this weekend and Monday...he went and got cold feet on em again. Why can't he just grow up!?
Why can't he just accept that we are undeniably attracted to each other and adore each other's company? We're happy until he panics. No idea why really. Oh yeah---He doesn't want to expend the time on a relationship. I just don't matter that much anymore. I get it. He has other priorities, like school, for the next few months. He works now too. (Gee, welcome to the real world!) And he doesn't want me/anyone expecting anything of him, because he's afraid of not living up to expectations and "hurting me". He must be "perfect" at all times, and realizes I want more and he doesn't want to bother expending the time to give it. I think the world is "all or nothing" to him. Which is what makes me so sad.
I'd leave and never look back if I didn't have an almost 2 year long history with him. We had been broken up from Nov-March until this past weekend...aside from hanging out together since after New Year's. We go out, like dates, but with restraint.
And ow we might not see each other anymore because I am too physically tempting? Why does this sound crazy to me? Am I alone in this?
Mind you, we are both just over 30---so we aren't kids anymore. But I am his first girlfriend/relationship since high school. He just hasn't had the guts. I thought that had changed, but nope. We were the happiest couple on the planet until "pressure" got in the way. Now here it is again. School/work. Not interpersonal, but projected there. This sucks.
It's not like I expect him to tell me he loves me anymore and we want to spend our lives together and have kids, etc. Like it used to be...I won't dare allow myself to even think about that. Because I really don't feel like crying.
It hurts to love someone and know they are afraid to love you back. That they are afraid to love or be vulnerable, period. That they withdraw so deep into themselves that they know not much else other than being alone and feel more secure alone than anything. It is sad. And alienating.
Why can't he just accept that we are undeniably attracted to each other and adore each other's company? We're happy until he panics. No idea why really. Oh yeah---He doesn't want to expend the time on a relationship. I just don't matter that much anymore. I get it. He has other priorities, like school, for the next few months. He works now too. (Gee, welcome to the real world!) And he doesn't want me/anyone expecting anything of him, because he's afraid of not living up to expectations and "hurting me". He must be "perfect" at all times, and realizes I want more and he doesn't want to bother expending the time to give it. I think the world is "all or nothing" to him. Which is what makes me so sad.
I'd leave and never look back if I didn't have an almost 2 year long history with him. We had been broken up from Nov-March until this past weekend...aside from hanging out together since after New Year's. We go out, like dates, but with restraint.
And ow we might not see each other anymore because I am too physically tempting? Why does this sound crazy to me? Am I alone in this?
Mind you, we are both just over 30---so we aren't kids anymore. But I am his first girlfriend/relationship since high school. He just hasn't had the guts. I thought that had changed, but nope. We were the happiest couple on the planet until "pressure" got in the way. Now here it is again. School/work. Not interpersonal, but projected there. This sucks.
It's not like I expect him to tell me he loves me anymore and we want to spend our lives together and have kids, etc. Like it used to be...I won't dare allow myself to even think about that. Because I really don't feel like crying.
It hurts to love someone and know they are afraid to love you back. That they are afraid to love or be vulnerable, period. That they withdraw so deep into themselves that they know not much else other than being alone and feel more secure alone than anything. It is sad. And alienating.