OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING BUT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCK!!!!!!!!! More after school, after I get my first in a series of 16-18 minimum of one hour exams done. The longest is two 1/2. Great. I'm going to loose it. No one, NO ONE should have to deal with this, not
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1. When you get your copy of the test, run out screaming, "André, André, I've got the secret documents!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, de- bate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking!" Then start talking about what a jerk the teacher is.
3. Bring your own private cheer- leaders (in uniform). Have them cheer loudly each time you answer a question.
4. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
5. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. When the instructor asks why, tell him in a very derogatory tone, "The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a Clapper. DUH!"
6. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling, "I'm here, the Phantom of the Opera!" until they drag you away.
7. From the moment the test begins, hum the theme to "Jeopardy."
8. Come in wearing a full suit of armor.
9. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed because you have bad circulation.
10. Bring a large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often.
11. Come in wearing only your underwear. Halfway through the test, jump up and scream, "You mean this ISN'T a dream?" and run out of the room.
12. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer.
13. Set up a concession stand and sell lemonade, snacks, etc. Every now and then, walk around the room yelling, "Peanuts! Get your peanuts here!"
14. Halfway through the exam, turn it in. As you walk out, comment loudly on how easy it was.
15. Before the test starts, walk around your desk and mark your territory.
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