A Young Womans Story...
I often find it interesting that we learn our lessons through a lot of pain and hassle. I guess its the object of the game but why does God have to torment us... I mean alright that is an obvious answer...read the bible I know I know its all over the place about God testing us and God putting us through affliction...but haven't you ever wondered why some people get it worse than others? I was down at the jail the other day to interview this client of ours at work. Linda, who has just been through so much shit in her life that it ceases to amaze me she is still here was a beautiful girl, from a poor eastern kentucky family, daddy was a drunk sexual molester, mother smoked crack and spent most of her nights at a bar or sleeping around... yet Linda still managaed to survive the pains of her childhood, being sexually molested by her father, ignored by her mother, growing up in a slum of a town surrounded by nothing to encourage a child. Somehow she got good enough grades to go to a community college, but was unable to finish because she was unable to afford it and felt she had to work so that she could pay the rent. One day she met a guy named Jeff who at the beginning swept her off her feet, he seemed to represent everything that she never had, he took her out to dinner all the time... something she was not used to. When she met Jeff she was just getting out of a messy divorce, her husband abused her and after one night throwing her down the stairs (causing her to have a miscarriage) she decided that enought was enough. Jeff took care of her and showed her what she thought were "the finer things in life." After only a few months she ended up pregnant again but she was in love so it didnt seem to matter. Soon after though Linda found out about Jeffs "secret life." She found out how Jeff was REALLY making his living which was by selling drugs. She apposed it, thought about leaving, but because they had hit it off before she knew of Jeffs secret life, she decided to stay, atleast for the baby. Linda didnt sell drugs, but he did. She met his suppliers and met people who wanted to buy, and soon she was the best-connected drug dealer in the ciry. She got suckered in.
Somewhere along the line, and 2 babies later, Linda fell out of love with Jeff. He was starting to belittle her, treat her horribly, and mooch off her earnings. He started to become a hardcore drug addict, slinging cocaine and snorting as much as income allowed. He would come in and rip the phone off the wall so that he would scare Linda, take some downers so that he can go to sleep, and each time he woke he was in a rage. He screamed at the kids and often went out for days at a time without coming back. Finally the law caught up with Jeff and he was incarcerated. Linda had no job, no source of income, and she needed to feed her children, make paymemts... SURVIVE. She knew in her heart it was wrong, but she had so many connections that all she had to do was make a phone call to one of her friends she met through Jeff and she could make that car payment or feed her children. They knew and trusted her and they would front her the dope. So she did it. She did not like herself for doing it but it was an act out of desperation. She felt she had no choice. She loved her children so much... she said she'd often take them to the park and get them ice cream sacrificing her own meals to pay for her childrens... to make them happy. She would only sell drugs for a little bit longer, just to pay the bills, until she finds a job. Nobody was hiring, she had made a mistake in the past and shoplifted and it was on her record, when employers saw this and no college education, they would turn her down.
It turns out you have to be careful who you trust because one of her "friends" was arrested and was given a plea bargain that if he supplied the authorities with information about the drug network, he would get less time. Linda got a knock on her door one day from social services, and her two children, her life, her reason for living...reason for doing what she knew was wrong.... were dragged away. Linda was placed under arrest after having her house searched, her neighbors watch, her children kicking and screaming because they "did not want to leave mommy" they did not understand.
This is where I picked up... where I met with Linda down at the jail, and recieved her story. She was so young, only a few years older than me. She has beautiful blond hair, and fierce green eyes. Her face showed the years of pain for it was pale and striken with grief. She had never used drugs, never participated, just sold them, just wanted to make some quick money, she swore she'd stop, she promised, but that "sweeping under the rug" affect caught up with her. She did it for her kids she'd say...she wouldn't stop talking about her kids, everytime she mentioned her kids her eyes would swell up.
She has learned her lesson.. time and time again...but this time she says she was serious. I just often question why someone as normal as the rest of us gets caught up in situations worse than others. It was not her fault that Linda was born into a horrid family, that she was raised with her dad molesting her, seeing her mom do drugs, crack pipes laying around the house, what a crappy place for a child to grow up. But she made it out of there... she prayed, she believed in God, she did her best to be a good person and she escaped eastern kentucky but she was dealt a bad hand again with her first husband, and then Jeff. What drives this? Some people may just say "well its her own damn fault she was the one that stuck around" but with two babies and no money, what would you of done?? I am not saying that selling drugs is the answer, I would go to a shelter for women and children or something before I ever turned to that, but what do you expect a young girl who has grown up around drugs to do... dont you think she's mentally damaged to begin with? Like a young child you say "she doesn't know any better." It is sort of like quitting smoking... you say "I will quit tomorrow" but you never do... because when tomorrow comes you feel that you still cannot survive without it... just one more day.
Is this deviance? Is this bad luck? Is this a product of environment? Or is this just another situation where "you shoulda known better"?
Linda is a good person. She is not like other criminals you might hear about that the minute they get out, they go right back to the lifestyle again. She is taking classes, she continues to read the bible, she has hope.
I have to admit, sitting there on the other side of the glass window from Linda, I felt embarassed. Here I was, dressed in a nice sweater and black pants, my hair up with clips and dangling earrings straight teeth from braces, nails done, a college education, not just any college education but an education from UK, paying out of state tutition, driving a car of my very own, having a bank account, having parents and a family that loves me and supports me, living in a nice apartment with nice things... I felt horrible... suddenly my problems were minimal. Suddenly I realized how lucky I was... I almost felt selfish. I of course had no choice over these things, but I was dealt a better hand... all my friends have been dealt a better hand, why was this poor women jipped? Was she jipped? Was it her fault? Did we do anything to make us stand where we are today? Are we where we are today because of our parents or family background? Am I questioning things that are out of our reach and control?
Right as I was getting up to leave she looks at me and goes "Hey, how did you make it?" Here I was, staring face to face with a woman about my age....... I was speachless.
Somewhere along the line, and 2 babies later, Linda fell out of love with Jeff. He was starting to belittle her, treat her horribly, and mooch off her earnings. He started to become a hardcore drug addict, slinging cocaine and snorting as much as income allowed. He would come in and rip the phone off the wall so that he would scare Linda, take some downers so that he can go to sleep, and each time he woke he was in a rage. He screamed at the kids and often went out for days at a time without coming back. Finally the law caught up with Jeff and he was incarcerated. Linda had no job, no source of income, and she needed to feed her children, make paymemts... SURVIVE. She knew in her heart it was wrong, but she had so many connections that all she had to do was make a phone call to one of her friends she met through Jeff and she could make that car payment or feed her children. They knew and trusted her and they would front her the dope. So she did it. She did not like herself for doing it but it was an act out of desperation. She felt she had no choice. She loved her children so much... she said she'd often take them to the park and get them ice cream sacrificing her own meals to pay for her childrens... to make them happy. She would only sell drugs for a little bit longer, just to pay the bills, until she finds a job. Nobody was hiring, she had made a mistake in the past and shoplifted and it was on her record, when employers saw this and no college education, they would turn her down.
It turns out you have to be careful who you trust because one of her "friends" was arrested and was given a plea bargain that if he supplied the authorities with information about the drug network, he would get less time. Linda got a knock on her door one day from social services, and her two children, her life, her reason for living...reason for doing what she knew was wrong.... were dragged away. Linda was placed under arrest after having her house searched, her neighbors watch, her children kicking and screaming because they "did not want to leave mommy" they did not understand.
This is where I picked up... where I met with Linda down at the jail, and recieved her story. She was so young, only a few years older than me. She has beautiful blond hair, and fierce green eyes. Her face showed the years of pain for it was pale and striken with grief. She had never used drugs, never participated, just sold them, just wanted to make some quick money, she swore she'd stop, she promised, but that "sweeping under the rug" affect caught up with her. She did it for her kids she'd say...she wouldn't stop talking about her kids, everytime she mentioned her kids her eyes would swell up.
She has learned her lesson.. time and time again...but this time she says she was serious. I just often question why someone as normal as the rest of us gets caught up in situations worse than others. It was not her fault that Linda was born into a horrid family, that she was raised with her dad molesting her, seeing her mom do drugs, crack pipes laying around the house, what a crappy place for a child to grow up. But she made it out of there... she prayed, she believed in God, she did her best to be a good person and she escaped eastern kentucky but she was dealt a bad hand again with her first husband, and then Jeff. What drives this? Some people may just say "well its her own damn fault she was the one that stuck around" but with two babies and no money, what would you of done?? I am not saying that selling drugs is the answer, I would go to a shelter for women and children or something before I ever turned to that, but what do you expect a young girl who has grown up around drugs to do... dont you think she's mentally damaged to begin with? Like a young child you say "she doesn't know any better." It is sort of like quitting smoking... you say "I will quit tomorrow" but you never do... because when tomorrow comes you feel that you still cannot survive without it... just one more day.
Is this deviance? Is this bad luck? Is this a product of environment? Or is this just another situation where "you shoulda known better"?
Linda is a good person. She is not like other criminals you might hear about that the minute they get out, they go right back to the lifestyle again. She is taking classes, she continues to read the bible, she has hope.
I have to admit, sitting there on the other side of the glass window from Linda, I felt embarassed. Here I was, dressed in a nice sweater and black pants, my hair up with clips and dangling earrings straight teeth from braces, nails done, a college education, not just any college education but an education from UK, paying out of state tutition, driving a car of my very own, having a bank account, having parents and a family that loves me and supports me, living in a nice apartment with nice things... I felt horrible... suddenly my problems were minimal. Suddenly I realized how lucky I was... I almost felt selfish. I of course had no choice over these things, but I was dealt a better hand... all my friends have been dealt a better hand, why was this poor women jipped? Was she jipped? Was it her fault? Did we do anything to make us stand where we are today? Are we where we are today because of our parents or family background? Am I questioning things that are out of our reach and control?
Right as I was getting up to leave she looks at me and goes "Hey, how did you make it?" Here I was, staring face to face with a woman about my age....... I was speachless.