I smoke cuz I'm hoping for an early death ... and I need to cling to something.
I have been motherfucking sick since Memorial Day Weekend.
It's some stupid fucking stomach flu from Hell and even now (6 days later) I still suffer the remnants of this horrendous sickness.
I ask, why me?
Why is it me who always gets some demonic intestinal virus?
And why is it that, in the midst of my paranoid internet research, I find shit like this:
New Intestinal Superbug On The Rise
According to the article, "The infection, Clostridium difficile, is found in the colon and can cause diarrhea and a more serious intestinal condition known as colitis." and if that wasn't enough, "C-diff, as it's known, has grown resistant to certain antibiotics that work against other colon bacteria. The result: When patients take those antibiotics, competing bacteria die off and C-diff explodes."
So, yeah. I can't help but wonder why I seem to always have some sort of digestive problem.
What if I'm the host of some fucking crazy-ass bacteria/parasite the likes which have never been seen before?
I'm not saying I have C-Diff, I'm saying, what if it is something else?
The only request I can think of is, if they ever have to name a disease after me, call it the "Zombie Disease."
I mean, how cool would that be? Just imagine:
"Brenda, I have bad news ... I ... I spoke to Dr. Humbert and the X-Rays revealed it's something worse than we feared..."
"Oh, Poopy! Is it cancer?"
"No, I'm afraid it's worse ... I have .... I've been diagnosed with Zombie!"
*screams of horror*
Originally posted on katzombie.vox.com