for Sam
I've been meaning to do this for quite some time now...
this is in memory of Sam, a brilliant young woman, who had so much to live for, whose life was taken away far too soon.
Although we didn't always get along, I still liked Sam. There are moments that I spent with her that will be in my mind forever. Rowing camp, after school while she studied and waited to be picked up, always scabbing money off of people. I recall vividly her pride of her white pointy toed boots with yellow and green striped electrical tape - in fact you can see them in some of the photos above. She never stopped trying, she never gave up, and she was involved in everything.
There are lots of silent moments in my life now, where I can't help but think of her. There are a few things that come to me often; on the day of the rehearsal for her service (the choir sang May it Be - by Enya) there was a butterfly that was fluttering around the hall. It stayed inside for the entire rehearsal, and at the end when the year 12 singers stopped to talk it floated down and landed on a chair next to us. for a moment there I felt peace, as though a part of Sam was with us, and always would be.
The Funeral was sad yet beautiful. I will never forget her gorgeous smiling face in the photograph sitting on her casket. I could not believe that she was no longer there, not many weeks ago, she was sitting in the same hall - doing her English exam. And a few weeks before that we were practicing for Variety - and she was jumping around on the stage, cackling in only a way that Sam could, and coming up with outrageous dance moves.
I will never forget the moment I saw Nick's face (her boyfriend) as he carried her casket out with the others.
In year 7, when we were still young and naïve - Sam stayed back, waiting for her mum to pick her up. We were hanging out in the classroom and I remember her writing something on the whiteboard, then trying to cover it up. Eventually she showed me - it said 'no one would care if i died'. I looked at her straight in the eye and said 'Don't be silly - of course they would! Firstly your parents love you so much! And we'd all miss you like crazy, I would care.' She half-smiled back at me and shrugged. That moment will haunt me for a long time.
to Sam,
we all care a lot more than you probably would have ever thought.
missing you always.