/Drill Sergent
Alright people, listen up!
All of you in Florida who want to play D&D with Scottie and myself, Fall In.
There's a few things I'm going to need from you all before you can come sit at my table. I'm going to keep it simple because I know some of you may not be able to understand all the words that are leaving my mouth.
One!
I'm going to need a character idea. An Idea people, a concept of what maggot you're bringing in to get humiliated at the feet of the first goblin that stumbles across it!
- A large human with a big ass sword will not cut it! I want to know why he has his knife and where he learned how to use it! I want to know if and when he enlisted into the military or if he was enrolled in some pansy-ass school of wizardry! Hell, I even want to know what year his mama popped him out!
Two!
If you've gotten this far, I congratulate you! You've got more than two brain cells to rub together!
- Now what I need is a background! I know some of you maggots will be thinking "But Sir, isn't that what I just did?" No! What you've done is given your character a little flavor, figured out what makes them tick! Now you need to figure out what made your little bastard start on the path he's on! Was mommy and daddy slaughtered at the hands of maurauders, leaving him to swear vengeance? Was he ushered into the divine ranks of the armed services? Was he making pretty little lights above his crib? Was he ever captured by trolls or pirates? Think, maggot!
Three!
Now you get to decide your little baby's mechanics! You will think outside the god-damned box!
- Be original! Not every fighter wears plate armor and swings a great-sword once a round! Show me the big bastard that uses a war hammer and bladed shield, distracting his foes so his resident mage can blow the little fuckers up! Show me the big, burly mechanic who wields the mother of all wrenches in both hands to take on his enemies! I'll expect that requisition form for that rifle on my desk by nineteen hundred hours, recruit! Or do you want a weighted chain like you see in your kung-fu movies? Maybe you want a book of blueprints to aid your character in item creation, or perhaps your very own spell? You can talk with me to make new pieces of shit that you don't see in your precious little handbook!