CM fic: For fear of falling - prologue
Prologue - JJ
You look at her back as she walk away and it takes everything you have not to cry out to her. To tell her that you were wrong. That you don’t love him. You love her.
But you don’t, because you lost the right to do so the second your words placed that fathomless sadness in her eyes and made her professional mask slam into place.
You never thought that one day she’d use that mask to keep you out. You always prided yourself on being the one person she let in. The fact that priviledge also means responsibility only occurs to you right now.
Now that it’s too late.
Because inspite of all the vows you’ve silently taken everytime she opened up to you, everytime she let you see that hidden vulnerability of hers, you’ve hurt her. Bad.
And only because you were too much of a coward to take a risk with love. Because it was so much easier to pretend you’re in love with him than dealing with your feelings for her. And now you’re standing here and you just know that you’ve broken what could’ve been your one chance at happiness.
Suddenly there’s a hand on your back and it irritates you beyond words because the only hands you want to have on your back right now are hers. But you chose this. And so you try to shake of the irritation and turn to the person behind you. He gives you that warm smile of his and you do your best to return it in kind. He doesn’t notice something’s off. She would’ve known, you’re sure.
But she’s not him and you just made her walk away, telling her you loved him. Which you’re no longer sure is the truth. Crap. Which you now know not to be the truth. Still you take his hand in yours and let him guide you to the car.
Because this is what you chose and now you have to live with it. You got no right at all to start complaining.
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