I can't believe I'm listening to Fergie and having ~*relevant lyrics time.*~ Someone kill me.
I want to wake up from this bad dream already. It's been going on for so long and just keeps getting worse.
I've been doing really damn well, too. Too well, I guess. I got overly-optimistic. It was obviously very foolish of me to think that friendship or even civility could be attempted, even though I'm stable enough to handle it. There's still such an absurd amount of hatred for me, and I don't really understand it.
If karma does in fact work, I'd like to think we've gotta be coming up on my turn for something good sometime soon.
I am not a monster. I am not a bad person. I am not a cheater or a liar. I am not a little girl. And I won't let her or anyone else try to make me believe that I am, because I'm stronger than that now. I've come too far.
And I hope my friends will give me the benefit of the doubt and not listen to what anyone else makes me out to be, unless I've given them a reason to believe what they're told.
I'm young and spoiled sometimes rather foolish, but I'm learning from my many mistakes and I'm growing. I can be selfish, but I've got a good heart most of the time and I mean well. And while I've made a lot of mistakes and continue to make them now, like everyone does, I don't think I deserve this. I don't deserve verbal abuse or being called names or being hated like this.
Even after all this, my heart still aches with a love I'm struggling to let go of. I know it'll never be mine again. I know that. But while I'm the worst thing to ever happen to her, I still consider her the best thing to ever happen to me so it's going to take some time. I just wish we could've eased into friendship peacefully or something without such an inane quantity of animosity and hate.
But I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that everything works itself out with time. Just need more more more time, and everything will heal. I hope you guys will stick with me, because my friends are incredibly important to me and I'd like to have you guys by my side. I know I'll be alright with more time. I just hope this is finally where it stops getting worse and starts getting better.
Sigh. I hate this. Someone halp.
I've been doing really damn well, too. Too well, I guess. I got overly-optimistic. It was obviously very foolish of me to think that friendship or even civility could be attempted, even though I'm stable enough to handle it. There's still such an absurd amount of hatred for me, and I don't really understand it.
If karma does in fact work, I'd like to think we've gotta be coming up on my turn for something good sometime soon.
I am not a monster. I am not a bad person. I am not a cheater or a liar. I am not a little girl. And I won't let her or anyone else try to make me believe that I am, because I'm stronger than that now. I've come too far.
And I hope my friends will give me the benefit of the doubt and not listen to what anyone else makes me out to be, unless I've given them a reason to believe what they're told.
I'm young and spoiled sometimes rather foolish, but I'm learning from my many mistakes and I'm growing. I can be selfish, but I've got a good heart most of the time and I mean well. And while I've made a lot of mistakes and continue to make them now, like everyone does, I don't think I deserve this. I don't deserve verbal abuse or being called names or being hated like this.
Even after all this, my heart still aches with a love I'm struggling to let go of. I know it'll never be mine again. I know that. But while I'm the worst thing to ever happen to her, I still consider her the best thing to ever happen to me so it's going to take some time. I just wish we could've eased into friendship peacefully or something without such an inane quantity of animosity and hate.
But I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that everything works itself out with time. Just need more more more time, and everything will heal. I hope you guys will stick with me, because my friends are incredibly important to me and I'd like to have you guys by my side. I know I'll be alright with more time. I just hope this is finally where it stops getting worse and starts getting better.
Sigh. I hate this. Someone halp.