What is love?
The older I get, the more I believe that true love is actually what I feel for my friends and family. Romantic movie love is fleeting. It's lust wrapped up with un-realistic expectations. As time goes on, it fades.
Not so with my friends and family. If anything I love them more with every passing day. I think about them a lot and feel so lucky to have them in my life. Not that I didn't feel that way about past partners... at least for a little while.
I don't understand why the initial feelings fade. Chemistry disappears. Sexual tension dissolves. I've been married twice. It's happened both times. For different reasons though. I wanted someone who loved me passionately, fiercely, and without holding back. I got that with the first one for awhile. Then life tragedies happened and everything changed. The second one was all about winning my affection and then once he had me, business as usual.
By the time I left both relationships I felt like I wasn't myself and had zero attraction to the person. Though, looking back on it, it's possible I never had real chemistry. I was scared to be alone forever and hadn't come down off the high I was on from dating someone else.
I have some friends who have been married for years and still look at each with such passion... so, maybe it can happen?
Truth is, I don't really care anymore. I'm interested in having amazing friends and fun times, but romantic relationships take a lot of work and I'm not sure they're my cup of tea. I continue to find people who end up treating me terribly. I'd rather not live through that again. I'd rather have awesome friends who will love me forever and I'll love forever. No strings attached. No expectations. Till death do us part.