[Multichapter] The beginning (13/20)
Title: The beginning
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: syunikiss1990 <-- Thank you so very much!
Banner: andreja1989 <-- Thank you a lot~!
Pairing: SakurAiba
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Genre: AU, psychological, romance, drama
Disclaimer: All I own is plot.
*MASTERPOST*
"What are you doing here?" Sakurai frowned and looked over his laptop at his unexpected guest. Matsumoto bowed gently but he seemed to be at least upset, if not mad. For a while he didn't say anything, just making sure that nobody will peek inside.
"I should rip your guts out right now, you know? The only thing that stops me from that is decency." The journalist spit out finally. The editor didn't understand what exactly happened but before he managed to ask any question the latter continued. "I don't know exactly what you have done but whatever it was it hurt Masaki really hard."
"I really don't know what you are talking about..." Sho said quietly, trying to remember everything from few days back... Except the usual, nothing came up to his mind.
"It will be better if you just listen to this." Jun placed a dictaphone right in front of the older man and sat in front of him. "You can use earphones if you are afraid somebody will hear that. I will just stay here and make sure nobody will disturb you." The younger man seemed a lot colder than anytime before. Sakurai put his earphones on and with a bit shaky hands, he pressed the play button.
***
"Does Sakurai-san know you are here?" Matsumoto's voice was a bit louder than the other person, probably because the microphone was closer to him.
"No! And he can't know this. I came here to ask you for help..." Clear, but quiet Masaki's voice seemed to be a lot sadder than ever before.
"Of course, I will do whatever I can to help you. We're friends, right?" Jun sounded cheerful and friendly.
"Can you find me a home?" A sound of broken glass and come curses could be heard from the distance, a sign that there was somebody else in the room as well.
"But you have a home, with Sakurai-san. Am I wrong?"
"This is not home... Home is where people love each other, ne? Where you can feel relaxed and safe... A place where you can be yourself, a place you deserve to be... Where you are accepted and not hurt."
"Did Sakurai-kun hurt you?" Jun sounded worried and curious. He also probably moved closer to Masaki, since the boy's voice became a bit louder.
"N-no... Masaki is not good for such man like him..."
"Why do you think so?"
"I am a child... I need to grow up to deserve him, I need to change. That's why I need a home. Where I can grow up..."
"Don't you think you should just be yourself and not look at what everyone else thinks?" Somebody else's voice reached the microphone. Very familiar voice...
"I want to be that Masaki which Sho-chan will love. I need a home. Jun-kun, please, help me. I don't know how to do it..."
"Masaki, what do you mean by home?"
"Place where I can change. A clinic...? I must become normal, I need to learn stuff, so Sho won't be so confused anymore." Masaki sniffles quietly.
***
"What's this?" Sakurai frowned and placed his earphones on the desk. The answer on this question was obvious but at the same time it needs to be asked.
"Masaki came to me the other day and wanted to talk. You heard most of it, I didn't record everything, just enough for you to get the clue. I believe Masaki heard our conversation. I won't interfere in your relationship but I will tell you one thing. He is way too good for you."
"You don't understand a thing Jun. For you it seems like simple cute relationship of teenage boy and grown up man. I should take care of him and protect him, he should be cute and innocent. Well this is not how it should be! The only person who knows more about Masaki's past than himself is you. Yet you expect me to run to him and tell him he should stay with me in this sweeter copy of what he had with Kurokawa! I don't give a fuck of what you are thinking about it, I will find a good clinic for Masaki, so he can be better. Now, I will be very grateful if you leave and limit our meetings only to those regarding the trial." Sho got up and was ready to kick shocked Matsumoto out of his office. The journalist swallowed hard and slowly moved few steps to the door.
"I got a call from the prosecutor's office, they want me to meet some lawyer there tomorrow. I will give all of my contacts then, including your address. Prepare for a visit. Oh, and I will talk with my friend, maybe he will be able to help and find a decent place for Masaki."
"Thank you." Sakurai tried not to sound too cold. When the latter left his office, he closed his eyes and leaned against the door. He did it again. Hurt the person he loved. Why the hell he decided to talk with Matsumoto at home?! It was pretty obvious that Masaki could hear their conversation and think that he doesn't love him or even worse... Feel the same way he felt in the past, when he was in Kurokawa's house, just before the most difficult time in his life - the trial. Sho must confront the situation and support the younger one with all of his might and, the most important, make him sure he will wait for his return. Yes, the editor was ready to wait for the teenager as long as he has to. Suddenly some irrational idea came across his mind. From some unknown reason he wanted to learn more about Masaki's and Matsumoto's meeting and since he didn't want to talk with the teenager just yet Sakurai decided to see the other person who was also present there. Without any hesitation the editor took out his phone and called Ninomiya, asking for a meeting. Sho heard Masaki and could read quite much from his voice but he wanted to know somebody else's opinion as well. Knowing the writer knew the teenager from before, he probably saw more than the journalist.
"I guess you talked with Jun already..." Kazunari smiled weakly, letting his guest inside his apartment. He didn't look good. Pale, with dark circles under his eyes and seemed to be thinner than before. Sakurai took a deep breath and closed the door quietly, following the latter to the kitchen.
"I did. And I want to talk with you as well about this conversation. I have a feeling you can tell me more..."
"I was there, but probably you know about it already, since you came here. Masaki didn't recognize me, or at least pretended very well. He seemed to be very upset, I didn't want to add even more stress so I sat quietly. Maybe he even didn't notice me?"
"How did he look like? Was he very upset? Scared maybe?" Sho sat at the table, concerned and worried. In unexplainable way he started to trust Ninomiya more than before.
"He was scared, for sure. Sho-kun, he was shaking. For first half an hour he didn't say a word. I believe he loves you and wants to change for you. I think it's the first time he feels like that, so it's obvious and natural he is afraid. The question is what you will do about it..." The writer placed a tea cup in front of the older man and sat close to him.
"I will support him of course and be by his side as long as I can. But this is his decision and his fight, I can only look after him from afar and hope he will be okay."
"I know Jun sees it in a different way but it's only because he doesn't quite understand the situation. Of course he knows a lot about it but he thinks Masaki is past that. That it's just the way he is, childish and cute. Jun doesn't mean anything bad, he just desperately wants to help and sometimes this backfires."
"And what you think about all of this? What should I do now?"
"I can't tell you that, this should be your decision. Yours and Masaki's. Both of you still have time, you should talk about it as honest as possible. However, if I can advise you something, be delicate. Seeing the trial is just around the corner..."
"Did they catch him?" Sakurai asked out of sudden, accepting the advice he just got from the writer. He hoped that Kurokawa is still out somewhere, hiding so he will have a bit more time to spend it with Masaki. Sho wanted Ninomiya to confirm his wishes so badly that he stared at the latter with impatience written all over his face. His all hopes were crushed by one short word...
"Yes. He was hiding in north but something drew him back home. They practically waited there for him after what they heard from J. I learned he is getting some medical exams right now, while they still investigating the whole case. I believe a lawyer will call you soon... How does Masaki take it?" Kazunari placed another cup of tea in front of his guest.
"I think he is doing better than me... He is strong and smarter than me... I should support him and protect him, be next to him. Ninomiya-san, thank you for talking with me today. I need to get back home. Some very important conversation waits for me." Sakurai got up and bowed gently. When he got in his car, he sat there for few minutes, letting all the feelings overwhelm him for a while, submerging in them and allowing them to occupy his heart. Sho knew very well he will have to hide most of those emotions inside but he wanted to be perfectly and fully aware of their existence. This will make him remember the love he has for Masaki, even if he will be away. With a bit shaky hands he started the engine and slowly drove off towards his apartment, only stopping for a while near the place he found the teenager months ago.
"I'm home!" The editor sounded cheery and energetic without any particular reason. Sakurai wanted to make the latter a bit less stressed and nervous from the approaching events. Masaki smiled and greeted him with a warm hug and quick peck on his lips. He was tensed but didn't want to show it. Sho opened his mouth to say that they need to talk but was stopped by pleading eyes of the younger one he loved so much. Teenager practically begged him not to talk about their relationship and the nearest future without using any words, just staring at the older one in silence.
"I could really use a beer now..." Sakurai said with a bit hoarse voice. "My throat is dry."
"Go to the living room, I will bring you a bottle and some snacks in a while." Masaki smiled and opened a cupboard to take out some bowl. Editor shuffled to the other room and sat on the floor near the couch, leaning against it and closed his eyes. Tiredness hit him with double force but he couldn't allow himself to sleep, knowing they will have to have this conversation really soon. Teenager brought the beverage and sandwiches and sat next to the older man in silence, playing with the edge of his hoody, as if it was the most fascinating thing in the universe. Sho wasn't sure if he should tell the latter about his conversation with Matsumoto. It will make Masaki feel betrayed and even more hurt than he already is, both by the upcoming trial and the fact the editor wants him to go away and fix himself. Without thinking much, just to break the unbearable muteness Sakurai smiled and started to talk about the interrogation.
"I talked to Jun. He dropped to the office to talk about the trial. Prosecutor called him to his office tomorrow and we can expect a call from a lawyer really soon. I think the date of first hearing is close."
"Did they catch.... him?" The younger one tensed a bit and looked at his boyfriend, looking for comfort and strength to get through all of this.
"Yes."
"Will I have to talk about what he has done to me in front of him? I don't want to... I can't look at him.... I just can't..." Masaki started to shiver and immediately Sho was closer to him, hugging him gently and stroking his back.
"If you don't want to, he can go out on the time of your testimony or even better, they will do it in separate room. I don't believe they will make you get through all of this all over again."
"Sho... I... I don't think he was bad." The younger one said it with strong certainty in his voice. The editor tensed and moved a bit away just to look at the latter.
"Excuse me?" Sakurai frowned, trying to understand what the younger one just said. Masaki was silent for few minutes and just looked at the older man with sadness mixed with pain in his pupils.
"My Guardian wasn't bad. He made me the way I am and because of that I met you and made you my boyfriend. He taught me love and I can give that to you now." The teenager's words shocked Sho so much, that he forgot how to breathe for at least a minute. Coughing softly and trying to get some air, he looked for the right thing to say. Yelling that Kurokawa was disgusting pedophile and that he should be kept locked for the rest of his life wasn't a good idea at the moment. Besides Masaki knew very well how the rest of the world saw the man anyway.
"Does that mean you won't testify after all?" Sakurai whispered this question afraid of the answer. The thought younger one can testify in Kurokawa's favor made his stomach squeezed, its content slowly going up to his throat.
"I will tell the truth in the court. Whole truth..."
"Masaki... I..." The editor didn't know what to say and he didn't have to force himself to finish the sentence as Masaki joined their lips together in sweet and slow kiss. This caress showed so much love that Sho relaxed and all anxiousness was swept away. The younger one will tell the truth which will put his oppressor behind bars for very long time but also will make teenager go to the clinic. Was it his way he wanted to solve that? Some weird kind of backup plan if Matsumoto fails?
"Please, stop talking about it... It's our last night before this hell will break... I want to have happy memories." Masaki smiled and climbed on Sakurai's lap, hugging him tightly. Maybe this was a good idea? Forget about everything and just enjoy their closeness and those bits of love that surrounded them at the moment? They will have to be closed deep in their hearts soon enough after all...
***
"Sakurai-san, I won't hide that I want to talk first with you, alone. I need to know in what mental state the boy is right now and can I talk to him alone or do I need a help of a specialist." Hiroshi Ishida, the lawyer from the prosecutor office, sounded very professional on the phone. Sho took a deep breath and the craving for cigarette hit him even stronger than before. Without double thinking, he took a package and lighter and went outside, sitting on the bench next to the building.
"Ask me, I will tell you everything I know." Sakurai inhaled bitter smoke and waited for shower of questions from the latter's side. He answered as honestly as he could about the time he found Masaki on that clearing, the hospital, why he became his guardian and all his way till today. Of course he didn't say a word about their relationship; he also instructed the teenager about not revealing any detail of that part of their living together. The younger one knew very well this can destroy not only their already fragile relationship but will bring a lot of troubles to the editor. And that they won't be able to see each other ever again.
"Would you say he is stable enough to talk with me, alone? I am afraid that your presence may affect his answers, even subconsciously."
"I don't know... I am no specialist. I may know him very well but talking about such trauma can break even a fully healthy person. I believe it will be better if some therapist is present." Sho talked slowly, chain-smoking through whole conversation with Ishida. The editor felt dizzy from inhaling the smoke for quite a while now but he was sure he wouldn't be able to stay sane without it.
"You're right. Thank you Sakurai-san for the conversation. I learned a lot more about the situation. Now, can you tell me when I can visit your apartment? From experience I know that talking for the first time with scary strangers in suits is less terrifying in known environment."
"Any time is fine, although I have work in the morning. I know I won't be in the same room when you will talk to Masaki, but I want to be present in the apartment. Just in case he will need a break or simply feels bad. It's not bad to see familiar face then, right?" Sho chuckled nervously and threw the last stub into the bin. Of course everything he had said was true but it also had a hidden meaning. He just wanted to make sure the younger one won't accidentally spill anything about their love. Sakurai will have a chance to fix it.
"That's perfectly fine. I think that we can meet in two days, let's say at 3:00 pm. Is that okay with you?"
"Sounds perfect. I will make sure to prepare Masaki, at least a bit, mentally for this conversation..."
"Just please, tell him only that when we will come. No matter how cruel this may seem I want to surprise him with the questions, to get the most honest answers and not any memorized scenario."
"Of course. Thank you, Ishida-sensei. And see you in two days." Sakurai hung up and took a deep breath of clean air for a change. Two days... Forty-eight hours... This is the time he can spend freely with Masaki before everything will start. Then he will have to pretend he doesn't love this boy that he doesn't want to touch him, hug him and make him his again... This wasn't fair but Sho lived long enough to find out life wasn't fair at all. Who knows, maybe they will meet again, in few years or a decade, when the teenager will figure everything out? But will he be the same Masaki he loves right now?