[Multichapter] The beginning (12/20)
Title: The beginning
Author: tsuchi8562
Beta: syunikiss1990 <-- Thank you so very much!
Banner: andreja1989 <-- Thank you a lot~!
Pairing: SakurAiba
Rating: NC-17 (this chapter)
Genre: AU, psychological, romance, drama
Disclaimer: All I own is plot.
*MASTERPOST*
It was really cold. No, not the temperature. The core of his body was frozen and filling his veins with liquid nitrogen. Sho shivered and curled up on the chair, trying to warm up by rubbing his hands together. His thoughts and feelings were haunting him, causing the state he was in: with inexistent mental fever. After his conversation with Matsumoto and Ninomiya he let his brain take control over his relationship with Masaki. Yes, he loved him. However this undeniable fact complicated the reality. The teenager experienced a lot and wasn't raised to be a normal boy. The person the younger one was, had been created by a sick pedophile for his own pleasures. Right now Sakurai was acting practically the same. Didn't Kurokawa say he loves Masaki? Maybe he really did, in his own insane and illegal way. For him it was pure love. What else were Sho's feelings then if not a soft copy of that sick love?
"I hate myself..." The editor whispered and took a deep breath. Chills ran down his spine, making him shiver even more. Icy needles hurt his skin and all he could dream of to warm himself up in any way. Without thinking twice he went to the bedroom and looked at peacefully sleeping Masaki. His chest was moving slightly, he was so calm and beautiful that editor's heart skipped a beat. He forgot about the chill that bothered him just few seconds ago while admiring the white skin blemished with the birthmark. The younger one of course didn't feel the cold, the night was rather warm so soon, he threw the blanket away and lay on his stomach, mumbling some sweet incoherencies in his sleep. Sakurai held his breath and this was the time when the ice inside him grew, making blood in his veins still. Not realizing what is he was doing, he went up to the bed and covered Masaki's body with his, just to feel his warmth. The teenager woke up and tried to free himself, but Sho held him tight.
"Something's wrong?" Younger one whispered and stopped every movement.
"I'm cold... I need to warm up..."
"I can make you a hot tea with ginger, this can make you...."
"No... I don't need tea.... I don't need anything else but this..." The older one replied quietly and rolled his hips, rubbing his crotch against Masaki's butt. Muffled moan left the teenager's throat and he gladly let Sakurai be. The editor felt his member awakening and, what was more important for him, the cold was withdrawing, leaving place for the warmth he craved for so much. His lips found its way to the latter's neck and hands were wandering on his sides, reaching lower and stopping on the hips. With one swift move he got rid of all the material that was in his way.
"Let me see you..." Masaki pleaded but the editor kept holding him in one position, not letting him move. The older one didn't say a word, just kissed the other's nape, back and every part of skin he could reach, rubbing his fully hard member between his lover's butt cheeks. The younger one bit his lower lip hard and followed editor's unsaid instructions.
"Don't move." Sho said with low voice and reached for the bottle with lube. At this time all ice he felt melted from the heat which made his blood boil in his veins and concentrating in one, aching part of his body. He covered his fingers with the cold liquid and hurriedly tried to prepare his loved to the act. Two lubed digits invaded Masaki's entrance at once, scissoring him and pushing inside as deep as possible. The younger one spread his legs and slowly started to move his hips, just to feel more. It was clear he was impatient, wanting more but he didn't say a word. Sakurai slowly removed the fingers and spread lube on his leaking member. He pinned the latter's hips to the bed and in one thrust he buried his erection inside him till the end. For a short while he didn't move, giving them both time to calm down and adjust. Masaki's breath fastened and his hands were clenched on the pillow; small drops decorating his body.
"My diamond..." Sho whispered and licked the sweat off the latter's left shoulder and started his thrusts in a slow pace at first, speeding gradually when he felt teenager relax. Their moans mixed in the air, pushing them closer to the edge. Sakurai moved even faster, hitting the right spot almost constantly, making the man underneath him tense his muscles and tighten around him. He kept thrusting, coming after few more moves and hearing the latter also reached his climax soon after. For few minutes editor stayed without moving, making all his weight fall on Masaki but when the younger one wriggled a bit, he rolled off and tried to catch his breath. Teenager looked at him, confused and a bit afraid but he moved closer and snuggled to Sho's side, smiling gently.
"Not cold anymore?"
"No, Masaki... Now it's okay." Sakurai lied, feeling the icy gulp crawling in his throat again.
"Good, master... Really good... Masaki's happy." The younger one winced a bit, feeling the semen slowly dripping off of him.
"Go shower... I will clean the bed." Sho smiled and tried to sound cheerful. "What have I done?" Editor whispered to himself when he was alone, getting rid of the stained sheets.
***
The editor was sitting on the couch, waiting for Matsumoto who promised him to be in his apartment fifteen minutes ago. He wanted to smoke but he didn't have any cigarettes in his house, so instead he played with a red pen. When the doorbell rang, Sakurai practically dashed to the door and let his guest in.
"Sorry for being late, traffic is awful in the morning. Something happened?" Jun frowned when he was practically pushed in the living room and the doors were shut behind him. The editor took a deep breath and tried to find the best way to start the thing he wanted to say. After a minute of silence he finally found the right words.
"I want you to talk with Nagayama about organizing a place in the clinic for Masaki after the trial." Sho said it fast and calmly, looking at the latter's face which now was pained with shock.
"But... You love him, right? Why do you want to lock him in a place he will fade?" The journalist sat down on the couch and took out pack with cigarettes, reaching it out to the older man. The editor gladly accepted it and after he exhaled the smoke, he sat on the floor in front of his guest.
"Masaki is just a kid. His body is grown up, but in his head and heart he is not older than ten. How can I truly love somebody like that?" Sakurai talked quietly, afraid that he will wake the teenager up. He arranged the meeting this early on purpose, without necessity of going out and thinking of another excuse for Masaki. Jun raised his brows and didn't say anything for a while, processing the thing he heard just now.
"So you want to say you used him just for a while and now you want me to help you get rid of him? Did you think about him, his feelings? I never thought you are a person like that Sakurai-san..." Even though the poison was in each and every word, Matsumoto said it calmly, only pulsing vein on his neck showing he was mad.
"It's not like that! I... I love him but..."
"If there are any buts then it's not true love."
"Jun... I am becoming him, can't you see that? I am taking advantage of him just like Kurokawa did. Maybe in a different way but the result is the same. I do love him but if it continues like this, I will end up hurting him even more. He won't grow up this way, he won't see how the real world looks like and he won't be able to choose. This is not what I want for him."
"Why don't you talk to Nagayama yourself then? Why do you need me to do it?"
"You know more about his situation, I believe you will be better person to do this than me..." Sakurai frowned and walked to the window.
"You know as much as I and you know Masaki better than me. I think you asked me for this because you need a confirmation that you are doing good. That your choice is right. And since only I know his doctor, you had nobody else to talk to. Tell me, did you talk with Masaki about this?"
"No!" Sho said a bit too loud. "I didn't... yet... Right now I need to persuade him to testify against this monster. How can I tell him that he will have to leave after that? It's too soon..."
"So you decided to wait until he will be most vulnerable to punch him and cause even more soreness to his heart. That's really smart..." Matsumoto took a deep breath and got up, heading towards the exit. "I won't help you with that, simply because I don't want to hurt this kid even more. You want to get rid of him from your life, do it yourself." The last sentence was hissed through clenched teeth. The journalist mumbled polite goodbyes and left the apartment, trying not to close the door too loud. The editor sighed and hit the wall with his fist. Jun was right. How can he put more and more pain on Masaki? First showing him he loves him and now pushing him away... Even if it's for teenager's sake, it won't feel like that at the beginning. The younger one will hate him, and this feeling will grow with each day he will be in a locked clinic, without anybody who can visit him and some ignorant social office worker as his legal guardian. After all, line between love and hate is very thin and easy to cross.
"Master okay?" Masaki's shy voice brought the older man back to reality. He couldn't help but notice how teenager addresses to him since last night. Sakurai didn't like that at all but on other hand he wanted to be punished for what he was doing. So maybe being put in the same shelf as that monster was just? Sho didn't say a word, just shook his head and sat on the couch, letting the latter be. Masaki almost immediately straddled the editor and cuddled to him.
"Is it my fault? I wasn't good enough yesterday... I didn't..."
"It's not your fault Masaki, it's me."
"But M... you were great!" The younger one moved away just to look at the other one. "Made me feel really good... I am not hurt! I can do it again today if you want, not only once, I am good..."
"I know Masaki..." Sho didn't say anything more, just pulled the latter in tight embrace. He didn't want him to see his face, painted with guilt, pain and anger. The editor was mad at himself both for what had happened last night and that he was such a coward and listened to his friend. "Masaki, why do you love me?" Sakurai heard his own voice from a distance, as if he was standing in the other room.
"Why?" The younger one frowned, thinking. "You're good to me and you promised me you will protect me. You take care of me, like no one ever before. And you're good in bed." Masaki smiled and pecked editor's lips. "And why do you love me?"
"I don't know, I just do." Sho whispered and smiled weakly, moving few wisps behind the latter's ear.
"Am I good in bed?" Teenager raised his brow and stared intensely at the older man's face, giggling cutely when he saw Sakurai's cheeks becoming crimson red. How can he answer on that question?! With passing time, when the older man didn't reply the younger one pouted and crossed his arms on his chest. "I am bad?"
"N-no! No, of course you are not bad!" Sho shook his head and bit his lower lip, trying to put the thing he wanted to say in words. How he could explain everything to the latter? The editor knew very well he is hurting Masaki and will cause him stronger pain in the near future. Teenager took the silence that fell for confirmation that he had disappointed the older man and he got up.
"I do something wrong and you don't want to tell me what, so I can fix it. You just sit and don't say anything, all sad and depressed and don't even want to punish me... Guardian will punish me..."
"I told you, I am not your guardian." Sakurai looked straight in Masaki's eyes and all words he wanted to say stuck in his throat. He wanted to say how much the younger one changed his life, how he showed the true love's shape but he couldn't. Sho knew well that this will cause the latter even more pain later so instead he got up, grabbed his jacket and left the apartment after mumbling some lame excuse. This was a mistake and Sakurai was aware of that. He should properly explain everything, talk with the younger one about the trial and his real feelings but he was afraid.
"You just want to keep him, that's it..." He whispered to himself and sat on the bench in the park near his office. Sho always liked this place, so peaceful and quiet, helping him relax after tough day at work. Right now it didn't do its magic, as if it knew very well that the editor deserves such punishment. Sakurai didn't know how long he was sitting there, but he decided to go home when cold wind made his hands numb. Before he got inside the apartment, the editor took few deep breaths, ready for another difficult conversation about the trial. And then, he will have to tell Masaki that it's over... With those things it's better to be fast, just like tearing the first aid bandage from the wound. It will hurt a lot at first but then the pain will fade, just as the teenager's love for him.
"Welcome home..." The younger one said quietly and handed Sho a cup of hot tea with ginger. The editor couldn't help but smile, seeing how the other one cares for him, even after he caused him ache. Sakurai wanted to start the subject, but the latter stopped him, stating that first he should wait until his teeth stop ring from cold. The editor decided to drink the tea, using this time to prepare his speech in his mind. When Masaki brought a thick red blanket, sat next to the older one on the couch and cuddled to him all courage left Sho. Teenager seemed so vulnerable and delicate at the moment that he had no courage to start the conversation, remembering the finish of the last time he mentioned the trial and latter's past.
"Masaki, we need to talk..." Despite a gulp in his throat Sakurai managed to whisper. Now or never, it is the only time he will be able to do this.
"I want to testify. Call Jun-kun and tell him to publish his article. I will testify." The younger one stated this so naturally, calmly as if he was talking about the weather. Things went smoother than Sho thought they will and that scared him even more.