[Multichapter] Yell (FINAL)
Title: Yell
Authors: tsuchi8562
Beta: andreja1989 << as always thank you so much ♥
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Genre: AU, Drama, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: We own only the plot. Not even screw in Masaki's bike is ours...
A/N: Possible character's death, so if you don't like it, please treat this as a warning.
Lyrics used in this chapter:
1. 'Through the ages' by 絢香
2. 'Yell' by いきものがかり
both translated by tsuchi8562
Comments are highly appreciated
*MASTERPOST*
On the very last day,
I want to be by your side.
Smiling.
Until you close your eyes.
Aiba forgot how to breathe. Till the funeral he caught himself trying to desperately get some air when he stared at the wall in Sho's apartment. His ribs hurt from constant coughing and he always felt tired. Masaki didn't even remember the ceremony itself, having in mind only Sakurai's big picture with black ribbon tied on the side. On the photograph his beloved man was smiling and the officer's heart stopped each time he remembered how gorgeously this smile looked live, when he could kiss those lips and hug the man he loved more than anything else in the world. He tried to focus on work, just to make the pain fade at least for a few hours a day but since he didn't have any assignments, he stuck with paper work which could be done in no time. Aiba stopped visiting his family, submerging in his own pain and in hatred he felt towards Higashiyama, not caring and not thinking about anything else than revenge. Having this fresh wound on his heart, he promised himself to destroy his boss and find the last evidence of the older man's crimes.
"Aiba-san, do you have any space left in your drawer? Mine is packed already and I need to hide those... You know, clean desk policy and all..." Masaki's chubby co-worker smiled awkwardly, holding thick file in his hand. Aiba just nodded, pointing an empty space on his desk.
"I will lock it up before I leave." He said quietly and got back to reading some boring report, which he continued long after he was left alone. The officer rubbed his eyes and yawned, feeling the tiredness hitting him hard. He still had to go to the cemetery, as he did each day since the funeral so without wasting more time, he grabbed the documents to slide them to the drawer when something caught his eyes. Masaki started to run through the sheets, absorbing every word. The papers were nothing more than just typical account opening letter and some regulations, including price-list and such, normal documents. What made Aiba so interested in it was the name of the account and its number. Usually, GSB accounts had names strictly connected with the purpose it was created for. However in this case the construction of the name was totally different. That can create many mistakes and the person who can confirm whether book the inflows or not will be Higashiyama himself. This opens the doors to many frauds... The officer sighed and made copies of the documents, hoping this will take him closer to the answers he was looking for so desperately while Sho was still alive.
"If only we had more time..." Masaki whispered to himself, staring at the picture again. His thoughts ran back to their last night together and his lungs again refused to get any air, so he had to hit the desk with his fist to make his body listen to him again. The officer looked at the clock and sighed, seeing the time. He should have left the office over an hour ago, go to the cemetery and then home, as he always did for the past fifteen days. Aiba visited his beloved one's tomb each day since the funeral just to talk to him. Even though it was only his own monologue, he felt calmer and he was able to get at least couple of hours of sleep in the empty, cold bed. Without thinking twice, Masaki grabbed the copied papers and shoved them into his bag, closed the drawers, checked the room for last time and left the building, heading straight to his sports bike. He felt that somebody is watching him, but he couldn't care less. Everything that was important to him, even in smallest level, lost meaning with the second Sho took his last breath.
The cemetery was quite empty. No wonder, the air was chilly and cold wind didn't invite to visit the late loved ones either. Aiba didn't mind any of this focusing only on his small conversation with Sakurai.
"I'm sorry I'm late... I lost track of time at work... But I don't have anything else to do..." The officer chuckled nervously and looked down at his hands, clenched around the wooden ladle so hard, his knuckles became white. "I miss you Sho... So much it... It doesn't even hurt; it makes me slowly rot inside... I... I want to see you..." Masaki gasped when he felt tears falling down on his palm. Aiba promised Sho he will be smiling and even though the older one is not here anymore, even though the taller man couldn't stand it anymore he tried hard to keep his promise. At a time like this, when his feelings crushed the fake smile shell his problems with breathing struck with double knocking down power. Right now he felt his lungs burning with each breath taken, more and more with passing time. His heart started to beat faster, trying to transport all the oxygen to the brain. Masaki thought this is the end; that this is the place he will die but suddenly somebody hit his back, making all the system work again.
"Aiba-san are you okay?" Woman's voice sounded from behind, filled with worry. The Bureau's worker turned around to see Sho's sister, holding flowers in one hand and having the other still on his back. The man just nodded and curved his lips in awkward smile. "You're coming here everyday? It must be hard for you..."
"I know many tougher and harder things than this." Masaki whispered and took a deep breath, chasing the dizziness away. With a bit shaking hands he drew some water from the bucket and poured on the tombstone. Mai stood there, watching him maybe a bit too closely and frowning.
"Aiba-san, do you have those... attacks... often?"
"It's fine." The officer stated firmly, putting the wooden bucket away in case Sho's sister would like to use it as well. "I should get going." He looked for the last time on Sakurai's name curved in cold stone and fought with the urge of touching it.
"Masaki, please wait..." The woman grabbed his wrist to stop him. "You were the love of my brother's life, so please let me call you Masaki... It is not good at all that you have difficulties with breathing. I think you should meet a specialist. I work in doctor Nagayama's private practice, I can arrange you a meeting. I know that sometimes talking with someone about your problems helps."
"Thank you, but I don't need any help." Aiba gently freed his hand from Mai's grip, bowed and rushed towards his bike. His eyes were dry again and with empty mind he went back to the apartment which still belonged to him. Soon he will have to give that to the Bureau and this gave Aiba an idea. What if he uses the money he gets from selling this place to uncover Higashiyama's crimes? This will be his revenge for what his boss did to him and to Sho. Masaki for the third time read the documents regarding the newly opened account and then the contract he had to sign after selling the house. Somewhere around midnight the words started to dance in front of the officer's eyes and he felt tiredness hitting him. Rubbing his eyes, he went to the bedroom, climbed on the bed and cuddled with Sakurai's pillow, trying to smell already inexistent scent he loved so much. It always calmed him down and chased the nightmares every night away.
This time the protection failed, as Aiba saw his beloved one on a huge white meadow made from clouds. The older man was standing few meters away, dressed in white. Somebody was standing behind him and had a hand on Sho's shoulder. Masaki wanted to get closer but no matter how fast he ran, the distance between him and Sakurai didn't change. The officer desperately screamed his beloved one's name, but no sound seemed to reach Sakurai. The slightly shorter man shook his head and tried to say something, but the wind pushed the words back, towards Sho and Aiba couldn't hear a thing. Suddenly everything vanished and all he could see just before the alarm started to ring were Sho's lips whispering I want to see you...
Next morning Aiba decided to work double hard to find the final evidence to plunge Higashiyama. He finalized selling of the apartment and he transferred the money to Bureau's newly opened account, writing its name properly. Masaki was more than sure that the documents he got from his boss were saying that he should make the payment to the usual account but he decided to take the risk. The officer didn't have to wait long for the results. Higashiyama was stressed and nervous; it was obvious something went wrong and not according to his plan. Probably this was the reason why usually calm and careful head of Governed Suicides Bureau tripped on his way to perfect crime. The older man without thinking transferred bigger part of the amount straight to fake company held by one of the most famous loan shark in the city and was so incautious he forgot to make sure the proof of this payment will get delivered to his office and not to accountant's one. Aiba got the paper in his hands using his charm and the fact the guy who took care of financial side of the organization liked him. The officer got more than enough to pull Higashiyama down to the hell on earth but that didn't bring him any relief he hoped for.
"It won't bring him back..." Masaki repeated again and again, quietly while stepping inside the television building. He didn't even care about having long conversation with the journalist that found time for him. All Aiba said was the fact that GSB boss is stealing money and he gave the proof of payment to the latter, without even revealing his own name or position he takes in the organization. The officer thought this will make the hell break and bring Higashiyama to the justice but when for few weeks nothing like that happened he decided to call the journalist and check the status of the case. Obviously the document got lost and thus the whole case was forgotten. Probably the increasing unemployment was far more interesting... With no hope for anything Masaki handed his resignation letter to the man he hated, not caring about the consequences it can bring to him. His father will turn away from him, probably as the whole family but he couldn't care less. Right now he had more important things to do. Sho's house won't clean itself. Aiba still had to pack all the things and make sure that it will be empty before the new owners will move in. Maybe this will put his mind at ease, at least for a while?
***
The apartment was already empty, only one box left, standing across the room. Masaki sighed, looked around and felt the cold emptiness crawling to his heart. It was the end. Everything he loved, hated, desired, hoped for and dreamed of ended just in the second he got a small piece of paper to the television station and walked away. Aiba should feel proud or at least satisfied but nothing like this happened. Instead, he felt emptier than ever before. He wasn't the GSB officer anymore nor a member of Aiba family. He was nobody; nothing, not even a dust...
Sighing Masaki decided to check if he packed everything and when he was in the bedroom some small, black object, lying on the shelf caught his attention. He walked closer and saw a pen drive with his name written on a small post it note. Aiba knew that handwriting quite well and of course it could be only one person who could have left that here.
"Sho..." Aiba whispered, grabbed the stick and without thinking too much he took out his laptop and turned it on. His hands started to shake and heart beat fast when he found a short video. According to the date on it, it was recorded a night before Sakurai died. After few deep breaths Masaki clicked play button and watched with his throat squeezed by invisible hand.
"Hey..." Sho smiled awkwardly and looked down at his own hand. "Right now you are sleeping in our bed and I... I decided to record this for you, so you will have a souvenir... I'm sorry I couldn't give you anything while you gave me so much." Sakurai took a deep breath and raised his gaze, looking straight in the camera and smiling. Somewhere in the background clear noises of the night city could be heard.
"I love you. I just want you to know that. No matter where I am or will be. You are the love of my life. You gave me the greatest gift - your heart. I want you to be happy... I know it must be hard for you now, but try to focus on the times we had together. We were happy together, right? I was, even if it lasted only for a while." Sho frowned and looked somewhere on the right and after a while he exhaled, focusing on the camera again, but talking quieter.
"As long as I will be in your heart and memories I am not gone. I am still alive in your heart, so don't be sad. I want you to be happy. And... I am doing this for the kids, right? For Hiroki... For Daichi, no matter how weird that sounds. No more children will die because of you, right?" Sakurai giggled weakly and quickly rubbed his left cheek.
"Just know I loved you and I always will, till the end of the universe. Goodbye."
Aiba exhaled all the air in the lungs he held for through the short message his beloved one had left him. Why he found it just now, after all that time? Why Sho left him this video? The ex-officer closed his eyes, recalling everything that he saw and in the end turning on the player again, but this time on mute. Masaki watched closely older man's face, his eyes and all expressions he could see and all he could find was great pain and sadness. Sakurai didn't want to die and it was so clear that it make Aiba's heart break in half again. There was no choice they could make, no other way they could chose, the ex-journalist had to die even when he found a new purpose and goal in his life. And for what? Sho believed his money will be used for higher good as a compensation to his family but in the end... All of Sakurai's belongings, all his savings and everything he had was wasted for paying up Higashiyama's debts! If only Masaki could find the proof of his now ex-boss's crimes on time... It wouldn't have any meaning as well, seeing that the TV station did nothing about the case. The official version was that they lose the document he pushed right in their faces but Aiba had a hunch it was something more behind this. The head of GSB maybe didn't have much money, but he surely still had power. Everything was useless. His fight for giving Sho at least more time, searching for the evidence, Sakurai's death, his struggle to reveal all crimes Higashiyama did, quitting his job in the end, losing his family... Masaki had nothing. Right now he didn't even want to live. What for?
"No sense..." Aiba whispered to himself and looked at Sho's face one more time and he felt nothing. He was bereft of all feelings, empty and crushed. Without even caring about his belongings he peacefully walked out the apartment, leaving the keys on the windowsill and jumped on his bike. The ride didn't bring him the usual pleasure, wind hitting his face didn't sober him up, just made the cold chills run down his spine. It didn't even dry up the tears, because there wasn't any; Masaki was far past that. The ex-officer drove to Sakurai's sister's place and parked in front of the building. Thoughtfully he checked the time and after making sure it's not too late for visit he knocked to the door, looking down until he saw a pair of pink slippers close to his shoes.
"Aiba-san? What brings you here?" Mai asked, frowning. She had some hope sparks in her eyes, probably thinking he came here for help. It was true in a way...
"I need you to do something for me..." The man whispered, raising his gaze to look straight in the woman's eyes. Suddenly he fell on his knees, clenching his hands in fists and bowing his head real low. "Please, no matter what they will say, no matter what they will want to do... Bury me next to Sho. I want to be close to him... Please..."
"Aiba-san, what are you talking about?" Mai knelt next to Masaki and touched his shoulder to make him look at her again. "Don't tell me you want to..."
"Please... This is the only thing I want from you. Make sure that they bury my ashes next to Sho." Aiba whispered, covered the woman's hand with his and squeezed it gently. Then, without any more words he dashed to his green vehicle, driving off in the only right direction - Governed Suicide Bureau's headquarters. This was the only place he could go to at a time like this. The ex-officer stepped inside the building, drawing his former co-workers' eyes and hearing strange whispers. Masaki walked straight to the counter for the clients and cleared his throat to catch the attention of a woman sitting there. He knew her quite well, he was working with her for years.
"A-aiba-san? I thought you resigned... I.. I don't' think I can let you in, you are not the officer anymore..."
"It's okay Kiyoe-san... Today I am here as a client." Masaki said firmly without showing any emotions... He didn't have any of those anymore anyway...
"W-what?!" The woman gasped and looked around to make sure nobody except her heard the man. "But why? I mean, you... I..."
"I am here as a client, please give me the SD-45 form..." Aiba forced a weak, fake smile. Kiyoe handed him green sheet of paper and a pencil with shaking hands. Masaki thanked her and went a bit back, sitting at a small desk and filled the form in, giggling quietly at this situation. When he stamped the document he saw a shadow covering the desk and looked up, seeing a familiar face.
"So you fell so low, you came back here begging for job?" Higashiyama smirked and didn't seem to notice the paper Aiba still had in his hand.
"I indeed fell low. But as my father was repeating many times: Give your life to the Bureau, so I am here... Giving my life to it..." The younger man looked at his ex-boss with cold empty eyes and saw some fear sparks in his pupils. After excusing himself, he went straight to the reception desk again and handed the form to the woman. Higashiyama rushed towards them and looked at his former employee. He didn't say a word, just stared at Masaki trying to catch anything from the situation.
"Higashiyama-san, can I have a last request? Remembering our acquaintance, do you think you can rush things for me? I don't have anything to solve anyway, so I would appreciate if I can get the assigned officer today and finish everything tomorrow the latest." Aiba bowed gently, waiting for a reply. The older man frowned, trying to understand what just have happened. During his career nothing like this took place; officers didn't become clients. You may even say it was against the nature of the organization. Of course the first and main Bureau's rule was to accept every person who wanted to die with no exceptions so whether he wanted or not, he couldn't do anything but to swallow this bitter pill and grant Masaki's wish.
"Ikuta-kun will take care of you. Kiyoe-san, please call him and tell him to come to my office immediately. Aiba-san, I believe this is the place you prefer, right?"
"I would appreciate it." The younger one whispered, looking down and thinking about nothing.
"You can go there and wait for Ikuta-kun. Aiba-san, do you want me to talk with your family?"
"No. Though I have my last wish. I want to be buried next to Sho. No matter how much my family will oppose."
"Of course... I will arrange that." Masaki's former boss smiled weakly but the ex-officer knew that he can't trust him. That's why he went to Sakurai's sister first, hoping she will hear him. After exchanging some awkward goodbyes Aiba went straight to the older one's office and sat in the same place where Sho died. While waiting for Toma he prepared everything he needed. He played the old song he remembered to listen to often back in his beloved man's place and set it on repeat mode. Then, he took out their last and only picture, smiling and smoothing Sakurai's face on it. Masaki didn't know how long he was waiting for Ikuta, but it got dark outside already when the younger one stepped inside the room, wordlessly. After few minutes of complete silence, the GSB officer handed the older one the contract.
"Forgive me, it may be clumsy and not organized at all, but I didn't have much time." Toma apologized quietly. Aiba just nodded, signed the document, stamped it and gave it back to his former co-worker. "Are you sure you want it now? Don't you want to wait?"
"I have nothing to wait for. I have nothing. Just... give me the phial." Masaki looked through the window, put his earphones, put the volume up and stared at the photograph. Without thinking twice, he emptied the small bottle with one go, almost physically feeling how it's spreading with his blood with accompaniment of the woman's voice.
"Maybe every time we say goodbye to someone
We can change, we can become stronger
Even if we take off to different skies
This love won’t stop, it still remains in my heart (...)
Goodbye isn’t a sad word
It’s a yell that connects us to our respective dreams
I’ll hold the days we spent together in my heart
And take off alone to my next sky"
Please, make my next sky his sky...
***
A boy was standing in the middle of the street, staring on the big screen when his favorite commercial was aired. A woman sighed and pulled her son's hand gently, letting him know that they had to keep moving.
"Hiroki, we have to go or we'll be late for the train. You know it's a special day and we have to go to the cemetery."
"Visit uncle Sho?" The boy asked, still staring at the huge screen. Mai sighed and nodded, moving in front of her son to cover the attractive video. Hiroki whined loudly and pouted. Sakurai's sister looked down and noticed that one of Hiroki's shoelaces is untied, so she knelt to tie it back. "Nee, mummy... Will we also light the incense for uncle's neighbor again?"
"For Aiba-san?" Mai smiled. She always did when her son referred to Masaki as her brother's neighbor. She made sure that the former GSB officer had his eternal rest next to Sho, just as she promised. "Yes. Yes, we will."
"I will do it! Mummy won't fit under the tree!" Hiroki smiled, completely forgetting about the commercial. The woman nodded and took her son's hand, heading towards the station. There was no use in hurrying anymore, the train she wanted to catch has already left anyway.
The picture on the screen changed, showing at first big sign Breaking News and after that a young announcer read an interesting information with indifferent voice.
The head of Governed Suicide Bureau was interrogated in loud case of loan shark Miyamoto Kouji. Higashiyama Noriyuki-san is accused of several frauds and bringing the disgrace to the organization. It appeared that few months earlier an anonymous man brought an evidence of the GSB boss's crimes but the document mysteriously vanished. Police suspects that the journalist who got the paper was corrupted...