[Multichapter] Yell (Chapter 14/15)
Title: Yell
Authors: syunikiss1990
Beta: andreja1989 << as always thank you so much ♥
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Genre: AU, Drama, Angst
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: We own only the plot. Not even screw in Masaki's bike is ours...
A/N: Possible character's death, so if you don't like it, please treat this as a warning.
Comments are highly appreciated
*MASTERPOST*
Sho waited until the younger man was fast asleep again before he slipped out of bed again. By now the time he had left became even more limited but he had to do this before dying in the morning. He had to leave something for his short time lover, just to try and comfort him once he would be gone. As silently as he could he set up the small camera he had found again when cleaning his apartment. He tried to keep his voice steady and low, hoping Masaki wouldn't wake up and walk in on him and even though he failed miserably, he managed to film everything he wanted. Apart from a small sound which scared him for a short moment everything went by better than expected. With shaking hands he pulled out the small pen drive from the camera, searching for a stick-it note to paste on it with Masaki's name.
"Sho?" Masaki's voice came from the bedroom, some stumbling following shortly after. Quickly Sho hid the camera, placing the pen drive on a shelf out of sight but not impossible to find.
"Sho?" Aiba's voice sounded again, this time closer and when the older man turned around he could see the taller man stepping inside the living room. "What are you doing?" Sakurai smiled comforting and walked to the other man.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you up." He said softly, grabbing the other man's waist and gently pushing him back to the bed.
"Then stop disappearing in the middle of the night." Aiba scolded with a yawn, cuddling close to Sakurai's side once they lay down. The older man sighed, pulling him even closer.
"I'll stay in bed now." Sho said, feeling Masaki's warm breath in his neck as he sighed deeply.
"Good." Aiba muttered. "Because I'm not letting you go anymore. Not while I don't have to yet." The sad undertone in the younger man's voice crushed Sakurai, making him swallow a few times to get the lump out of his throat.
"I'm okay with that." Sho said, turning slightly to his side and lifting Masaki's face gently to look in his eyes. In silence they looked at each other, neither of them knowing what to say. After what felt like ages Sho sighed and brushed some lost hairs from Masaki's face.
"You should try to sleep a bit." He whispered. Aiba looked at him with a frown.
"I could say the same for you." Masaki said. Sakurai smiled and shook his head.
"I'll have enough time to sleep later, I just want to watch you now." He said, trying to keep his voice under control. Aiba's eyes saddened.
"Maybe I want to do the same." The younger man said but he couldn't stop the yawn. Sho smiled and kissed Masaki softly.
"Sleep." He said. Aiba shook his head but his eyes still became drowsy after a while. Sakurai watched with a sad smile as the younger man slowly fell asleep after all, his breath evening out and the frown disappearing from his face. He didn't sleep or even close his eyes, watching and memorizing every single detail of Masaki's peacefully sleeping face. But the peaceful sight didn't stay long, the sleeping man mumbling something in probably a dream or even nightmare before waking up with Sho's name on his lips.
"I'm still here." Sakurai softly said, placing a soft kiss on Aiba's forehead. He could feel the younger man tremble softly so he wrapped his arms around his body tightly again.
"I have to be strong for you but it's so damn hard." Masaki said with a trembling voice. Sho sighed and gently lifted the man's face so he could look at him again.
"You don't have to right now. Nobody has to know or will see what happens in this room this night." Sakurai said softly, trying to smile. The taller man looked at him and shook his head.
"I don't want to ruin our last night together." He said. Sho sighed again and pressed his lips against his lover’s.
"You can't ruin anything for me. Just being with you, having you like this right now makes this night almost perfect." Aiba tried to smile.
"Almost?" He asked. He didn't fail to sound slightly amused, even though his eyes still showed sadness. "What is missing then?"
"Your lips on mine right now for example." Sho said teasingly but it got him what he wanted. A slight but honest smile appeared on the younger man's face as he moved closer, closing the already nonexistent distance between their bodies even more and pressing his lips on Sho's. It was a slow kiss but maybe the most pure and love filled they had ever shared. It took the ex-journalist's breath away and at the same time it made him tear up again. When they pulled away he kept his eyes closed, trying to push back the tears this way but failing miserably. He felt a warm hand on his cheek, whipping away the tear that had managed to get through.
"We are a strange couple you know? Both not wanting to show a weak side to the other because we think we should stay strong." Masaki said, chuckling softly. Slowly Sakurai opened his eyes, looking into the shining eyes of the other man.
"It's a fucked up situation, that's a good reason to be strange?" He asked, making them both giggle softly, lightening the air around them a bit again. With a sigh the older man looked at the clock, seeing they still had a few hours left.
"I could use a smoke." He mumbled softly. Aiba looked at him before nodding.
"Me too." The taller man said but neither of them moved for a few more minutes. When the urge finally got too strong Sho slowly sat up, untangling their limbs and slipping out of the bed. Masaki followed him, their feet making soft sounds on the floor as they got into the living room. Sho grabbed the pack of cigarettes and a lighter before standing next to the taller man who was staring out of the window. Without a word he lit up one of the cigarettes and handed it to Masaki, who took it with a soft thanks. The cold air of the night came slightly through the window, making them shiver and stand closer to each other. After a little while Sakurai's legs started to get tired from standing, dragged himself to the big chair next to the window and sat down on it. Aiba seemed to get out of some kind of trance by this, looking at the older man with a frown before closing the distance between them and sitting down on Sakurai's lap. In silence they smoked their cigarette, only some night noises from outside and their soft puffs filling the room.
"This is nice." Masaki softly mumbled after a while. "I wish we could stay like this forever." Sho wrapped his arms a bit tighter around the taller man's waist, not saying anything in return. Of course he could say he wished for the same but it was no use. Right now it felt like it would only feed the sadness that still tried to overwhelm both of them. So he stayed silent and simply breathed in the man's scent, closed his eyes and tried to chase away the depressing thoughts of these last moments together. Masaki didn't move or say anything either and slowly Sho could feel him getting heavier as his breathing got more even once again. It made him smile sadly, somewhat glad that the younger man managed to get some rest again even though it probably wouldn't last for long. Once he was sure the taller man had fallen in a restless sleep he slowly stood up, holding the man tight and getting back to the bed.
"I wish there was more time." Sakurai whispered softly, looking at Aiba's sleeping face. "There are so many things I still want to tell you or to share with you but there isn't enough time. I don't know how to put everything into the right words that would comfort you enough so maybe it's better to stay silent after all. As long as you know that I love you in a way I never loved anyone else before it should be okay right?" He pressed his lips on Masaki's, quickly pulling away when the younger man winced slightly. He wiped away the tears on his cheeks, not wanting the other to see them but to his surprise his lover stayed asleep, giving Sho enough time to memorize every single detail of the peaceful scenery.
***
The alarm was ringing for more than five minutes already but neither of them had moved. Aiba had woken up a few minutes before the alarm and silent tears had started to roll down from his cheeks as soon as the sound filled the room. Even though the younger man had hidden his face in Sakurai's neck, the hitched breathing and wetness on his neck let him know that Aiba was still crying. But he let him, not knowing how to be comforting enough to make him stop, only keeping his arms tightly wrapped around the other. Sho knew he had to move but Masaki's embrace was too warm and comforting for him to leave. It was Aiba who finally moved away after he calmed down enough, his eyes mirroring the sadness Sakurai felt inside which made the lump in his throat even bigger and his heart hurt even more. With all his strength he had left he tried to smile, brushing away the dried trails of tears on the younger man's face.
"Set me off with a smile, you promised." He whispered, pressing his lips on Masaki's quivering ones. The taller man slowly nodded, freeing himself from the tight embrace.
"We need to get ready." The officer said, slowly getting up from the bed and pushing Sho towards the bathroom. The older man mumbled something incoherently before closing the door and turning on the shower. The warm water made him drowsy, the lack of sleep catching up on him. He had been watching Masaki sleep for the rest of the night, wanting to memorize every single detail of the younger man's peaceful sleeping face, until it simply got too much. But he had to be strong, not for himself but for the younger man. Aiba still had the rest of his life so he had to make sure he would set him off with a smile. It wasn't a completely selfish request, he simply hoped that his lover would be able to get over it easier if it would end with a smile instead of tears.
A soft knock on the door broke his trail of thoughts and he turned off the shower.
"Sho? We have to leave soon." Sho hated the sadness he heard in Masaki's voice, still wishing he could do something about it. But he knew he couldn't and he was past the point where he wished they hadn't met. He just wished they met under different circumstances. Shaking his head to get rid of his thoughts he quickly toweled himself dry and put on some clean boxers. When he came back in his bedroom he saw Masaki had laid some clothes on his bed, the same clothes he had worn on the day they first admitted their love for each other.
"Sho?" Aiba's soft voice made him look up, seeing the taller man standing in the doorway dressed in his official Bureau clothes. "This is the plushy you wanted right?" The younger man held Daichi's old rabbit. Sakurai stepped closer, gently taking the plushy out of Aiba's hands. Once he held the most precious possession of his son the memories came flowing, remembering the way Daichi loved the bunny.
"You know what is funny? He told me once he was getting too old for this bunny but he still didn't let go of it. He needed it for his sleep, without it he simply couldn't sleep." Sho sighed, feeling his eyes filling with tears. "But that day he didn't have it with him. The night before he had been crying so bad because he didn't have his rabbit with him. When I saw him lying there on the ground, looking like he was sleeping, it was at some point all I could think of. I wondered if he would ever be able to have peace if he didn't have his rabbit with him..." He slowly trailed off, looking at the rabbit in his hands. Aiba's warm hands were gently placed over his, making him look up.
"I'm sure he will be happy if you take it to him." Masaki said with a gentle smile, making Sho nod.
"Give me your phone." Sho said, wiping away his tears and staring at Masaki's surprised face but not explaining anything yet. Instead he just held out his hand and waited for the taller man to give him the wanted device. When he got it he quickly searched for the camera and turned it on, looking at the confused officer.
"Smile?" Sakurai offered, holding up the phone to take a picture. In the corner of his eye he saw the younger man smile, making him quickly take some pictures of them before it would fade again. He ended by pressing his lips against Aiba's cheek, making the officer chuckle.
"What are you doing?" Masaki asked. Sho smiled as he looked at the photos, nodding to himself before giving the younger man his phone back.
"I wanted to take some pictures together for you. Now you can look at them whenever you want and remember that even though it was short, you and your love for me made me the happiest man on earth." He swallowed to get the lump out of his throat and tried his best to keep his smile on his face. Aiba looked at his phone and again there was the sad shimmer in his eyes. Sakurai sighed deeply and turned around, grabbing the rabbit even tighter as he made his way to the door. He heard the younger man follow him and he let him step outside first, giving his apartment one last look before closing the door.
"Here, I won't need it anymore." He said, handing the taller man the keys. "I already arranged paperwork, it's yours. You can do whatever you want with it." Masaki looked at the keys and let them slip inside his pocket. They walked to the officer's bike in silence, Sho refusing to put on the helmet, saying Masaki needed it more than him. Even though Aiba looked for a moment that he would start a fight about it, in the end he shrugged and put on the helmet himself. Sakurai stepped on the bike as well when the taller man was seated, pressing his face against the fabric of Masaki's coat.
"Hold on tight then." Aiba said before starting the engine. Sho simply nodded, holding on as tight as he could without bothering the other during driving. He had his eyes closed during most of the ride, savoring the moment and the scent, wanting to remember every little detail of this as well. He didn't even notice they had arrived until Masaki grabbed his hands and gently released himself out of the embrace.
"Are you sure here is okay?" The younger man asked. Sakurai slowly nodded and grabbed the officer's hand. For a moment Aiba looked at their hands before looking at the older man again and smiled.
"Let's go then." He said, maybe a bit too forcefully cheerful but Sho didn't mind. He let himself be leaded through the building to one of the top floors where Higashiyama was already waiting for them with a frown on his face.
"Good. Let me explain what we will do here. Sakurai-san will come with me in my office and take the potion." Before the Bureau's boss could continue Masaki interrupted.
"That's not what we agreed on before." Aiba hissed. Sakurai grabbed his lovers hand tighter and looked at him.
"I want Masaki to come with me. I'm here right? There is absolutely no way out of this office and I know perfectly well that the only way I'll get out of here will be in a body bag. What is the point to humiliate me even more? Just give us those last minutes of peace, that's all I ask." Higashiyama laughed.
"Sakurai-san, do you have any idea how much this already asked of us? You should have died weeks ago but yet you are still standing here in front of me. I'm out of patience with you. I'll make sure you drink the potion personally."
"Why is it so important that I die anyway? What do you want?" Sho asked. He felt Masaki tense next to him, realizing he was entering a dangerous zone that the younger man had probably been investigating in. Higashiyama looked like he was going to explode but suddenly something changed in his eyes.
"Fine." The oldest man sighed, looking at his watch. "But just so you know, one wrong move and we get your nephew. Remember that." Sho nodded.
"Thank you." He turned around and stepped inside the office, knowing that Masaki would follow him soon. He could hear a hissed conversation but he didn't pay attention to it. He took a deep breath and turned around when he heard the door close, seeing Aiba standing inside with a small bottle in his hands.
"Why is there nothing we can do?" Masaki asked, playing with the bottle in his hands. Sho smiled weakly as he stepped closer, hugging the younger man.
"You know, at some point I imagined us ending like this. Me in your arms before we say our final goodbyes. But the difference here is that I hoped it would be when we would both be old and both ready to face death without any regrets." Sho snorted. "But those were just stupid hopes and dreams. Of course there was no way that it would end well for me."
"Sho..."
"I'm sorry for dragging you inside this." He whispered. Masaki's eyes were shining as he leaned forward, kissing Sho on his lips.
"It's not your fault okay?" The younger man said. Sakurai sighed, looking at his lover and gathering courage.
"Masaki? Please don't do anything stupid after today. I know you are strong enough to find a way out of this and live a happy life." Aiba smiled bitterly but didn't say anything. Instead he grabbed his phone and searched for something, a soft tune filling the room soon after. When Sakurai heard it his heart squeezed together, trying his best not to shake or show any signs of discomfort.
"How does it feel?" He asked, looking at the small bottle. Aiba sighed.
"Like falling asleep." He said. Sho smiled slightly and sat down on the floor against the wall, figuring this was the best way to take it.
"Then it's good I brought Daichi's bunny. It will make sure that I can sleep well." He grabbed the plushy a bit tighter. His hand shook slightly as he grabbed the small bottle which Masaki handed him as the taller man sat down next to him.
"Remember, all in one go." Aiba whispered. Sakurai nodded.
"Remember to smile." He said before bringing the bottle to his lips and throwing the liquid back. He sighed deeply, getting more comfortable and laying his head on the taller man's shoulder as he waited for the potion to take effect. With every passing second he felt his body getting heavier, hearing the soft tone of the lullaby somewhere in the background. His eyes searched for Masaki, seeing his eyes shimmer but as soon as he noticed Sho looked at him a smile appeared on his face.
"I love you Masaki." Sakurai said, feeling like he was speaking with a double tongue as if he was drunk but he was sure the younger man heard him. He could feel a pair of hands grabbing his shoulders and making him lie down on Aiba lap, making it much easier to look at him.
"I love you too Sho." One of the officer's hands reached out to remove the bangs from Sho's forehead, leaning down and softly kissing it. Sho smiled tiredly, seeing Masaki mirror this. His eyelids slowly grew too heavy to keep them open so he gave up fighting. While the darkness slowly covered him completely he was sure he heard Masaki's voice mix together with the lullaby on the background but he wasn't sure if it was real or not. All he knew is that he was happy he asked the younger man to set him off with a smile, the image of it being accompanied by Daichi's smiling face, seeing the two people he had loved most for the final time.
***
"Dad! You remembered to bring Kuro-kun!" A wide smiling boy ran towards Sho who froze and couldn't do much else than watch him come closer.
"Daichi?" The ringing laugh of his son sounded around him, making him tear up.
"Of course it's me dad! I waited for you." The boy held out his hands and waited impatiently for his father to give him the plushy. Sakurai fell down on his knees and hugged the small figure tightly until the boy started to wiggle and tried to get out of the embrace.
"Not here, everyone is watching. It's embarrassing." Daichi said, still smiling widely when Sho finally let go of him. "Come on, I made a lot of friends and I want you to meet everyone. Do you know they even have an amusement park here? We can finally go there together, that's why I waited for you. And..." Sho listened to the boy with a smile on his face as he got dragged towards a brightly shining light, coming closer and closer with each step he took. Just before he stepped into it he turned around, looking back into the darkness he left behind.
I will wait here for you Masaki. No matter how long it takes.