[ sad ]
today i wore a dress to work.
today i got whistled at
today i got holler'd at a guy on a bike on my way to shantell's
i went to the beach house for a bit to see some friends.
i came home and someone wrote me a cheer up message and it made me tear up.
as much as i try to stay strong its very hard. i have gone two weeks without crying but i am still very hurt.
i am disappointed, and he keeps making me more disappointed every day.
i dont understand the reason of why this happened and im so angry.
ugh here i go getting sad.
it would just be so much easier if i could run away from it all.
i am not motivated really by anything. i look forward of keeping myself busy and everything but he is still in my mind at all times.
like it hurts so bad my throat even bothers me. ;\ atleast i did two weeks of no crying, i guess i am allowing myself to let it out some more. i figured by now i'd be all cried out, i don't think i've every cried so much in my life then i have the last two months.
everyone was asking how i was doing, and if i was okay. everyone sees that im hurt, its more noticeable then i thought other then my mood on the space. but believe me when i say this, i am truly hurt and i am very depressed, i can hide it very well now, but it still hurts like hell.
i know ima wake up tomorrow and be sad. tis gonna be a rough day. my friend agnes wants to meet for drinks but i doubt i am going to go.
i am so angry at him for making me so miserable like this. he should be the one thats miserable. i hate people who go back on there word that is my main thing. i was fucking there for him when he went to jail for a fricking month, i cried and i was sad, i tried to figure out how to get him out, i tried this and i tried that...like i was there for him when he was at his low, and he just up and runs and leaves me because he scared of commitment and all of sudden doesnt see a future with me. its bullshit.
i doubt i can hang with our mutal friends who adore me 10x more then him, but i just can't handle this. i keep telling myself i am strong and that i can do this and he will regret it, and yes those things are true and stuff but i guess right now since it's so fresh it burns like no other....so looks like tomorrow i will come home from work eat some ice cream and then go to sleep.
it irritates me when people take everything for granted, and it irritates me that i always get screwed over. this is enough to make me not even want to date or anything.
i mean i guess if chico was home and physically able to be there when i need him i'd be okay. he understands, weird but he does. i mean like he said to me" we were young and dumb but over the years we have grown a lot closer together" and thats the truth we have, ive been there for him thru the death of his girlfriend, since he has been in jail, i mean we had a no talking thing for awhile when we broke up but you would think me and him are like b.f.f or whatever. i know i can count on him and talk to him about any and everything. and its not like i'd try anything with him, but having him there has helped me, he tells me to cry, i need to get it out. he has been one of my biggest supporters since all this has gone on.
i had such a good day today and now im sitting her upset...i am angry at myself that i am letting myself break down. i don't even want to put the effort into dating someone anymore, it feels like it is so much work. i keep telling myself its my fault and i know it's not, i know i didnt do anything wrong, but i feel like i dunno. ugh im so frustrated. i def need a vacation. i can't even fricking focus right...i haven't even been motivated to do my sp gig, and thats aweful, i mean atleast one party a month, and i haven't done nothing.
i know some day eventually mr right will come.
i know i am impatient, but i just feel like hello im 24, like my friends are getting married, engaged, having more babies or having new babies and i just feel like hey loser in the corner with the dunce hat who has no life.
i dunno. whatever im just rambling. so now of course when i pray to go tonight to ask him to make me stronger and help me get thru this i will cry even more.
im going to bed...this just ruined me... :\
today i got whistled at
today i got holler'd at a guy on a bike on my way to shantell's
i went to the beach house for a bit to see some friends.
i came home and someone wrote me a cheer up message and it made me tear up.
as much as i try to stay strong its very hard. i have gone two weeks without crying but i am still very hurt.
i am disappointed, and he keeps making me more disappointed every day.
i dont understand the reason of why this happened and im so angry.
ugh here i go getting sad.
it would just be so much easier if i could run away from it all.
i am not motivated really by anything. i look forward of keeping myself busy and everything but he is still in my mind at all times.
like it hurts so bad my throat even bothers me. ;\ atleast i did two weeks of no crying, i guess i am allowing myself to let it out some more. i figured by now i'd be all cried out, i don't think i've every cried so much in my life then i have the last two months.
everyone was asking how i was doing, and if i was okay. everyone sees that im hurt, its more noticeable then i thought other then my mood on the space. but believe me when i say this, i am truly hurt and i am very depressed, i can hide it very well now, but it still hurts like hell.
i know ima wake up tomorrow and be sad. tis gonna be a rough day. my friend agnes wants to meet for drinks but i doubt i am going to go.
i am so angry at him for making me so miserable like this. he should be the one thats miserable. i hate people who go back on there word that is my main thing. i was fucking there for him when he went to jail for a fricking month, i cried and i was sad, i tried to figure out how to get him out, i tried this and i tried that...like i was there for him when he was at his low, and he just up and runs and leaves me because he scared of commitment and all of sudden doesnt see a future with me. its bullshit.
i doubt i can hang with our mutal friends who adore me 10x more then him, but i just can't handle this. i keep telling myself i am strong and that i can do this and he will regret it, and yes those things are true and stuff but i guess right now since it's so fresh it burns like no other....so looks like tomorrow i will come home from work eat some ice cream and then go to sleep.
it irritates me when people take everything for granted, and it irritates me that i always get screwed over. this is enough to make me not even want to date or anything.
i mean i guess if chico was home and physically able to be there when i need him i'd be okay. he understands, weird but he does. i mean like he said to me" we were young and dumb but over the years we have grown a lot closer together" and thats the truth we have, ive been there for him thru the death of his girlfriend, since he has been in jail, i mean we had a no talking thing for awhile when we broke up but you would think me and him are like b.f.f or whatever. i know i can count on him and talk to him about any and everything. and its not like i'd try anything with him, but having him there has helped me, he tells me to cry, i need to get it out. he has been one of my biggest supporters since all this has gone on.
i had such a good day today and now im sitting her upset...i am angry at myself that i am letting myself break down. i don't even want to put the effort into dating someone anymore, it feels like it is so much work. i keep telling myself its my fault and i know it's not, i know i didnt do anything wrong, but i feel like i dunno. ugh im so frustrated. i def need a vacation. i can't even fricking focus right...i haven't even been motivated to do my sp gig, and thats aweful, i mean atleast one party a month, and i haven't done nothing.
i know some day eventually mr right will come.
i know i am impatient, but i just feel like hello im 24, like my friends are getting married, engaged, having more babies or having new babies and i just feel like hey loser in the corner with the dunce hat who has no life.
i dunno. whatever im just rambling. so now of course when i pray to go tonight to ask him to make me stronger and help me get thru this i will cry even more.
im going to bed...this just ruined me... :\