comfort/separation
It is comforting to have T futzing about in the background as I rest after my 4-mile run. But, even though he's been away for three weeks, I'm heading to the condo today and he has plans with B. But this previously-normal kind of separation is also comforting, compared to the three weeks he was away. I recall spending three nights at the condo before T left, and feeling greatly relaxed knowing he was holding down the house while I was away.
But I'll have more practice with him being away for three-week periods, and over time I'll become more resilient about it, figuring out what my triggers are and how much social support I should build in when he's away.
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Hey, this time I even tried to set up a date with an entirely new dude, although he managed to ignore my stated boundaries before we even had a chance to meet. I'm big about setting boundaries, because as a polyamorous relationship anarchist, I'm not fully available like a single person might be. I have other relationships and other responsibilities. I don't even have access to my cock. Both of the properties I spend time at are at least partly owned by other people, so I feel I can't just let anybody in the door at any time, as electronics or credit cards have gone missing in the past. I have a difficult job with lots of overlapping responsibilities. So -- you have to be able to schedule ahead, then you have to be able to show up, and then you have to respect the rules I'm under with regard to sex -- I can't have an orgasm, and you can't fuck me without a condom.
On the one hand, it seems too simple to me. You show up and can do almost anything you want except fuck me without a condom, or give me an orgasm. I own almost every kind of BDSM toy known to humanity, I'm friendly to the safer forms of intoxication (alcohol or THC), I'm able to switch between Dom and sub, I'm polite, caring, intelligent, and have a sense of humor. Can you show up and follow the rules I've negotiated with my other partners? For a surprising proportion of guys, the answer is "no". At least half cannot schedule ahead, period. A big chunk of the rest start trying to pressure me to have an orgasm or bareback -- or they flat out refuse to meet a guy who requires condoms.
But I have relationships with fellas who can and do follow these rules, so I'm not desperate to meet whomever will show up whenever. I've successfully set up relationships where we all know each other's boundaries and respect them. Each of my men have other men in their lives also, so they understand how this works, we have to schedule ahead and we have to follow rules. For example, I don't get to demand that Ben see me, even if I'm having a bad day. I don't get to forbid K from having sex with whomever he wants. I don't get to demand that B's husband goes out to dinner with me, I'll probably never meet B's husband. There's all these rules and boundaries that people who are in successful long-term open relationships have worked out with each other, often via trial and error, but they've figured them out.
If you can't even show up according to plan, and if you try to beg or manipulate me into breaking one of my rules, then getthefuckout. And as I've said before, when a guy flakes on me, I get to have Time to Self, and I'll definitely have fun without you.
But I'll have more practice with him being away for three-week periods, and over time I'll become more resilient about it, figuring out what my triggers are and how much social support I should build in when he's away.
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Hey, this time I even tried to set up a date with an entirely new dude, although he managed to ignore my stated boundaries before we even had a chance to meet. I'm big about setting boundaries, because as a polyamorous relationship anarchist, I'm not fully available like a single person might be. I have other relationships and other responsibilities. I don't even have access to my cock. Both of the properties I spend time at are at least partly owned by other people, so I feel I can't just let anybody in the door at any time, as electronics or credit cards have gone missing in the past. I have a difficult job with lots of overlapping responsibilities. So -- you have to be able to schedule ahead, then you have to be able to show up, and then you have to respect the rules I'm under with regard to sex -- I can't have an orgasm, and you can't fuck me without a condom.
On the one hand, it seems too simple to me. You show up and can do almost anything you want except fuck me without a condom, or give me an orgasm. I own almost every kind of BDSM toy known to humanity, I'm friendly to the safer forms of intoxication (alcohol or THC), I'm able to switch between Dom and sub, I'm polite, caring, intelligent, and have a sense of humor. Can you show up and follow the rules I've negotiated with my other partners? For a surprising proportion of guys, the answer is "no". At least half cannot schedule ahead, period. A big chunk of the rest start trying to pressure me to have an orgasm or bareback -- or they flat out refuse to meet a guy who requires condoms.
But I have relationships with fellas who can and do follow these rules, so I'm not desperate to meet whomever will show up whenever. I've successfully set up relationships where we all know each other's boundaries and respect them. Each of my men have other men in their lives also, so they understand how this works, we have to schedule ahead and we have to follow rules. For example, I don't get to demand that Ben see me, even if I'm having a bad day. I don't get to forbid K from having sex with whomever he wants. I don't get to demand that B's husband goes out to dinner with me, I'll probably never meet B's husband. There's all these rules and boundaries that people who are in successful long-term open relationships have worked out with each other, often via trial and error, but they've figured them out.
If you can't even show up according to plan, and if you try to beg or manipulate me into breaking one of my rules, then getthefuckout. And as I've said before, when a guy flakes on me, I get to have Time to Self, and I'll definitely have fun without you.