about halfway through the book we diverge,
he's still lonely and, a different flavor of Gender Queer,
I've embraced my gay identity, going out to gay bars, trading my youth and gym membership for hookups,
dancing shirtless, guys playing with my nipples as I inhale WhipIt or poppers,
I am very much aware of my gay currency, how my looks and charisma work, despite my OCD inability to actually relate to people,
I try to relate to people, I study psychology, for a long time, and then I have a boyfriend in my 20s, and we live together, but ... I relate better to computers than to him ... and I start going out to Shirtless Night at the Green Lantern without him, even though we're still supposedly husbands,
I'm shirtless, I get free drinks, guys play with me, play with my cock, but I never allow myself to cum,
my first cum restriction, this guy is sucking my cock but I won't allow him to taste my cum, I stop,
I'm happy to cum inside my boyfriend, at the apartment, when I can, but not with these other people,
except, when, I'm on business travel this one time, in San Antonio, in the mid-90s, and I hang out with the straight coworkers, but then I go back out to the gay bars, after the straight coworkers went to sleep, that's why our gay bars always started so late at night, after 11pm,
all y'all had gone to sleep,
we kept partying, I saw my favorite music video, I was drinking hard liquor, and a guy came up to me,
we danced,
I took him back to my hotel room, and I fucked him good,
the next morning, he took me to his place, and ... ...
I don't live in the real world. His world. The world most people live in I already didn't live in the real world, I had never,
but I'd fucked another guy -- my relationship was always going to be over -- all of my relationships were always going to be over --
I've embraced my gay identity, going out to gay bars, trading my youth and gym membership for hookups,
dancing shirtless, guys playing with my nipples as I inhale WhipIt or poppers,
I am very much aware of my gay currency, how my looks and charisma work, despite my OCD inability to actually relate to people,
I try to relate to people, I study psychology, for a long time, and then I have a boyfriend in my 20s, and we live together, but ... I relate better to computers than to him ... and I start going out to Shirtless Night at the Green Lantern without him, even though we're still supposedly husbands,
I'm shirtless, I get free drinks, guys play with me, play with my cock, but I never allow myself to cum,
my first cum restriction, this guy is sucking my cock but I won't allow him to taste my cum, I stop,
I'm happy to cum inside my boyfriend, at the apartment, when I can, but not with these other people,
except, when, I'm on business travel this one time, in San Antonio, in the mid-90s, and I hang out with the straight coworkers, but then I go back out to the gay bars, after the straight coworkers went to sleep, that's why our gay bars always started so late at night, after 11pm,
all y'all had gone to sleep,
we kept partying, I saw my favorite music video, I was drinking hard liquor, and a guy came up to me,
we danced,
I took him back to my hotel room, and I fucked him good,
the next morning, he took me to his place, and ... ...
I don't live in the real world. His world. The world most people live in I already didn't live in the real world, I had never,
but I'd fucked another guy -- my relationship was always going to be over -- all of my relationships were always going to be over --