"could a poly person be happy with monogamy?"
A person asked this on reddit, "could a poly person be happy with monogamy?"
I replied something like this, only here I'm elaborating a bit more:
A poly person could be happy single, with no relationships. A poly person could be happy with only one relationship. Relationship status does not determine whether a person is happy.
For me, being poly means I don't want to give another person veto power over my heart or my sexual organs. It's not about "happiness", it's about making my own decisions regarding how I'm going to live my life. This is a decision I've made, to be poly. If you don't want to enter into a relationship with me because I'm poly, that's your decision. It's not about whether we would be happy dating each other monogamously, because I'll be happy without you, of that I'm certain. I was happy before I met you, I'll be happy if we decide to date as poly people, I'll be happy if we decide not to date, I'll be happy after you disappear from my life whether we dated or not. It doesn't matter, I'll be happy. My happiness is not the issue.
Because I take responsibility for my own happiness. It does not depend on my relationship status. It does not depend on who I'm dating, or who I'm not dating. Or how many people I'm dating.
Sure, I would feel sad if somebody I like rejects me, or if somebody I've built a life with passes away or leaves me. But I won't feel sad forever. My life goes on. I will continue to pursue happiness, on my own, and with other people. And I will do so under my own terms.
Half of "monogamous" people cheat on their partners. I'm not going to cheat on you. Because I'm not going to promise monogamy to you in the first place.
I replied something like this, only here I'm elaborating a bit more:
A poly person could be happy single, with no relationships. A poly person could be happy with only one relationship. Relationship status does not determine whether a person is happy.
For me, being poly means I don't want to give another person veto power over my heart or my sexual organs. It's not about "happiness", it's about making my own decisions regarding how I'm going to live my life. This is a decision I've made, to be poly. If you don't want to enter into a relationship with me because I'm poly, that's your decision. It's not about whether we would be happy dating each other monogamously, because I'll be happy without you, of that I'm certain. I was happy before I met you, I'll be happy if we decide to date as poly people, I'll be happy if we decide not to date, I'll be happy after you disappear from my life whether we dated or not. It doesn't matter, I'll be happy. My happiness is not the issue.
Because I take responsibility for my own happiness. It does not depend on my relationship status. It does not depend on who I'm dating, or who I'm not dating. Or how many people I'm dating.
Sure, I would feel sad if somebody I like rejects me, or if somebody I've built a life with passes away or leaves me. But I won't feel sad forever. My life goes on. I will continue to pursue happiness, on my own, and with other people. And I will do so under my own terms.
Half of "monogamous" people cheat on their partners. I'm not going to cheat on you. Because I'm not going to promise monogamy to you in the first place.