Recently I've been thinking...
And I don't really like it.
Every time when I spend a long time thinking.. about anything really. Work, projects, short-term goals, balancing incoming and outgoing cash flow, people, friend.. I usually come to some negative conclusion. That is, if I think logically. And they're all very convincing. Not really going to list examples because that would be too exposing.
Sometimes I wish I could be more carefree. And that's when I go to work. When I got something to keep me occupied. When I don't have time to update this stupid journal. Time goes pretty fast when I'm at work, and I like it that way.. not to mention making money at the same time.
When I'm less occupied though my mind starts to wander off.. to weird thoughts. Thinking about this certain incidents, that certain situations.. things that are only connected through the slightest of events, yet they make sense when I put them together.
However, making sense doesn't mean it's true. It certainly does bother me more than just one way.
Actually I'll list some examples. Work. When supervisors suggest that we should be cross-trained in the department so that if one of us are not around, the office can still run. Now you don't need to tell me about the importance of cross-training. I believe in cross-training, but at the same time, it sorta makes me worried. When everyone else knows how to do your job, and realize that your job (at least the portion that is visible to them) is not really that hard, and can actually be managed into their work schedule, doesn't that threaten you?
It does to me, in a way. Usually I am super over confidence about these stuff, because I know that my ability far surpass what's required to do my job. I know that I am capable of doing two people's job in the department, or even more, so if they are to lay off people, I should be one of the later ones to be laid off.
But I'm also the newest addition to the department. That makes me worried. Now I do have a few projects on hand, and they are fairly important. However, at the same time, while I did make progress, those projects can go on without me. Because I am now actually at the stage where I only need to make a few phone calls, set up a meeting or two, and everything will be set. If someone has the contacts, they could take over right there and then.
Sometimes I think it is difficult to have self-assurance when you are just a little employee. You have a small price tag on you, judged by either hourly wages or salary. Having been doing the same job for awhile, and have that price tag unchanged for the entire duration.. wouldn't that worry you as well? Despite all the compliments I get.
Right. I get tons of compliments. I'm fast. I'm accurate. I get things done. I am reliable. I can multitask. I am organized. I learn quick. Those are things people say to me, and they are nice to hear. But, couldn't they just be words that people throw around, like the "I had a great weekend," "I am good," "Fantastic," and those other small talks?
And if it is from supervisors, could it just be empty praises because they know you're still getting paid the same wages? The best way to show appreciation for good works for employees at my level are just simple raise. 5%, 10%, whatever. Or they could just try to make you feel good with words. Would it be the case?
That's just one of the many things my mind wanders off too when I have free time. How I hate this.
Every time when I spend a long time thinking.. about anything really. Work, projects, short-term goals, balancing incoming and outgoing cash flow, people, friend.. I usually come to some negative conclusion. That is, if I think logically. And they're all very convincing. Not really going to list examples because that would be too exposing.
Sometimes I wish I could be more carefree. And that's when I go to work. When I got something to keep me occupied. When I don't have time to update this stupid journal. Time goes pretty fast when I'm at work, and I like it that way.. not to mention making money at the same time.
When I'm less occupied though my mind starts to wander off.. to weird thoughts. Thinking about this certain incidents, that certain situations.. things that are only connected through the slightest of events, yet they make sense when I put them together.
However, making sense doesn't mean it's true. It certainly does bother me more than just one way.
Actually I'll list some examples. Work. When supervisors suggest that we should be cross-trained in the department so that if one of us are not around, the office can still run. Now you don't need to tell me about the importance of cross-training. I believe in cross-training, but at the same time, it sorta makes me worried. When everyone else knows how to do your job, and realize that your job (at least the portion that is visible to them) is not really that hard, and can actually be managed into their work schedule, doesn't that threaten you?
It does to me, in a way. Usually I am super over confidence about these stuff, because I know that my ability far surpass what's required to do my job. I know that I am capable of doing two people's job in the department, or even more, so if they are to lay off people, I should be one of the later ones to be laid off.
But I'm also the newest addition to the department. That makes me worried. Now I do have a few projects on hand, and they are fairly important. However, at the same time, while I did make progress, those projects can go on without me. Because I am now actually at the stage where I only need to make a few phone calls, set up a meeting or two, and everything will be set. If someone has the contacts, they could take over right there and then.
Sometimes I think it is difficult to have self-assurance when you are just a little employee. You have a small price tag on you, judged by either hourly wages or salary. Having been doing the same job for awhile, and have that price tag unchanged for the entire duration.. wouldn't that worry you as well? Despite all the compliments I get.
Right. I get tons of compliments. I'm fast. I'm accurate. I get things done. I am reliable. I can multitask. I am organized. I learn quick. Those are things people say to me, and they are nice to hear. But, couldn't they just be words that people throw around, like the "I had a great weekend," "I am good," "Fantastic," and those other small talks?
And if it is from supervisors, could it just be empty praises because they know you're still getting paid the same wages? The best way to show appreciation for good works for employees at my level are just simple raise. 5%, 10%, whatever. Or they could just try to make you feel good with words. Would it be the case?
That's just one of the many things my mind wanders off too when I have free time. How I hate this.