[Week 21, Day 1] [Dream] In Desperation, We Climb
(Early morning, pre-dawn.)
WARNING: Disturbing imagery with children, though completely non-sexual.
( There are worse things than death... )
WARNING: Disturbing imagery with children, though completely non-sexual.
( There are worse things than death... )
It's not death, but it's quite obvious that it means that they won't be allowed to see each other, and that's close enough, isn't it? Perhaps it feels a little like having your brothers die is worse, but when thinking about it... Maybe it's worse not knowing how your brother is doing.
It probably is.
And realising that, it kind of makes him feel guilty again for running off and leaving Gilbert hanging, and for doing the same to his family back home... But he can't help it.
Or, well, maybe he could, but... Sometimes he just has to.
Because sometimes he just needs to do some things and if he knows people will do anything to stop him he can't really say, can he? But...
Whatever, what's done is done.
He huffs silently to himself and moves to respond, frowning down at the Hitomi. The dream was unpleasant... It reminded him of how it felt to lose his siblings, and it hurts to be reminded of it. But he pushes it away because he's fine. He's been through that already...
...]
You lost your brother?
[There is a hint of recognition in his voice, barely.]
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He knows he is under no obligation to try to explain this watered down version of his life. Because this... this shows nothing.
Nothing more than a fragmented reflection of a desperation borne from countless dayweeksmonthsyears of scrambling uselessly, pitting flesh against stone, the only sound echoing down to your ears that of the wind and his cries.
This is nothing more than a white-washed faded image, the warning of what came after.
This perceived pain is nothing to the pain that follows.]
You could say that.
[A pause before he flashes the child a wan, reassuring smile - as if Elliot had been the one having the nightmare.]
He sleeps, bound in a spell until I find the way to bring him back. But it's of no mind, here. Don't let events that were long before your time trouble you, young master.
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And the fact itself doesn't trouble him, it's just what it reminds him of.]
At least he's not dead.
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[And there it is, that tired but 'sincere' smile, gently reassuring in its brittle veneer.
After all...he told you, didn't he? Fai wasn't one to allow others shoulder the burden of his own pain or guilt. Not when they had no way of changing the circumstances, not when they were equally as powerless as he to bring Fai back.
Let it be and let it go. You're a kindhearted kid, but... press any further and I'll take this memory, if I must. Don't test me, child.]
I hope I didn't wake you with this unpleasantness. Seems a rather unfair way to start the day.
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[See, he generally doesn't sleep much. Afraid of his nightmares. Ahem.
And as much as he's wary of that smile after what Fai told him, he can very well understand not talking about at least some things with people you don't know well. He hasn't told anyone but Leo about his dreams (that is, what he sees in them, not that he has them), for example, not even his family. He doesn't feel comfortable with that.
So if Fai doesn't want to talk to him about deep, dark secrets or whatever, that's fine. It just almost ticks him off, that too because of what Fai told him. But not so much that he can't catch himself before he says something he shouldn't.
So instead, he changes the subject.]
Are you a part of a noble family of some sort? It looked that way.
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[There's a touch of wry laughter in his voice, making it clear that he doesn't count that, not at all.
He is grateful though, that Elliot dropped the topic. Because his words and his naive statement, the lie that had followed, simply added to the steady, dull ache in his chest - the same ache that has been there since that day, deepening the void of time and space between him and his other half. His better half.
Instead of thinking on that, though, he simply cants his head to the side and shrugs.]
I'm nothing more than a simple traveler, now.
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Of course I count that. You're still a part of that family, aren't you? You still wear that name, right? You should be proud of that.
[He always thinks you should.
Even the Vessalius, he can't recall thinking otherwise before he decided to not care about that anymore either. And it's the same for any family.
You should do whatever you can for them, for that name, because it's important. It's your identity, it's you, and you should treasure that. Always.]
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[A pause as something like steel threads his voice, a gentle rebuke at this child's misplaced nobility.]
And, pray tell, what pride do they deserve, doing something like that to children? No, I'll carry the name my lord gave me and no other until the day I die, child.
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What they've done has nothing to do with you or what you've done, or what you do with that name.
[There are things that he's disappointed with his family for, now, and while that may not compare to what that dream showed, if that's connected, it's still...
You don't have to carry the burden of what your family has done. You can do what you wish. You can always decide, always.
But then...]
But if it was your desicion to discard it, then who am I to tell you that's wrong.
[He has a hard time understanding why anyone would want to discard their name, but experiences differ... And while, if you ask him, discarding that name could be a coward's way out (he's looking at you, Gilbert), he doesn't know why Fai did it.
...
He adds, a little louder;]
But I hope it wasn't a way to run away from the burden of the name.
[Because to him, that's what Gilbert did, and you don't do that. It's as simple as that.]
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The name he carries now is, in fact, weightless. It's free and waiting to be claimed by it's true bearer, because Yuui...
He is the scion of that mad house. His sin, his own betrayal of the one person who trusted him, who relied on his word and his heart and his devotion...Yuui had betrayed every shred of that.
And it was his job, now, to keep this name clean and light, and let Yuui's name take their every sin down into the depths of hell.
That name was waiting on him to inherit it. That was his right to claim.
This name?
He's just holding it in trust.]
The burden of a name is not something I would run from...but names themselves have power tenfold, so have a care in how casually you bandy such claims about.
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For how much his family has suffered due to the name they carry, for how much this name has made them set their path in stone thinking that they can only cling to that path, for how much this name affected everything they did. Not necessarily in a bad way, but his family still lets themselves be controlled by it because they haven't discovered that they don't have to.
And it's not their fault, he just... wishes he could change it.
...
No, he will change it. But he fears it's too late for his parents. That's where he's not so sure...]
There you go, talking about me as if you know me again! I don't bandy anything around, and I claimed nothing. I know what power a name carries, and I know that what you do with that power is your own choice.
[Like how Gilbert used it for his own benefit to get Oz back... The name that Elliot treasures so much, used for something that only seperates Gilbert from it further. A Nightray being the servant of a Vessalius is--
No, no, it doesn't even matter that Oz is a Vessalius, it doesn't. But that Gilbert is the servant of anyone, as someone directly adopted into the family as a brother of the heir, that someone like that used the Nightray name for someone who he picked up being the servant of--
Oh, who is Elliot kidding. It doesn't matter that Gilbert is the servant of anyone. He used the name and what it meant selfishly, after what Elliot had told him about doing what he could as a Nightray and as Raven's contractor... And then left, still carrying the name and--
After what Elliot had told him.
It stung, really bad.
So of course he knows the power of names. In more than how they tie his family up, but in how it's used by others in the power it holds.
He knows.]
And that its power means you should choose wisely.
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[A smile then, because if nothing else, this boy had managed to take him a step away from that particular memory. Not that he could ever forget it - not that he would ever want to forget it - but its enough to let him take a breath and distance himself from that pain.
Which is good, because this child had no business knowing anything more than what this violation of his privacy has already shown.]
...I would say you remind me of someone I know. [A sudden grin] A loud grouch on the outside, but a good and kind heart beneath. The best kind of nobility.
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It... makes him feel rather good about himself, because that's something he wants to think he has gained but no one has ever really told him that... It's a good feeling.
In fact, those very last words haven't really been used like that either, and he finds that they don't feel like they're used in a way that he needs to directly deny it. But he does anyway, out of reflex, because, you know. Old habits die hard.]
I don't have a good and kind heart!
[HUFFHUFF. And he looks away quickly.]
Shut up.
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[And yes, that laughter? It's playful teasing. Nothing more.]
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Shut up!
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If that is the Young Lord's command~ ♥
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