[Week 21, Day 1] [Dream] In Desperation, We Climb
(Early morning, pre-dawn.)
WARNING: Disturbing imagery with children, though completely non-sexual.
( There are worse things than death... )
WARNING: Disturbing imagery with children, though completely non-sexual.
( There are worse things than death... )
Comments 65
He could moderately understand the kind of toll that would have on someone and even more so on a child. Still Break watched and after a while he had to confess to watching very intently as everything seemed to turn into a nightmare.]
That was only half of your story wasn't it?
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Slender fingers curled in against his chest, reflex to protect the fine silvery threads of scars hidden in pale flesh that marked the truth in the images, before he rolled back to lift the Hitomi.
A friendly smile touched Fai's lips, his pale-blue eyes nearly closed to complete the effect as he chuckled softly.]
But that was the best part, Mister Break. The rest of the story isn't mine to tell~ ♥
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Oh? Then whose might it be?
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[He's going to smile anyway, because he's done it for far too long to stop now. It’s more than a motion of a mask - it’s a memory. Secret smiles and hushed laughter that taunts, just out of focus or true recall, hidden there in the learned smiles and playful demeanor as if to subtly command ‘Remember Fai this way’. Remember a cheerful smile and a playful grin, an elegant flirt and a commanding magician.
Remember Fai, let him live.
Let Yuui die.
Just a matter of time, really, and it’ll be true enough. His wish is that strong, that determined.
Ice blue eyes open slowly as he quirks a corner of that razor-sharp smile, the perfect image of an accepting expression locked firmly in place.]
So tell me… does this happen often? These broadcast dreams?
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It's not that he particularly cares about things that should be private; he's a very private person himself in some ways, but if the world has made it public, it's not like he's doing some offense to the person by watching.
And yet.
It's too much. It's like one of those fantasy novels that a classmate used to read, with too much awfulness in them to follow, too much horrific realism that just makes him want to close the book and move on from it.
He knows bad things happen, but why do people have to focus so much energy into exploring fake ones?
Except his isn't fake. No. He doesn't believe for a second that it's fake.
And that is what makes it the most horrific at all.
The Hitomi drops from his hands somewhere in the middle.]
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There's nothing he can say that will do any good, especially not when it's obviously something from a long time ago, for this adult. For this man who took care of his little sister... or well... a version of her.
There's no point in replying to this.
He does so anyway, his voice a little rough.]
Your... brother? Is he...?
[It's wrong to ask. And yet there's something twisted tight in Touya's gut that insists it must be done.]
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So Fai turns his head enough to glance sidelong at the Hitomi, reaches out to adjust the video to private, because at least this compassion from a good heart has a purpose - even if, once he knew, that compassion was least deserved where directed.]
Sleeps in a spell, back home.
[A pause and a laugh, soft yet brittle, hollow.]
He's waiting on me.
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[Touya doesn't quite know what to say to that, because the sound of that laugh isn't good, but... waiting is better than not there, right? Sleeping is better than...
Well, he won't think about that. He has his own precious sibling, after all, and he doesn't like to imagine such things. But then their lives, compared to this...]
So someday you'll get back to him, right, Fai-san?
[He sounds hopeful, sounds as if he wants to believe it.]
If we can help with that somehow, we... we will.
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It's not death, but it's quite obvious that it means that they won't be allowed to see each other, and that's close enough, isn't it? Perhaps it feels a little like having your brothers die is worse, but when thinking about it... Maybe it's worse not knowing how your brother is doing.
It probably is.
And realising that, it kind of makes him feel guilty again for running off and leaving Gilbert hanging, and for doing the same to his family back home... But he can't help it.
Or, well, maybe he could, but... Sometimes he just has to.
Because sometimes he just needs to do some things and if he knows people will do anything to stop him he can't really say, can he? But ( ... )
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He knows he is under no obligation to try to explain this watered down version of his life. Because this... this shows nothing.
Nothing more than a fragmented reflection of a desperation borne from countless dayweeksmonthsyears of scrambling uselessly, pitting flesh against stone, the only sound echoing down to your ears that of the wind and his cries.
This is nothing more than a white-washed faded image, the warning of what came after.
This perceived pain is nothing to the pain that follows.]
You could say that.
[A pause before he flashes the child a wan, reassuring smile - as if Elliot had been the one having the nightmare.]
He sleeps, bound in a spell until I find the way to bring him back. But it's of no mind, here. Don't let events that were long before your time trouble you, young master.
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And the fact itself doesn't trouble him, it's just what it reminds him of.]
At least he's not dead.
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[And there it is, that tired but 'sincere' smile, gently reassuring in its brittle veneer.
After all...he told you, didn't he? Fai wasn't one to allow others shoulder the burden of his own pain or guilt. Not when they had no way of changing the circumstances, not when they were equally as powerless as he to bring Fai back.
Let it be and let it go. You're a kindhearted kid, but... press any further and I'll take this memory, if I must. Don't test me, child.]
I hope I didn't wake you with this unpleasantness. Seems a rather unfair way to start the day.
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It is wrong, wrong, that a child should have to endure this. Even knowing that war and other terrible things do not ever leave someone untouched just because they are a child--knows this for his own experience, his own actions--it still claws at his heart to see this, to know what pain he has endured... must still endure, because this. This loss of someone so close. It never truly leaves you. You can put on a smile and face each day, but there is still that sorrow clutching at your heart, just waiting for the opportunity to come to the surface once more.
He shouldn't be seeing this. It's too personal, too raw.
But he does not turn away, because that would be worse. That would be rejection, and he can't do that, because... because this man, he has come to be his friend, and he deserves better than that.]
[There is one other thing that stands out sharply in Elfangor's mind.
Fai. Yuui. His name is Yuui. ( ... )
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Which would be fine...if you deserved it.
(But you don't do you? Not by half.)
Even so...Elfangor's shown himself to Fai in so many ways now, unexpected and unlooked for and before he can quite stop himself, he find a little bit of truth slipping out...]
This was a long, long time ago and no... I never did reach him.
[Before the lie.]
He's still waiting though, trapped in a spell back in our adoptive world, Where my King guards his rest until I can find a way to safely wake th-him.
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