[ Dream: Week 13, Day 7 towards Week 14, Day 1; before/around midnight ]
[There's just darkness and the sound of breathing, just like that time before, but this time it's a bit different. There seems to be just a simple.. absence of a dream, before it suddenly kicks in, in the shape of a void, coloured in twirling red and black shades, and the sensation of falling.]
[He opens his eyes and finds himself amongst ruins, so similar to the sight he saw just before being pulled out of his world. It's a little different now though; darker and there are corpses everywhere, the sky dark red, and growing sense of dread in the air. There's some strange, unpleasant howling sound filling the space, and it makes everything else impossible to hear while the sky swirls around it.]
[And then there's Alma Karma, his best childhood friend who has become an Akuma, with a morbid grin on his face, and Kanda's body moves on its own as he once again realizes the only way to resolve things is to kill it. That's not right, it doesn't feel like it, but it's almost as if his thoughts can only repeat itself from the very first time, and he growls, once again blinded by anger, and charges. But then he notices that he's not actually there; rather, he's looking at the scene from above, seeing both of them maiming, burning and killing each other over and over, but all he's capable of feeling is strange emptiness. This had been over with already, too many times. There's nothing else left to feel, is there? Hm, this must be how that god guy feels, watching over someone killing each other and not feeling a damn thing. He can't even move, either, but he knows that if he could, he would probably be doing the same thing as that him over there.]
[It's a bit scary, really. He wasn't supposed to feel things, but then he did, and during all those years, it made him more or less human. All those people he cared about. All those instances he really did feel like one of them. Eventually it sort of became alright.]
[But now he doesn't feel anything, and it's scary. Almost as if the project had succeeded to wipe him completely off humanity. It's a crushing realization; you are a creation. You don't have feelings. Even if it had never been true before, now it is.]
[And it only gets worse. As he manages to tear his gaze off the bloody fight, he realizes the bodies laying around look strangely familiar. Most are crippled and burned beyond recognition, but.. The remains of clothing on one looks like a skirt, and there's a magically survived berret on the next one; there's a soiled and bloodied scarf around another, then there's a shape with glasses on it, and the more he looks, the more he recognizes, and his heart should be stopping at this point, his world crashing, but he realizes there's still nothing, absolutely nothing, and it makes him want to rip his hair out, because that's impossible, impossible, this has to be a bad dream that's making him this way, because he knows he'd never be so untouched by this, yet.. Yet there's just the same emptiness.]
[And the scene explodes, done in by the still-going fight, and as the blinding light swallows everything, nothing more can be seen or felt.]
[The view slowly returns, completely different. There's a vast field of flowers, sun blindingly shining over, and it feels like he's laying on his back. It's too bright, way too bright, but at the same time it's.. alright, somehow. And then there's that smile; there's a smiling woman among the flowers, and it's a little weird, because there's nothing to be smiling about, not to mention it doesn't make sense for her to show up after that previous scene, and he still doesn't know who she is. But.. familiar, yes. Gives a strange feeling he's pretty sure he doesn't know. Seen her so many times before, and he'd like to ask her so many things. But he still can't move.]
[And while he stays still, there's a hand moving in front of his eyes, one that clearly doesn't belong to him, yet it looks almost as if it's coming from his body, also just like back then, and he frowns and wants to look to the side to make sure it's not his, but he can't, and it's there and it's scary. Not his, not his. But the sensation, it feels so --]
[And then there's a voice.]
Troubled, Exorcist?
[It giggles, creepily childishly, and there's a doll floating over him, one that looks too much like that damned Noah girl who's already seen most of his memories. And he can't do shit, what is enraging, and she's just hovering there, looking at him, while all the flowers and the woman's smiling face starts swirling around him, the hand still blocking what's right in front of his eyes.]
Well, this is sure entertaining! Are you losing your mind, Exorcist? Does that flower have anything to do with it? I think it might~ Do you even know who you are? Just accept to be the one who belongs to 'the person', and it will all be over. Why do you cling to this life? Why do you cling to 'Yu'? Those people.. they mean nothing to you, right? You should just give it up. Or maybe... it's not like that?
[Damn her, damn her to hell. His breath would be turning unsteady now, but it's not like he even breathes in this strange state, and the anger feels more theoretical than sensible. If she's talking about -- seeing them all dead -- OF COURSE it means something. It's just something in this whole thing fucking him up. How dares she--]
How cute. Maybe you think 'they' are going to make the existence of 'you' more real? But I showed you the truth, haven't I. Why do you insist there's a you past the point you're trying to separate yourself from? Does it hurt otherwise? Maybe all it takes is a wake up for you to disappear. Oh, it looks like I found the sensitive sore, isn't that so. The Red King is still asleep; whose dream is this?
[SHUT THE HELL UP, he wants to say, but it doesn't come out, and instead everything is swallowed up by the void of flower blossoms, and the woman in the dress dances around him, hands joined with the Akuma Alma, all followed by creepy, tingly music box sounds over the consistent space howling, and they seem to be singing in quiet, distant voices, their smiles growing and turning into morbid grins, and all of that just filling his head all too much.]
Forever, forever. Yu, do you know how long I had to wait? Kill me, kill me. Tell me something, Yu. That promise, will you keep it? Don't you hate people who don't keep their promises? Why don't you drop everything, why don't you. Give it up, give it all up. What's so good about this world? I'll be waiting, waiting. Find me, save me. Forever...
[It's interrupted by flashes, flashes of the woman's face, and pieces of her words, but it mostly sounds like static and impossible to make out, and it seems even more hallucination-like than before. There are lotus flowers floating around, and another flash, and--]
[His tiny, childish form is on the floor, gripping his head and trying to stop himself from shouting out loud, because he's just seen a vision of some woman and now his head is exploding, and he can't stop it, and it won't stop until the scientists will put him on medicine and later try to dispose of him as a failed specimen, but the he writhing on the floor doesn't know it, just that EVERYTHING IS BREAKING, and the yell finally breaks out, too.]
~
[The scream echoes into the real world; as Kanda wakes up, he's shouting and clutching his head, curled into a ball, hands fisted in his hair and pulling at it, eyes stretched open wide, - all too similarly to that time when he first saw the hallucinations. Maybe it can't even be considered as a wake up, really, since he obviously can't hear or respond right at the moment. His head is splitting, no, that might be an understatement - and he's not sure if he's still dreaming or not, because the pain is only supposed to exist in the dream...]
[Except not. Something is not right here. Maybe. It's almost as if... it's a hallucination, or a dream, materializing, because the feeling is all too real - but of course, Kanda's not even close to thinking of such things right now. Completely unaware of it, he rolls off the futon and almost topples a chair over, and it just won't fucking stop.]
~
(( OOC: obviously, he will not be responding to any replies right away (unless it's action *looks at DGM cast and especially Lavi meaningly*), so let's say he'll do it after he's been more or less calmed down. For the moment. ))
(( OOC: P.S. The actual Road isn't necessarily to blame for this (unless her mun decides so, I don't mind :3), it's just a nightmare that has her in it, but of course the Exorcists are free to assume otherwise? ))
[He opens his eyes and finds himself amongst ruins, so similar to the sight he saw just before being pulled out of his world. It's a little different now though; darker and there are corpses everywhere, the sky dark red, and growing sense of dread in the air. There's some strange, unpleasant howling sound filling the space, and it makes everything else impossible to hear while the sky swirls around it.]
[And then there's Alma Karma, his best childhood friend who has become an Akuma, with a morbid grin on his face, and Kanda's body moves on its own as he once again realizes the only way to resolve things is to kill it. That's not right, it doesn't feel like it, but it's almost as if his thoughts can only repeat itself from the very first time, and he growls, once again blinded by anger, and charges. But then he notices that he's not actually there; rather, he's looking at the scene from above, seeing both of them maiming, burning and killing each other over and over, but all he's capable of feeling is strange emptiness. This had been over with already, too many times. There's nothing else left to feel, is there? Hm, this must be how that god guy feels, watching over someone killing each other and not feeling a damn thing. He can't even move, either, but he knows that if he could, he would probably be doing the same thing as that him over there.]
[It's a bit scary, really. He wasn't supposed to feel things, but then he did, and during all those years, it made him more or less human. All those people he cared about. All those instances he really did feel like one of them. Eventually it sort of became alright.]
[But now he doesn't feel anything, and it's scary. Almost as if the project had succeeded to wipe him completely off humanity. It's a crushing realization; you are a creation. You don't have feelings. Even if it had never been true before, now it is.]
[And it only gets worse. As he manages to tear his gaze off the bloody fight, he realizes the bodies laying around look strangely familiar. Most are crippled and burned beyond recognition, but.. The remains of clothing on one looks like a skirt, and there's a magically survived berret on the next one; there's a soiled and bloodied scarf around another, then there's a shape with glasses on it, and the more he looks, the more he recognizes, and his heart should be stopping at this point, his world crashing, but he realizes there's still nothing, absolutely nothing, and it makes him want to rip his hair out, because that's impossible, impossible, this has to be a bad dream that's making him this way, because he knows he'd never be so untouched by this, yet.. Yet there's just the same emptiness.]
[And the scene explodes, done in by the still-going fight, and as the blinding light swallows everything, nothing more can be seen or felt.]
[The view slowly returns, completely different. There's a vast field of flowers, sun blindingly shining over, and it feels like he's laying on his back. It's too bright, way too bright, but at the same time it's.. alright, somehow. And then there's that smile; there's a smiling woman among the flowers, and it's a little weird, because there's nothing to be smiling about, not to mention it doesn't make sense for her to show up after that previous scene, and he still doesn't know who she is. But.. familiar, yes. Gives a strange feeling he's pretty sure he doesn't know. Seen her so many times before, and he'd like to ask her so many things. But he still can't move.]
[And while he stays still, there's a hand moving in front of his eyes, one that clearly doesn't belong to him, yet it looks almost as if it's coming from his body, also just like back then, and he frowns and wants to look to the side to make sure it's not his, but he can't, and it's there and it's scary. Not his, not his. But the sensation, it feels so --]
[And then there's a voice.]
Troubled, Exorcist?
[It giggles, creepily childishly, and there's a doll floating over him, one that looks too much like that damned Noah girl who's already seen most of his memories. And he can't do shit, what is enraging, and she's just hovering there, looking at him, while all the flowers and the woman's smiling face starts swirling around him, the hand still blocking what's right in front of his eyes.]
Well, this is sure entertaining! Are you losing your mind, Exorcist? Does that flower have anything to do with it? I think it might~ Do you even know who you are? Just accept to be the one who belongs to 'the person', and it will all be over. Why do you cling to this life? Why do you cling to 'Yu'? Those people.. they mean nothing to you, right? You should just give it up. Or maybe... it's not like that?
[Damn her, damn her to hell. His breath would be turning unsteady now, but it's not like he even breathes in this strange state, and the anger feels more theoretical than sensible. If she's talking about -- seeing them all dead -- OF COURSE it means something. It's just something in this whole thing fucking him up. How dares she--]
How cute. Maybe you think 'they' are going to make the existence of 'you' more real? But I showed you the truth, haven't I. Why do you insist there's a you past the point you're trying to separate yourself from? Does it hurt otherwise? Maybe all it takes is a wake up for you to disappear. Oh, it looks like I found the sensitive sore, isn't that so. The Red King is still asleep; whose dream is this?
[SHUT THE HELL UP, he wants to say, but it doesn't come out, and instead everything is swallowed up by the void of flower blossoms, and the woman in the dress dances around him, hands joined with the Akuma Alma, all followed by creepy, tingly music box sounds over the consistent space howling, and they seem to be singing in quiet, distant voices, their smiles growing and turning into morbid grins, and all of that just filling his head all too much.]
Forever, forever. Yu, do you know how long I had to wait? Kill me, kill me. Tell me something, Yu. That promise, will you keep it? Don't you hate people who don't keep their promises? Why don't you drop everything, why don't you. Give it up, give it all up. What's so good about this world? I'll be waiting, waiting. Find me, save me. Forever...
[It's interrupted by flashes, flashes of the woman's face, and pieces of her words, but it mostly sounds like static and impossible to make out, and it seems even more hallucination-like than before. There are lotus flowers floating around, and another flash, and--]
[His tiny, childish form is on the floor, gripping his head and trying to stop himself from shouting out loud, because he's just seen a vision of some woman and now his head is exploding, and he can't stop it, and it won't stop until the scientists will put him on medicine and later try to dispose of him as a failed specimen, but the he writhing on the floor doesn't know it, just that EVERYTHING IS BREAKING, and the yell finally breaks out, too.]
~
[The scream echoes into the real world; as Kanda wakes up, he's shouting and clutching his head, curled into a ball, hands fisted in his hair and pulling at it, eyes stretched open wide, - all too similarly to that time when he first saw the hallucinations. Maybe it can't even be considered as a wake up, really, since he obviously can't hear or respond right at the moment. His head is splitting, no, that might be an understatement - and he's not sure if he's still dreaming or not, because the pain is only supposed to exist in the dream...]
[Except not. Something is not right here. Maybe. It's almost as if... it's a hallucination, or a dream, materializing, because the feeling is all too real - but of course, Kanda's not even close to thinking of such things right now. Completely unaware of it, he rolls off the futon and almost topples a chair over, and it just won't fucking stop.]
~
(( OOC: obviously, he will not be responding to any replies right away (unless it's action *looks at DGM cast and especially Lavi meaningly*), so let's say he'll do it after he's been more or less calmed down. For the moment. ))
(( OOC: P.S. The actual Road isn't necessarily to blame for this (unless her mun decides so, I don't mind :3), it's just a nightmare that has her in it, but of course the Exorcists are free to assume otherwise? ))