BtVS FIC: Issei (1/1)
So, the thing is, I love Xander/Cordelia. It makes me happy on a very basic level, because Charisma Carpenter felt comfortable enough with Nick that she could really get into the smoochoie scenes, and it wasn't awkward. And since I ship Cordelia/everyone, that worked for me. Hence my issues with Angel/Cordy and Connor/Cordy, where the actress' unease came through. So, um, yeah.
The other thing is that I haven't written Buffy-verse for years, really, and the 'voice' I had back then is really different from the 'voise' I think I have now. So trying to find a decent grounding in the characters in the now is taking a while. Bear with me, hmmm, there'll be cookies in it for ya.
*
Title: Issei
Author: kangeiko
Summary: Cordelia Chase wasn't Xander's first anything.
Timeline: Post S7 BtVS and 'You're Welcome' in the Angel-verse.
Rating: R for language
Feedback: OMG yes please!!
*
Cordelia Chase wasn't the first girl who had ever kissed Xander Harris. That honour fell to Melanie Schwarts in eight grade, if you count kisses with mouths firmly closed, or Ampala, Ancient Princess of the Incas, or Mayans, or possibly just a really cute exchange student, if you don't. Cordelia wasn't even the best kisser that Xander Harris would ever encounter. That had been Lana, during the Summer That Must Not Be Mentioned, and he had been wearing nothing but a thong at the time.
Plus, seeing as how Xander had never done the full shebang with Queen C, she could hardly be his 'first' there. Technically, that was Faith. Still, twenty-eight seconds of bliss don't seem that long five years down the line and Xander would much rather that Anya had been his first. She, at least, had possessed a thorough understanding of the many uses of the perineum, much to Xander's (initial) chagrin. (Faith had lost interest after she'd finished, anyway.)
Anya was definitely the first girl that 1) Xander had wanted to marry, and 2) actually liked enough to contemplate it. Although, to be fair to Cordelia, they'd been dating in their teens, so permanency wasn't exactly on the radar back then. More like, 'stay alive, make out some more, go out for pizza', and they'd both been happy.
If pushed, Xander might describe Cordelia Chase as his first girlfriend. Certainly the first one who didn't try to kill him, which made a nice change. Although she did try to sacrifice the tattered remains of his geek coolness on the altar of scorned women everywhere, which, yes, okay, he totally deserved. Still. She had been the first girl he had purchased jewellery for, in the formal role of a boyfriend, and the memory of the bracelet he'd given Buffy made him flush a little. She was the first girl he'd developed a definite sexual interest in, beyond the vague urge for 'something. Other than the curve of Buffy's ass or the shine of Willow's hair, Cordelia's body had been the only girl-shaped stimuli his teenaged libido had been around, and she had informed his masturbatory fantasies. Bit by bit, the softness and - he imagined - the general curviness of Cordelia's body grew more familiar to him (just as familiar as Buffy's, or even Willow's, and a whole lot less disturbing). Even before they had started making out in closets, back when he thought (no, he knew) that he hated Cordelia and all she stood for, it didn't stop him from smelling her whenever she stood close to him. She always smelled of the same perfume - her 'signature scent', whatever that meant - and expensive soap, shampoo and, for all he knew, eyelash lotion. (Girls' grooming habits had been a mystery and given that he was currently stuck in the middle of the DRC he was sort of glad of it. He needed that extra brain capacity for Fyarl demons, and vampires, and also militia.) On certain days, after research or patrol or gym class, when Cordelia's body shone with sweat (and before she made a face and demanded permission to go home and de-yuckkify), she even smelled like girl, which had just about driven Xander nuts when he'd realised it.
(When she'd come back an hour later, freshly washed and smelling of perfume and expensive soap, he'd leaned in anyway, just to see. "What's your deal?" She'd demanded, pulling away, like he'd tried to attack her or something. "Jeez, stalkery much?")
So, okay. Even when all his body could focus on had been the shape of Cordelia's thighs as she crossed her legs, or the smell of her hair after she'd been running for her life, he still hated her.
Even when they had first kissed, he'd hated her. Of course, it didn't stop him from mentally recording the push of her breasts against his chest, so he could replay the moment in less lethal circumstances. Also, hosing her down and her little dress clinging to every - yeah, that had been something.
They had never actually had sex, even though Xander had obviously wanted to. He couldn't even say that they had been taking it slow because Cordelia had been a virgin, because she hadn't been. She'd slept with that jock boyfriend of hers the previous year, and had then proceeded to tell all of homeroom about it. Xander had been under the impression that admitting to the horizontal tango was a big no-no for girls, but apparently this was another rule that the rich and the pretty could ignore. When they had been dating, the knowledge had been there, faintly humiliating and always present: Cordelia had fucked guys before. She just didn't want to fuck Xander. At least, she hadn't while they had been making out in her car or in broom closets.
(With the benefit of hindsight, Xander could understand Cordelia's reluctance a lot better. Still, back then he wouldn't have been able to pay for a hotel room for all the sex in the world, so that was that.)
At the end of the day, when all sexual conquests are totalled up and the prizes are given out, Cordelia Chase wasn't Xander's first, well, anything; not really. But she'd kissed him desperately, like the world might end (it hadn't), and slowly, like they had all the time in the world (they hadn't) and all variations in between. She hadn't slept with him but he'd slept with her, learning her body with hesitant fingers and then stroking himself at night, keeping the memory in his mind and imagining all the forbidden things she wouldn't allow him to do. She'd taught him how to unclasp a bra, and how to choose an appropriate present, and what an utter heel he was after he cheated on her.
So, yeah, maybe it didn't mean that much when it was so hot even the mosquitoes were still and the moon was full and they were trying to keep under the radar and find an eight-year-old child bride who had killed her 'husband' in a sudden fit of strength. Maybe those few moments groping in darkened corners didn't mean anything, and that first gasp of adulthood wasn't as important as those years he spent with Anya. Maybe he's not remembering her right, anyway, and she'd been a hell of a lot nastier to him than he could piece together (but, really, he'd cheated on her, and - wow-e, that was definitely something he'd picked up from Anya). Maybe she hadn't even given him a thought once she'd run off to L.A. to be with Deadboy and have a career and have a baby, for crying out loud. How weird was that? If they'd stayed together and he hadn't messed it up, maybe they would have actually, well stayed together. Now there was a wacky thought. Cordelia Harris.
Maybe, Xander thought, he shouldn't think about it like that. What a weird thought, anyway, of Cordelia even curvier than normal, with a baby in her arms and her long hair chopped off like she'd -
we regret to inform you -
"I really am very sorry," the messenger said gently. "I understand she was a comrade in your war."
"Yeah," he said, and he crumpled the letter up his hands. "Yeah."
*
fin
The other thing is that I haven't written Buffy-verse for years, really, and the 'voice' I had back then is really different from the 'voise' I think I have now. So trying to find a decent grounding in the characters in the now is taking a while. Bear with me, hmmm, there'll be cookies in it for ya.
*
Title: Issei
Author: kangeiko
Summary: Cordelia Chase wasn't Xander's first anything.
Timeline: Post S7 BtVS and 'You're Welcome' in the Angel-verse.
Rating: R for language
Feedback: OMG yes please!!
*
Cordelia Chase wasn't the first girl who had ever kissed Xander Harris. That honour fell to Melanie Schwarts in eight grade, if you count kisses with mouths firmly closed, or Ampala, Ancient Princess of the Incas, or Mayans, or possibly just a really cute exchange student, if you don't. Cordelia wasn't even the best kisser that Xander Harris would ever encounter. That had been Lana, during the Summer That Must Not Be Mentioned, and he had been wearing nothing but a thong at the time.
Plus, seeing as how Xander had never done the full shebang with Queen C, she could hardly be his 'first' there. Technically, that was Faith. Still, twenty-eight seconds of bliss don't seem that long five years down the line and Xander would much rather that Anya had been his first. She, at least, had possessed a thorough understanding of the many uses of the perineum, much to Xander's (initial) chagrin. (Faith had lost interest after she'd finished, anyway.)
Anya was definitely the first girl that 1) Xander had wanted to marry, and 2) actually liked enough to contemplate it. Although, to be fair to Cordelia, they'd been dating in their teens, so permanency wasn't exactly on the radar back then. More like, 'stay alive, make out some more, go out for pizza', and they'd both been happy.
If pushed, Xander might describe Cordelia Chase as his first girlfriend. Certainly the first one who didn't try to kill him, which made a nice change. Although she did try to sacrifice the tattered remains of his geek coolness on the altar of scorned women everywhere, which, yes, okay, he totally deserved. Still. She had been the first girl he had purchased jewellery for, in the formal role of a boyfriend, and the memory of the bracelet he'd given Buffy made him flush a little. She was the first girl he'd developed a definite sexual interest in, beyond the vague urge for 'something. Other than the curve of Buffy's ass or the shine of Willow's hair, Cordelia's body had been the only girl-shaped stimuli his teenaged libido had been around, and she had informed his masturbatory fantasies. Bit by bit, the softness and - he imagined - the general curviness of Cordelia's body grew more familiar to him (just as familiar as Buffy's, or even Willow's, and a whole lot less disturbing). Even before they had started making out in closets, back when he thought (no, he knew) that he hated Cordelia and all she stood for, it didn't stop him from smelling her whenever she stood close to him. She always smelled of the same perfume - her 'signature scent', whatever that meant - and expensive soap, shampoo and, for all he knew, eyelash lotion. (Girls' grooming habits had been a mystery and given that he was currently stuck in the middle of the DRC he was sort of glad of it. He needed that extra brain capacity for Fyarl demons, and vampires, and also militia.) On certain days, after research or patrol or gym class, when Cordelia's body shone with sweat (and before she made a face and demanded permission to go home and de-yuckkify), she even smelled like girl, which had just about driven Xander nuts when he'd realised it.
(When she'd come back an hour later, freshly washed and smelling of perfume and expensive soap, he'd leaned in anyway, just to see. "What's your deal?" She'd demanded, pulling away, like he'd tried to attack her or something. "Jeez, stalkery much?")
So, okay. Even when all his body could focus on had been the shape of Cordelia's thighs as she crossed her legs, or the smell of her hair after she'd been running for her life, he still hated her.
Even when they had first kissed, he'd hated her. Of course, it didn't stop him from mentally recording the push of her breasts against his chest, so he could replay the moment in less lethal circumstances. Also, hosing her down and her little dress clinging to every - yeah, that had been something.
They had never actually had sex, even though Xander had obviously wanted to. He couldn't even say that they had been taking it slow because Cordelia had been a virgin, because she hadn't been. She'd slept with that jock boyfriend of hers the previous year, and had then proceeded to tell all of homeroom about it. Xander had been under the impression that admitting to the horizontal tango was a big no-no for girls, but apparently this was another rule that the rich and the pretty could ignore. When they had been dating, the knowledge had been there, faintly humiliating and always present: Cordelia had fucked guys before. She just didn't want to fuck Xander. At least, she hadn't while they had been making out in her car or in broom closets.
(With the benefit of hindsight, Xander could understand Cordelia's reluctance a lot better. Still, back then he wouldn't have been able to pay for a hotel room for all the sex in the world, so that was that.)
At the end of the day, when all sexual conquests are totalled up and the prizes are given out, Cordelia Chase wasn't Xander's first, well, anything; not really. But she'd kissed him desperately, like the world might end (it hadn't), and slowly, like they had all the time in the world (they hadn't) and all variations in between. She hadn't slept with him but he'd slept with her, learning her body with hesitant fingers and then stroking himself at night, keeping the memory in his mind and imagining all the forbidden things she wouldn't allow him to do. She'd taught him how to unclasp a bra, and how to choose an appropriate present, and what an utter heel he was after he cheated on her.
So, yeah, maybe it didn't mean that much when it was so hot even the mosquitoes were still and the moon was full and they were trying to keep under the radar and find an eight-year-old child bride who had killed her 'husband' in a sudden fit of strength. Maybe those few moments groping in darkened corners didn't mean anything, and that first gasp of adulthood wasn't as important as those years he spent with Anya. Maybe he's not remembering her right, anyway, and she'd been a hell of a lot nastier to him than he could piece together (but, really, he'd cheated on her, and - wow-e, that was definitely something he'd picked up from Anya). Maybe she hadn't even given him a thought once she'd run off to L.A. to be with Deadboy and have a career and have a baby, for crying out loud. How weird was that? If they'd stayed together and he hadn't messed it up, maybe they would have actually, well stayed together. Now there was a wacky thought. Cordelia Harris.
Maybe, Xander thought, he shouldn't think about it like that. What a weird thought, anyway, of Cordelia even curvier than normal, with a baby in her arms and her long hair chopped off like she'd -
we regret to inform you -
"I really am very sorry," the messenger said gently. "I understand she was a comrade in your war."
"Yeah," he said, and he crumpled the letter up his hands. "Yeah."
*
fin