Superman: The Review
Well, I saw it about 6 hours ago, but this is the first chance I get to do some typing.
And, before I start spoilering up, I will say this: See This Movie. While it may not be the perfect super hero movie, it's definitely broken into my top 5. Hell, my top 3:
1) X2
2) Batman Begins
3) Superman Returns
4) Blade
5) X3
And, you know what? If I sit down and rewatch them all from end to end, it might even move up higher. Just one hell of a well-constructed piece of film. With all of the others above (Except maybe Blade) I can find a few things wrong with all of them: X2 was too slow at times, Batman Begins had some fairly outlandish points considering the "realism" it was trying to achieve, and X3 fucked up a lot of characterization for me.
Spider-Man 1 and 2 float around the top ten because of some God-awful dialogue, and X1, The Crow, Mystery Men, and Batman Returns probably round out my top 10, three of those four hopping in and out on a fairly sponaneous basis.
But Superman.
Where to begin? As a sequel to Superman II (Bryan Singer readily admits that, in his world as well as the world of fandom, Superman III and IV don't exist) it it was spot-on. Brandon Routh was Christopher Reeve, but played the role even better than Reeve did. Bosworth had the "yeah, cut the shit" attitude of Margot Kidder, but was a lot cuter doing it. Kevin Spacey and Gene Hackman could be pretty much interchangable, but Spacey's... well... Spacey. I wish to hell that he didn't do this role, because his Lex Luthor proves he would make one hell of a Joker in the next Batman movie. He can be wacky and funny when the scene dictates, but when he needs to be he can be one stone-cold bastard.
Beyond the acting, I loved the little nods to the previous film, the knowledge that, despite the fact that it's been 20 years, that it's still a sequel. Everything from the mention of Lane's article "I Slept With Superman" to the fact that she's a smoker were fantastic continuity links. Let's be honest here, in today's climate you would never see a smoking Lois Lane.
Also, hey, the opening credits? The flying blue lettering and John Freaking Williams? Goosebumps.
I also liked that they brought back Luthor's bimbo-of-the-month-with-a-heart-of-gold in Parker Posey. She was a bit "uch" at times, but she played the role just the way that Valerie Perrine played the gum-chewer previously.
As for the film itself: Well, it was great. They avoided a lot of campy dialogue. They handled the scenes between Lois and Kal-El beautifully. Sam Raimi, take note: this is how you write superhero romance scenes. And they handled the love triangle/paralellogram aspect very well. They could have easily gone the route of so many other films in the past, and made James Marsters' Richard either a prick or a doofus, but they didn't. Bryan actually allowed you to feel for all three characters. You felt sorry for Clark because he loves Lois, you feel sorry for Richard because he loves Lois, and you feel sorry for Lois because she loves them both. The whole fact that you can see a budding friendship between Richard and Clark just makes it all the more interesting in the next one.
And then there's the kid.
Holy sweet mother of God. I haven't jumped onto any messageboards yet, but I would love to see how this one is taken by the fans.
The fact that we have no idea how long of a period of time elapsed between the previous movie and this one. Yeah, we know 5 years because they say it at the beginning, but how long between the end of the last film (II or IV, I don't know) and the time that he leaves for Krypton.
I ask because, as far as I know, Superman and Lois didn't copulate any relationship in the previous films. And, if they did... well, to quote Brodie... ummm, actually, I'll just cut and paste the dialogue:
T.S. Quint: But they're engaged.
Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen.
T.S. Quint: Why not? It's bound to come up.
Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?
T.S. Quint: Sure, why not?
Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.
There are many questions to ask:
1) Did Superman and Lois have sex between the end of Superman II and the beginning of Superman Returns?
2) If they did, how the hell did she survive?
3) If they didn't, how did she get pregnant with his kid? Let's be honest here, as far as I can tell, the Comic Code never allowed the series to discuss the sexual reproduction cycles of Kryptonians. Sure, he looks human with his pants on, but how do we know that it takes the same process between Kryptonians as it does between humans?
Hell, I don't even know if Clark knows. Think about it, how much of that knowledge that Jor-El passed on to him do you think he actually used? He's a farm boy from Kansas, how deeply do you think he delved? As far as we know, a Kryptonian kiss could pass on genetic code. And would Clark know that? I'm not so sure.
So, it comes down to three basic premises:
1) Jason is Superman's son
2) Jason is Richard's son
3) Jason is something completely different
We never see Jason use the super powers. The piano flies across the room, but it's a flippin' boat. Everything else was tied down in the office, and the shockwave from above could have sent the piano flying. He didn't need his asthma medicine, but as good old Eddie Kasprak could tell you, sometimes it's psychosomatic. We don't know who unlocked the door that was opened by Richard: Richard could have opened it himself from the outside, or Jason could have broken it at the split-second that Richard pulled.
And Jason did see Superman in the dark water, but who knows how far up they were, or if they were all looking in the right direction.
So he certainly could still be Richard's son. But Richard would have had to have gotten to Lois very soon after Clark left, cuz I don't think the kid's any younger than 4 years old.
Is he Superman's son? If so, wow, that opens a whole new can of worms that has never been explored within Superman comic book continuity. We've had nieces (Supergirl). We've had alternate reality sons (pre- and post-Crisis continuity). We've had Superdogs, Superhorses, Supermonkeys, Supercats... Damn, pre-Crisis continuity sucked.
We've had Superboys as young Clarks, as clones, and as harbingers of doom.
But we have never, never had to deal with the flesh-and-blood son of Kal-El.
Honestly, if they go with this version, it will be without a doubt the balisest move in the history of... Well, let's go past the Superman movies, or comic book movies in general. If Jason is Superman's son, this is one of the ballsiest moves in the history of comics, period. Singer could be burned at the stake by nerd-dom if he makes even the slightest mistake with this can of worms.
How about theory number three? We have a Superman that could kill Lois by having sex with her, and a boy that may have easily been concieved before Lois and Richard even met.
Beyond that we have a fragile little boy who suddenly gains super powers. When does he gain them, you might ask?
Right after he's exposed to Kryptonite.
Sure, he looks kinda freaked out when he sees the Kryptonite. But he doesn't do anything more than any normal kid with various conditions would do when faced with a psychotic supervillain holding a green tube in front of him.
Here's my theory: If number three is true, then we'd have to go back to Superman II, when Lois was being held captive by the Phantom Zone Kryptonians. They may have done something. I don't know, anything.
An anti-Superman, growing weaker under a yellow sun and more powerful in the presence of Krypton? Possibly, like Bizarro or something.
Perhaps, leaping off of season 5 of Smallville, there could be some connection between the PZK and Brainiac. The kid might be Brainiac, or at least have a small fragment of Brainiac's nanotechnology in his otherwise human body. How does Lois immaculately concieve a child? By having that fragment of nanotech build it inside her.
A fourth theory: The kid is Superman's kid, but there's nothing special about him. It would go with parts of Superman II, that I won't get into here because they're spoilery.
Okay, fine, here we go, highlight as needed:
Spoiler:
I forgot, in Superman II, a movie I havent seen in years, Superman gives up his powers. And proposes to Lois. After a while he regains his powers, beats the PZK, and erases Lois's memory.
The theory could hold that, in the interim, a de-powered Clark could have sex with Lois. But there are a few holes to punch into it:
1) Clark's a Kent. He'll be married a virgin, count on it.
2) Lois had her memory wiped. How could she even think that it was his kid if she didn't remember that they were together?
3) If she did know it was his kid, but didn't remember having sex with him, wouldn't she consider it a form of, I don't know, Super-Rape? She'd have to put two and two together and realize that, hey, he had sex with her without her concent. And that would make for completely different feelings than she showed in the film
Okay, wow, that took up a lot of space.
Yes, Superman. Loved it. See it. See it again. Wish hard that Bryan had done X3.
And, before I start spoilering up, I will say this: See This Movie. While it may not be the perfect super hero movie, it's definitely broken into my top 5. Hell, my top 3:
1) X2
2) Batman Begins
3) Superman Returns
4) Blade
5) X3
And, you know what? If I sit down and rewatch them all from end to end, it might even move up higher. Just one hell of a well-constructed piece of film. With all of the others above (Except maybe Blade) I can find a few things wrong with all of them: X2 was too slow at times, Batman Begins had some fairly outlandish points considering the "realism" it was trying to achieve, and X3 fucked up a lot of characterization for me.
Spider-Man 1 and 2 float around the top ten because of some God-awful dialogue, and X1, The Crow, Mystery Men, and Batman Returns probably round out my top 10, three of those four hopping in and out on a fairly sponaneous basis.
But Superman.
Where to begin? As a sequel to Superman II (Bryan Singer readily admits that, in his world as well as the world of fandom, Superman III and IV don't exist) it it was spot-on. Brandon Routh was Christopher Reeve, but played the role even better than Reeve did. Bosworth had the "yeah, cut the shit" attitude of Margot Kidder, but was a lot cuter doing it. Kevin Spacey and Gene Hackman could be pretty much interchangable, but Spacey's... well... Spacey. I wish to hell that he didn't do this role, because his Lex Luthor proves he would make one hell of a Joker in the next Batman movie. He can be wacky and funny when the scene dictates, but when he needs to be he can be one stone-cold bastard.
Beyond the acting, I loved the little nods to the previous film, the knowledge that, despite the fact that it's been 20 years, that it's still a sequel. Everything from the mention of Lane's article "I Slept With Superman" to the fact that she's a smoker were fantastic continuity links. Let's be honest here, in today's climate you would never see a smoking Lois Lane.
Also, hey, the opening credits? The flying blue lettering and John Freaking Williams? Goosebumps.
I also liked that they brought back Luthor's bimbo-of-the-month-with-a-heart-of-gold in Parker Posey. She was a bit "uch" at times, but she played the role just the way that Valerie Perrine played the gum-chewer previously.
As for the film itself: Well, it was great. They avoided a lot of campy dialogue. They handled the scenes between Lois and Kal-El beautifully. Sam Raimi, take note: this is how you write superhero romance scenes. And they handled the love triangle/paralellogram aspect very well. They could have easily gone the route of so many other films in the past, and made James Marsters' Richard either a prick or a doofus, but they didn't. Bryan actually allowed you to feel for all three characters. You felt sorry for Clark because he loves Lois, you feel sorry for Richard because he loves Lois, and you feel sorry for Lois because she loves them both. The whole fact that you can see a budding friendship between Richard and Clark just makes it all the more interesting in the next one.
And then there's the kid.
Holy sweet mother of God. I haven't jumped onto any messageboards yet, but I would love to see how this one is taken by the fans.
The fact that we have no idea how long of a period of time elapsed between the previous movie and this one. Yeah, we know 5 years because they say it at the beginning, but how long between the end of the last film (II or IV, I don't know) and the time that he leaves for Krypton.
I ask because, as far as I know, Superman and Lois didn't copulate any relationship in the previous films. And, if they did... well, to quote Brodie... ummm, actually, I'll just cut and paste the dialogue:
T.S. Quint: But they're engaged.
Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen.
T.S. Quint: Why not? It's bound to come up.
Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?
T.S. Quint: Sure, why not?
Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.
There are many questions to ask:
1) Did Superman and Lois have sex between the end of Superman II and the beginning of Superman Returns?
2) If they did, how the hell did she survive?
3) If they didn't, how did she get pregnant with his kid? Let's be honest here, as far as I can tell, the Comic Code never allowed the series to discuss the sexual reproduction cycles of Kryptonians. Sure, he looks human with his pants on, but how do we know that it takes the same process between Kryptonians as it does between humans?
Hell, I don't even know if Clark knows. Think about it, how much of that knowledge that Jor-El passed on to him do you think he actually used? He's a farm boy from Kansas, how deeply do you think he delved? As far as we know, a Kryptonian kiss could pass on genetic code. And would Clark know that? I'm not so sure.
So, it comes down to three basic premises:
1) Jason is Superman's son
2) Jason is Richard's son
3) Jason is something completely different
We never see Jason use the super powers. The piano flies across the room, but it's a flippin' boat. Everything else was tied down in the office, and the shockwave from above could have sent the piano flying. He didn't need his asthma medicine, but as good old Eddie Kasprak could tell you, sometimes it's psychosomatic. We don't know who unlocked the door that was opened by Richard: Richard could have opened it himself from the outside, or Jason could have broken it at the split-second that Richard pulled.
And Jason did see Superman in the dark water, but who knows how far up they were, or if they were all looking in the right direction.
So he certainly could still be Richard's son. But Richard would have had to have gotten to Lois very soon after Clark left, cuz I don't think the kid's any younger than 4 years old.
Is he Superman's son? If so, wow, that opens a whole new can of worms that has never been explored within Superman comic book continuity. We've had nieces (Supergirl). We've had alternate reality sons (pre- and post-Crisis continuity). We've had Superdogs, Superhorses, Supermonkeys, Supercats... Damn, pre-Crisis continuity sucked.
We've had Superboys as young Clarks, as clones, and as harbingers of doom.
But we have never, never had to deal with the flesh-and-blood son of Kal-El.
Honestly, if they go with this version, it will be without a doubt the balisest move in the history of... Well, let's go past the Superman movies, or comic book movies in general. If Jason is Superman's son, this is one of the ballsiest moves in the history of comics, period. Singer could be burned at the stake by nerd-dom if he makes even the slightest mistake with this can of worms.
How about theory number three? We have a Superman that could kill Lois by having sex with her, and a boy that may have easily been concieved before Lois and Richard even met.
Beyond that we have a fragile little boy who suddenly gains super powers. When does he gain them, you might ask?
Right after he's exposed to Kryptonite.
Sure, he looks kinda freaked out when he sees the Kryptonite. But he doesn't do anything more than any normal kid with various conditions would do when faced with a psychotic supervillain holding a green tube in front of him.
Here's my theory: If number three is true, then we'd have to go back to Superman II, when Lois was being held captive by the Phantom Zone Kryptonians. They may have done something. I don't know, anything.
An anti-Superman, growing weaker under a yellow sun and more powerful in the presence of Krypton? Possibly, like Bizarro or something.
Perhaps, leaping off of season 5 of Smallville, there could be some connection between the PZK and Brainiac. The kid might be Brainiac, or at least have a small fragment of Brainiac's nanotechnology in his otherwise human body. How does Lois immaculately concieve a child? By having that fragment of nanotech build it inside her.
A fourth theory: The kid is Superman's kid, but there's nothing special about him. It would go with parts of Superman II, that I won't get into here because they're spoilery.
Okay, fine, here we go, highlight as needed:
Spoiler:
I forgot, in Superman II, a movie I havent seen in years, Superman gives up his powers. And proposes to Lois. After a while he regains his powers, beats the PZK, and erases Lois's memory.
The theory could hold that, in the interim, a de-powered Clark could have sex with Lois. But there are a few holes to punch into it:
1) Clark's a Kent. He'll be married a virgin, count on it.
2) Lois had her memory wiped. How could she even think that it was his kid if she didn't remember that they were together?
3) If she did know it was his kid, but didn't remember having sex with him, wouldn't she consider it a form of, I don't know, Super-Rape? She'd have to put two and two together and realize that, hey, he had sex with her without her concent. And that would make for completely different feelings than she showed in the film
Okay, wow, that took up a lot of space.
Yes, Superman. Loved it. See it. See it again. Wish hard that Bryan had done X3.