This kinda trust helps me to hold line, I'll be there every time.
It's been a weird day.
First off I might have a job. I'm gonna hope yes.
Secondly, problems with James and I. I hate how our arguements go. They always start so small, and then grow into mass perportions. I say something goffy, and he takes it offensive, and I try to fix it but mess that up, and then I end up getting frustrated, and then I say shit I don't mean and it's mean.. and then he says mean things back.. and then it's just like this big conglomeration of evil words and hurt. James gets into the mood that we argue all the time, which we argue alot, specifically lately. But it's usually not too bad. I hate arguing just as much as him. It's just lack of communication in one catigory, loving on eachother. As if the distance isn't enough, or the lack of seeing eachother... I'm a really lovey person, and I love to be loved on. I like to be shown that love, and reminded of it constantly. It's not like I don't know it's there, it just makes me feel good. The love James shows to me when I'm with him is just... fucking phenominal. When he suprises me by showing up and waking me up outta bed... God it's just amazing.. He's really a great guy. What bugs me is when we are apart, I really need his love. And it's not that I just don't have it, I just don't have it in blunt obvious ways.. I dunno, kinda hard to explain I guess. I'm a love-obsessive. I just can't get enough of his love.
After this arguement, I dunno.. I'm just scared. You know, I need him with me more, not less. And if I keep pushing him, I'm just gonna drive him crazy. He doesn't understand how I need love. I can't really blame him, but I just.. I need it. I need his love, he's the person who I want it from. He's my whole world. I feel like crap for making him so crazy. I wish I wouldn't have allowed it to get that far. What drives me absolutely nuts is when I try to fix it and all he does is hang up on me and yell constantly. And he also never really admits to faults, ever. I always do. I will admit to things I do fine, but he never does. I do think he takes me for granted sometimes.. and I know that might be mean to say or something, but that I really do believe sometimes. What if something happens to me tomorrow? I bet he'd think so then. I'm not saying he takes me for granted all the time. I'm just saying the moments we share together are precious and fleeting fast, and if he knew I was going to die I bet he'd be alot more loving.
So I made this friend named Jeremy, and then he got a crush on me so I set him straight that I was with James. And then he bought me the new Sister Hazel CD and james freaked cuz he thought it meant something, but it didn't. It really didn't, it was just a CD. I made that clear with Jeremy, too. He did get a satisfation out of it, though. But it wasn't anything like James was thinking, he was glad he could get me something as a thank you for helping him through all the shit he's been going through with his Ex and stuff. Well, then he told me he fell in love with me, and so I basically just cut off him completely, but made sure he understood. I just don't have room in my heart for anyone else but James like that, and I don't want to be recieving love from someone else. The only person who I crave love like that from is James.
This is for the people who have been ignoring me lately (Like the last couple months) FUCK YOU. It's so stupid I've been upset over it, trying to be your friend when you're just gonna completely blow me off. What the fuck kinda friends are you? The bullshit kind. You just decide I'm not good enough for your "Clique" and I'm out? You know what, that's fine, because I don't need to be friends with people like that. You dissappoint me, because I used to look up to the lot of you. At least I can say that I was honest with myself and those around me, which is more than you can say about yourselves. Thanks for being complete bitches. Way to ruin a good notion. In 10 years, you'll want to say "Oh yeah, I'm friends with Alex Ferris" as I'll be doing fucking awesome for myself, but you wont be able to say it. Because if you want to be friends with someone, you actually have to be friends with them. I've been nothing but a good person to all of you. I think I deserver the some sort of explaination or something.
Oh, and I am completely in love with this song "This Kind of Love"
First off I might have a job. I'm gonna hope yes.
Secondly, problems with James and I. I hate how our arguements go. They always start so small, and then grow into mass perportions. I say something goffy, and he takes it offensive, and I try to fix it but mess that up, and then I end up getting frustrated, and then I say shit I don't mean and it's mean.. and then he says mean things back.. and then it's just like this big conglomeration of evil words and hurt. James gets into the mood that we argue all the time, which we argue alot, specifically lately. But it's usually not too bad. I hate arguing just as much as him. It's just lack of communication in one catigory, loving on eachother. As if the distance isn't enough, or the lack of seeing eachother... I'm a really lovey person, and I love to be loved on. I like to be shown that love, and reminded of it constantly. It's not like I don't know it's there, it just makes me feel good. The love James shows to me when I'm with him is just... fucking phenominal. When he suprises me by showing up and waking me up outta bed... God it's just amazing.. He's really a great guy. What bugs me is when we are apart, I really need his love. And it's not that I just don't have it, I just don't have it in blunt obvious ways.. I dunno, kinda hard to explain I guess. I'm a love-obsessive. I just can't get enough of his love.
After this arguement, I dunno.. I'm just scared. You know, I need him with me more, not less. And if I keep pushing him, I'm just gonna drive him crazy. He doesn't understand how I need love. I can't really blame him, but I just.. I need it. I need his love, he's the person who I want it from. He's my whole world. I feel like crap for making him so crazy. I wish I wouldn't have allowed it to get that far. What drives me absolutely nuts is when I try to fix it and all he does is hang up on me and yell constantly. And he also never really admits to faults, ever. I always do. I will admit to things I do fine, but he never does. I do think he takes me for granted sometimes.. and I know that might be mean to say or something, but that I really do believe sometimes. What if something happens to me tomorrow? I bet he'd think so then. I'm not saying he takes me for granted all the time. I'm just saying the moments we share together are precious and fleeting fast, and if he knew I was going to die I bet he'd be alot more loving.
So I made this friend named Jeremy, and then he got a crush on me so I set him straight that I was with James. And then he bought me the new Sister Hazel CD and james freaked cuz he thought it meant something, but it didn't. It really didn't, it was just a CD. I made that clear with Jeremy, too. He did get a satisfation out of it, though. But it wasn't anything like James was thinking, he was glad he could get me something as a thank you for helping him through all the shit he's been going through with his Ex and stuff. Well, then he told me he fell in love with me, and so I basically just cut off him completely, but made sure he understood. I just don't have room in my heart for anyone else but James like that, and I don't want to be recieving love from someone else. The only person who I crave love like that from is James.
This is for the people who have been ignoring me lately (Like the last couple months) FUCK YOU. It's so stupid I've been upset over it, trying to be your friend when you're just gonna completely blow me off. What the fuck kinda friends are you? The bullshit kind. You just decide I'm not good enough for your "Clique" and I'm out? You know what, that's fine, because I don't need to be friends with people like that. You dissappoint me, because I used to look up to the lot of you. At least I can say that I was honest with myself and those around me, which is more than you can say about yourselves. Thanks for being complete bitches. Way to ruin a good notion. In 10 years, you'll want to say "Oh yeah, I'm friends with Alex Ferris" as I'll be doing fucking awesome for myself, but you wont be able to say it. Because if you want to be friends with someone, you actually have to be friends with them. I've been nothing but a good person to all of you. I think I deserver the some sort of explaination or something.
Oh, and I am completely in love with this song "This Kind of Love"