my...mini testimony :)
I feel like writing. I feel like telling my story. About how Jesus changed me about how much better my life has gotten in such a short period of time. I wanna tell you who I used to be. Show you what I used to do let you see how I used to feel - all the time. I want to sit here and tell you its a real MIRACLE that i'm still alive. Because honestly I believe the Lord kept me from ending what used to be a pathetic existence without him. But I don't want this to be the same story you hear every day. Ever heard of the crying clown? Well, I was the crying clown - but not by force. Violence, pride, anger, lust, depression, envy. You name it, I wanted it. I surrounded myself in darkness, in the worst way. I wanted it. Things i'm ashamed to think about...I WANTED it. I hung around people who wanted it too, I wanted to hurt. I wanted to be used, I wanted to be heart broken. Not conciously, but I wanted to be the most messed up girl anyone would ever meet. Why? I wanted the concern, I wanted the love of someone....And I settled for anyone. That's all I can say... thats the only way I can describe how I really felt. The more I messed up, the more I did wrong, the deeper I got into it - the more people tried to save me. And whenever a person tried to save me, the worse I got. Because I craved what they gave, I craved being cared about. I wanted to know that when I hurt myself, someone cared. It turns out, I didn't need a person to save me. A person COULDN'T have saved me, because whatever they did I just got worse.
Great way to start off a testimony right? Well, I guess I could have left it simple. Started with pain ended with joy right? Well, its a journey and it doesn't happen in a day. I'm not where I wanna be, but if I can look back and admit I did wrong. Admit that it was for a stupid reason. I can be forgiven. Thats the MERCY of my LORD AND SAVIOR. I messed up, and I didn't even do it on accident I did it on PURPOSE. I knew what I was doing, yet I needed this love so bad that it didn't matter to me. I would have sold my soul for a few moments of what those people gave me. That is stupid, and that is wrong. I was awful, flat out. And my God still loves me. He still forgives me. I am SO THANKFUL to Jesus for drawing me towards him. It was really by a odd set of circumstances that I found him. Which shows it was his will, he wanted me as much as I needed him.
Like I said. It's a journey. It's not over. FAR from it. I have a long way to go, I am not near where I wanna be. However...i'm HAPPY. I'm more than happy! I HAVE THE JOY OF THE LORD. And I want EVERYONE to know it. I don't need to be depressed for love, I don't need to mess up and do stupid things to be accepted. JESUS loves me. JESUS accepts me. JESUS DIED FOR MY SIN. Tell me.... give me ONE SINGLE reason that I SHOULDN'T worship him? There is nothing I will ever be able to do to repay him for what he's done for me. What he did for THE WORLD. I serve an AWESOME God. A God who can perform miracles of the mind and the body. A God who can take someone who's only aim in life was to do WHATEVER IT TOOK to be loved, and show them that the love they where getting wasn't even real. But to show them that they ARE loved. Loved by a all powerful, omnipresent, AMAZING SAVIOR.
Now the only thing I ask is that I become closer to my God. I don't think I'll ever be close enough to satisfy this hunger for him. JESUS IS MY LIFE. And that I might be able to show someone else out of the dark. That I might be a light unto the people who need it, and let them experiance the change I have had, and the change I will have.
MY WALK WITH GOD IS JUST BEGINING. AND WHEN THIS MORTAL WORLD ENDS, I'LL THANK THE LORD THAT I CAN SIT BY HIS SIDE FOR ETERNITY. I LOVE JESUS, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HE LOVES ME <3333
Great way to start off a testimony right? Well, I guess I could have left it simple. Started with pain ended with joy right? Well, its a journey and it doesn't happen in a day. I'm not where I wanna be, but if I can look back and admit I did wrong. Admit that it was for a stupid reason. I can be forgiven. Thats the MERCY of my LORD AND SAVIOR. I messed up, and I didn't even do it on accident I did it on PURPOSE. I knew what I was doing, yet I needed this love so bad that it didn't matter to me. I would have sold my soul for a few moments of what those people gave me. That is stupid, and that is wrong. I was awful, flat out. And my God still loves me. He still forgives me. I am SO THANKFUL to Jesus for drawing me towards him. It was really by a odd set of circumstances that I found him. Which shows it was his will, he wanted me as much as I needed him.
Like I said. It's a journey. It's not over. FAR from it. I have a long way to go, I am not near where I wanna be. However...i'm HAPPY. I'm more than happy! I HAVE THE JOY OF THE LORD. And I want EVERYONE to know it. I don't need to be depressed for love, I don't need to mess up and do stupid things to be accepted. JESUS loves me. JESUS accepts me. JESUS DIED FOR MY SIN. Tell me.... give me ONE SINGLE reason that I SHOULDN'T worship him? There is nothing I will ever be able to do to repay him for what he's done for me. What he did for THE WORLD. I serve an AWESOME God. A God who can perform miracles of the mind and the body. A God who can take someone who's only aim in life was to do WHATEVER IT TOOK to be loved, and show them that the love they where getting wasn't even real. But to show them that they ARE loved. Loved by a all powerful, omnipresent, AMAZING SAVIOR.
Now the only thing I ask is that I become closer to my God. I don't think I'll ever be close enough to satisfy this hunger for him. JESUS IS MY LIFE. And that I might be able to show someone else out of the dark. That I might be a light unto the people who need it, and let them experiance the change I have had, and the change I will have.
MY WALK WITH GOD IS JUST BEGINING. AND WHEN THIS MORTAL WORLD ENDS, I'LL THANK THE LORD THAT I CAN SIT BY HIS SIDE FOR ETERNITY. I LOVE JESUS, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? HE LOVES ME <3333