Trying to get away from my demons
I tried to cut my wrists, but some of the blood got on my pants and I totally freaked. Needless to say they're ruined. <--- yo the F*&K EMO song. It's a good song, kind of vulgar though.
Well i'll start with the begining of these two weeks in the devils liar. Meaning I hated them.
Last Saterday - Extreme Thing. I went there. I crowd surfed. I moshed. It smelled like weed everywhere. My friends said I got this huge second hand high cuz my eyes where hella bloodshot but i didn't feel it so - whatever. I got messed up in that mosh pit too. But I hurt some other people pretty badly which made me feel, instead of better that i got injured, guilty. Megan stopped breathing in the mosh and we had to crowd surf her out. We actually had to get everyone out. Yea it was really bad, but I can't decide if I loved it or hated it. Because afterwords everyone said I was like the hardest harcore christian they know so yea.
Uh, that entire week I had a HORRIBLE sunburn. IT HURT SO BAD. You never realize how agressivly people hug you until you can feel every touch with excrutiating pain.
That week I worked on the play a little. It was fun. The people back there are cool. Except for two people who where just so rude i couldn't understand it. and since i don't like them I have no thought about putting their names on here. Except I don't know their names. Lizz I think ones is. The girl who was comforting Racheal... and then a chick named Monica.
After we worked on the play, I saw it friday afternoon. It was REALLY GOOD. lol. I was laughing the whole time though, because people I saw backstage that where all happy and you know jumpy suddenly on the stage got REALLY serious. They're just good actors because I would have thought they where always all serious if I hadn't been backstage beforehand. Also when Herb picked up the gun to shoot Micheal(<--SP?) my friend leans over and goes "typical, the only black guy in the play gets a gun"
I was trying not to crack up so hard.
It was a really good play.
So then I went to Zulma's all weekend for her b-day, which means I missed church.
It was fun though, at the end i think she was pissed off at me but she didn't say anything so I was just like...she'd tell me is she was really mad she'd be like "get out of my house".
Then we had a debate about God and the Bible and all that. I am not a model christian person, I am not someone I would want to debate about Jesus but I don't know. People keep asking me questions and I try to answer them the best I can but sometimes the questions make sense and i'm just like..."I don't know...i'd like the answer to that one too because it does sound kind of messed up" I AM NOT A PREACHER. Why do people choose to talk to me about God? I really wish I could give them, like Pastor Thomas or Brian's numbers and be like...just call this guy he'll talk to you. But then I know they won't call and I want them to know at very very very least what I know.
-sigh- I just need to study up so maybe I can help them.
After that weekend I went back to school. Nothing major happened. Bible Club on wednesday was fun . We talked about forgivness and all that. It kind of makes me feel bad though, I mean - I haven't even been baptised yet. I'm always just like, "What am I waiting for?" I don't know what i'm putting it off for. I mean I could do it anytime, my mom wants to be there but she's the last person i'd want there. I don't know...another reason why I shouldn't be talking to people about religion.
Then the week went by, I was desperately waiting for friday because I felt/feel so depressed I needed to go to church, but of course when I really need to go my mom says no. I ended up having to go to the Mini Grand Prix for my seven year old nephews birthday party. It was miserable. But it was nice that he had fun. I never get anything for my birthdays so yea. Not even a present this year (when i turned 15).
Whatever.
If I can't go to church sunday, I'll die.
Well i'll start with the begining of these two weeks in the devils liar. Meaning I hated them.
Last Saterday - Extreme Thing. I went there. I crowd surfed. I moshed. It smelled like weed everywhere. My friends said I got this huge second hand high cuz my eyes where hella bloodshot but i didn't feel it so - whatever. I got messed up in that mosh pit too. But I hurt some other people pretty badly which made me feel, instead of better that i got injured, guilty. Megan stopped breathing in the mosh and we had to crowd surf her out. We actually had to get everyone out. Yea it was really bad, but I can't decide if I loved it or hated it. Because afterwords everyone said I was like the hardest harcore christian they know so yea.
Uh, that entire week I had a HORRIBLE sunburn. IT HURT SO BAD. You never realize how agressivly people hug you until you can feel every touch with excrutiating pain.
That week I worked on the play a little. It was fun. The people back there are cool. Except for two people who where just so rude i couldn't understand it. and since i don't like them I have no thought about putting their names on here. Except I don't know their names. Lizz I think ones is. The girl who was comforting Racheal... and then a chick named Monica.
After we worked on the play, I saw it friday afternoon. It was REALLY GOOD. lol. I was laughing the whole time though, because people I saw backstage that where all happy and you know jumpy suddenly on the stage got REALLY serious. They're just good actors because I would have thought they where always all serious if I hadn't been backstage beforehand. Also when Herb picked up the gun to shoot Micheal(<--SP?) my friend leans over and goes "typical, the only black guy in the play gets a gun"
I was trying not to crack up so hard.
It was a really good play.
So then I went to Zulma's all weekend for her b-day, which means I missed church.
It was fun though, at the end i think she was pissed off at me but she didn't say anything so I was just like...she'd tell me is she was really mad she'd be like "get out of my house".
Then we had a debate about God and the Bible and all that. I am not a model christian person, I am not someone I would want to debate about Jesus but I don't know. People keep asking me questions and I try to answer them the best I can but sometimes the questions make sense and i'm just like..."I don't know...i'd like the answer to that one too because it does sound kind of messed up" I AM NOT A PREACHER. Why do people choose to talk to me about God? I really wish I could give them, like Pastor Thomas or Brian's numbers and be like...just call this guy he'll talk to you. But then I know they won't call and I want them to know at very very very least what I know.
-sigh- I just need to study up so maybe I can help them.
After that weekend I went back to school. Nothing major happened. Bible Club on wednesday was fun . We talked about forgivness and all that. It kind of makes me feel bad though, I mean - I haven't even been baptised yet. I'm always just like, "What am I waiting for?" I don't know what i'm putting it off for. I mean I could do it anytime, my mom wants to be there but she's the last person i'd want there. I don't know...another reason why I shouldn't be talking to people about religion.
Then the week went by, I was desperately waiting for friday because I felt/feel so depressed I needed to go to church, but of course when I really need to go my mom says no. I ended up having to go to the Mini Grand Prix for my seven year old nephews birthday party. It was miserable. But it was nice that he had fun. I never get anything for my birthdays so yea. Not even a present this year (when i turned 15).
Whatever.
If I can't go to church sunday, I'll die.