(no subject)
i almost feel like crying..
i think mine and zax friend ship is over.. it started when he was complaining about laura and how he got so embarrassed in front of her today and stuff..something triggered and i thought to yself " dude im so sick of hearing this" if he only knew how much i cared about him..i listened to his bullshit long enough and im sick of it..he wont do anything to get with her so im sick of hearing it..i want them to be together because i want him to be happy .. but damn it..enough complaining already.. its like he uses me to vent out how he feels beause he has no one else he can trust..maybe becasue i dont go to his scool so like i cant tell anyone he knows..and he also uses me to pass the time while waiting on her to call.. which i delt with for awhile.. but i have delt with this for a year..and i just cant take it anyore..i wish i didnt care about people so much...i always get heart broken..i loved him so much..and it makes me sick to sit and wonder what goes on in his head..*sheds a couple tears and thinks " everyopne i have ever truely cared about only uses me to their advantage"* maybe i deserve being treated like that..i dont know..all i know is..guys always live up to their names..ASSHOLES.. and thats okay..
well i just got home when i had called "aSsHoLe" and i had went with my sister_n_ law to by some preasants ..i bought mom a few things for hristmas..and dedra a stuffed teddy bear ...all in all my toatal was about 70 bucks,.. i have alot more left though..
i feel like dedra dosent understand how much she means to me.. she is the best person in the world.. i wish someone cared about me the way i care for them..its only a select few that i have cared for like i did zach and like i do dedra..i keep asking myself what i did to deserve to get slapped in the face with rejection or "yeah i care about you" but i just dont feel like they do..every time i pour out my heart...
"i live in a cemetary ..i need a change.."
i think mine and zax friend ship is over.. it started when he was complaining about laura and how he got so embarrassed in front of her today and stuff..something triggered and i thought to yself " dude im so sick of hearing this" if he only knew how much i cared about him..i listened to his bullshit long enough and im sick of it..he wont do anything to get with her so im sick of hearing it..i want them to be together because i want him to be happy .. but damn it..enough complaining already.. its like he uses me to vent out how he feels beause he has no one else he can trust..maybe becasue i dont go to his scool so like i cant tell anyone he knows..and he also uses me to pass the time while waiting on her to call.. which i delt with for awhile.. but i have delt with this for a year..and i just cant take it anyore..i wish i didnt care about people so much...i always get heart broken..i loved him so much..and it makes me sick to sit and wonder what goes on in his head..*sheds a couple tears and thinks " everyopne i have ever truely cared about only uses me to their advantage"* maybe i deserve being treated like that..i dont know..all i know is..guys always live up to their names..ASSHOLES.. and thats okay..
well i just got home when i had called "aSsHoLe" and i had went with my sister_n_ law to by some preasants ..i bought mom a few things for hristmas..and dedra a stuffed teddy bear ...all in all my toatal was about 70 bucks,.. i have alot more left though..
i feel like dedra dosent understand how much she means to me.. she is the best person in the world.. i wish someone cared about me the way i care for them..its only a select few that i have cared for like i did zach and like i do dedra..i keep asking myself what i did to deserve to get slapped in the face with rejection or "yeah i care about you" but i just dont feel like they do..every time i pour out my heart...
"i live in a cemetary ..i need a change.."