Dealing with Grief
I think I need to get this off my chest as grief has been constantly companion for the last few days.
I recently lost my precious tabby grey cat named Maine. He was male cat who was a tad smaller than regular domestic short haired cats. I had him since the COVID pandemic. He was healthy, but he loved to roam around but not too far away since he was a little hesitant unlike my other cats. However, he met an accident two days ago, which not only broke my heart but my spirit.
I know, that sometimes, as pet owners we cannot help to have 1 or 2 favorites. We may love them all, but sometimes, a one or two can stand out from the rest. This was my lil boy Maine. He was sweet and would cuddle on your lap or by your side. He would instantly appear when you call him and love staying by the windows. He had routines which in the past few days I greatly affected my daily life. I would wait on the window for him. Look at the areas hoping to find him napping there. Or at my feet waiting to be fed. I would go outside and call him knowing full well he will never be back.
For the past two days, I wished that it was all just a bad dream. For the past days I wished I have done something differently to avoid his death at all cost. But then my mom, who too was really sad, said that maybe it was his time. And in all cases, there is nothing we can do about it. No matter how much we try to deter it, death is something that will happened if not now, later. But I just wished I had more time with him, he was too young to die.
However, this is the fragile reality of loving pets just like human beings, there is an end to life. Yet, unlike humans, their lives are shorter so whatever attachment you have, whatever strong bond you have, once they pass away, it will shatter your core.
I guess having taken care of cats over the years, my own heart has never been full, it has broken up and is never the same. Sometimes, my dark thoughts want to just end it all. But I constantly think of my remaining pets who still need me. People have different ways to anchor themselves to life. These are my pets then my family.
I mourn deeply for Maine, I will forever, for the cats and dogs that have come and go into my life. But I am truly grateful to have spent couple of years with him. In good and bad days.
For those who have lost a beloved pet like me, allow yourself to cry. To grief. To shout and to yell. Let it all out. Talk to others. Then cherish the great memories.
It is painful. It hurts like hell. You will blame yourself for not being able to do anything better.
But in the end, this is how it is.
In loving memory of my two cats.
Binx - May 2024
Maine - September 2024