Don't read this It's just me bitching about stuff
Well I've decided I want to fast forward through my senior year because all it can really amount to is a bunch of worhtless drama from people around me and something to pass the time. I was thinking the other day about the last 11 years of my life and how although yes I have learned quite a bit going through school, nothing was worthwhile. There are few things that I have retained that I feel where worth my time and these came from classes that I chose to take or where from Advanced classes, nothign else is worth a damn. People say that the point of the first 12 years of school is so that you will learn how to teach yourself, well I may just be arrogant but I think I've done a pretty good job of this being that for the most part, I have taught myself what I know about recording and the little bit about film. Sure I have picked stuff up from other people but that was on my own free time and because I was as persistant as possible about learning which I guess in the end is in a way me teaching myself.
I think I'm just having one of those days, I've been working really hard at becoming a recording engineer and have worked really hard to get "into the buisness" or something and I guess I have to a degree but for all the time and effort I've put into various albums I still have nothing to show of it, the rough mixes that are out there are rather embaressing for me and we haven't gotten to the mixing stage of anything, which is the fun part for me. I also haven't really been working with bands that I like, Kyle Daniels music is good and I respect it but it's too much of a "Scrap book" if you will of what he himself can do, there's none of that band collective going and I've been workign with him for 11 months now and we have 1 almost completed song... I think one of the major things holding me back from getting a recording job is the fact that I have nothing solid to my name and that's why I have to do things like work for my step dad as a carpenter to be able to pay back some of my studio debt or keep my new car running (a 95 Jag). I do enjoy carpentry work though but what I'm doing right now is draining, I'm not doing any real work, my main job is to clean the sight, assist on the tear outs and un package cabinents as we pull them in or be there to hand tools out to the carpenters. It makes the time I'm working just drag by and although I'm off work by 4 in the afternoon so I do have my evening to spend with friends I still can't do as much as I would like being that I pretty much have to be in bed by 10:30 or so because I still need a ton of sleep from the mono era and I ahve to wake up at 6 am if I wan't to be to work on time and showered and have my lunch made. I do only have one more official week there, I just hope I don't have to work much after vacation because it is a huge drainer on me. And another one is half of thise week my evenings are going to be spent recording "vocals" with DTS which is a huge waste of my time. I was invited to intern up at Firebrand this week but can't due to all these things.
And I'm still single, I have been for over a year now which at times isn't so bad but on days like today I could really used someone to connect with being that the only friend of mine I could really talk to about anything like this is Steve just becuase he's the only one who is not a dick about emotions and such. It seems like I must of de evolved in the way I handle girls, not that I was ever great at meeting them I just have been so unsuccesful it's made me worse. The last chick I've really had a thing for never returned my calls and then someone who I thought was my best friend decided he was goign to go after her, he didn't succeed either but me being who I am backed off and haven't talked to her for 2 months just because anytime a friend expresses intrested in someone I'm interested in I back off. See the problem is I have days like today where I feel helpless and I then the next day decide I wan't to find a chick I connect with or whatever but then I get really buisy and decide that it's not worth my time or energy (and inevitably money, which runs short for me)because of how much I work and how much I wan't to succeed in recording and such. I dunno, I also haven't hooked up with anyone for a long time because I have a tendancy to get emotionally attatched and the chicks I wouldn't mind being attatched to allways have someone else they are interested in and all that typical bullshit. Why the fuck am I even typing this, no one who reads this will probally care being that there are only 2 or 3 of you out there these days.
Well one more thing to bitch about just to get it off my chest, I don't even remember if I have bitched about it yet but I basically feel detached from all of my friends. Mick and I where really tight all school year but he's been sorta a dick to me or just used me to get into the studio recently (at least that's what it has seemed like) which seems to be his hanging out with Caleb a lot who has decided he no longer likes me or some shit. Something about my personality is to overbearing for him and he things I'm a little bitch. Kerim has been sketchy as fuck recently and has just stopped talking to me like everyone else, Jeremy is working constantly and is typically tight when I see him, if his girlfriend isn't around, then he's either a dick or so wrapped up in trying to avoid the fact that she cheats on him almost everyday she doesn't see him and he has just chosen to pretend it doesn't happen. And then I just haven't seen Jackson much recently mainly because I've been busy I guess. All my random school friends are just that, school friends I rarely see them just because I've never been close to any of them or anything and we usually only hang out at parties. The only friend I've been hanging out recently is Steve who is one of the few people who may read this, he's the only friend who isn't being a dousche bag and isn't so wrapped up in his girlfriend to cut me out, oh an we are working on our top secret live techno project.
Well I guess I'm done bitching for now.
I think I'm just having one of those days, I've been working really hard at becoming a recording engineer and have worked really hard to get "into the buisness" or something and I guess I have to a degree but for all the time and effort I've put into various albums I still have nothing to show of it, the rough mixes that are out there are rather embaressing for me and we haven't gotten to the mixing stage of anything, which is the fun part for me. I also haven't really been working with bands that I like, Kyle Daniels music is good and I respect it but it's too much of a "Scrap book" if you will of what he himself can do, there's none of that band collective going and I've been workign with him for 11 months now and we have 1 almost completed song... I think one of the major things holding me back from getting a recording job is the fact that I have nothing solid to my name and that's why I have to do things like work for my step dad as a carpenter to be able to pay back some of my studio debt or keep my new car running (a 95 Jag). I do enjoy carpentry work though but what I'm doing right now is draining, I'm not doing any real work, my main job is to clean the sight, assist on the tear outs and un package cabinents as we pull them in or be there to hand tools out to the carpenters. It makes the time I'm working just drag by and although I'm off work by 4 in the afternoon so I do have my evening to spend with friends I still can't do as much as I would like being that I pretty much have to be in bed by 10:30 or so because I still need a ton of sleep from the mono era and I ahve to wake up at 6 am if I wan't to be to work on time and showered and have my lunch made. I do only have one more official week there, I just hope I don't have to work much after vacation because it is a huge drainer on me. And another one is half of thise week my evenings are going to be spent recording "vocals" with DTS which is a huge waste of my time. I was invited to intern up at Firebrand this week but can't due to all these things.
And I'm still single, I have been for over a year now which at times isn't so bad but on days like today I could really used someone to connect with being that the only friend of mine I could really talk to about anything like this is Steve just becuase he's the only one who is not a dick about emotions and such. It seems like I must of de evolved in the way I handle girls, not that I was ever great at meeting them I just have been so unsuccesful it's made me worse. The last chick I've really had a thing for never returned my calls and then someone who I thought was my best friend decided he was goign to go after her, he didn't succeed either but me being who I am backed off and haven't talked to her for 2 months just because anytime a friend expresses intrested in someone I'm interested in I back off. See the problem is I have days like today where I feel helpless and I then the next day decide I wan't to find a chick I connect with or whatever but then I get really buisy and decide that it's not worth my time or energy (and inevitably money, which runs short for me)because of how much I work and how much I wan't to succeed in recording and such. I dunno, I also haven't hooked up with anyone for a long time because I have a tendancy to get emotionally attatched and the chicks I wouldn't mind being attatched to allways have someone else they are interested in and all that typical bullshit. Why the fuck am I even typing this, no one who reads this will probally care being that there are only 2 or 3 of you out there these days.
Well one more thing to bitch about just to get it off my chest, I don't even remember if I have bitched about it yet but I basically feel detached from all of my friends. Mick and I where really tight all school year but he's been sorta a dick to me or just used me to get into the studio recently (at least that's what it has seemed like) which seems to be his hanging out with Caleb a lot who has decided he no longer likes me or some shit. Something about my personality is to overbearing for him and he things I'm a little bitch. Kerim has been sketchy as fuck recently and has just stopped talking to me like everyone else, Jeremy is working constantly and is typically tight when I see him, if his girlfriend isn't around, then he's either a dick or so wrapped up in trying to avoid the fact that she cheats on him almost everyday she doesn't see him and he has just chosen to pretend it doesn't happen. And then I just haven't seen Jackson much recently mainly because I've been busy I guess. All my random school friends are just that, school friends I rarely see them just because I've never been close to any of them or anything and we usually only hang out at parties. The only friend I've been hanging out recently is Steve who is one of the few people who may read this, he's the only friend who isn't being a dousche bag and isn't so wrapped up in his girlfriend to cut me out, oh an we are working on our top secret live techno project.
Well I guess I'm done bitching for now.