What Time Forgot Ch 1-2
My series on Daniel and Vala in Unending. Chapter 1 and 2 are old, but I can't post 3 without them. Meh.
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate. I did not invent Stargate. Nothing is mine. I do this for fun only.
Author's Notes: I never said i was a great writer. i just like to do it.
Beginnings
“What are you doing?” Daniel turns toward her. He can’t believe she is doing this now. Why couldn’t she let a moment be? Why did she always have to play her stupid games?
“Something we should have done along time ago.” She walks toward him and her hands start to undo his belt.
“Don’t do that.” His hands move towards hers, but he doesn’t stop her at first. He is in awe of her absolute lack of maturity right now. He had been trying to have a serious moment. To lay out a little of what he was thinking to her because they had gotten closer over the year. But no, not with Vala. She couldn’t let it be and the fact that she was trying to play this now, when he was actually letting her in to his world for once, was complete disrespect.
“Why not?” She sort of laughs as if it was such a silly question. She can’t see them not going through with this. It is the perfect moment to seize what she has always known was there. She thought he could see that too.
He pulls her hand up away from his pants and throws them back, making her stumble back a bit. He turns around, leaving her staring at him in disbelief. But he doesn’t care. He is tired of being on the ship, he is tired of fighting to save something no one else seems to care about and he is in no mood for her to make something fun out of him.
“We’ve been here three months Daniel. Three…months!” And then a thought hits her. Did he? Surely not Daniel, but this isn’t the first time she has tried to start something and it isn’t the first time he has pushed her away. “You do like girls?"
“Yes!” Oh, here she goes. If he doesn’t want her than something has to be wrong. Of course not wanting to have sex with someone like her meant he was gay. The idea that she could even think that after how much time they had been forced to spend together was absurd. That shows him just how well she really doesn’t understand him.
She smiles, glad that that is out of the way. But then what is wrong with him? “Well, I don’t see many other options around here, do you?”
He only folds his arms and makes that face of his that tells her he doesn’t think of her as an option.
“Unless…you really…don’t find me attractive.” Could he really think that? She knows she has a self-inflated image of herself, but there has been moments between them when she could swear he showed her there was a mutual attraction. He is always the first to try and console her, doesn’t that mean something? It does to her. It means the world to her and now he is saying, no…there is nothing between them?
“You want an honest answer to that question?”
He says it in just a way that makes her entire body turn cold. The answer is obvious. He hasn’t said no, he hasn’t taken her in his arms and said of course he does. He asks her if she really wants to know, which means she isn’t going to like his answer. And that suddenly makes her feel very vulnerable. She feels like running out of the room. Anything that is going to keep Daniel from saying what she fears. “No.” She turns and picks up her shirt quickly. She wants out of this conversation so badly and she knows she is about to get a truth she doesn’t think she can handle.
“No seriously, you started this. Do you want an honest answer to the question?” He approachs her, corners her. If she wants to play the sex card on him he is going to let her know exactly once and for all that it is never going to happen.
“No, don’t worry about it.” She smiles, and tries to do anything to build up that wall as quick as she can. She can't let him get to her. She has to keep it playful. She can’t let him see her like this, but she does feel it boiling beneath her skin. An overwhelming ache that she has seriously tried with him and he has rejected her.
“Do you believe that I could have any kind of serious feelings for you?” The idea is senseless. Has she not been paying attention the last two years? If she couldn’t tell by his demeanor he had actually verbally told her how much she annoyed him. So how could she stand here and think that? She can’t. This has nothing to do with feelings and everything to do with her own amusement.
She turns toward him. Does he think she wants them to exchange the “L” word? “I wasn’t suggesting you have serious feelings, Daniel.”
“Oh, oh-what so we just sleep together once? Than what? We work together! You know even saying that part out loud sounds unbelievable.” He laughs, thinking of when he was her hostage. And now, now they were co-workers. She had shot him, kicked his ass and jeopardized an entire crew and yes that was then, but how could any relationship that started like that even exist? It's funny, actually. “Come on!” He motions to her, almost as if giving her a cue to agree with him and laugh at her own ludicrousness. “I mean I can’t even imagine what-what a relationship with you would be like?” Now, it's getting down right hilarious. He’d kill her. That’s all he can imagine anything between them coming to.
She turns as he speaks, no longer able to hold that smile for him. She sits down on the bed and now that he can’t see, her smile disappears. She feels the first hot tears run down her cheeks. She has been berated by Daniel before, but this is different. This is him laughing and making fun and not just at the thought of him and her, but of any guy seeing in her what she had hoped Daniel had learned to see.
“I mean, yes, yes you have proven yourself to be trustworthy on a professional level and for that I am very proud of you, but on a personal level? Vala, come on give me a break!”
She can hardly listen anymore. She has had more than her take on what he really thinks of her. She wants to tell him that is enough, but she is afraid that if she moves her lips then she won’t be able to stop them from quivering. She wants to leave, but she feels weak in her knees. No, she is going to sit and listen and if he doesn’t see her face or see her falter than maybe he will never know how broken he has just made her.
“I mean at best you’re an emotional unstable wreck. And I’m not saying I’m much better. I’m not saying I’m much better. There was a time when I thought I would never…get over my wife. I mean the idea of…” he sighs, letting a little of the momentum he has been building fade and sounding a little calmer he finishes his thought “getting hurt that way again. But I have finally gotten to a place. I’ve finally for the first time in a long time have gotten to a place where I actually feel I could get close to somebody again.” His hands wave fiercely through the air as he speaks, accenting every word and thought. He had let up for a moment, but here he raises his voice again. “But not in a million years, a million, million years would I ever possible consider that person being you!”
She closes her eyes as he speaks that last sentence and finds herself fighting something she can’t hold in anymore. How can she have been se wrong? How could she have seen a chance at something, wanted something that repulses him so much. There is no hiding now, there is no wall to hide behind left. When he finishes he will see and she wonders if he will even care.
“I mean we are so completely opposite and wrong for each other it's not even funny! And the worst part! The worst part about that is you know that. And this whole flirty sexual thing-” He gestures toward his chest. “-that you do that’s just your way of having a laugh at my expense.” There he had said it, what they both know. This isn’t really about what she made it look like she wanted. It's for a joke. It is her crazy way of putting herself in his face just asking for him to fight with her. “So I’m so sorry I’m not more appreciative of that and I am so sorry that you’re bored! But don’t you pretend its anything else!” He stares at her back for a second, waiting to see if she is going to push this further, but she doesn’t. She only slightly nodds. He turns away from her, so angry with her for doing this yet again.
For her part, Vala has never felt like this in her entire life. So open and so crushed, she never in a million years, even with all their arguments and little tangles, thought he would ever make her feel like this. Cheap and worthless is what she is to him. Never had any man made her feel like this before. And if any had she could have shrugged it off. But not Daniel. Not her Daniel.
She wipes the tears that are falling down her chin and lets out a quick sniffle.
Daniel turns at the sound, annoyed. Here they go. Some sob story of how she wasn’t always like this. A lie, to make him feel bad. Well, not this time. She has played that card once. Besides she did ask for it and he dished it out. “Don’t act like your hurt.”
Act? She wishes she could. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even think she can form words right now. She just pulls her shirt over her head, suddenly feeling very bare in front of him in more ways than one.
Her silence catches him off guard. No laugh, no smile, no little speech about how he must think he has some enlarged worth within her for that to make a dent. She would usually turn something like that back on him, but she doesn’t. He turns to look at her and suddenly the extent of what he has just done hits him. Did he hurt her? No. No! He can’t have? Could he? He walks over to her trying to think of some stupid something to say that might comfort her.
He sits on the bed facing her, but she turns away. He just stares at the back of her head stunned. He has done something. What exactly he doesn’t know, but suddenly he is very angry at himself. Vala is a lot of things, but maybe…maybe even for her that had been too much.
She won’t let him see her like this. He has made it perfectly clear where she stands and since she obviously means nothing he is no longer allowed to see this side of her ever again. She pulls her sleeves down where they are bunched at her elbows, maybe to do something normal, maybe because she doesn’t want him to see her hands shaking.
“Hey.” He moves his hand to touch her back, to get her to turn toward him.
The faint touch of his hand, which just moments ago she would have gladly invited, now sends chills through her. It is pity, and after what he has just said he is the last one she wants pity from. Still his touch breaks what little will she has left and her hands cover her face as she breaks down completely. “Just give me a minute.”
He is completely thrown back. All he can think is why the hell did he let himself say those things? Okay, he truly meant some of those things, but he never intended to make her cry. Why out of every time they had gotten into it, what is different now? She never really takes anything he says to heart. That was Vala. So what is different? Had she actually thought…no! She couldn’t. They would never…she would never. Right? “Look at me.” If he can just see her eyes. He has learned to read her that way, usually to see if she was lying. He knows she isn’t now. She wouldn’t go this far, unless he had actually hurt her. What he needs to see, what he has to see is if there is something there for her.
She shakes her head. She doesn’t want to look at him. She wants to preserve whatever dignity she has left and if she looks at him, if he looks at her with that concerned crinkle right between his eyes then that is going to be it.
He pulls her hair back away from her face. Not wanting to push or pry, but there is a strange urgency within him to confirm what he already knows. She feels something for him? Since when? Since how? Suddenly what he thought he knew is turned upside down. Everything is different. He had said those things knowing he is just a game as always. He had meant it, he is pretty sure he had meant it. He feels bad, but come on…him and her…it’s…it's crazy. He doesn’t feel like that. He doesn’t think he feels like that. Oh, God does he feel that way for her? Suddenly knowing someone has feelings for him makes him feel strange. Or is it not someone, but because she feels for him? He is having trouble thinking clearly at the moment.
Finally her hands fall from her face and she raises her head. She wipes at her nose and looks straight in front of her. She turns just for a moment to look at him, to make him happy she supposes. To let him see the extent of what beating her down has done and then she looks back ahead.
She closes her eyes, but still he sees it in her in that moment, plain as day and right in front of him. She had seriously meant something and he had just stepped all over her. He secretly curses his pride for letting him go off on her like that.He puts his hand softly on her cheek and pulls her head so she has to look at him again. This isn’t for her anymore, it’s for him. He needs to look at her. Really look at her and see if he does in fact, if he can in fact feel that way. He has been alone so long he has forgotten what it was like. And looking back he can see moments where he should have paid more attention to her. He can see she has shown him how she has made it to this point. How her feelings have grown for him. And looking back he suddenly realizes how blind he is. Does he love her? No, not in that way, but he can. With her sitting right in front of him suffering from bearing her soul and being rejected. He loves her for that. And that is a start. It could turn into something real, something deep. It could be something he has yearned for for so long. It was true, never in a million years would he consider this with her. But something inside him is thinking otherwise.
He lets his thumb graze her cheek and suddenly he feels an attraction, a tug to her. It’s no longer anger at himself or sadness that she is hurt. It’s canon and it is natural. He remembers this.
He pulls her toward him and kisses her, softly at first and then a little deeper. It feels right and it feels good. The kiss was turning what he thought impossible into reality. It’s one moment that is suddenly feeding a need to know her more in every way possible.
Vala falls into it with him. She can’t even think at all. What has just happened? Why is he kissing her? Wait, she doesn’t care.
They pull apart slowly. With her eyes still closed she feels breathless. She has kissed many men, mostly to get something from them, but this is different. She had felt it. It wasn’t just her kissing him, he had kissed her and not just kissed her. He had really kissed her. Like a man who knew how to kiss her. As if every other kiss in her entire life has never meant something like this one did. She suddenly knows what Scarlett felt in that overly long and boring movie Gone with the whatever when that hot man had said something about being kissed and by someone who knew how. Daniel knows how and now all she needs is for him to keep doing it.
As Daniel pulls back he can’t help, but smile. It isn’t like what he thought kissing Vala would be like. It wasn’t harsh and superficial. It wasn’t something to get sex or an involuntary thing to do with sex. He has been wrong about her in so many ways. The kiss had been like coming home. As if she has been waiting for him all along. She feels for him and now in turn he realizes he could love her like that and he wants to. “You better not be messin’ with me.” And for the first time since Sha’re he knows he can let himself love someone again. This of course is slightly scary. Vala now holds a way to really hurt him and he is asking her not to. She responds by kissing him again. At this the rest of his thoughts and worries fall behind a deep need for someone. And not just anyone, but for her.
Everything else seems to fade away for her as well. His words don’t matter anymore. Someone had once told her actions speak louder than words. Well, whatever he is doing he is damn near screaming at her.
They fall back onto his bed kissing each other deeper with each passing second. They don’t know what it means and where it puts them exactly. They can talk about that later, but they both have a feeling this is going to be something big. Most relationships have that feeling, but it only takes one to do it and win in the end. It has been a long time, but Daniel has that feeling again. He wants to win.
Rating: Pg-13
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate. I did not invent Stargate. I just like to play with it.
Author's Note: I never said I was a great writer. I just like to do it.
Comfortable
He doesn’t know if it’s early or if he just can’t sleep. Living in space meant no light came through any windows. So you usually had no idea what part of the day it actually was without a clock. He had a clock on his wall, but his glasses are out of reach on the nightstand due to someone sleeping next to him.
He is still in awe over what had changed from yesterday to today. Yesterday had been normal and routine, the same sickening routine that had taken over all of their lives of late. And then she had come to ask him something. He can’t even remember what now, but hearing something in his voice she had asked if he was all right. Next thing he knew she was sitting on his bed while he spilled out his frustrations. He had had no idea how that night would end. And now here they were, her legs intertwining with his and a mess of raven hair all over his pillow. Not to mention a lack of feeling in his thighs and dare he say, a feeling of contentment? But he is, strangely. How did this woman beside him…this crazy woman who could send him to his wits end make him feel like this?
His head turns to look at her. Her head fits nicely against his shoulder and chest. He leans in and kisses her forehead as gently as possible so not to wake her. He smiles at a very different Vala he has only seen a couple of times. Vala always worries about looking nice and what is beside him was a mess of hair. Still, she is beautiful. A part of him can’t even fully comprehend what she sees in him. Well, a part of him can’t fully comprehend what he now sees in her, but he figures if what he feels now is any indication, that part of him won’t be there much longer.
She is indescribably different and he is ‘for lack of a better term’ a book geek. Still, here they are in his bed and for once he doesn’t want her to leave. He suddenly misses the sunlight more than ever. He wishes he could look at her with light coming through his window and watch her sleeping against him. That would be too normal for them, he guesses.
He kisses her softly once more before letting his head fall back onto the pillow and closing his eyes. Immediately the night before runs through his mind. The things he had said to her, and how he had hurt her, are things he wished he could take back. Of course, he knows they wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t of seen her so broken and he had been the one doing the breaking. He was a little surprised she hadn’t brought that up later between tumbles, but then again he knows he is going to have to be the one to say they need to talk about that. That’s Vala. She’s good at protecting herself and he knows even though things have changed between them, her need to keep any hurt bottled up will not. They will talk, because if this was going to go anywhere and really turn into something then they couldn’t leave that loose end hanging. Even if it has worked out for something better.
It worked out for something much better, to be exact. Okay, yes as a man going all the way with any woman there’s a physical effect, but he wasn’t prepared for what Vala made him feel. Something he has only felt before with his wife. He can’t explain it exactly, but there is this feeling with certain women that the next morning or some morning she or he would leave and that would be it. He doesn’t feel that with Vala. Yes, they are so different and somewhere deep down he knows there is an absence of a voice that should be telling him how absurd this all is. But thinking back on last night he feels it had been natural for them. As if everything has been leading up to it and neither of them had seen it coming.
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“Daniel, if I had known it was going to be like that I would have skipped all that cat and mouse crap and just mounted you.”
He laughed despite still trying to catch his breath and pulled her closer to him.
She smiled seductively at him and then let her head rest on his chest. “So…does this count as a second date?”
“I think we just skipped the first couple of dates altogether.” One of his arms slinked beneath her naked body and curled around her back so that he could hold her.
“Fine by me. Never liked dating anyway. It’s not as fun as this part. And no matter what you say Daniel, interrupted or not, our dinner was a date.”
“If you say so.”
With that she pinched his side playfully.
“Ow! Okay, okay it was a date.” He turned slightly so that they were facing each other. “ To tell you the truth I don’t care.” He took his free hand and brushed her hair away from her face. “I don’t have anything to hide anymore.” Back then he had cared about what his teammates thought about him and Vala. Now he didn’t care. And if subconsciously he hadn’t realized his feelings for her before now, maybe it did count as a date. It just didn’t matter anymore. He pulled her to him a little more, embracing the feeling of having that warm body beside him.
Vala only stayed like that for a moment before she lifted herself up. She had to look down at him now and her hair cascaded down in such a way that he found himself completely taken in by her.
“Daniel, can I ask you a question?”
“You always scare me when you ask if you can ask a question and since I know you’re going to ask it anyway, yes.”
She took a moment before she spoke. Studying his eyes. “Are you sure about this? If you are going to regret this later…”
He put a finger to her mouth to quiet her. “I don’t…regret this.”
She smiled softly, that typical Vala smile he had come to know meant she was showing him something she wasn’t sure she should be. He brushed her hair again, this time behind her shoulders and let his hand slide behind her neck and pull her down to kiss him. Their lips met with a fiery appetite that he hoped would answer any questions as to how he felt. When they parted she kept her eyes closed for a moment and giggled.
“Good, then it’s my turn.”
“Your turn?”
“Uh-huh.”
“To do what?”
She lifted herself up and flung a leg over him so that she was straddling his upper thighs. “To show you what none of those silly books of yours will ever teach you…though usually this works better with a whip...”
Daniel put a finger up to her lips to quiet her. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.” He understood this is who she had been for a long time. Learning that she didn’t have to be that way with him anymore would take her awhile.
Vala’s smile faltered for a moment. “I didn’t mean to-”
Daniel put his finger up to her lips again. “I know.” He placed his hands on her hips and lifted her to his side. He turned and raised himself up so that he was above her. He took one of his hands and lets his fingers caress her cheek. “I’m right here. You don’t have to do that anymore.” He bent his head low and kissed her deep and hard. Their arms wrapped around each other as they both felt the familiar burn in the pit of their stomachs.
For once she let him lead.
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They were drifting to sleep. They both knew it from the lack of talking from both of them. They were wiped out and it was pretty late or pretty early depending on how you wanted to look at it.
“Daniel?”
“Hmm?”
“Should we tell the others?”
“Eventually.”
She was quiet a moment before she continued.
“Daniel?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think they will be able to tell…you know…without our telling?”
“Eventually.”
He felt her sigh beside him and then she went silent. He was almost asleep when she spoke out again.
“Daniel?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you asleep?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to go?”
He opened his eyes at this and pulled her closer to him. “Never.”
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He feels her move beside him and he is pulled out of his thoughts. She opens one eye, looks at him, closes it and then snuggles closer to him.
“Good morning,” she mumbles into his chest.
“Morning.”
“How long have you been awake?”
“Not long.”
“You’re not one of those men that stares at girls while they sleep, do you?” She pulls the sheet over her head. “Because we don’t particularly like being looked at when we haven’t prepared for it.”
“You’re beautiful when you’re sleeping.” He pulls the cover down so that he can see her face.
“My step-mother told me that once, but I think that was because it meant I wasn’t talking.” She smiles and kisses his soft bare skin.
“No, that’s what I meant too.”
She glares at him and pinches his side playfully.
“Ow! Kidding…I was kidding.”
“Good. That should teach you not to mess with me before I’ve had coffee. Especially when you kept me up rather late.”
“Aha, hey I was done after take two. Don’t blame that on me.”
“Well, someone had to make up for lost time, Daniel.”
And then it hits them. At the same time both their minds go back to the words he has said. He feels her stiffen beside him just slightly and he knows he has to bring it up.
“We should discuss some things.” He looks at her seriously trying to coax out of her what they need to say about the night before.
“Oh, not now Daniel? It would only spoil things.”
“Just as long as you know we will need to at some point.”
“All right, fine, later then, but all I need at the moment is this…and maybe some food.”
“Are you hungry?”
She nods her head as her answer. “But that involves moving and dressing and all sorts of things I don’t want to do at the moment.”
“I know, but they are going to send someone to look for us eventually.”
“Fine, but I do it under protest…especially my legs.”
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It’s quiet except for the soft thud his sneakers make when they hit the floor. Hallway after hallway looks the same as he sails down them every day. He has gotten a later start than usual this morning and probably should have skipped it, but his days never feel quite right if he doesn’t jog. Or maybe it’s just the only thing he feels he has control over at the moment. It doesn’t matter. Every morning it’s the same song and dance.
Well, except for that. He stops his jogging right outside Jackson’s quarters. The door had just opened as he went by and he could swear that out of the corner of his eye he had seen Jackson standing there with nothing but a bed sheet wrapped around his waist. Mitchell turns his head just in time to see that walking out of Jackson’s room is Vala. Scratch that, walking out of Jackson’s room is Vala, pulling her shirt on. Strange. Not to mention the end of that wave he catches. The ‘thanks for the most amazing night of my life’ wave. No way they could have done what it looks like they have done. Not Jackson, right? But then why is she trying to hide a smile? He watches as she runs a hand through her hair and slightly crooks her head to the side as if to say ‘I’m just that good, Mitchell’. Still, he can’t believe it. Jackson must be going crazier stuck on this ship than he is, and that is saying something.
Chapter 3 kamiikiteiru.livejournal.com/10860.html#cutid1
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate. I did not invent Stargate. Nothing is mine. I do this for fun only.
Author's Notes: I never said i was a great writer. i just like to do it.
Beginnings
“What are you doing?” Daniel turns toward her. He can’t believe she is doing this now. Why couldn’t she let a moment be? Why did she always have to play her stupid games?
“Something we should have done along time ago.” She walks toward him and her hands start to undo his belt.
“Don’t do that.” His hands move towards hers, but he doesn’t stop her at first. He is in awe of her absolute lack of maturity right now. He had been trying to have a serious moment. To lay out a little of what he was thinking to her because they had gotten closer over the year. But no, not with Vala. She couldn’t let it be and the fact that she was trying to play this now, when he was actually letting her in to his world for once, was complete disrespect.
“Why not?” She sort of laughs as if it was such a silly question. She can’t see them not going through with this. It is the perfect moment to seize what she has always known was there. She thought he could see that too.
He pulls her hand up away from his pants and throws them back, making her stumble back a bit. He turns around, leaving her staring at him in disbelief. But he doesn’t care. He is tired of being on the ship, he is tired of fighting to save something no one else seems to care about and he is in no mood for her to make something fun out of him.
“We’ve been here three months Daniel. Three…months!” And then a thought hits her. Did he? Surely not Daniel, but this isn’t the first time she has tried to start something and it isn’t the first time he has pushed her away. “You do like girls?"
“Yes!” Oh, here she goes. If he doesn’t want her than something has to be wrong. Of course not wanting to have sex with someone like her meant he was gay. The idea that she could even think that after how much time they had been forced to spend together was absurd. That shows him just how well she really doesn’t understand him.
She smiles, glad that that is out of the way. But then what is wrong with him? “Well, I don’t see many other options around here, do you?”
He only folds his arms and makes that face of his that tells her he doesn’t think of her as an option.
“Unless…you really…don’t find me attractive.” Could he really think that? She knows she has a self-inflated image of herself, but there has been moments between them when she could swear he showed her there was a mutual attraction. He is always the first to try and console her, doesn’t that mean something? It does to her. It means the world to her and now he is saying, no…there is nothing between them?
“You want an honest answer to that question?”
He says it in just a way that makes her entire body turn cold. The answer is obvious. He hasn’t said no, he hasn’t taken her in his arms and said of course he does. He asks her if she really wants to know, which means she isn’t going to like his answer. And that suddenly makes her feel very vulnerable. She feels like running out of the room. Anything that is going to keep Daniel from saying what she fears. “No.” She turns and picks up her shirt quickly. She wants out of this conversation so badly and she knows she is about to get a truth she doesn’t think she can handle.
“No seriously, you started this. Do you want an honest answer to the question?” He approachs her, corners her. If she wants to play the sex card on him he is going to let her know exactly once and for all that it is never going to happen.
“No, don’t worry about it.” She smiles, and tries to do anything to build up that wall as quick as she can. She can't let him get to her. She has to keep it playful. She can’t let him see her like this, but she does feel it boiling beneath her skin. An overwhelming ache that she has seriously tried with him and he has rejected her.
“Do you believe that I could have any kind of serious feelings for you?” The idea is senseless. Has she not been paying attention the last two years? If she couldn’t tell by his demeanor he had actually verbally told her how much she annoyed him. So how could she stand here and think that? She can’t. This has nothing to do with feelings and everything to do with her own amusement.
She turns toward him. Does he think she wants them to exchange the “L” word? “I wasn’t suggesting you have serious feelings, Daniel.”
“Oh, oh-what so we just sleep together once? Than what? We work together! You know even saying that part out loud sounds unbelievable.” He laughs, thinking of when he was her hostage. And now, now they were co-workers. She had shot him, kicked his ass and jeopardized an entire crew and yes that was then, but how could any relationship that started like that even exist? It's funny, actually. “Come on!” He motions to her, almost as if giving her a cue to agree with him and laugh at her own ludicrousness. “I mean I can’t even imagine what-what a relationship with you would be like?” Now, it's getting down right hilarious. He’d kill her. That’s all he can imagine anything between them coming to.
She turns as he speaks, no longer able to hold that smile for him. She sits down on the bed and now that he can’t see, her smile disappears. She feels the first hot tears run down her cheeks. She has been berated by Daniel before, but this is different. This is him laughing and making fun and not just at the thought of him and her, but of any guy seeing in her what she had hoped Daniel had learned to see.
“I mean, yes, yes you have proven yourself to be trustworthy on a professional level and for that I am very proud of you, but on a personal level? Vala, come on give me a break!”
She can hardly listen anymore. She has had more than her take on what he really thinks of her. She wants to tell him that is enough, but she is afraid that if she moves her lips then she won’t be able to stop them from quivering. She wants to leave, but she feels weak in her knees. No, she is going to sit and listen and if he doesn’t see her face or see her falter than maybe he will never know how broken he has just made her.
“I mean at best you’re an emotional unstable wreck. And I’m not saying I’m much better. I’m not saying I’m much better. There was a time when I thought I would never…get over my wife. I mean the idea of…” he sighs, letting a little of the momentum he has been building fade and sounding a little calmer he finishes his thought “getting hurt that way again. But I have finally gotten to a place. I’ve finally for the first time in a long time have gotten to a place where I actually feel I could get close to somebody again.” His hands wave fiercely through the air as he speaks, accenting every word and thought. He had let up for a moment, but here he raises his voice again. “But not in a million years, a million, million years would I ever possible consider that person being you!”
She closes her eyes as he speaks that last sentence and finds herself fighting something she can’t hold in anymore. How can she have been se wrong? How could she have seen a chance at something, wanted something that repulses him so much. There is no hiding now, there is no wall to hide behind left. When he finishes he will see and she wonders if he will even care.
“I mean we are so completely opposite and wrong for each other it's not even funny! And the worst part! The worst part about that is you know that. And this whole flirty sexual thing-” He gestures toward his chest. “-that you do that’s just your way of having a laugh at my expense.” There he had said it, what they both know. This isn’t really about what she made it look like she wanted. It's for a joke. It is her crazy way of putting herself in his face just asking for him to fight with her. “So I’m so sorry I’m not more appreciative of that and I am so sorry that you’re bored! But don’t you pretend its anything else!” He stares at her back for a second, waiting to see if she is going to push this further, but she doesn’t. She only slightly nodds. He turns away from her, so angry with her for doing this yet again.
For her part, Vala has never felt like this in her entire life. So open and so crushed, she never in a million years, even with all their arguments and little tangles, thought he would ever make her feel like this. Cheap and worthless is what she is to him. Never had any man made her feel like this before. And if any had she could have shrugged it off. But not Daniel. Not her Daniel.
She wipes the tears that are falling down her chin and lets out a quick sniffle.
Daniel turns at the sound, annoyed. Here they go. Some sob story of how she wasn’t always like this. A lie, to make him feel bad. Well, not this time. She has played that card once. Besides she did ask for it and he dished it out. “Don’t act like your hurt.”
Act? She wishes she could. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even think she can form words right now. She just pulls her shirt over her head, suddenly feeling very bare in front of him in more ways than one.
Her silence catches him off guard. No laugh, no smile, no little speech about how he must think he has some enlarged worth within her for that to make a dent. She would usually turn something like that back on him, but she doesn’t. He turns to look at her and suddenly the extent of what he has just done hits him. Did he hurt her? No. No! He can’t have? Could he? He walks over to her trying to think of some stupid something to say that might comfort her.
He sits on the bed facing her, but she turns away. He just stares at the back of her head stunned. He has done something. What exactly he doesn’t know, but suddenly he is very angry at himself. Vala is a lot of things, but maybe…maybe even for her that had been too much.
She won’t let him see her like this. He has made it perfectly clear where she stands and since she obviously means nothing he is no longer allowed to see this side of her ever again. She pulls her sleeves down where they are bunched at her elbows, maybe to do something normal, maybe because she doesn’t want him to see her hands shaking.
“Hey.” He moves his hand to touch her back, to get her to turn toward him.
The faint touch of his hand, which just moments ago she would have gladly invited, now sends chills through her. It is pity, and after what he has just said he is the last one she wants pity from. Still his touch breaks what little will she has left and her hands cover her face as she breaks down completely. “Just give me a minute.”
He is completely thrown back. All he can think is why the hell did he let himself say those things? Okay, he truly meant some of those things, but he never intended to make her cry. Why out of every time they had gotten into it, what is different now? She never really takes anything he says to heart. That was Vala. So what is different? Had she actually thought…no! She couldn’t. They would never…she would never. Right? “Look at me.” If he can just see her eyes. He has learned to read her that way, usually to see if she was lying. He knows she isn’t now. She wouldn’t go this far, unless he had actually hurt her. What he needs to see, what he has to see is if there is something there for her.
She shakes her head. She doesn’t want to look at him. She wants to preserve whatever dignity she has left and if she looks at him, if he looks at her with that concerned crinkle right between his eyes then that is going to be it.
He pulls her hair back away from her face. Not wanting to push or pry, but there is a strange urgency within him to confirm what he already knows. She feels something for him? Since when? Since how? Suddenly what he thought he knew is turned upside down. Everything is different. He had said those things knowing he is just a game as always. He had meant it, he is pretty sure he had meant it. He feels bad, but come on…him and her…it’s…it's crazy. He doesn’t feel like that. He doesn’t think he feels like that. Oh, God does he feel that way for her? Suddenly knowing someone has feelings for him makes him feel strange. Or is it not someone, but because she feels for him? He is having trouble thinking clearly at the moment.
Finally her hands fall from her face and she raises her head. She wipes at her nose and looks straight in front of her. She turns just for a moment to look at him, to make him happy she supposes. To let him see the extent of what beating her down has done and then she looks back ahead.
She closes her eyes, but still he sees it in her in that moment, plain as day and right in front of him. She had seriously meant something and he had just stepped all over her. He secretly curses his pride for letting him go off on her like that.He puts his hand softly on her cheek and pulls her head so she has to look at him again. This isn’t for her anymore, it’s for him. He needs to look at her. Really look at her and see if he does in fact, if he can in fact feel that way. He has been alone so long he has forgotten what it was like. And looking back he can see moments where he should have paid more attention to her. He can see she has shown him how she has made it to this point. How her feelings have grown for him. And looking back he suddenly realizes how blind he is. Does he love her? No, not in that way, but he can. With her sitting right in front of him suffering from bearing her soul and being rejected. He loves her for that. And that is a start. It could turn into something real, something deep. It could be something he has yearned for for so long. It was true, never in a million years would he consider this with her. But something inside him is thinking otherwise.
He lets his thumb graze her cheek and suddenly he feels an attraction, a tug to her. It’s no longer anger at himself or sadness that she is hurt. It’s canon and it is natural. He remembers this.
He pulls her toward him and kisses her, softly at first and then a little deeper. It feels right and it feels good. The kiss was turning what he thought impossible into reality. It’s one moment that is suddenly feeding a need to know her more in every way possible.
Vala falls into it with him. She can’t even think at all. What has just happened? Why is he kissing her? Wait, she doesn’t care.
They pull apart slowly. With her eyes still closed she feels breathless. She has kissed many men, mostly to get something from them, but this is different. She had felt it. It wasn’t just her kissing him, he had kissed her and not just kissed her. He had really kissed her. Like a man who knew how to kiss her. As if every other kiss in her entire life has never meant something like this one did. She suddenly knows what Scarlett felt in that overly long and boring movie Gone with the whatever when that hot man had said something about being kissed and by someone who knew how. Daniel knows how and now all she needs is for him to keep doing it.
As Daniel pulls back he can’t help, but smile. It isn’t like what he thought kissing Vala would be like. It wasn’t harsh and superficial. It wasn’t something to get sex or an involuntary thing to do with sex. He has been wrong about her in so many ways. The kiss had been like coming home. As if she has been waiting for him all along. She feels for him and now in turn he realizes he could love her like that and he wants to. “You better not be messin’ with me.” And for the first time since Sha’re he knows he can let himself love someone again. This of course is slightly scary. Vala now holds a way to really hurt him and he is asking her not to. She responds by kissing him again. At this the rest of his thoughts and worries fall behind a deep need for someone. And not just anyone, but for her.
Everything else seems to fade away for her as well. His words don’t matter anymore. Someone had once told her actions speak louder than words. Well, whatever he is doing he is damn near screaming at her.
They fall back onto his bed kissing each other deeper with each passing second. They don’t know what it means and where it puts them exactly. They can talk about that later, but they both have a feeling this is going to be something big. Most relationships have that feeling, but it only takes one to do it and win in the end. It has been a long time, but Daniel has that feeling again. He wants to win.
Rating: Pg-13
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate. I did not invent Stargate. I just like to play with it.
Author's Note: I never said I was a great writer. I just like to do it.
Comfortable
He doesn’t know if it’s early or if he just can’t sleep. Living in space meant no light came through any windows. So you usually had no idea what part of the day it actually was without a clock. He had a clock on his wall, but his glasses are out of reach on the nightstand due to someone sleeping next to him.
He is still in awe over what had changed from yesterday to today. Yesterday had been normal and routine, the same sickening routine that had taken over all of their lives of late. And then she had come to ask him something. He can’t even remember what now, but hearing something in his voice she had asked if he was all right. Next thing he knew she was sitting on his bed while he spilled out his frustrations. He had had no idea how that night would end. And now here they were, her legs intertwining with his and a mess of raven hair all over his pillow. Not to mention a lack of feeling in his thighs and dare he say, a feeling of contentment? But he is, strangely. How did this woman beside him…this crazy woman who could send him to his wits end make him feel like this?
His head turns to look at her. Her head fits nicely against his shoulder and chest. He leans in and kisses her forehead as gently as possible so not to wake her. He smiles at a very different Vala he has only seen a couple of times. Vala always worries about looking nice and what is beside him was a mess of hair. Still, she is beautiful. A part of him can’t even fully comprehend what she sees in him. Well, a part of him can’t fully comprehend what he now sees in her, but he figures if what he feels now is any indication, that part of him won’t be there much longer.
She is indescribably different and he is ‘for lack of a better term’ a book geek. Still, here they are in his bed and for once he doesn’t want her to leave. He suddenly misses the sunlight more than ever. He wishes he could look at her with light coming through his window and watch her sleeping against him. That would be too normal for them, he guesses.
He kisses her softly once more before letting his head fall back onto the pillow and closing his eyes. Immediately the night before runs through his mind. The things he had said to her, and how he had hurt her, are things he wished he could take back. Of course, he knows they wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t of seen her so broken and he had been the one doing the breaking. He was a little surprised she hadn’t brought that up later between tumbles, but then again he knows he is going to have to be the one to say they need to talk about that. That’s Vala. She’s good at protecting herself and he knows even though things have changed between them, her need to keep any hurt bottled up will not. They will talk, because if this was going to go anywhere and really turn into something then they couldn’t leave that loose end hanging. Even if it has worked out for something better.
It worked out for something much better, to be exact. Okay, yes as a man going all the way with any woman there’s a physical effect, but he wasn’t prepared for what Vala made him feel. Something he has only felt before with his wife. He can’t explain it exactly, but there is this feeling with certain women that the next morning or some morning she or he would leave and that would be it. He doesn’t feel that with Vala. Yes, they are so different and somewhere deep down he knows there is an absence of a voice that should be telling him how absurd this all is. But thinking back on last night he feels it had been natural for them. As if everything has been leading up to it and neither of them had seen it coming.
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“Daniel, if I had known it was going to be like that I would have skipped all that cat and mouse crap and just mounted you.”
He laughed despite still trying to catch his breath and pulled her closer to him.
She smiled seductively at him and then let her head rest on his chest. “So…does this count as a second date?”
“I think we just skipped the first couple of dates altogether.” One of his arms slinked beneath her naked body and curled around her back so that he could hold her.
“Fine by me. Never liked dating anyway. It’s not as fun as this part. And no matter what you say Daniel, interrupted or not, our dinner was a date.”
“If you say so.”
With that she pinched his side playfully.
“Ow! Okay, okay it was a date.” He turned slightly so that they were facing each other. “ To tell you the truth I don’t care.” He took his free hand and brushed her hair away from her face. “I don’t have anything to hide anymore.” Back then he had cared about what his teammates thought about him and Vala. Now he didn’t care. And if subconsciously he hadn’t realized his feelings for her before now, maybe it did count as a date. It just didn’t matter anymore. He pulled her to him a little more, embracing the feeling of having that warm body beside him.
Vala only stayed like that for a moment before she lifted herself up. She had to look down at him now and her hair cascaded down in such a way that he found himself completely taken in by her.
“Daniel, can I ask you a question?”
“You always scare me when you ask if you can ask a question and since I know you’re going to ask it anyway, yes.”
She took a moment before she spoke. Studying his eyes. “Are you sure about this? If you are going to regret this later…”
He put a finger to her mouth to quiet her. “I don’t…regret this.”
She smiled softly, that typical Vala smile he had come to know meant she was showing him something she wasn’t sure she should be. He brushed her hair again, this time behind her shoulders and let his hand slide behind her neck and pull her down to kiss him. Their lips met with a fiery appetite that he hoped would answer any questions as to how he felt. When they parted she kept her eyes closed for a moment and giggled.
“Good, then it’s my turn.”
“Your turn?”
“Uh-huh.”
“To do what?”
She lifted herself up and flung a leg over him so that she was straddling his upper thighs. “To show you what none of those silly books of yours will ever teach you…though usually this works better with a whip...”
Daniel put a finger up to her lips to quiet her. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.” He understood this is who she had been for a long time. Learning that she didn’t have to be that way with him anymore would take her awhile.
Vala’s smile faltered for a moment. “I didn’t mean to-”
Daniel put his finger up to her lips again. “I know.” He placed his hands on her hips and lifted her to his side. He turned and raised himself up so that he was above her. He took one of his hands and lets his fingers caress her cheek. “I’m right here. You don’t have to do that anymore.” He bent his head low and kissed her deep and hard. Their arms wrapped around each other as they both felt the familiar burn in the pit of their stomachs.
For once she let him lead.
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They were drifting to sleep. They both knew it from the lack of talking from both of them. They were wiped out and it was pretty late or pretty early depending on how you wanted to look at it.
“Daniel?”
“Hmm?”
“Should we tell the others?”
“Eventually.”
She was quiet a moment before she continued.
“Daniel?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you think they will be able to tell…you know…without our telling?”
“Eventually.”
He felt her sigh beside him and then she went silent. He was almost asleep when she spoke out again.
“Daniel?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you asleep?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to go?”
He opened his eyes at this and pulled her closer to him. “Never.”
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He feels her move beside him and he is pulled out of his thoughts. She opens one eye, looks at him, closes it and then snuggles closer to him.
“Good morning,” she mumbles into his chest.
“Morning.”
“How long have you been awake?”
“Not long.”
“You’re not one of those men that stares at girls while they sleep, do you?” She pulls the sheet over her head. “Because we don’t particularly like being looked at when we haven’t prepared for it.”
“You’re beautiful when you’re sleeping.” He pulls the cover down so that he can see her face.
“My step-mother told me that once, but I think that was because it meant I wasn’t talking.” She smiles and kisses his soft bare skin.
“No, that’s what I meant too.”
She glares at him and pinches his side playfully.
“Ow! Kidding…I was kidding.”
“Good. That should teach you not to mess with me before I’ve had coffee. Especially when you kept me up rather late.”
“Aha, hey I was done after take two. Don’t blame that on me.”
“Well, someone had to make up for lost time, Daniel.”
And then it hits them. At the same time both their minds go back to the words he has said. He feels her stiffen beside him just slightly and he knows he has to bring it up.
“We should discuss some things.” He looks at her seriously trying to coax out of her what they need to say about the night before.
“Oh, not now Daniel? It would only spoil things.”
“Just as long as you know we will need to at some point.”
“All right, fine, later then, but all I need at the moment is this…and maybe some food.”
“Are you hungry?”
She nods her head as her answer. “But that involves moving and dressing and all sorts of things I don’t want to do at the moment.”
“I know, but they are going to send someone to look for us eventually.”
“Fine, but I do it under protest…especially my legs.”
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It’s quiet except for the soft thud his sneakers make when they hit the floor. Hallway after hallway looks the same as he sails down them every day. He has gotten a later start than usual this morning and probably should have skipped it, but his days never feel quite right if he doesn’t jog. Or maybe it’s just the only thing he feels he has control over at the moment. It doesn’t matter. Every morning it’s the same song and dance.
Well, except for that. He stops his jogging right outside Jackson’s quarters. The door had just opened as he went by and he could swear that out of the corner of his eye he had seen Jackson standing there with nothing but a bed sheet wrapped around his waist. Mitchell turns his head just in time to see that walking out of Jackson’s room is Vala. Scratch that, walking out of Jackson’s room is Vala, pulling her shirt on. Strange. Not to mention the end of that wave he catches. The ‘thanks for the most amazing night of my life’ wave. No way they could have done what it looks like they have done. Not Jackson, right? But then why is she trying to hide a smile? He watches as she runs a hand through her hair and slightly crooks her head to the side as if to say ‘I’m just that good, Mitchell’. Still, he can’t believe it. Jackson must be going crazier stuck on this ship than he is, and that is saying something.
Chapter 3 kamiikiteiru.livejournal.com/10860.html#cutid1