To be fooled is bad enough
When you half-know it at the time is much worse.
Entering into a relationship can be a touchy business. When you enter into one with prescience that there may be significant and specific problems is a risky thing. Distance, for one, as well as emotional upheaval already going on with the other person... well, that can be a recipe for trouble.
I tried. Gods know, I made the kind of effort that, frankly speaking, is above and beyond what most people make. I knew there were potential problems, and I tried to address them. I spoke rationally, compassionately, patiently.
I was assured that there wouldn't be any hassle.
So I overrode my judgment and went ahead. I went all-in... I trusted, I traveled, I made sacrifices, faced fears, communicated and gave my very best effort.
Naturally, since I'm writing this, it failed.
It seems that I am not "Mr. Right". I'm a fantastic "Mr. Right Now". Apparently long-term with me is more of a burden than a benefit. I sound maudlin, and perhaps melodramatic, but this is the perception I have based upon recent events.
I think that, in the times to come, I am going to have to rely upon my judgment. That hurts a part of me, because I believe in trusting people that I like, but the simple fact is that protecting myself from further harm is going to be essential for the foreseeable future.
I feel as if The Knight is dead. That my heroic rescuer self has taken too much damage. The armor no longer gleams, the sword is notched, the shield is broken. All that's left right now is a wounded warrior, with barely enough strength to stand.
At least that fight is over. I didn't win... in fact, I loss more than I care to admit. There may yet be time to recuperate. Perhaps the wounds will heal, the equipment will be repaired. I may yet fight again.
But it will be some time.
Entering into a relationship can be a touchy business. When you enter into one with prescience that there may be significant and specific problems is a risky thing. Distance, for one, as well as emotional upheaval already going on with the other person... well, that can be a recipe for trouble.
I tried. Gods know, I made the kind of effort that, frankly speaking, is above and beyond what most people make. I knew there were potential problems, and I tried to address them. I spoke rationally, compassionately, patiently.
I was assured that there wouldn't be any hassle.
So I overrode my judgment and went ahead. I went all-in... I trusted, I traveled, I made sacrifices, faced fears, communicated and gave my very best effort.
Naturally, since I'm writing this, it failed.
It seems that I am not "Mr. Right". I'm a fantastic "Mr. Right Now". Apparently long-term with me is more of a burden than a benefit. I sound maudlin, and perhaps melodramatic, but this is the perception I have based upon recent events.
I think that, in the times to come, I am going to have to rely upon my judgment. That hurts a part of me, because I believe in trusting people that I like, but the simple fact is that protecting myself from further harm is going to be essential for the foreseeable future.
I feel as if The Knight is dead. That my heroic rescuer self has taken too much damage. The armor no longer gleams, the sword is notched, the shield is broken. All that's left right now is a wounded warrior, with barely enough strength to stand.
At least that fight is over. I didn't win... in fact, I loss more than I care to admit. There may yet be time to recuperate. Perhaps the wounds will heal, the equipment will be repaired. I may yet fight again.
But it will be some time.