Stargate SG-1 ficlet
So I've reached the stage of fandom addiction where you start to think that writing and sharing fanfic is a really good idea. (I know, I know, how the mighty have fallen, alas, alas for Babylon, etc.) At any rate, I was discussing the recent dry weather and methods for staying healthy when the humidity is down to nothing much, and this little conversation popped into my head and wouldn't go away. (Yes, discussing the weather makes me think of Stargate. Everything makes me think of Stargate.) Normally I don't share fanfic--well, normally I don't write fanfic, but when I do, I hide it away and pretend I haven't--but this useless little snippet of story amused me greatly, and I thought it might amuse a few of you as well.
It's fairly inoffensive as fic goes...it has no discernible point and exists solely because I love watching Jack and Daniel bicker. No title to speak of, but it's presumptuously dedicated to izhilzha, who is primarily responsible for me giving Season 1 the time of day.
Anyway, that said:
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"Adiba says that we'll be safe here," Daniel announced, crossing the cavern to where the rest of SG-1 sat shaking sand out of their boots. "Apparently the Qudam keep the cave system stocked for this kind of emergency, but we won't be able to get to the Gate until the Shahamoun is over."
"The what-a-moon?" Jack asked irritably.
"Shahamoun." Daniel gestured vaguely in the direction of the cave's ceiling, through which it was just possible to hear the sound of wind and dust scouring the surface at nearly 200 miles per hour. "It's what they call the sand storm. It might be derived from the the Arabic simoom, though that originally denoted only a specific type of sandstorm, what the Arabs called the 'poison wind' because it--"
"When will it blow over so we can go home?" Jack asked.
"A day, possibly two." Daniel didn't even bother looking annoyed over the interruption. "Adiba says the storms rarely last longer than that, and the Qudam have enough food and water stockpiled to last at least a week, so everything's fine, we just have to wait out the storm." He sank to the ground beside Sam.
"Great." Jack grumbled, shifting into a moderately more comfortable position against the rock wall at his back. "How come we didn't know this was coming, Carter?"
"I'm sorry, sir, sand storms are very difficult to predict. The convection currents that usually create them can--"
Jack cut her off with an ill-tempered gesture. "Right, whatever. Nevermind." He pinched the bridge of his nose where a headache was starting; probably mild dehydration setting in already, he thought. Damn desert planets. Daniel said something under his breath to Sam in which the words "crabby", "sand" and "panties" were just distinguishable. Sam responded with a barely-perceptible eyeroll and the two of them turned long-suffering looks on him. Jack scowled and began rummaging in his pockets for asprin.
"Sand storms are indeed noted for their extreme unpredictability, O'Neill," said Teal'c from his place beside Jack. The Jaffa had apparently expelled as much sand from his boots and socks as possible, and was now attempting to extract the powder-fine grit from the working parts of his staff weapon. "We were most fortunate to be offered shelter, as we could not have reached the Stargate ahead of the storm. A temporary stay with the Qudam is a minor inconvenience in comparison to what might have transpired, had we been forced to weather the storm on our own."
"Thank you, Pollyanna," Jack replied. He found the asprin, bolted three, and began searching his vest for the artificial tears that were supposed to be stashed in it somewhere. The Qudam's caves might be below ground and out of the impossibly-hot wind, but the air in them was still painfully dry and his eyes stung.
A dark-eyed woman with aquiline features stood up on the other side of the cavern and made her way over to SG-1, carrying a water jug in one hand and a small clay jar in the other. She handed the latter to Daniel, speaking to him in what Jack guessed was more or less Arabic.
"Uh, Adiba says we're welcome to as much water as we need, and she's brought us a...medicine? Something she says will help us..." he pried the lid off the jar, which appeared to contain a translucent green salve and rattled off a question to Adiba, who replied and then mimed scooping salve from the jar with a finger and...Jack was pretty sure the woman didn't actually mean for them to pick their noses, but that was the only way he could interpret her gestures.
"Oh, it's like putting vaseline on the inside of your nose when it's dry," Daniel supplied. "It keeps the skin from cracking and letting in...well, Adiba says 'the blood wind' but I think it's safe to say 'germs'."
"The lack of moisture in the air must cause a lot of nose-bleeds," said Carter, digging a piece of her chemical testing equipment out of the pack beside her, "Daniel, let me analyze a sample of that stuff just to make sure it's--"
Daniel looked up with the ring finger of his right hand already up his right nostril. "Hm?"
"Daniel, did you even bother to ask what that stuff was before you started shoving it up your schnoz?" Jack snapped.
"Jack, it's fine," replied Daniel, with as much dignity as was possible given that he still had a finger up his nose. "We used vaseline like this all the time in Egypt."
"We are not in Egypt, Daniel Jackson, nor does this appear to be vaseline," Teal'c observed.
Jack and Daniel said "Thank you, Teal'c," simultaneously and then exchanged looks of exasperation. "If you suddenly seize up or start saying you're Marie Antoinette because you didn't know any better than to just start coating the inside of your damn nose with an unidentified substance," Jack waved a threatening finger at Daniel, but couldn't quite come up with an actual threat to go with it.
"I bet I'm not the only one in the room who's had unidentified substances up his nose in his time." Daniel arched his eyebrows aggravatingly.
"The salve looks fine," said Carter, scanning the results of her impromptu test. "Doesn't seem to contain anything objectionable, and if the Qudam are using it, we probably should, too." She scooped a small quantity out of the jar and hid behind the bill of her cap while she applied it.
"Can I do the other side of my nose, now?" Daniel asked patiently.
"Feel free," replied Jack, and then added "No double dipping, we all gotta use that stuff. Use a different finger than the one that's just been up your nose." Daniel sighed heavily but did not dignify this with a response beyond pointedly using his middle finger to line the left side of his nose with salve.
"Baby's first obscene gesture," said Jack, sniffing the green salve suspiciously. "I'm so proud."
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See, I told you it had no point!
You like how I totally BS my way out of saying how Carter performs her little chemical test thingy? Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's a better way to fake that than the method I used, which was to avoid describing it at all. Your thoughts on this matter would be appreciated.
Ruthless criticism of character voices is explicitly requested. I have an inkling that I'll be trying my hand at an actual fic with, you know, a plot and stuff at some point, and since the show's primary attraction is its characters, I'd like to get their voices down pretty well before I do that (another reason I'm writing pointless ficlets: practice makes perfect). Also one of my least favorite aspects of my own writing is the fact that the majority of my characters end up talking like me instead of like themselves. So yeah: be merciless, tell me what sounds off-key.
It's fairly inoffensive as fic goes...it has no discernible point and exists solely because I love watching Jack and Daniel bicker. No title to speak of, but it's presumptuously dedicated to izhilzha, who is primarily responsible for me giving Season 1 the time of day.
Anyway, that said:
-------
"Adiba says that we'll be safe here," Daniel announced, crossing the cavern to where the rest of SG-1 sat shaking sand out of their boots. "Apparently the Qudam keep the cave system stocked for this kind of emergency, but we won't be able to get to the Gate until the Shahamoun is over."
"The what-a-moon?" Jack asked irritably.
"Shahamoun." Daniel gestured vaguely in the direction of the cave's ceiling, through which it was just possible to hear the sound of wind and dust scouring the surface at nearly 200 miles per hour. "It's what they call the sand storm. It might be derived from the the Arabic simoom, though that originally denoted only a specific type of sandstorm, what the Arabs called the 'poison wind' because it--"
"When will it blow over so we can go home?" Jack asked.
"A day, possibly two." Daniel didn't even bother looking annoyed over the interruption. "Adiba says the storms rarely last longer than that, and the Qudam have enough food and water stockpiled to last at least a week, so everything's fine, we just have to wait out the storm." He sank to the ground beside Sam.
"Great." Jack grumbled, shifting into a moderately more comfortable position against the rock wall at his back. "How come we didn't know this was coming, Carter?"
"I'm sorry, sir, sand storms are very difficult to predict. The convection currents that usually create them can--"
Jack cut her off with an ill-tempered gesture. "Right, whatever. Nevermind." He pinched the bridge of his nose where a headache was starting; probably mild dehydration setting in already, he thought. Damn desert planets. Daniel said something under his breath to Sam in which the words "crabby", "sand" and "panties" were just distinguishable. Sam responded with a barely-perceptible eyeroll and the two of them turned long-suffering looks on him. Jack scowled and began rummaging in his pockets for asprin.
"Sand storms are indeed noted for their extreme unpredictability, O'Neill," said Teal'c from his place beside Jack. The Jaffa had apparently expelled as much sand from his boots and socks as possible, and was now attempting to extract the powder-fine grit from the working parts of his staff weapon. "We were most fortunate to be offered shelter, as we could not have reached the Stargate ahead of the storm. A temporary stay with the Qudam is a minor inconvenience in comparison to what might have transpired, had we been forced to weather the storm on our own."
"Thank you, Pollyanna," Jack replied. He found the asprin, bolted three, and began searching his vest for the artificial tears that were supposed to be stashed in it somewhere. The Qudam's caves might be below ground and out of the impossibly-hot wind, but the air in them was still painfully dry and his eyes stung.
A dark-eyed woman with aquiline features stood up on the other side of the cavern and made her way over to SG-1, carrying a water jug in one hand and a small clay jar in the other. She handed the latter to Daniel, speaking to him in what Jack guessed was more or less Arabic.
"Uh, Adiba says we're welcome to as much water as we need, and she's brought us a...medicine? Something she says will help us..." he pried the lid off the jar, which appeared to contain a translucent green salve and rattled off a question to Adiba, who replied and then mimed scooping salve from the jar with a finger and...Jack was pretty sure the woman didn't actually mean for them to pick their noses, but that was the only way he could interpret her gestures.
"Oh, it's like putting vaseline on the inside of your nose when it's dry," Daniel supplied. "It keeps the skin from cracking and letting in...well, Adiba says 'the blood wind' but I think it's safe to say 'germs'."
"The lack of moisture in the air must cause a lot of nose-bleeds," said Carter, digging a piece of her chemical testing equipment out of the pack beside her, "Daniel, let me analyze a sample of that stuff just to make sure it's--"
Daniel looked up with the ring finger of his right hand already up his right nostril. "Hm?"
"Daniel, did you even bother to ask what that stuff was before you started shoving it up your schnoz?" Jack snapped.
"Jack, it's fine," replied Daniel, with as much dignity as was possible given that he still had a finger up his nose. "We used vaseline like this all the time in Egypt."
"We are not in Egypt, Daniel Jackson, nor does this appear to be vaseline," Teal'c observed.
Jack and Daniel said "Thank you, Teal'c," simultaneously and then exchanged looks of exasperation. "If you suddenly seize up or start saying you're Marie Antoinette because you didn't know any better than to just start coating the inside of your damn nose with an unidentified substance," Jack waved a threatening finger at Daniel, but couldn't quite come up with an actual threat to go with it.
"I bet I'm not the only one in the room who's had unidentified substances up his nose in his time." Daniel arched his eyebrows aggravatingly.
"The salve looks fine," said Carter, scanning the results of her impromptu test. "Doesn't seem to contain anything objectionable, and if the Qudam are using it, we probably should, too." She scooped a small quantity out of the jar and hid behind the bill of her cap while she applied it.
"Can I do the other side of my nose, now?" Daniel asked patiently.
"Feel free," replied Jack, and then added "No double dipping, we all gotta use that stuff. Use a different finger than the one that's just been up your nose." Daniel sighed heavily but did not dignify this with a response beyond pointedly using his middle finger to line the left side of his nose with salve.
"Baby's first obscene gesture," said Jack, sniffing the green salve suspiciously. "I'm so proud."
-------
See, I told you it had no point!
You like how I totally BS my way out of saying how Carter performs her little chemical test thingy? Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's a better way to fake that than the method I used, which was to avoid describing it at all. Your thoughts on this matter would be appreciated.
Ruthless criticism of character voices is explicitly requested. I have an inkling that I'll be trying my hand at an actual fic with, you know, a plot and stuff at some point, and since the show's primary attraction is its characters, I'd like to get their voices down pretty well before I do that (another reason I'm writing pointless ficlets: practice makes perfect). Also one of my least favorite aspects of my own writing is the fact that the majority of my characters end up talking like me instead of like themselves. So yeah: be merciless, tell me what sounds off-key.