Bulwer-Lytton: Bring it on, DW Fandom

[kalleah]

I look forward to several awards every year, including the Ig Nobels, Darwins, and the less-known but equally hilarious Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Bulwer-Lytton is the writer who gave us, amongst other contributions, the opening "It was a dark and stormy night ..."

My favorites this year:

Behind his pearly white smile lay a Bible black heart,

Comments

[jigglykat]

It was a dark and stormy night, except when the lightning flashed, because then it wasn't dark; it sort of turned the windows into a giant disco ball for a moment, but eventually the thunder and lightning stopped and it settled down to a steady light rain, so then it really was dark, but it would probably be a stretch to call it stormy.

If Ten wrote a story, this is how it would start out.

[kalleah]

An excellent point, my dear. He has a tendency to ramble. (Bless him for it.)

All we need now is to have him sitting on top of the TARDIS with a typewriter. ;)

[jigglykat]

All we need now is to have him sitting on top of the TARDIS with a typewriter. ;)

Oh sweet lord, I think that might have to go on the fanart list.

[kalleah]

Your contribution to my challenge may be visual. ;)

Ten-as-Snoopy FTW.

ETA: So, in thinking about this further, why not have Ten working on the great novel? He was composing, after all. Hmm.

First try

[nonelvis]

(There may be more, of course.)

The Doctor leaned down to kiss Rose, his lean, lanky fingers scissoring in her hair, his elastic and talented tongue girding itself for battle with hers, each tastebud a mighty foot soldier in the righteous war to claim every inch of her mouth for his own (the fillings and the chipped molar especially, not to mention her soft palate, which tasted strangely of Maltesers and strawberry gum) - and finally, finally when the orifice was fully conquered and Rose pulled away, breathless, to speak, her eyes sparkling with love and desire, she said, "Next time, have a breath mint first, yeah?"

Re: First try

[kalleah]

each tastebud a mighty foot soldier

::snort::

Second try (not as good as the first, I'm afraid)

[nonelvis]

Atop the Crystalline Mountain of Justice, in the Hall of Unsurpassed Deliberations, in the Courtroom of Enigmatic Pontification, upon the Seat of Widening Rumpitude, Lord High Judge Elvis Kjasrk'wz faced the hardened career criminal before him, and for the eighty-ninth time, expressed his immeasurable dissatisfaction with the Skwarn'klk penal system, which offered but two punishments for Jack Harkness' heinous and unforgivable crimes: shag, or die.

(and now, back to my regularly scheduled angst)

Re: Second try (not as good as the first, I'm afraid)

[kalleah]

... would "cliff" be a third option? Hee.

Re: Second try (not as good as the first, I'm afraid)

[nonelvis]

I think you can file "cliff" under "die."

Re: Second try (not as good as the first, I'm afraid)

[kalleah]

I got the cliche mixed up. Marry, Shag, or Die. Duh me.

[larielromeniel]

Hee. I actually took a writing class from the professor who started that contest!

[kalleah]

Hee. I actually took a writing class from the professor who started that contest!

If you ever see him again, shake his hand for me.

[kalleah]

HA!