Frozen - by Kaliciafan
Alicia is walking to her office. She stops suddenly when she sees Kalinda waiting for her, talking on her cell phone. Damn, why is she in my office? Alicia thinks to herself. She continues walking, enters her office and sits at her desk as Kalinda ends her call.
“That was Cary. His cold case… We’re going to stay in touch.” Kalinda say as she sits down next to Alicia’s desk. “So, whats up?”
“No, Kalinda. No…” Alicia isn’t looking at Kalinda. She can’t.
“What?” Kalinda seems confused.
Alicia turns to look at her.
“We both work here. We’re both going to continue to work here. So lets not talk.”
Kalinda is looking panicked. It hits her. Alicia knows!
“Alicia…”
“No. You don’t explain anything. You do not put a single thing in context. You slept with my husband.” Alicia’s voice breaks. “You do not say anything after that, you do not. It is selfish to say anything after that. I work here and you work here, but that’s it. When you can find another case, do it. When you can walk the other way, do. Now get out of my office.”
Kalinda just looks at Alicia for a few seconds. She is shocked and it takes her a second to register what Alicia has just asked her to do.
“Kalinda, there are so many people who can see us right now, but I swear…I will scream at the top of my lungs if you do not get out of my office now…”
Kalinda feels distraught, but does as she is told. She is shaking, but manages to gather her things and leaves.
She heads for the lift, but thinks twice. She is feeling emotions she didn’t think she possessed. She feels her lips start to quiver and has to cover her mouth just as she pushes through the door into the stairwell. She runs up the stairs until she reaches the roof terrace, flings the door open and breathes in the cold air as if she was losing her capacity to breathe. She collapses to her knees and cries into her hands. Her breakdown is unlike anything she has ever experienced. Only now does she realize what Alicia really means to her. She is totally in love with this woman, and Kalinda has never loved anyone before in her life, apart from her own mother.. She is up there for a while before she is able to compose herself and decides to go back down. She goes to open the door, but she can't open it. She forgot that the door to the roof automatically locks itself when it shuts and you can only open it from the inside. She starts to panic. It's the middle of February, it's freezing outside and it looks like the snow is about to start up again. She doesn't have a coat on and her phone’s batteries have completely drained from being in such low temperature conditions. Her body was on adrenaline from her emotions, so she hadn’t felt the cold until now. She starts to shiver and prays that someone may have seen her head up stairs…
Will and Diane have been looking for Kalinda all afternoon to look into some case they are working on. No one has seen her. They even ask Alicia, but she hasn't seen her since their “talk”a few hours earlier. She doesn't seem too worried. She thinks Kalinda is just avoiding the office. Eventually, at about 5pm, Courtney knocks on Alicia's office door to say goodnight and turns to walk away, but stops and turns back to Alicia.
"Um, Mrs Florrick?"
"Yes, Courtney?" Alicia doesn't look up from the paperwork she is doing.
"Has Ms. Sharma come back yet? Her coat and bag are still in her office. I saw her go up the stairs a few hours ago, but haven't seen her since. She looked really upset about something."
Alicia looked up. She felt a twinge of guilt. She didn't think her confrontation had any effect on Kalinda. She just looked like she couldn't get out of Alicia's office quick enough. She didn't look upset, though she was shaking a bit. Alicia just thought she was just annoyed at being found out.
"Are you sure she isn't chasing a lead or something?" Alicia asked.
"Without a coat? It's freezing outside. It must be at most 28 degrees out there. She must be in the building."
"When did you last see her?" Alicia asked, getting up. She walked out of her office, Courtney following closely behind her.
"Um, probably about 11:45 this morning. I saw her come out your office and she headed straight for the stairs. I really thought she was going to burst into tears. Her lips looked like they were quivering. She covered her mouth just before she burst through the door into the stairwell."
Alicia tried to ignore what Courtney had just revealed. They reached Kalinda's office and Alicia inspected Kalinda's bag and coat. No phone, but she found Kalinda’s car key. She checked her desk and saw that Kalinda's laptop was still there.
"I can't find her cell phone. She must have it on her. Has anyone tried calling her?" Alicia asked.
"Yeah, both Ms Lockheart and Mr Gardner tried calling her. They only got her voicemail. They've been leaving messages.
Alicia got her phone out - she still had Kalinda's number on quick dial. She touched the screen on Kalinda’s name, but it went straight to voicemail. Damn! She left a message: "Kalinda? It's Alicia... Call me as soon as you get this message." She tried to sound calm, but even she could hear her own voice sounded almost panicky. She turned back to Courtney. "How do you know she went upstairs?"
"Well, I followed her to see if she was ok, but by the time I got to the stairs, I saw her running up them. I called after her, but she just ignored me. I figured I should just mind my own business. But then, later, I overheard Mr. Gardner asking around the office if anyone had seen her."
"So, did you tell him what you told me?"
"Yeah. He said he would check all the floors."
“But he hasn't found her?"
“I don't know, I haven't seen him again since this afternoon."
"Has he left for the day already? It's only just after 5pm."
"Yeah, he's left the building. I think he was meeting up with someone. Ms Lockheart just left as well. But I think she was going to keep calling Ms Sharma."
Alicia sat down at Kalinda's desk and opened her laptop. She switched it on, but it needed a passcode. She had no idea what it was. She looked through Kalinda's drawers for any clues, checked to see if there were any notes or reminders on her desk calendar. Nothing, except for a dentist appointment at 4:20 pm. But there was no way Kalinda would have left to go outside without her coat or her bag. She checked her bag again. Her orange notebook was missing. She was sure she saw Kalinda picking up her notebook after she told Kalinda to get out her office. She cringed as she remembered telling her that she'd scream at the top of her lungs if Kalinda didn't leave. She could feel herself blushing as she remembers her childish behaviour.
"Are you okay, Mrs Florrick?" Courtney must have noticed Alicia's face turn red.
"Yeah, I'm fine. You can go home, Courtney. I'll stay here until Kalinda arrives. If she isn't here by 6, then I will call Will and Diane."
"Are you sure, Mrs Florrick? I have a date with my sister, but I can reschedule if you need me to stay."
"No, no, you go. I'll stay. I need to finish off some paperwork, anyway."
"Okay. But if you need anything then please don't hesitate to call me."
"Okay, thanks Courtney. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Mrs Florrick." Courtney leaves reluctantly.
Alicia goes back to her office and tries phoning Kalinda a couple more times. She leaves another message - more urgent, this time. Kalinda went up? Up to where? Surely not to the roof! Wouldn't it be locked at this time of year? Alicia went pale. She remembered that the door to the roof locked automatically from the outside when it closed. It was on a spring system so if someone needed to keep it open, they would have to prop it open with something substantially heavy. She had been stuck up there once herself when she had gone up for some air. Luckily it was in the summer and she had her phone so she called Kalinda to come rescue her. If Kalinda had really been as upset as Courtney claimed she was, she may have just forgotten to prop the door open.
"Oh my God!" She says to herself as she looks outside the window. It's already twilight and it's been snowing again. She realises that even if Kalinda did have her phone, then the batteries would have died by now. She hopes she isn't too late. She gets up and throws her coat on, grabs her phone, runs to Kalinda's office and grabs her coat. She checks a cupboard in Wills office to see if he kept any blankets in it. He sometimes slept over in his office if he was having a late night. She finds a sleeping-bag and grabs it, runs for the stair well and runs up the stairs faster than she ever thought she could and throws the door open.
"Kalinda!"
She screams out, but there's no answer. It's getting dark and the street lamps offer no light. She checks her phones battery power. It's only at 27% at the moment, but she knows it won't last long. She switches the flashlight on her phones and looks around the roof. She spots Kalinda in a corner, slumped over and curled into a tight ball. Alicia runs up to her and forgets about the door. Kalinda's passed out so Alicia feels Kalinda's wrist for a pulse. It's there, but barely.... Then she remembers the door. They’re both locked up here now. She checks her phone and the battery is down to 13 % already. She calls Courtney, but only gets her voicemail. She leaves a message and then also texts Will to let him know their location and circumstances. Checks her battery again and realises her phone is down to 3%. She dials 911.
“911. What’s your emergency?”
“Hi, I need help. My friend and I are stuck up on the roof of my office building. The door to the roof is locked! It's freezing outside and she's lost consciousness.”
“What is your location?”
“We work for a law firm called “Lockheart Gardner”. It’s their building. Please hurry, she has been up here a few hours already. I’ve ju-“
The call ended suddenly with Alicia’s phone dying. FUCK! What now? I hope I was on long enough for them to trace this call., she thought as she looked back at Kalinda.
All they can do now is wait and pray that Courtney and Will get her messages. And that 911 get their location. She tries to arouse Kalinda by sitting her up to put her coat on. She feels frozen, she's so pale and her lips are blue. It's a miracle that she alive. Alicia is starting to feel the cold herself. She sits down next to Kalinda and covers them both with Will’s sleeping-bag, trying to warm her up. Luckily, the sleeping bag is able to open up fully like a duvet. She thinks she can hear Kalinda trying to speak, but her voice is too low.
“Alicia?” Kalinda says, surprised. Maybe she's hallucinating, she thinks.
“Can you speak up, Kalinda?”
“I'm… sorry…. I'm….so….sorry.” Kalinda is shivering as she speaks and her voice is raw. She starts trembling and her teeth are chattering. “I'm…..so….sss….sorry….I….dd…didn’t…want..tt…to…”
Alicia doesn't know what to think, but knows now is not the time to talk or think about Kalinda and Peter.
“Shhh, Kalinda. Just try to relax. Don't think about that now. God, you're freezing, Kalinda! We need to get you out of here.”
“I..I've ttt…tried, there's no ww…way out. My phone is ddd…dead.”
Kalinda curls herself into Alicia. She feels like she’s dreaming. She can't believe Alicia is here, holding her. Perhaps she's died and gone to heaven? After this morning’s confrontation with her, she never thought this would ever happen. But now they are both locked outside and she can't let anything bad happen to Alicia. But she is so cold and she is struggling to stay awake.
“I'm sorry, I let the damn door close on us. I’m so stupid! I just saw you and I forgot all about the locking system. I’ve called Courtney and left her a message. I sent Will a text message too, so they know we are here, but who knows when they will get the message. And I have just called 911, but my phone died while I was speaking to someone. Hopefully they got our location in time.” Alicia starts to shiver now, too. Even with her warm coat, the cold is just too intense.
“I'm sss…surprised you…cc..came….looking…ff….for…mmm…me.”
Alicia felt bad. Even though she was angry with Kalinda, she never actually gave her a chance to explain.
“Well, you should really thank Courtney. Sss…she alerted me tt..to you being mmm…missing. Damn, www…we need to do something to keep warm. Maybe we should ww…walk about together.”
“I…ddd…don't…think…I…cccc….can.”
“Let's just try?” Alicia said, standing up. She helped Kalinda up, but she was just too weak to stay standing and collapses into Alicia's arms. Alicia holds her up and embraces her in a tight hug. She can feel Kalinda's clothes are cold and wet under her coat. “Kalinda, www…we need to get you out of those ww…wet clothes.”
“Www..what?” Kalinda sounds panicked. “Www…why?”
“Because, they are preventing you from warming uu…up. I read that body hh….heat will help two or more people www…who aaa…are stuck out in th…the cold. Lets jjj…just find a warmer place. We need to get away from this wind chill and stay ccc…close to the door in case someone comes up looking for us. Then I nnn…need to remove your clothes, okay?"
“Ooo…okay…but…I…cc…can't…move..my legs.”
“Okay,” Alicia says, still holding Kalinda tightly to keep her from collapsing to the ground.
Kalinda's arms are wrapped around Alicia's waist and she's short enough that Alicia can rest her chin on Kalinda's head. Alicia looks around, but can hardly see much. It's pretty dark, but she thinks she sees a spot that looks like a raised concrete bed. That should block the wind, and it's near enough to the door that they will be found when help eventually arrives. It's only a few feet away from where they were so Alicia wraps the sleeping-bag around Kalinda, lifts her in her arms and carries her to their new spot. She gently places Kalinda so that she is standing on the ground, leaning against the raised bed. She then removes Kalinda's coat and leather waistcoat, and then her flimsy chiffon blouse. Just with her bra covering her top half, Kalinda is shivering. She's not sure if it's from the cold or from the excitement of exchanging body heat with Alicia. Alicia then removes her own coat, blazer and blouse, also left in just her bra to cover her top half.
“Kalinda, can you try hold yourself up for a few seconds? I am just going to lay the sleeping-bag on the ground and close it up half way. It is just a single adult size, but I think that if we are pressed up against each other, we can both fit in.”
“Okay…I ww..will try.” Kalinda says, shivering and leaning onto the edge of the raised concrete bedding.
Alicia carefully lets go of Kalinda and proceeds to put the sleeping-bag on the ground, zips it halfway closed and turns back to Kalinda.
“Okay, I need to just remove your boots or we won’t fit in.” Alicia says.
“Okay.”
Alicia crouches down to unzip Kalinda’s knee high boots and removes them both. She then removes her own boots. She turns back to Kalinda to help her get down and into the sleeping-bag. Alicia then gets into the sleeping-bag herself and gets as close to Kalinda as she can so that she can pull up the rest of the zip. The sleeping-bag has a hood, which is adjustable and fits around both of their heads. There is not much room for them to move around in, but Alicia somehow manages to turn Kalinda onto her side so that they are facing each other and wraps her arms around her. Kalinda also wraps her arms around Alicia so that they are really pressed up against each other. They need to have their bodies touching each other completely if they wanted to warm up.
“Are you comfortable?” Alicia asks.
“Still ccc…cold.”
“I think it will take a few minutes for our body heat to exchange and for us to warm up. At least this sleeping-bag is thick.”
“Okay.” Is all Kalinda could manage. She was feeling drowsy again and her eyes were shutting.
“Kalinda, stay awake.” Alicia said as she tried to tighten her arms around Kalinda's body. She never really noticed before just how petite Kalinda really was.
“I'm tt…trying. My…eyes…just want to close.”
“Tell me, why were you up here on the roof?” Alicia asked, more to try keep Kalinda awake, but she really wanted to know the answer.
“I…just.. I…nn…needed air.” Kalinda wasn't sure what to say. She couldn't exactly tell Alicia the real reason - that she was in love with her.
“Courtney told me that she ss…saw you before yy… you headed upstairs. She said she saw you cc..coming out of mmm…my office aaa…and that you looked really upset. Like yy…you were about to cry..”
Kalinda was quiet. She didn't know what to say. She didn't think anyone had seen her. They remained silent for a while until Alicia spoke again.
“Why were you upset? Because I found out?”
Still no response.
“Is this what Blake had on you?”
Still no response. Instead, Kalinda tightened her arms around Alicia, her hands on Alicia's back and her left cheek resting against Alicia's chest. It was then that Alicia felt her chest become wet. It was too dark for her to see so she brought her hand up to Kalinda's face. That's when she felt the tears. Kalinda then let out a loud and heartbreaking sob. She brought her right hand up to mouth to try and stop herself, but she couldn't. She'd never cried like this in front of anybody. And to do it in front of Alicia, of all people. But there was nothing she could do. She then felt Alicia's thumb stroking her cheeks gently, trying to wipe away her tears, which made her sob even more.
“Shshshshshshsh…. it's all right….” Alicia said soothingly, stroking Kalinda's cheek.
It took several minutes for Kalinda's sobs to subside. Alicia had held her as tightly as she could with her right arm while she palmed Kalinda's cheek and tried wiping away tears. It was truly heartbreaking for Alicia to hear Kalinda's emotional eruption. It made her wonder what exactly she meant to this woman sobbing in her arms like this. Kalinda never showed her vulnerable side. Not even to Alicia. So this had to mean something. Their friendship must have been real to Kalinda.
“You know, you could have picked a warmer month to get locked out here. At least when I got locked out here last year, it was in the middle of August.” Alicia said teasingly, trying to lighten the mood.
Kalinda choked on a sob and started coughing. Alicia patted Kalinda's back until she recovered and started catching her breath back again.
“You okay?” Alicia asked, rubbing Kalinda's back.
“Yeah.” Kalinda said in a broken voice.
“Good.” Alicia continued rubbing Kalinda's back until she could hear a soft purring. She thought Kalinda had fallen asleep when she suddenly heard her speak.”
“As I rr…recall, I came to your rescue. And I even managed to keep the door open. So I guess we are even, now?”
“Ha, that's not fair. At least I called you then. I had to guess that you were up here tonight. If you had called someone as soon as you realised that you were locked out here, then we wouldn't be in this mess.”
“I forgot about the door when I go up here. I had other things on my mind.”
“More important than staying alive?”
“Yes.”
“What could be more important than your own survival?”
“The fact that I ruined the best friendship I've ever had in my life.” Kalinda said, softly. “The only friendship...”
Alicia felt a pang.
“You lied to me.” She said, her voice breaking,
“I know…. I'm sorry.”
“Why did you do it?”
“Lie to you?”
“Yeah. And why become my friend? You knew who I was...”
“I liked you. I thought you were strong and courageous. I wanted some of that to rub off on me. And then the more I got to know you, I...”
“You're kidding, right?”
“I'm not.”
“I wanted to be more like you.”
“What? A cold hearted bitch?”
“No. Just stronger, able to stand up for myself, not take any crap from anyone, not having to be the one that Will and Diane always choose to hand-hold our clients just because they think I'm soft.”
“Trust me, you don’t want to be like me..”
“But that's just it. I did trust you. Why didn't you tell me, Kalinda?”
“I… I wanted to…. I…” Kalinda couldn't finish the sentence.
“Kalinda, just tell me.”
Kalinda couldn't. Instead, she brought her right hand up to feel Alicia's face. She palmed her cheek and rubbed her thumb gently over Alicia's lips. She then did the only thing she could do to show Alicia what she couldn't tell her in words. She stretched her neck up and kissed her on the lips.
It was a soft closed-mouth kiss which only lasted about ten seconds, but it felt so powerful. Kalinda was glad that it was dark so that she couldn't see Alicia's reaction when she pulled away. She could only hear Alicia's heavy breathing and wondered what she was thinking, but didn't dare ask her.
For Alicia's part, Kalinda's kiss actually didn't come as a surprise to her. She had long suspected that Kalinda was attracted to her - before she found out that Kalinda had slept with Peter - which was why she felt more than angry. She just couldn't figure out what the other feeling was. But now, having had Kalinda's lips on hers, realising that Kalinda actually did like her… Could she have been just as attracted to Kalinda? Could she still be? All she knew now in this moment was that she wanted to feel Kalinda's lips on hers again. She realised that she was breathing heavily, but was unable to speak. She guessed that Kalinda was probably worried about her silence, but instead of voicing her reaction - and wanting to feel that feeling she had only moments ago felt - she kissed Kalinda. It started off soft at first. She could tell that Kalinda was surprised because her lips were rigid. But then she felt Kalinda's lips relax and heard a moan escape Kalinda's mouth as she started kissing back. Kalinda's arms were wrapped around Alicia's waist, Alicia's right arm wrapped around Kalinda's shoulder and her left hand palming Kalinda's right cheek.
Kalinda was stunned when she felt Alicia's lips back on her own. At first, she thought it was a mistake. Perhaps Alicia only meant to kiss her cheek as a friendly gesture to say “thanks, but I don't feel that way towards you”. Instead, she got her lips since it was too dark to see where she was kissing. Alicia's lips stayed where they were and she had pressed her lips harder against Kalinda's until Kalinda finally realised that Alicia was actually kissing her. She let a moan escape her as she opened her mouth. At her astonishment, Alicia took that opportunity to slip her tongue into Kalinda's mouth. This caused another moan to escape from Kalinda and then she reciprocated and the kiss became heated. Her arms tightened around Alicia's waist, their legs entwined, and then Alicia's hand cupped her cheek. Kalinda couldn't help her tears flowing. Alicia pulled away just as suddenly as she had started the kiss. Kalinda panicked, thinking Alicia had realised she was making a mistake, but then she felt Alicia's thumb wipe away at her tears and felt Alicia's lips softly kissing her forehead before wrapping her arms around Kalinda's neck.
“Are you feeling warmer now?” Alicia asked.
“A bit.” Kalinda answered, her voice breaking. Unsure of what to say next, she kept quiet.
“Good.” Alicia said, her arms still wrapped tightly around Kalinda.
It was silent for a few more minutes before Kalinda spoke.
“I didn't tell you because I was afraid of... losing you. This morning, when you confronted me, I was totally numb. I realised what I had just lost. When you told me to get out of your office, I really thought my legs wouldn't be able to move. Like I was stuck to my seat. I just…”
“I'm sorry for my…for the way I reacted. I - “
“I deserve -“
“Let me finish, Kalinda. I was angry. It wasn't even about Peter sleeping with you. It was about… you sleeping with Peter… I liked you. A lot. I was just really caught off guard, Kalinda. And when I say that I was caught off guard, I mean that I was caught off guard by my feelings for you. I was really confused and angry and… in denial. I really thought that our friendship was a lie. That you were only my friend out of guilt -“
“Alicia, it was real. It is real. I don't have friends. You were a friend. You are my best friend. I just, I'm not used to having friends. I don't know the etiquettes… I just know how I feel about you.”
“How do you feel?”
“Alicia, if my kiss hasn't told you how much I love you, then I'm afraid you will never know….”
“Hang on, what did you just say?”
“Do I really need to repeat myself?”
“Yes, you do.”
“Alicia, I'm feeling cold again. I think it would be much better if I showed you instead.” With that, Kalinda leant up and kissed Alicia again. Alicia kissed back and once again, it heated up.
Just then, the door flung open and huge torch lights were shining over them. They quickly pulled apart just before Will came running towards them, followed by paramedics. They were freed from the confines of the sleeping-bag and each other and were wrapped up in blankets before being taken down stairs and transported in separate ambulances to Northwestern University Hospital.
They had both secretly wished that they had a few minutes longer in each other's arms, but were happy to be in the warmth and comfort of anywhere indoors.
The doctors had told them how lucky they both were to have escaped alive and without frostbite. Especially Kalinda.
After a night in hospital, only Alicia was released. Kalinda had to stay at least another night as the doctor had suspected that she may have caught pneumonia. Alicia was allowed to go home with her kids whilst Kalinda had to stay behind with nobody to look after her apart from the doctors and nurses she didn't care about.
Before she left, Alicia stopped by Kalinda's room. She asked Zach and Grace to wait outside while she went in as she needed to be alone with Kalinda. It was a private room, thanks to Will.
To say Kalinda was surprised to see Alicia was an understatement.
“H-hi.” Kalinda's surprise must have shown on her face.
“What? You didn't think I'd come to check on you before I left?” Alicia asked as she sat down in a chair beside Kalinda's bed. She noticed how pale Kalinda looked. And it was the first time she'd ever seen her with her hair down and without makeup.
“I wasn't sure.” Kalinda said, looking down.
“Kalinda, I… If you think I go around kissing just anyone then you really don't know me at all.”
“Well….I guess you don't have a reputation for being a slut…”
“Nope….but you do.”
“That's just what I want people to think….you know the real me.”
“I'm probably the only person who does.”
“Well don't tell anyone or I'll just have to deny it.”
“Did you mean what you said last night?” Alicia asked more seriously.
“I said many things last night…. To what exactly are you referring?”
“You know what I'm asking, Kalinda… Did you mean it?”
“I said many things last night…and I meant every word.”
There was was silence for a few moments as Alicia pondered what was revealed to her. She leant forward and whispered in Kalinda's ear.
“I love you too.”
Before she was able to catch Kalinda's surprised expression, she caught her lips with her own. It was a fiercely passionate kiss and by the time they pulled apart, they were both panting.
“So what does this mean? “ Kalinda asked still out of breath.
“I don't know yet… I still want us to have a talk about…. everything. But we can do that later. I need to go home and have a shower. Really need some fresh clothes. And real food. I'll come back to see you later during visiting hours. Is there anything I can bring back for you?”
“Hmmmm….. Maybe a sleeping-bag? This linen is really scratchy!”
Alicia actually laughed out loud as she got up and gave Kalinda a quick peck on the lips before she walked to the door. She looked back once more at Kalinda.
“I think I might actually have one! See you later, Kalinda.” Alicia smiled and left the room.
Kalinda lay back and looked at the clock on the wall in front of her. Visiting hours was 6 whole hours away. It was going to be a long day, but well worth the wait.
The End.
“That was Cary. His cold case… We’re going to stay in touch.” Kalinda say as she sits down next to Alicia’s desk. “So, whats up?”
“No, Kalinda. No…” Alicia isn’t looking at Kalinda. She can’t.
“What?” Kalinda seems confused.
Alicia turns to look at her.
“We both work here. We’re both going to continue to work here. So lets not talk.”
Kalinda is looking panicked. It hits her. Alicia knows!
“Alicia…”
“No. You don’t explain anything. You do not put a single thing in context. You slept with my husband.” Alicia’s voice breaks. “You do not say anything after that, you do not. It is selfish to say anything after that. I work here and you work here, but that’s it. When you can find another case, do it. When you can walk the other way, do. Now get out of my office.”
Kalinda just looks at Alicia for a few seconds. She is shocked and it takes her a second to register what Alicia has just asked her to do.
“Kalinda, there are so many people who can see us right now, but I swear…I will scream at the top of my lungs if you do not get out of my office now…”
Kalinda feels distraught, but does as she is told. She is shaking, but manages to gather her things and leaves.
She heads for the lift, but thinks twice. She is feeling emotions she didn’t think she possessed. She feels her lips start to quiver and has to cover her mouth just as she pushes through the door into the stairwell. She runs up the stairs until she reaches the roof terrace, flings the door open and breathes in the cold air as if she was losing her capacity to breathe. She collapses to her knees and cries into her hands. Her breakdown is unlike anything she has ever experienced. Only now does she realize what Alicia really means to her. She is totally in love with this woman, and Kalinda has never loved anyone before in her life, apart from her own mother.. She is up there for a while before she is able to compose herself and decides to go back down. She goes to open the door, but she can't open it. She forgot that the door to the roof automatically locks itself when it shuts and you can only open it from the inside. She starts to panic. It's the middle of February, it's freezing outside and it looks like the snow is about to start up again. She doesn't have a coat on and her phone’s batteries have completely drained from being in such low temperature conditions. Her body was on adrenaline from her emotions, so she hadn’t felt the cold until now. She starts to shiver and prays that someone may have seen her head up stairs…
Will and Diane have been looking for Kalinda all afternoon to look into some case they are working on. No one has seen her. They even ask Alicia, but she hasn't seen her since their “talk”a few hours earlier. She doesn't seem too worried. She thinks Kalinda is just avoiding the office. Eventually, at about 5pm, Courtney knocks on Alicia's office door to say goodnight and turns to walk away, but stops and turns back to Alicia.
"Um, Mrs Florrick?"
"Yes, Courtney?" Alicia doesn't look up from the paperwork she is doing.
"Has Ms. Sharma come back yet? Her coat and bag are still in her office. I saw her go up the stairs a few hours ago, but haven't seen her since. She looked really upset about something."
Alicia looked up. She felt a twinge of guilt. She didn't think her confrontation had any effect on Kalinda. She just looked like she couldn't get out of Alicia's office quick enough. She didn't look upset, though she was shaking a bit. Alicia just thought she was just annoyed at being found out.
"Are you sure she isn't chasing a lead or something?" Alicia asked.
"Without a coat? It's freezing outside. It must be at most 28 degrees out there. She must be in the building."
"When did you last see her?" Alicia asked, getting up. She walked out of her office, Courtney following closely behind her.
"Um, probably about 11:45 this morning. I saw her come out your office and she headed straight for the stairs. I really thought she was going to burst into tears. Her lips looked like they were quivering. She covered her mouth just before she burst through the door into the stairwell."
Alicia tried to ignore what Courtney had just revealed. They reached Kalinda's office and Alicia inspected Kalinda's bag and coat. No phone, but she found Kalinda’s car key. She checked her desk and saw that Kalinda's laptop was still there.
"I can't find her cell phone. She must have it on her. Has anyone tried calling her?" Alicia asked.
"Yeah, both Ms Lockheart and Mr Gardner tried calling her. They only got her voicemail. They've been leaving messages.
Alicia got her phone out - she still had Kalinda's number on quick dial. She touched the screen on Kalinda’s name, but it went straight to voicemail. Damn! She left a message: "Kalinda? It's Alicia... Call me as soon as you get this message." She tried to sound calm, but even she could hear her own voice sounded almost panicky. She turned back to Courtney. "How do you know she went upstairs?"
"Well, I followed her to see if she was ok, but by the time I got to the stairs, I saw her running up them. I called after her, but she just ignored me. I figured I should just mind my own business. But then, later, I overheard Mr. Gardner asking around the office if anyone had seen her."
"So, did you tell him what you told me?"
"Yeah. He said he would check all the floors."
“But he hasn't found her?"
“I don't know, I haven't seen him again since this afternoon."
"Has he left for the day already? It's only just after 5pm."
"Yeah, he's left the building. I think he was meeting up with someone. Ms Lockheart just left as well. But I think she was going to keep calling Ms Sharma."
Alicia sat down at Kalinda's desk and opened her laptop. She switched it on, but it needed a passcode. She had no idea what it was. She looked through Kalinda's drawers for any clues, checked to see if there were any notes or reminders on her desk calendar. Nothing, except for a dentist appointment at 4:20 pm. But there was no way Kalinda would have left to go outside without her coat or her bag. She checked her bag again. Her orange notebook was missing. She was sure she saw Kalinda picking up her notebook after she told Kalinda to get out her office. She cringed as she remembered telling her that she'd scream at the top of her lungs if Kalinda didn't leave. She could feel herself blushing as she remembers her childish behaviour.
"Are you okay, Mrs Florrick?" Courtney must have noticed Alicia's face turn red.
"Yeah, I'm fine. You can go home, Courtney. I'll stay here until Kalinda arrives. If she isn't here by 6, then I will call Will and Diane."
"Are you sure, Mrs Florrick? I have a date with my sister, but I can reschedule if you need me to stay."
"No, no, you go. I'll stay. I need to finish off some paperwork, anyway."
"Okay. But if you need anything then please don't hesitate to call me."
"Okay, thanks Courtney. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Mrs Florrick." Courtney leaves reluctantly.
Alicia goes back to her office and tries phoning Kalinda a couple more times. She leaves another message - more urgent, this time. Kalinda went up? Up to where? Surely not to the roof! Wouldn't it be locked at this time of year? Alicia went pale. She remembered that the door to the roof locked automatically from the outside when it closed. It was on a spring system so if someone needed to keep it open, they would have to prop it open with something substantially heavy. She had been stuck up there once herself when she had gone up for some air. Luckily it was in the summer and she had her phone so she called Kalinda to come rescue her. If Kalinda had really been as upset as Courtney claimed she was, she may have just forgotten to prop the door open.
"Oh my God!" She says to herself as she looks outside the window. It's already twilight and it's been snowing again. She realises that even if Kalinda did have her phone, then the batteries would have died by now. She hopes she isn't too late. She gets up and throws her coat on, grabs her phone, runs to Kalinda's office and grabs her coat. She checks a cupboard in Wills office to see if he kept any blankets in it. He sometimes slept over in his office if he was having a late night. She finds a sleeping-bag and grabs it, runs for the stair well and runs up the stairs faster than she ever thought she could and throws the door open.
"Kalinda!"
She screams out, but there's no answer. It's getting dark and the street lamps offer no light. She checks her phones battery power. It's only at 27% at the moment, but she knows it won't last long. She switches the flashlight on her phones and looks around the roof. She spots Kalinda in a corner, slumped over and curled into a tight ball. Alicia runs up to her and forgets about the door. Kalinda's passed out so Alicia feels Kalinda's wrist for a pulse. It's there, but barely.... Then she remembers the door. They’re both locked up here now. She checks her phone and the battery is down to 13 % already. She calls Courtney, but only gets her voicemail. She leaves a message and then also texts Will to let him know their location and circumstances. Checks her battery again and realises her phone is down to 3%. She dials 911.
“911. What’s your emergency?”
“Hi, I need help. My friend and I are stuck up on the roof of my office building. The door to the roof is locked! It's freezing outside and she's lost consciousness.”
“What is your location?”
“We work for a law firm called “Lockheart Gardner”. It’s their building. Please hurry, she has been up here a few hours already. I’ve ju-“
The call ended suddenly with Alicia’s phone dying. FUCK! What now? I hope I was on long enough for them to trace this call., she thought as she looked back at Kalinda.
All they can do now is wait and pray that Courtney and Will get her messages. And that 911 get their location. She tries to arouse Kalinda by sitting her up to put her coat on. She feels frozen, she's so pale and her lips are blue. It's a miracle that she alive. Alicia is starting to feel the cold herself. She sits down next to Kalinda and covers them both with Will’s sleeping-bag, trying to warm her up. Luckily, the sleeping bag is able to open up fully like a duvet. She thinks she can hear Kalinda trying to speak, but her voice is too low.
“Alicia?” Kalinda says, surprised. Maybe she's hallucinating, she thinks.
“Can you speak up, Kalinda?”
“I'm… sorry…. I'm….so….sorry.” Kalinda is shivering as she speaks and her voice is raw. She starts trembling and her teeth are chattering. “I'm…..so….sss….sorry….I….dd…didn’t…want..tt…to…”
Alicia doesn't know what to think, but knows now is not the time to talk or think about Kalinda and Peter.
“Shhh, Kalinda. Just try to relax. Don't think about that now. God, you're freezing, Kalinda! We need to get you out of here.”
“I..I've ttt…tried, there's no ww…way out. My phone is ddd…dead.”
Kalinda curls herself into Alicia. She feels like she’s dreaming. She can't believe Alicia is here, holding her. Perhaps she's died and gone to heaven? After this morning’s confrontation with her, she never thought this would ever happen. But now they are both locked outside and she can't let anything bad happen to Alicia. But she is so cold and she is struggling to stay awake.
“I'm sorry, I let the damn door close on us. I’m so stupid! I just saw you and I forgot all about the locking system. I’ve called Courtney and left her a message. I sent Will a text message too, so they know we are here, but who knows when they will get the message. And I have just called 911, but my phone died while I was speaking to someone. Hopefully they got our location in time.” Alicia starts to shiver now, too. Even with her warm coat, the cold is just too intense.
“I'm sss…surprised you…cc..came….looking…ff….for…mmm…me.”
Alicia felt bad. Even though she was angry with Kalinda, she never actually gave her a chance to explain.
“Well, you should really thank Courtney. Sss…she alerted me tt..to you being mmm…missing. Damn, www…we need to do something to keep warm. Maybe we should ww…walk about together.”
“I…ddd…don't…think…I…cccc….can.”
“Let's just try?” Alicia said, standing up. She helped Kalinda up, but she was just too weak to stay standing and collapses into Alicia's arms. Alicia holds her up and embraces her in a tight hug. She can feel Kalinda's clothes are cold and wet under her coat. “Kalinda, www…we need to get you out of those ww…wet clothes.”
“Www..what?” Kalinda sounds panicked. “Www…why?”
“Because, they are preventing you from warming uu…up. I read that body hh….heat will help two or more people www…who aaa…are stuck out in th…the cold. Lets jjj…just find a warmer place. We need to get away from this wind chill and stay ccc…close to the door in case someone comes up looking for us. Then I nnn…need to remove your clothes, okay?"
“Ooo…okay…but…I…cc…can't…move..my legs.”
“Okay,” Alicia says, still holding Kalinda tightly to keep her from collapsing to the ground.
Kalinda's arms are wrapped around Alicia's waist and she's short enough that Alicia can rest her chin on Kalinda's head. Alicia looks around, but can hardly see much. It's pretty dark, but she thinks she sees a spot that looks like a raised concrete bed. That should block the wind, and it's near enough to the door that they will be found when help eventually arrives. It's only a few feet away from where they were so Alicia wraps the sleeping-bag around Kalinda, lifts her in her arms and carries her to their new spot. She gently places Kalinda so that she is standing on the ground, leaning against the raised bed. She then removes Kalinda's coat and leather waistcoat, and then her flimsy chiffon blouse. Just with her bra covering her top half, Kalinda is shivering. She's not sure if it's from the cold or from the excitement of exchanging body heat with Alicia. Alicia then removes her own coat, blazer and blouse, also left in just her bra to cover her top half.
“Kalinda, can you try hold yourself up for a few seconds? I am just going to lay the sleeping-bag on the ground and close it up half way. It is just a single adult size, but I think that if we are pressed up against each other, we can both fit in.”
“Okay…I ww..will try.” Kalinda says, shivering and leaning onto the edge of the raised concrete bedding.
Alicia carefully lets go of Kalinda and proceeds to put the sleeping-bag on the ground, zips it halfway closed and turns back to Kalinda.
“Okay, I need to just remove your boots or we won’t fit in.” Alicia says.
“Okay.”
Alicia crouches down to unzip Kalinda’s knee high boots and removes them both. She then removes her own boots. She turns back to Kalinda to help her get down and into the sleeping-bag. Alicia then gets into the sleeping-bag herself and gets as close to Kalinda as she can so that she can pull up the rest of the zip. The sleeping-bag has a hood, which is adjustable and fits around both of their heads. There is not much room for them to move around in, but Alicia somehow manages to turn Kalinda onto her side so that they are facing each other and wraps her arms around her. Kalinda also wraps her arms around Alicia so that they are really pressed up against each other. They need to have their bodies touching each other completely if they wanted to warm up.
“Are you comfortable?” Alicia asks.
“Still ccc…cold.”
“I think it will take a few minutes for our body heat to exchange and for us to warm up. At least this sleeping-bag is thick.”
“Okay.” Is all Kalinda could manage. She was feeling drowsy again and her eyes were shutting.
“Kalinda, stay awake.” Alicia said as she tried to tighten her arms around Kalinda's body. She never really noticed before just how petite Kalinda really was.
“I'm tt…trying. My…eyes…just want to close.”
“Tell me, why were you up here on the roof?” Alicia asked, more to try keep Kalinda awake, but she really wanted to know the answer.
“I…just.. I…nn…needed air.” Kalinda wasn't sure what to say. She couldn't exactly tell Alicia the real reason - that she was in love with her.
“Courtney told me that she ss…saw you before yy… you headed upstairs. She said she saw you cc..coming out of mmm…my office aaa…and that you looked really upset. Like yy…you were about to cry..”
Kalinda was quiet. She didn't know what to say. She didn't think anyone had seen her. They remained silent for a while until Alicia spoke again.
“Why were you upset? Because I found out?”
Still no response.
“Is this what Blake had on you?”
Still no response. Instead, Kalinda tightened her arms around Alicia, her hands on Alicia's back and her left cheek resting against Alicia's chest. It was then that Alicia felt her chest become wet. It was too dark for her to see so she brought her hand up to Kalinda's face. That's when she felt the tears. Kalinda then let out a loud and heartbreaking sob. She brought her right hand up to mouth to try and stop herself, but she couldn't. She'd never cried like this in front of anybody. And to do it in front of Alicia, of all people. But there was nothing she could do. She then felt Alicia's thumb stroking her cheeks gently, trying to wipe away her tears, which made her sob even more.
“Shshshshshshsh…. it's all right….” Alicia said soothingly, stroking Kalinda's cheek.
It took several minutes for Kalinda's sobs to subside. Alicia had held her as tightly as she could with her right arm while she palmed Kalinda's cheek and tried wiping away tears. It was truly heartbreaking for Alicia to hear Kalinda's emotional eruption. It made her wonder what exactly she meant to this woman sobbing in her arms like this. Kalinda never showed her vulnerable side. Not even to Alicia. So this had to mean something. Their friendship must have been real to Kalinda.
“You know, you could have picked a warmer month to get locked out here. At least when I got locked out here last year, it was in the middle of August.” Alicia said teasingly, trying to lighten the mood.
Kalinda choked on a sob and started coughing. Alicia patted Kalinda's back until she recovered and started catching her breath back again.
“You okay?” Alicia asked, rubbing Kalinda's back.
“Yeah.” Kalinda said in a broken voice.
“Good.” Alicia continued rubbing Kalinda's back until she could hear a soft purring. She thought Kalinda had fallen asleep when she suddenly heard her speak.”
“As I rr…recall, I came to your rescue. And I even managed to keep the door open. So I guess we are even, now?”
“Ha, that's not fair. At least I called you then. I had to guess that you were up here tonight. If you had called someone as soon as you realised that you were locked out here, then we wouldn't be in this mess.”
“I forgot about the door when I go up here. I had other things on my mind.”
“More important than staying alive?”
“Yes.”
“What could be more important than your own survival?”
“The fact that I ruined the best friendship I've ever had in my life.” Kalinda said, softly. “The only friendship...”
Alicia felt a pang.
“You lied to me.” She said, her voice breaking,
“I know…. I'm sorry.”
“Why did you do it?”
“Lie to you?”
“Yeah. And why become my friend? You knew who I was...”
“I liked you. I thought you were strong and courageous. I wanted some of that to rub off on me. And then the more I got to know you, I...”
“You're kidding, right?”
“I'm not.”
“I wanted to be more like you.”
“What? A cold hearted bitch?”
“No. Just stronger, able to stand up for myself, not take any crap from anyone, not having to be the one that Will and Diane always choose to hand-hold our clients just because they think I'm soft.”
“Trust me, you don’t want to be like me..”
“But that's just it. I did trust you. Why didn't you tell me, Kalinda?”
“I… I wanted to…. I…” Kalinda couldn't finish the sentence.
“Kalinda, just tell me.”
Kalinda couldn't. Instead, she brought her right hand up to feel Alicia's face. She palmed her cheek and rubbed her thumb gently over Alicia's lips. She then did the only thing she could do to show Alicia what she couldn't tell her in words. She stretched her neck up and kissed her on the lips.
It was a soft closed-mouth kiss which only lasted about ten seconds, but it felt so powerful. Kalinda was glad that it was dark so that she couldn't see Alicia's reaction when she pulled away. She could only hear Alicia's heavy breathing and wondered what she was thinking, but didn't dare ask her.
For Alicia's part, Kalinda's kiss actually didn't come as a surprise to her. She had long suspected that Kalinda was attracted to her - before she found out that Kalinda had slept with Peter - which was why she felt more than angry. She just couldn't figure out what the other feeling was. But now, having had Kalinda's lips on hers, realising that Kalinda actually did like her… Could she have been just as attracted to Kalinda? Could she still be? All she knew now in this moment was that she wanted to feel Kalinda's lips on hers again. She realised that she was breathing heavily, but was unable to speak. She guessed that Kalinda was probably worried about her silence, but instead of voicing her reaction - and wanting to feel that feeling she had only moments ago felt - she kissed Kalinda. It started off soft at first. She could tell that Kalinda was surprised because her lips were rigid. But then she felt Kalinda's lips relax and heard a moan escape Kalinda's mouth as she started kissing back. Kalinda's arms were wrapped around Alicia's waist, Alicia's right arm wrapped around Kalinda's shoulder and her left hand palming Kalinda's right cheek.
Kalinda was stunned when she felt Alicia's lips back on her own. At first, she thought it was a mistake. Perhaps Alicia only meant to kiss her cheek as a friendly gesture to say “thanks, but I don't feel that way towards you”. Instead, she got her lips since it was too dark to see where she was kissing. Alicia's lips stayed where they were and she had pressed her lips harder against Kalinda's until Kalinda finally realised that Alicia was actually kissing her. She let a moan escape her as she opened her mouth. At her astonishment, Alicia took that opportunity to slip her tongue into Kalinda's mouth. This caused another moan to escape from Kalinda and then she reciprocated and the kiss became heated. Her arms tightened around Alicia's waist, their legs entwined, and then Alicia's hand cupped her cheek. Kalinda couldn't help her tears flowing. Alicia pulled away just as suddenly as she had started the kiss. Kalinda panicked, thinking Alicia had realised she was making a mistake, but then she felt Alicia's thumb wipe away at her tears and felt Alicia's lips softly kissing her forehead before wrapping her arms around Kalinda's neck.
“Are you feeling warmer now?” Alicia asked.
“A bit.” Kalinda answered, her voice breaking. Unsure of what to say next, she kept quiet.
“Good.” Alicia said, her arms still wrapped tightly around Kalinda.
It was silent for a few more minutes before Kalinda spoke.
“I didn't tell you because I was afraid of... losing you. This morning, when you confronted me, I was totally numb. I realised what I had just lost. When you told me to get out of your office, I really thought my legs wouldn't be able to move. Like I was stuck to my seat. I just…”
“I'm sorry for my…for the way I reacted. I - “
“I deserve -“
“Let me finish, Kalinda. I was angry. It wasn't even about Peter sleeping with you. It was about… you sleeping with Peter… I liked you. A lot. I was just really caught off guard, Kalinda. And when I say that I was caught off guard, I mean that I was caught off guard by my feelings for you. I was really confused and angry and… in denial. I really thought that our friendship was a lie. That you were only my friend out of guilt -“
“Alicia, it was real. It is real. I don't have friends. You were a friend. You are my best friend. I just, I'm not used to having friends. I don't know the etiquettes… I just know how I feel about you.”
“How do you feel?”
“Alicia, if my kiss hasn't told you how much I love you, then I'm afraid you will never know….”
“Hang on, what did you just say?”
“Do I really need to repeat myself?”
“Yes, you do.”
“Alicia, I'm feeling cold again. I think it would be much better if I showed you instead.” With that, Kalinda leant up and kissed Alicia again. Alicia kissed back and once again, it heated up.
Just then, the door flung open and huge torch lights were shining over them. They quickly pulled apart just before Will came running towards them, followed by paramedics. They were freed from the confines of the sleeping-bag and each other and were wrapped up in blankets before being taken down stairs and transported in separate ambulances to Northwestern University Hospital.
They had both secretly wished that they had a few minutes longer in each other's arms, but were happy to be in the warmth and comfort of anywhere indoors.
The doctors had told them how lucky they both were to have escaped alive and without frostbite. Especially Kalinda.
After a night in hospital, only Alicia was released. Kalinda had to stay at least another night as the doctor had suspected that she may have caught pneumonia. Alicia was allowed to go home with her kids whilst Kalinda had to stay behind with nobody to look after her apart from the doctors and nurses she didn't care about.
Before she left, Alicia stopped by Kalinda's room. She asked Zach and Grace to wait outside while she went in as she needed to be alone with Kalinda. It was a private room, thanks to Will.
To say Kalinda was surprised to see Alicia was an understatement.
“H-hi.” Kalinda's surprise must have shown on her face.
“What? You didn't think I'd come to check on you before I left?” Alicia asked as she sat down in a chair beside Kalinda's bed. She noticed how pale Kalinda looked. And it was the first time she'd ever seen her with her hair down and without makeup.
“I wasn't sure.” Kalinda said, looking down.
“Kalinda, I… If you think I go around kissing just anyone then you really don't know me at all.”
“Well….I guess you don't have a reputation for being a slut…”
“Nope….but you do.”
“That's just what I want people to think….you know the real me.”
“I'm probably the only person who does.”
“Well don't tell anyone or I'll just have to deny it.”
“Did you mean what you said last night?” Alicia asked more seriously.
“I said many things last night…. To what exactly are you referring?”
“You know what I'm asking, Kalinda… Did you mean it?”
“I said many things last night…and I meant every word.”
There was was silence for a few moments as Alicia pondered what was revealed to her. She leant forward and whispered in Kalinda's ear.
“I love you too.”
Before she was able to catch Kalinda's surprised expression, she caught her lips with her own. It was a fiercely passionate kiss and by the time they pulled apart, they were both panting.
“So what does this mean? “ Kalinda asked still out of breath.
“I don't know yet… I still want us to have a talk about…. everything. But we can do that later. I need to go home and have a shower. Really need some fresh clothes. And real food. I'll come back to see you later during visiting hours. Is there anything I can bring back for you?”
“Hmmmm….. Maybe a sleeping-bag? This linen is really scratchy!”
Alicia actually laughed out loud as she got up and gave Kalinda a quick peck on the lips before she walked to the door. She looked back once more at Kalinda.
“I think I might actually have one! See you later, Kalinda.” Alicia smiled and left the room.
Kalinda lay back and looked at the clock on the wall in front of her. Visiting hours was 6 whole hours away. It was going to be a long day, but well worth the wait.
The End.