A New Beginning: Chapter 6 - by Kaliciafan
Chapter 6
After quickly stopping off at a supermarket for some groceries, they finally arrived at Kalinda's apartment. Alicia parked in Kalinda's space. Kalinda's car was still at her local garage getting repaired, which was why she was taking the train to work the previous morning. They huddled together into a very small lift. They just fit, but they had to squeeze in and Alicia was pressed up against Kalinda. Neither of them spoke as the lift travelled up to Kalinda's floor. Kalinda could smell Alicia's perfume, which she remembered from when they were friends all those years ago. It brought back a memory from when they were working one of their first cases together where Alicia was helping the son of one of her friends from Highland Park. Alicia was lost in her own thought as she was staring down on Kalinda thinking how petite she was standing there next to her. Alicia towered over her, which made her suddenly feel protective over Kalinda. Her thoughts then turned to Kalinda's husband. Both women were abruptly brought back to the present when the lift pinged and the doors opened. They got out - Kalinda pushing the stroller and Alicia carrying all the shopping - and walked down the corridor up to Kalinda's door. Silent yet again as they walked, Alicia realising she had never been to Kalinda's apartment and then remembering when Kalinda had given her change of address card. That was a very special moment in their friendship. And then it was all lost. Kalinda finally broke the silence as she opened her door.
"You can put the shopping just in there." Kalinda pointed to the kitchen. "I'm just going to change Leela's diaper."
"Okay." Alicia put the groceries on the island and then looked around. Kalinda's apartment was open planned and actually looked quite homely and cosy. Her kitchen was free standing and looked liked it was actually used for its intended purpose. She tried to imagine Kalinda cooking and wondered what kind of food she enjoyed most. She started unpacking and put all the ingredients she needed to make lunch to one side. She then opened the fridge and checked to see if anything needed to be thrown out. It was mostly empty apart from some milk and various cheeses and grapes, a bottle of rosé. She never figured Kalinda to be a cheese and wine kind of person. But she was realising that she never really knew much about Kalinda outside of work. There were a few carrots and cauliflower in the vegetable tray, which looked fine. She then packed away food that needed to be refrigerated and went into the living room. She plonked herself onto a very comfortable looking corner sofa, which she was sure she had seen before on a recent trip to IKEA. And her coffee table looked like an old up-cycled wagon wheel. Like something out of the film "When Harry met Sally". On it were a few home magazines and a new IKEA catalogue that had been well thumbed through. There were a few pages ear-marked. She looked through it and noticed that all the earmarked pages were for the nursery section. There were some ticks next to items, which she assumed that Kalinda had already bought, and question marks next to other items, which she wondered if they were on Kalinda's wish list. Kalinda came out carrying a Moses basket which she placed in front of the sofa next to her as she plonked herself down next to Alicia. Leela lay sleepily in it.
"So, you finished being nosy?" Kalinda smiled as she looked at Alicia.
"I, uh, not yet. Still need to see your bedroom." Alicia blushed.
"Go ahead. It's just that room I came out of." Kalinda pointed. She would normally never let anyone see her bedroom, but this was Alicia.
"Um, I'll go in a while." Alicia was still blushing. She was very curious to see what Kalinda's private sanctuary looked like, but couldn't bring herself to leave Kalinda's side quite yet. Plus, she needed to start lunch and get Leela's cot assembled. She also wanted to ask Kalinda about Nick. "I guess I'll just get lunch ready? I hope you like Italian. I thought a lasagna would be nice and easy to make."
"Sounds good. I'll help."
They both got up together, but Kalinda suddenly felt dizzy and started falling back. Alicia caught her in her arms.
"Whoa! You okay?" She looked down at a pale Kalinda.
"Yeah, I think I just got up too quickly. I'm fine." Kalinda said as she looked up into Alicia's worried eyes. Alicia was still holding onto her and she didn't want Alicia to let her go.
"Are you sure? I can make the lasagna myself. It's easy and won't take long. You can rest on the sofa. Put your feet up. On your wagon wheel coffee table." Alicia winked as she reluctantly let go of Kalinda.
"Are you making fun of my coffee table?" Kalinda pretended to sound offended, but ended up smirking.
"Of course not. It's a very nice coffee table. Now sit down and put your feet up. I'll just be a few feet away. Will have lunch ready in about an hour and a half by the time it cooks in the oven. Would you like some snacks to keep you going?"
"I have some peanuts in one of the cupboards. I can get them out while you start lunch."
"You just sit back and relax. I'll get them. You need to rest. What can I get you to drink? Milk?
"Alicia, I can't just sit back while you do all the work."
"Kalinda, you've just had a baby yesterday. You are entitled to relax and let someone pamper you. Besides, you ought to really sleep whilst Leela sleeps."
"Fine, but just call me if you need help with anything."
"Okay, but I'm sure I can figure it out. Now relax, lie down on the sofa or even go to bed. I'll call you when lunch is ready."
"I'll just lay on the sofa, thanks." Kalinda put a cushion at one end of the sofa, and lay down.
By the time Alicia got to the kitchen, she could already hear a soft snoring sound coming from Kalinda. She was glad she could see Kalinda from the kitchen so could keep an eye on her and Leela. She got the peanuts out and found a small bowl for them. She took them and a cup of milk out and placed them on the coffee table. She prepared the lasagna quite quickly and once it was in the oven, Alicia had about 70 minutes to let it cook. She packed the dishwasher and cleaned the counter tops and then went back into the living room. Leela was still sleeping soundly. Kalinda was sleeping too, but was curled up like she was cold. Alicia looked to see if there was a throw she could use to cover Kalinda up, but there was not one she could see. She made her way into Kalinda’s bedroom to look for one and was surprised yet again by the décor. Kalinda’s taste was a cosy French farmhouse style with distressed brick faced walls and up cycled furniture, which she probably did herself. The bed was an impressive king sized four-poster. It was a gorgeous distressed oak colour. The bedding a rich purple with lavender coloured swirls and loads of mismatched throw pillows. There were a couple of other doors in her room. One lead to an en-suite, which also had brick faced walls and a gorgeous sink pedestal that looked Victorian. A matching toilet and a beautiful deep freestanding bath with copper claw feet. The floor was huge, checkered black and white tiles. The other door led to a walk-in closet that was very neatly packed. No blankets in there, though. She looked around the room and saw what looked like a trunk at the foot of her bed. She went to open it and found it was locked. She walked to the bedside table and searched in there for a key. It was very neat so she spotted a couple of keys straight away, along with a note that was folded in half. On it was just the letter “K”, but she could recognise her handwriting. And now that she had picked it up, she also recognised the paper she had written on. Her heart beat faster as she opened the note and read its contents: “Good job on the photos, Kalinda! Can’t wait for drinks later. Tequila? Make that 2…or 3. A x.” That was it, apart from also writing the date. Just a short and simple note that probably took her all of 20 seconds to write with nothing significant on it. Why did Kalinda keep it? Looking back at the date, she realised it was only a few days before she found out about Kalinda and Peter. She read the note again. Looking closer, she could see that it had many creases on it as if it had been scrunched up many times. Maybe it had even been in the bin and Kalinda had changed her mind and taken it out, un-crumpled it and folded it neatly back up. The fact of the matter was that Kalinda had thought that the note was important enough to keep. Had she been wrong about Kalinda’s motives - had Kalinda’s friendship been as real to her as it had been to Alicia? Alicia began to feel awful. Kalinda had kept this note all these years. Alicia folded the note up again and put it back where she found it. As she put it back, she spied a photo hidden under an orange notebook. She could just see a fraction of the photo sticking out, but could see it was a partial face… her face. She took it out and gasped. It was a photo of Alicia with Kalinda. It was at an office victory party after they had won a case. The party where Alicia had finally met Donna who was there with that creep investigator that came to the firm with Derek Bond. Somebody must have taken a candid photo of the two of them. The photo was of Alicia holding Kalinda’s hand as she led her towards where the party was happening after she found Kalinda sitting alone in a dark corner. Looking closely at Kalinda’s face, she noticed that Kalinda was looking down and smiling shyly. She looked gorgeous. How had Kalinda gotten this photo? And she had kept it safe all this time along with the note. Except the photo wasn’t crumpled. It was perfect. She decided to ask Kalinda about it. She put the photo back where she found it and closed the draw before she found anything else. She tried the first of the 2 keys. No luck. Tried the second key. Nope. She put the keys back and then wondered what was in that trunk that Kalinda kept locked. She decided she would rather not know. With no blanket to be found, she yanked Kalinda’s duvet off the bed and carried it off to the lounge. Kalinda was still curled up in a ball. She covered her with the duvet and went to check on the timer. Still 50 minutes to go. She went to the second room which she assumed to be the nursery and saw that Kalinda had painted it grey and looked like she had installed new parquet vinyl flooring. She saw the opened IKEA box that contained the cot and decided to try to assemble it since she had nothing else to do but just wait. It took her 40 minutes to assemble it. Even she was impressed. She thought that she might have broken her own record. She checked that it was all ok - built properly and securely - and then went to check on dinner. 10 minutes to go. She could hear Leela began to wake up. She was making cute little grizzling sounds like she was sucking on her hand. Alicia went to check on her and then heard Kalinda yawn and saw her stretch out and rub her eyes.
“Hey, did you sleep alright?”
“Hey. Yeah. Has Leela just woken up?” Kalinda asked, sitting up.
“Just now. A few seconds before you. Dinner is almost ready, but I can keep it warm while you feed Leela.”
“Thanks. Something smells delicious.” Kalinda smiled sleepily as she picked Leela up from the Moses basket.
“Good!” Alicia smiled as she heard the oven bell go off. She went off to check on the lasagna and turned the oven down to minimum and left the lasagna in to stay warm.
“Here.” Alicia said, passing Kalinda a glass of milk.
“Thanks! How did you guess?” Kalinda took it and downed it in one go.
“I just thought you could do with a drink. I know you like your milk.” Alicia smiled and sat down next to Kalinda, who was still breast feeding Leela. “Gosh, she must have been hungry. She’s been feeding for about 15 minutes now.”
“She must take after her father…” The words were out of Kalinda’s mouth before she had time to think about them. “I - I mean, I’m sorry, Ali-“
“Kalinda, please, don’t worry about it! We can’t just stop talking about Will. At the end of the day, he will always be Leela’s dad.”
“I know, but I guess I am still feeling guilty about everything that has happened between us. First with… damn it!” She looked away from Alicia.
“Peter? You can say his name in front of me, Kalinda. I promise you, I am over it. I guess I just wish you had told me before I found out from that Wiley guy.”
“I was going to, you know. I almost did, but-“
“You know what, Kalinda? I really think we should eat something before we do anymore talking. And I need something to drink. Do you have any tequila in any of your cupboards?”
“Nope, sorry. I think I may have some wine in the fridge.”
“Oh yeah, I think I saw some when I was raiding your fridge.” Alicia got up and headed to the kitchen. “Oh by the way, I went into your room to look for a blanket earlier. “ Alicia said over her Shoulder. “I tried the blanket box at the foot of your bed, but it’s locked.”
Kalinda froze for a second before managing to compose an answer. She didn’t want to tell Alicia that the box in question concealed various dangerous weapons… in fact she had been meaning to put them out of sight - in storage - before Leela arrived, but never got round to doing it.
“Yeah, its just some old stuff I keep in there. No blankets. I can’t find the key for it, actually”
“Oh, I can help you look for it if you-“
“No, its ok. Nothing important.’ Kalinda was sweating. Leela had finished feeding and so she put her back in her Moses basket and got up to go help Alicia dish up.
“Oh, ok.” Alicia was drinking wine as Kalinda got some plates out of the cupboard and warmed them up in the microwave. She turned to Kalinda as she waited. “I looked through your bedside table to see if I could find the key…”
“Oh? And?” Kalinda said as she froze yet again trying desperately to remember what might be in there apart from a few of her orange notebooks. She remembered… Shit!
“I wasn’t snooping in case that is what you’re thinking, Kalinda. I was desperately looking for a blanket for you. You looked really cold curled up on your sofa. So I looked in your bedside drawer and I did find a couple of keys. And a couple of other things as well.” Alicia held her breath as she looked at Kalinda. She looked just as Alicia had expected her to look. Worried.
The microwave pinged and Kalinda got the plates out and set them on the kitchen island. She then turned to Alicia and shrugged her shoulders.
“What do you want me to say, Alicia? That I am happy you found whatever it is you found?”
“I’m guessing you know what I found, Kalinda.” Alicia said as gently as she could. The last thing she wanted to do was upset Kalinda. Especially with Leela just a few feet away.
“So you found the note and the photo. What’s wrong with that? I wasn’t keeping that from you, Alicia. I told you I would be honest with you.”
“Kalinda… I. I wasn’t accusing you of keeping anything from me. I was just surprised that you had kept that note. And then I found that photo. Who gave it to you, anyway? I didn’t realise that photos had been taken that night.”
“Blake.” Kalinda sighed. She went to the oven and got the lasagna out. They may as well eat while they talk about whatever it was Alicia was trying to find out.
“Blake?”
“Blake Calamar. You know, that asshole that came with Bond. The other-“
“Yeah, I know who you mean. I am just wondering why he took that photo. And why did he give it to you?”
“He was trying to blackmail me. Come on, lets eat. I’m starving. This smells delicious!” Kalinda dished up for both of them and poured herself some more milk. “Where do you want to eat? Here or in the lounge?”
“Um, Lounge. Let me just pour myself some more wine. I think I will need some!”
“Help yourself.” Kalinda took herself back to the lounge with her dinner, drink and some utensils. Alicia followed behind soon after.
“So… why was Blake blackmailing you? And what does that photo have to do with it?”
“You are not going to let this one go, are you? Here.” Kalinda said handing her some utensils.
“Thanks and Nope.” Alicia said as she sat down on the sofa next to Kalinda. Plate on her knee, she tucked into her food. “You know, I remember asking you a long time ago about what Blake had on you. Remember? We were trying to stop Carter Wright’s execution. I was right.”
“I remember.” Kalinda stopped to drink some milk. “I guess you were.”
“So?” Alicia said taking another mouthful of food.
“So what?”
“So.” Alicia had to swallow. “So what did he have on you, Kalinda.”
“He knew about Peter and I. And he knew everything about me, about my past, about Nick.”
“How?” Alicia was stunned.
“I don’t know. I keep on trying to figure it out. Peter told me he had all my information airtight. That no-one would ever find out.”
“Peter knew about Nick?”
“Some of it. I kept some things from him. Things he didn’t need to know. But that is why… he helped me change my life. To get away from Nick.” Kalinda finished up her last bit of lasagna and got up to take her plate to the kitchen, but Alicia pulled her back down.
“And that’s why you slept with him? To thank him for helping you?” Alicia sounded annoyed.
“Alicia, I. What do you want me to say?”
“The truth, Kalinda.”
“Even if it hurts you? I don’t want to hurt you, Alicia. Not Again.” Kalinda got up quickly this time and made her way to the kitchen with her plate. She opened the dishwasher and started packing it. Trying to ignore Alicia’s questions.
“Yes, I want to hear it all.” Alicia got up and followed Kalinda to the kitchen. “There’s nothing else you can say that will hurt me more, Kalinda, unless you lie to me again. That is what hurt the most, you know. Not what you did with Peter. It was the fact that you kept it from me. When I found out… I thought that our whole friendship was a lie.”
“It wasn’t! Alicia, how many times do I have to tell you? You were a real friend to me.” Kalinda was exasperated. She took Alicia’s plate and utensils from her, packed them in the dishwasher and started wiping the kitchen counter.
“Is that why you kept that note from me? I think that was written just before.” Alicia put her hand on Kalinda’s shoulder and turned her towards herself so that they were facing each other. Kalinda just looked into Alicia’s eyes. “Why did you keep that note, Kalinda?”
“I got that note a couple of days before. I left it on my desk, I can’t remember why. Then I saw it again after you confronted me. I kept it because I didn’t think I would ever get a note like that from you again, Alicia. You meant a lot to me. You have to know that.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me that? Even when I thought we were friends, you never told me you were glad we were friends. You never shared anything with me.”
“I didn’t think I had to. I thought my feelings were obvious. You never told me that you were glad we were friends either, Alicia.”
“But I shared everything about myself with you.”
“But that is you, Alicia.”
“What about that photo? How was Blake blackmailing you with that photo?”
Kalinda sighed. How was she going to explain that Blake had figured out that Alicia meant more to her than just a friend. But then, after the last day or so and everything that had happened between them, maybe the truth would be the best thing.
“Alicia, do you mind if we go sit down and talk about this.” Kalinda asked, as she closed the dishwasher.
“Sure.” Alicia poured herself a third glass of wine. “More milk?”
“No, thanks.”
Kalinda was feeling ill about revealing more about herself to Alicia. But if she wanted anything to happen between them then she knew that would only happen if she was completely completely honest with Alicia.
They sat down and made themselves comfortable. Kalinda just looked at Alicia for a while before she said anything. She even bit her bottom lip every now and then, thinking of the best way to just come out with it.
“Kalinda… what are you thinking about?”
“Do you remember me telling you that I wasn’t gay…that I was flexible?”
“Yeah…”
“Do you believe that you can fall in-love with someone instantly. Like, as soon as you meet them?
“Yeah, that’s what happened with me and Peter…”
“Well, I don’t. At least, I didn’t.”
“What about Nick?”
“I never loved Nick. I never even liked him.”
“Then why did you marry him?”
“I was forced to. Look, remember at the hospital, I told you that my dad was not a good man?”
“Yeah?”
“He and Nick were…business partners. They exported drugs. My dad got greedy and took more of the profit for himself. Nick found out and… well to cut a long story short, Nick took me as leverage. He told my dad that he would give me back only once my dad paid him back his share of the profit. My dad agreed. Just like that. He didn’t even put up a fight. My dad even told Nick he could keep me. And that’s how we ended up married.”
“Oh my God! Did’t you try fight it? Tell the police?” Alicia gasped. “ You… you were only fifteen at the time, weren’t you?”
“How did you know?”
“You told me yesterday. It was just you and your dad until you were fifteen… Kalinda, I am… I don’t know what to say. Sorry doesn’t seem to be the right word.”
“Don’t worry about it, Alicia. He told me that if I told anyone, he would kill me. I believed him.”
Alicia was quiet for a while. Pensive.
“Kalinda, how old are you?”
“Now? I am 31. Why?”
“When did you… run away from him?”
“You mean, when did Peter help me? I was about 23 at the time. Nick had been arrested on a drug trafficking charge. He got 2 years with good behaviour. So that was about 8 years ago. That is when I took my chance to escape. I hitched a ride all the way from Toronto to Chicago.”
Alicia was quiet for again, just sipping her wine and stared straight ahead at a picture on the wall. Kalinda could sense that Alicia was thinking about her and Peter together.
“Alicia, I didn’t want to… do it. When I told you earlier that I didn’t want to hurt you even more… but Peter knew what I had done to get away from Nick. I faked my own death. He used that against me, told me he would not help me unless I slept with him.”
Alicia went pale and looked back at Kalinda.
“He what?”
“You see why I didn’t want to tell you? That is why I never told you. That a-“
“You don’t need it explain anything. It doesn’t matter anymore. I understand why you did it. I think I’ve known since I found out about Nick. I have tried putting myself in your shoes. After meeting him, I think I would have done just about anything to escape.”
“You wouldn’t have slept with a married man.”
“How do you know that? I am not the goody-two-shoes everyone thinks I am.”
“Yes you are.” Kalinda smirked.
“Okay, I really don’t know what I would have done. I still don’t get how Blake was blackmailing you with that photo.”
“He needed my help with some Lemond Bishop case. He had gotten himself in trouble and wanted my help, which I had refused. He figured out that… we were good friends and he knew what I had done. He knew that I didn’t want you to find out, so he told me that he would tell you about what had happened with Peter if I didn’t help him.”
“But why take that photo? And why did you keep it?”
“God, Alicia….” Kalinda rolled her eyes, exasperated.
“What? Just tell me.”
“I told you earlier. I am flexible… and I. I never believed that it was possible to fall in-love with someone instantly.”
“So?”
“So… when I found out you were coming to work for Stern-Lockheart-Gardner, I really thought that I wouldn’t like you. At all.”
“Is that because you already knew who I was?”
“Yeah, and the fact that I thought you were going to be some boring, stuck-up housewife.”
“Gee, thanks!” Alicia sounded genuinely offended.
“The point is, I was wrong about everything. I knew the moment we shook hands that first day, in your office, that I… I had never felt that way… it was like I had been shocked. I just wanted to get to know you better, to be near you. I did everything I could to be on your cases. That is also why I made up those Stern-Lockheart drinking traditions. To be close to you. I knew I was probably making a mistake, but it was just too late. Before I knew it, I was-“
“In-love? You have been in-love with me? All this time?” Alicia’s heart was beating faster now. She was sure Kalinda could probably hear it. And her veins felt like they were going to burst. “What about Donna? And Cary?”
“I broke up with Donna. Don’t you remember how she questioned you at that party? She thought I had left her for you.”
“Did you?”
“I left her because I didn’t want to be with anyone else…”
“But you were with Cary. For quite a while.”
“Yeah, well, that was after you left. I didn’t think I would ever see or speak to you again. And Cary always had a thing for me. I felt sorry for him. And for myself, I guess. I was just lonely. And I did actually care about him. Just not in the way he wanted me to.”
“Do you still… love me, Kalinda?” Alicia was looking into Kalinda’s eyes now. Desperate for something she wasn’t even sure of.
“I have never stopped.” Kalinda said quietly, almost in a whisper, as she looked down into her lap. Almost afraid of what Alicia’s reaction might be.
Alicia instantly closed the gap between them. First folding her arms around Kalinda in a tight embrace. She then slid her hands along Kalinda’s shoulders and up her neck, finally holding Kalinda’s face. She looked into her eyes momentarily before she closed the gap, her lips crashing against Kalinda’s.
Kalinda’s mind was in a whirlwind. The feeling of Alicia’s lips on hers was bringing out all the emotions she had been trying to suppress. She was losing control, which is the one thing she was most afraid of. She didn’t want Alicia to know she had a vulnerable side. She wanted to be strong for Alicia. To take care of Alicia - like she had always done. Not have Alicia take care of her. She had fantasised about kissing Alicia probably from their first meeting. She would get a thrill just being near her, or if they touched each other by accident. That is when she realised she was vulnerable to Alicia. After Alicia had kissed her earlier at the hospital - however brief it was - she couldn’t help but wonder what it meant. What had prompted Alicia to kiss her? What had suddenly changed? They hadn’t been close in years and hadn’t spoken to each other face to face in over a year. And now Alicia was giving her the most passionate and amazing kiss that she had ever received. And she lost herself in it. Her hands were everywhere: around Alicia’s waist, rubbing her shoulders, tangled in Alicia’s hair… Her tongue was inside Alicia’s mouth, she was battling to breathe, but she didn’t want it to end. Eventually they both needed to pull apart for air. They were panting, looking at each other, their lips swollen. Eventually Kalinda plucked up the courage to ask.
“Alicia,” she pants heavily, “don’t get me wrong, but why are you kissing me? You are straight… and we haven’t been close for a really long time. What has changed?”
“Nothing... and everything!” Alicia sighed. "When I saw you from the train yesterday morning, it was like I was seeing you as my best friend from all those years ago. All those feelings came rushing back. I saw you were in trouble and I just wanted to help you. Like you have always helped me. So I got off the train. As I approached you, I suddenly felt guilty that we hadn’t spoken for so long. I… Despite what you may believe, I have always cared about you, Kalinda. Even after everything that happened between us.”
“Sorry, I am just confused Alicia. I mean… what has changed? Why kiss me? I really… my feelings for you will never change. Even if I wanted them to… I will always love you. But I just cannot handle you pushing me away again. Ending our friendship again… if you are just being curious-“
“I’m not being curious, Kalinda. I… Do you remember when I asked you if you were gay, all those years ago?”
“Uh…yeah?”
“I wanted you to say yes. I wanted to tell you that I... I was feeling things for you that were more than I should be feeling. I was drinking more tequila’s so that I would get the courage to tell you. But then Will phoned and I had to go. And the opportunity was just lost. I put it down to mid-life crisis and never mentioned it again. Then a few years later, you told me you were flexible. That you were flexible with that FBI agent…”
“That wasn’t anything serious.”
“But I didn’t know that. If you had told me -“
“What? If I had told you that it wasn’t serious with Lana, what would you have done? Taken me up stairs to one of the hotel rooms? Or back to my place?”
“Kalinda.” Alicia sighed. “I don’t know what would have happened. It doesn’t really matter now, does it? What matters is right now. I …I just know that I don’t ever want to be apart from you again. I want to be with you, I want to be in your life and in Leela’s life. If you will let me, then I promise to make it up to you.”
“So what are you saying exactly? You want us to be what? Friends again? More than friends?”
“Remember I told you earlier that life is too short? That I don’t want to waste any more of it?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I meant that I am sick of wasting my life trying to please others and do what they think is right. I want you. To be with you as more than just a friend. I know that it may have taken me 6 years to fall instantly in-love with you. But I just cannot lie to myself or to you about it, Kalinda. Please. Just tell me you will give me another chance?”
“It’s taken you 6 years to fall instantly in-love with me?” Kalinda smirked.
“Yip.” Alicia smiled sheepishly back.
“So you are saying that you love me?”
“Uh, I just said that.”
“No, you didn’t. You said you are in-love with me.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
“Nope, I want to hear you say it.”
“I love you, Kalinda.”
“Again?”
Alicia moved closer to her and held her face.
“I…. love…you.”
With each pause, she kissed Kalinda on each cheek, and then a slow kiss on her lips. It quickly heated up into a kiss even more passionate than the one they shared before. It was only the sound of Leela’s cry that interrupted them. They pulled apart and Kalinda sighed.
“Are you sure you are ready to raise another kid?” she said as she picked Leela up and cradled her in her arms. “I mean Zach is already in college and Grace is just about to fly the nest…”
Alicia just laughed, “you can’t get rid of me that easily, Kalinda. As long as we are together then I think I can handle just about anything.”
“Good, because it is your turn to change her diaper.” Kalinda said, handing Leela to Alicia.
“Gladly.” Alicia said, taking Leela to the nursery. “By the way,” she said over her shoulder. I assembled Leela’s cot while you were sleeping.
“You did? Wow, I’m impressed! How did you do that so fast?”
“I had an ulterior motive.”
“And what would that be?”
“Uh…. to impress you with my DIY skills. So you couldn’t possibly resist me.”
“Alicia, you had me at diaper-changing!"
~The End~
After quickly stopping off at a supermarket for some groceries, they finally arrived at Kalinda's apartment. Alicia parked in Kalinda's space. Kalinda's car was still at her local garage getting repaired, which was why she was taking the train to work the previous morning. They huddled together into a very small lift. They just fit, but they had to squeeze in and Alicia was pressed up against Kalinda. Neither of them spoke as the lift travelled up to Kalinda's floor. Kalinda could smell Alicia's perfume, which she remembered from when they were friends all those years ago. It brought back a memory from when they were working one of their first cases together where Alicia was helping the son of one of her friends from Highland Park. Alicia was lost in her own thought as she was staring down on Kalinda thinking how petite she was standing there next to her. Alicia towered over her, which made her suddenly feel protective over Kalinda. Her thoughts then turned to Kalinda's husband. Both women were abruptly brought back to the present when the lift pinged and the doors opened. They got out - Kalinda pushing the stroller and Alicia carrying all the shopping - and walked down the corridor up to Kalinda's door. Silent yet again as they walked, Alicia realising she had never been to Kalinda's apartment and then remembering when Kalinda had given her change of address card. That was a very special moment in their friendship. And then it was all lost. Kalinda finally broke the silence as she opened her door.
"You can put the shopping just in there." Kalinda pointed to the kitchen. "I'm just going to change Leela's diaper."
"Okay." Alicia put the groceries on the island and then looked around. Kalinda's apartment was open planned and actually looked quite homely and cosy. Her kitchen was free standing and looked liked it was actually used for its intended purpose. She tried to imagine Kalinda cooking and wondered what kind of food she enjoyed most. She started unpacking and put all the ingredients she needed to make lunch to one side. She then opened the fridge and checked to see if anything needed to be thrown out. It was mostly empty apart from some milk and various cheeses and grapes, a bottle of rosé. She never figured Kalinda to be a cheese and wine kind of person. But she was realising that she never really knew much about Kalinda outside of work. There were a few carrots and cauliflower in the vegetable tray, which looked fine. She then packed away food that needed to be refrigerated and went into the living room. She plonked herself onto a very comfortable looking corner sofa, which she was sure she had seen before on a recent trip to IKEA. And her coffee table looked like an old up-cycled wagon wheel. Like something out of the film "When Harry met Sally". On it were a few home magazines and a new IKEA catalogue that had been well thumbed through. There were a few pages ear-marked. She looked through it and noticed that all the earmarked pages were for the nursery section. There were some ticks next to items, which she assumed that Kalinda had already bought, and question marks next to other items, which she wondered if they were on Kalinda's wish list. Kalinda came out carrying a Moses basket which she placed in front of the sofa next to her as she plonked herself down next to Alicia. Leela lay sleepily in it.
"So, you finished being nosy?" Kalinda smiled as she looked at Alicia.
"I, uh, not yet. Still need to see your bedroom." Alicia blushed.
"Go ahead. It's just that room I came out of." Kalinda pointed. She would normally never let anyone see her bedroom, but this was Alicia.
"Um, I'll go in a while." Alicia was still blushing. She was very curious to see what Kalinda's private sanctuary looked like, but couldn't bring herself to leave Kalinda's side quite yet. Plus, she needed to start lunch and get Leela's cot assembled. She also wanted to ask Kalinda about Nick. "I guess I'll just get lunch ready? I hope you like Italian. I thought a lasagna would be nice and easy to make."
"Sounds good. I'll help."
They both got up together, but Kalinda suddenly felt dizzy and started falling back. Alicia caught her in her arms.
"Whoa! You okay?" She looked down at a pale Kalinda.
"Yeah, I think I just got up too quickly. I'm fine." Kalinda said as she looked up into Alicia's worried eyes. Alicia was still holding onto her and she didn't want Alicia to let her go.
"Are you sure? I can make the lasagna myself. It's easy and won't take long. You can rest on the sofa. Put your feet up. On your wagon wheel coffee table." Alicia winked as she reluctantly let go of Kalinda.
"Are you making fun of my coffee table?" Kalinda pretended to sound offended, but ended up smirking.
"Of course not. It's a very nice coffee table. Now sit down and put your feet up. I'll just be a few feet away. Will have lunch ready in about an hour and a half by the time it cooks in the oven. Would you like some snacks to keep you going?"
"I have some peanuts in one of the cupboards. I can get them out while you start lunch."
"You just sit back and relax. I'll get them. You need to rest. What can I get you to drink? Milk?
"Alicia, I can't just sit back while you do all the work."
"Kalinda, you've just had a baby yesterday. You are entitled to relax and let someone pamper you. Besides, you ought to really sleep whilst Leela sleeps."
"Fine, but just call me if you need help with anything."
"Okay, but I'm sure I can figure it out. Now relax, lie down on the sofa or even go to bed. I'll call you when lunch is ready."
"I'll just lay on the sofa, thanks." Kalinda put a cushion at one end of the sofa, and lay down.
By the time Alicia got to the kitchen, she could already hear a soft snoring sound coming from Kalinda. She was glad she could see Kalinda from the kitchen so could keep an eye on her and Leela. She got the peanuts out and found a small bowl for them. She took them and a cup of milk out and placed them on the coffee table. She prepared the lasagna quite quickly and once it was in the oven, Alicia had about 70 minutes to let it cook. She packed the dishwasher and cleaned the counter tops and then went back into the living room. Leela was still sleeping soundly. Kalinda was sleeping too, but was curled up like she was cold. Alicia looked to see if there was a throw she could use to cover Kalinda up, but there was not one she could see. She made her way into Kalinda’s bedroom to look for one and was surprised yet again by the décor. Kalinda’s taste was a cosy French farmhouse style with distressed brick faced walls and up cycled furniture, which she probably did herself. The bed was an impressive king sized four-poster. It was a gorgeous distressed oak colour. The bedding a rich purple with lavender coloured swirls and loads of mismatched throw pillows. There were a couple of other doors in her room. One lead to an en-suite, which also had brick faced walls and a gorgeous sink pedestal that looked Victorian. A matching toilet and a beautiful deep freestanding bath with copper claw feet. The floor was huge, checkered black and white tiles. The other door led to a walk-in closet that was very neatly packed. No blankets in there, though. She looked around the room and saw what looked like a trunk at the foot of her bed. She went to open it and found it was locked. She walked to the bedside table and searched in there for a key. It was very neat so she spotted a couple of keys straight away, along with a note that was folded in half. On it was just the letter “K”, but she could recognise her handwriting. And now that she had picked it up, she also recognised the paper she had written on. Her heart beat faster as she opened the note and read its contents: “Good job on the photos, Kalinda! Can’t wait for drinks later. Tequila? Make that 2…or 3. A x.” That was it, apart from also writing the date. Just a short and simple note that probably took her all of 20 seconds to write with nothing significant on it. Why did Kalinda keep it? Looking back at the date, she realised it was only a few days before she found out about Kalinda and Peter. She read the note again. Looking closer, she could see that it had many creases on it as if it had been scrunched up many times. Maybe it had even been in the bin and Kalinda had changed her mind and taken it out, un-crumpled it and folded it neatly back up. The fact of the matter was that Kalinda had thought that the note was important enough to keep. Had she been wrong about Kalinda’s motives - had Kalinda’s friendship been as real to her as it had been to Alicia? Alicia began to feel awful. Kalinda had kept this note all these years. Alicia folded the note up again and put it back where she found it. As she put it back, she spied a photo hidden under an orange notebook. She could just see a fraction of the photo sticking out, but could see it was a partial face… her face. She took it out and gasped. It was a photo of Alicia with Kalinda. It was at an office victory party after they had won a case. The party where Alicia had finally met Donna who was there with that creep investigator that came to the firm with Derek Bond. Somebody must have taken a candid photo of the two of them. The photo was of Alicia holding Kalinda’s hand as she led her towards where the party was happening after she found Kalinda sitting alone in a dark corner. Looking closely at Kalinda’s face, she noticed that Kalinda was looking down and smiling shyly. She looked gorgeous. How had Kalinda gotten this photo? And she had kept it safe all this time along with the note. Except the photo wasn’t crumpled. It was perfect. She decided to ask Kalinda about it. She put the photo back where she found it and closed the draw before she found anything else. She tried the first of the 2 keys. No luck. Tried the second key. Nope. She put the keys back and then wondered what was in that trunk that Kalinda kept locked. She decided she would rather not know. With no blanket to be found, she yanked Kalinda’s duvet off the bed and carried it off to the lounge. Kalinda was still curled up in a ball. She covered her with the duvet and went to check on the timer. Still 50 minutes to go. She went to the second room which she assumed to be the nursery and saw that Kalinda had painted it grey and looked like she had installed new parquet vinyl flooring. She saw the opened IKEA box that contained the cot and decided to try to assemble it since she had nothing else to do but just wait. It took her 40 minutes to assemble it. Even she was impressed. She thought that she might have broken her own record. She checked that it was all ok - built properly and securely - and then went to check on dinner. 10 minutes to go. She could hear Leela began to wake up. She was making cute little grizzling sounds like she was sucking on her hand. Alicia went to check on her and then heard Kalinda yawn and saw her stretch out and rub her eyes.
“Hey, did you sleep alright?”
“Hey. Yeah. Has Leela just woken up?” Kalinda asked, sitting up.
“Just now. A few seconds before you. Dinner is almost ready, but I can keep it warm while you feed Leela.”
“Thanks. Something smells delicious.” Kalinda smiled sleepily as she picked Leela up from the Moses basket.
“Good!” Alicia smiled as she heard the oven bell go off. She went off to check on the lasagna and turned the oven down to minimum and left the lasagna in to stay warm.
“Here.” Alicia said, passing Kalinda a glass of milk.
“Thanks! How did you guess?” Kalinda took it and downed it in one go.
“I just thought you could do with a drink. I know you like your milk.” Alicia smiled and sat down next to Kalinda, who was still breast feeding Leela. “Gosh, she must have been hungry. She’s been feeding for about 15 minutes now.”
“She must take after her father…” The words were out of Kalinda’s mouth before she had time to think about them. “I - I mean, I’m sorry, Ali-“
“Kalinda, please, don’t worry about it! We can’t just stop talking about Will. At the end of the day, he will always be Leela’s dad.”
“I know, but I guess I am still feeling guilty about everything that has happened between us. First with… damn it!” She looked away from Alicia.
“Peter? You can say his name in front of me, Kalinda. I promise you, I am over it. I guess I just wish you had told me before I found out from that Wiley guy.”
“I was going to, you know. I almost did, but-“
“You know what, Kalinda? I really think we should eat something before we do anymore talking. And I need something to drink. Do you have any tequila in any of your cupboards?”
“Nope, sorry. I think I may have some wine in the fridge.”
“Oh yeah, I think I saw some when I was raiding your fridge.” Alicia got up and headed to the kitchen. “Oh by the way, I went into your room to look for a blanket earlier. “ Alicia said over her Shoulder. “I tried the blanket box at the foot of your bed, but it’s locked.”
Kalinda froze for a second before managing to compose an answer. She didn’t want to tell Alicia that the box in question concealed various dangerous weapons… in fact she had been meaning to put them out of sight - in storage - before Leela arrived, but never got round to doing it.
“Yeah, its just some old stuff I keep in there. No blankets. I can’t find the key for it, actually”
“Oh, I can help you look for it if you-“
“No, its ok. Nothing important.’ Kalinda was sweating. Leela had finished feeding and so she put her back in her Moses basket and got up to go help Alicia dish up.
“Oh, ok.” Alicia was drinking wine as Kalinda got some plates out of the cupboard and warmed them up in the microwave. She turned to Kalinda as she waited. “I looked through your bedside table to see if I could find the key…”
“Oh? And?” Kalinda said as she froze yet again trying desperately to remember what might be in there apart from a few of her orange notebooks. She remembered… Shit!
“I wasn’t snooping in case that is what you’re thinking, Kalinda. I was desperately looking for a blanket for you. You looked really cold curled up on your sofa. So I looked in your bedside drawer and I did find a couple of keys. And a couple of other things as well.” Alicia held her breath as she looked at Kalinda. She looked just as Alicia had expected her to look. Worried.
The microwave pinged and Kalinda got the plates out and set them on the kitchen island. She then turned to Alicia and shrugged her shoulders.
“What do you want me to say, Alicia? That I am happy you found whatever it is you found?”
“I’m guessing you know what I found, Kalinda.” Alicia said as gently as she could. The last thing she wanted to do was upset Kalinda. Especially with Leela just a few feet away.
“So you found the note and the photo. What’s wrong with that? I wasn’t keeping that from you, Alicia. I told you I would be honest with you.”
“Kalinda… I. I wasn’t accusing you of keeping anything from me. I was just surprised that you had kept that note. And then I found that photo. Who gave it to you, anyway? I didn’t realise that photos had been taken that night.”
“Blake.” Kalinda sighed. She went to the oven and got the lasagna out. They may as well eat while they talk about whatever it was Alicia was trying to find out.
“Blake?”
“Blake Calamar. You know, that asshole that came with Bond. The other-“
“Yeah, I know who you mean. I am just wondering why he took that photo. And why did he give it to you?”
“He was trying to blackmail me. Come on, lets eat. I’m starving. This smells delicious!” Kalinda dished up for both of them and poured herself some more milk. “Where do you want to eat? Here or in the lounge?”
“Um, Lounge. Let me just pour myself some more wine. I think I will need some!”
“Help yourself.” Kalinda took herself back to the lounge with her dinner, drink and some utensils. Alicia followed behind soon after.
“So… why was Blake blackmailing you? And what does that photo have to do with it?”
“You are not going to let this one go, are you? Here.” Kalinda said handing her some utensils.
“Thanks and Nope.” Alicia said as she sat down on the sofa next to Kalinda. Plate on her knee, she tucked into her food. “You know, I remember asking you a long time ago about what Blake had on you. Remember? We were trying to stop Carter Wright’s execution. I was right.”
“I remember.” Kalinda stopped to drink some milk. “I guess you were.”
“So?” Alicia said taking another mouthful of food.
“So what?”
“So.” Alicia had to swallow. “So what did he have on you, Kalinda.”
“He knew about Peter and I. And he knew everything about me, about my past, about Nick.”
“How?” Alicia was stunned.
“I don’t know. I keep on trying to figure it out. Peter told me he had all my information airtight. That no-one would ever find out.”
“Peter knew about Nick?”
“Some of it. I kept some things from him. Things he didn’t need to know. But that is why… he helped me change my life. To get away from Nick.” Kalinda finished up her last bit of lasagna and got up to take her plate to the kitchen, but Alicia pulled her back down.
“And that’s why you slept with him? To thank him for helping you?” Alicia sounded annoyed.
“Alicia, I. What do you want me to say?”
“The truth, Kalinda.”
“Even if it hurts you? I don’t want to hurt you, Alicia. Not Again.” Kalinda got up quickly this time and made her way to the kitchen with her plate. She opened the dishwasher and started packing it. Trying to ignore Alicia’s questions.
“Yes, I want to hear it all.” Alicia got up and followed Kalinda to the kitchen. “There’s nothing else you can say that will hurt me more, Kalinda, unless you lie to me again. That is what hurt the most, you know. Not what you did with Peter. It was the fact that you kept it from me. When I found out… I thought that our whole friendship was a lie.”
“It wasn’t! Alicia, how many times do I have to tell you? You were a real friend to me.” Kalinda was exasperated. She took Alicia’s plate and utensils from her, packed them in the dishwasher and started wiping the kitchen counter.
“Is that why you kept that note from me? I think that was written just before.” Alicia put her hand on Kalinda’s shoulder and turned her towards herself so that they were facing each other. Kalinda just looked into Alicia’s eyes. “Why did you keep that note, Kalinda?”
“I got that note a couple of days before. I left it on my desk, I can’t remember why. Then I saw it again after you confronted me. I kept it because I didn’t think I would ever get a note like that from you again, Alicia. You meant a lot to me. You have to know that.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me that? Even when I thought we were friends, you never told me you were glad we were friends. You never shared anything with me.”
“I didn’t think I had to. I thought my feelings were obvious. You never told me that you were glad we were friends either, Alicia.”
“But I shared everything about myself with you.”
“But that is you, Alicia.”
“What about that photo? How was Blake blackmailing you with that photo?”
Kalinda sighed. How was she going to explain that Blake had figured out that Alicia meant more to her than just a friend. But then, after the last day or so and everything that had happened between them, maybe the truth would be the best thing.
“Alicia, do you mind if we go sit down and talk about this.” Kalinda asked, as she closed the dishwasher.
“Sure.” Alicia poured herself a third glass of wine. “More milk?”
“No, thanks.”
Kalinda was feeling ill about revealing more about herself to Alicia. But if she wanted anything to happen between them then she knew that would only happen if she was completely completely honest with Alicia.
They sat down and made themselves comfortable. Kalinda just looked at Alicia for a while before she said anything. She even bit her bottom lip every now and then, thinking of the best way to just come out with it.
“Kalinda… what are you thinking about?”
“Do you remember me telling you that I wasn’t gay…that I was flexible?”
“Yeah…”
“Do you believe that you can fall in-love with someone instantly. Like, as soon as you meet them?
“Yeah, that’s what happened with me and Peter…”
“Well, I don’t. At least, I didn’t.”
“What about Nick?”
“I never loved Nick. I never even liked him.”
“Then why did you marry him?”
“I was forced to. Look, remember at the hospital, I told you that my dad was not a good man?”
“Yeah?”
“He and Nick were…business partners. They exported drugs. My dad got greedy and took more of the profit for himself. Nick found out and… well to cut a long story short, Nick took me as leverage. He told my dad that he would give me back only once my dad paid him back his share of the profit. My dad agreed. Just like that. He didn’t even put up a fight. My dad even told Nick he could keep me. And that’s how we ended up married.”
“Oh my God! Did’t you try fight it? Tell the police?” Alicia gasped. “ You… you were only fifteen at the time, weren’t you?”
“How did you know?”
“You told me yesterday. It was just you and your dad until you were fifteen… Kalinda, I am… I don’t know what to say. Sorry doesn’t seem to be the right word.”
“Don’t worry about it, Alicia. He told me that if I told anyone, he would kill me. I believed him.”
Alicia was quiet for a while. Pensive.
“Kalinda, how old are you?”
“Now? I am 31. Why?”
“When did you… run away from him?”
“You mean, when did Peter help me? I was about 23 at the time. Nick had been arrested on a drug trafficking charge. He got 2 years with good behaviour. So that was about 8 years ago. That is when I took my chance to escape. I hitched a ride all the way from Toronto to Chicago.”
Alicia was quiet for again, just sipping her wine and stared straight ahead at a picture on the wall. Kalinda could sense that Alicia was thinking about her and Peter together.
“Alicia, I didn’t want to… do it. When I told you earlier that I didn’t want to hurt you even more… but Peter knew what I had done to get away from Nick. I faked my own death. He used that against me, told me he would not help me unless I slept with him.”
Alicia went pale and looked back at Kalinda.
“He what?”
“You see why I didn’t want to tell you? That is why I never told you. That a-“
“You don’t need it explain anything. It doesn’t matter anymore. I understand why you did it. I think I’ve known since I found out about Nick. I have tried putting myself in your shoes. After meeting him, I think I would have done just about anything to escape.”
“You wouldn’t have slept with a married man.”
“How do you know that? I am not the goody-two-shoes everyone thinks I am.”
“Yes you are.” Kalinda smirked.
“Okay, I really don’t know what I would have done. I still don’t get how Blake was blackmailing you with that photo.”
“He needed my help with some Lemond Bishop case. He had gotten himself in trouble and wanted my help, which I had refused. He figured out that… we were good friends and he knew what I had done. He knew that I didn’t want you to find out, so he told me that he would tell you about what had happened with Peter if I didn’t help him.”
“But why take that photo? And why did you keep it?”
“God, Alicia….” Kalinda rolled her eyes, exasperated.
“What? Just tell me.”
“I told you earlier. I am flexible… and I. I never believed that it was possible to fall in-love with someone instantly.”
“So?”
“So… when I found out you were coming to work for Stern-Lockheart-Gardner, I really thought that I wouldn’t like you. At all.”
“Is that because you already knew who I was?”
“Yeah, and the fact that I thought you were going to be some boring, stuck-up housewife.”
“Gee, thanks!” Alicia sounded genuinely offended.
“The point is, I was wrong about everything. I knew the moment we shook hands that first day, in your office, that I… I had never felt that way… it was like I had been shocked. I just wanted to get to know you better, to be near you. I did everything I could to be on your cases. That is also why I made up those Stern-Lockheart drinking traditions. To be close to you. I knew I was probably making a mistake, but it was just too late. Before I knew it, I was-“
“In-love? You have been in-love with me? All this time?” Alicia’s heart was beating faster now. She was sure Kalinda could probably hear it. And her veins felt like they were going to burst. “What about Donna? And Cary?”
“I broke up with Donna. Don’t you remember how she questioned you at that party? She thought I had left her for you.”
“Did you?”
“I left her because I didn’t want to be with anyone else…”
“But you were with Cary. For quite a while.”
“Yeah, well, that was after you left. I didn’t think I would ever see or speak to you again. And Cary always had a thing for me. I felt sorry for him. And for myself, I guess. I was just lonely. And I did actually care about him. Just not in the way he wanted me to.”
“Do you still… love me, Kalinda?” Alicia was looking into Kalinda’s eyes now. Desperate for something she wasn’t even sure of.
“I have never stopped.” Kalinda said quietly, almost in a whisper, as she looked down into her lap. Almost afraid of what Alicia’s reaction might be.
Alicia instantly closed the gap between them. First folding her arms around Kalinda in a tight embrace. She then slid her hands along Kalinda’s shoulders and up her neck, finally holding Kalinda’s face. She looked into her eyes momentarily before she closed the gap, her lips crashing against Kalinda’s.
Kalinda’s mind was in a whirlwind. The feeling of Alicia’s lips on hers was bringing out all the emotions she had been trying to suppress. She was losing control, which is the one thing she was most afraid of. She didn’t want Alicia to know she had a vulnerable side. She wanted to be strong for Alicia. To take care of Alicia - like she had always done. Not have Alicia take care of her. She had fantasised about kissing Alicia probably from their first meeting. She would get a thrill just being near her, or if they touched each other by accident. That is when she realised she was vulnerable to Alicia. After Alicia had kissed her earlier at the hospital - however brief it was - she couldn’t help but wonder what it meant. What had prompted Alicia to kiss her? What had suddenly changed? They hadn’t been close in years and hadn’t spoken to each other face to face in over a year. And now Alicia was giving her the most passionate and amazing kiss that she had ever received. And she lost herself in it. Her hands were everywhere: around Alicia’s waist, rubbing her shoulders, tangled in Alicia’s hair… Her tongue was inside Alicia’s mouth, she was battling to breathe, but she didn’t want it to end. Eventually they both needed to pull apart for air. They were panting, looking at each other, their lips swollen. Eventually Kalinda plucked up the courage to ask.
“Alicia,” she pants heavily, “don’t get me wrong, but why are you kissing me? You are straight… and we haven’t been close for a really long time. What has changed?”
“Nothing... and everything!” Alicia sighed. "When I saw you from the train yesterday morning, it was like I was seeing you as my best friend from all those years ago. All those feelings came rushing back. I saw you were in trouble and I just wanted to help you. Like you have always helped me. So I got off the train. As I approached you, I suddenly felt guilty that we hadn’t spoken for so long. I… Despite what you may believe, I have always cared about you, Kalinda. Even after everything that happened between us.”
“Sorry, I am just confused Alicia. I mean… what has changed? Why kiss me? I really… my feelings for you will never change. Even if I wanted them to… I will always love you. But I just cannot handle you pushing me away again. Ending our friendship again… if you are just being curious-“
“I’m not being curious, Kalinda. I… Do you remember when I asked you if you were gay, all those years ago?”
“Uh…yeah?”
“I wanted you to say yes. I wanted to tell you that I... I was feeling things for you that were more than I should be feeling. I was drinking more tequila’s so that I would get the courage to tell you. But then Will phoned and I had to go. And the opportunity was just lost. I put it down to mid-life crisis and never mentioned it again. Then a few years later, you told me you were flexible. That you were flexible with that FBI agent…”
“That wasn’t anything serious.”
“But I didn’t know that. If you had told me -“
“What? If I had told you that it wasn’t serious with Lana, what would you have done? Taken me up stairs to one of the hotel rooms? Or back to my place?”
“Kalinda.” Alicia sighed. “I don’t know what would have happened. It doesn’t really matter now, does it? What matters is right now. I …I just know that I don’t ever want to be apart from you again. I want to be with you, I want to be in your life and in Leela’s life. If you will let me, then I promise to make it up to you.”
“So what are you saying exactly? You want us to be what? Friends again? More than friends?”
“Remember I told you earlier that life is too short? That I don’t want to waste any more of it?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I meant that I am sick of wasting my life trying to please others and do what they think is right. I want you. To be with you as more than just a friend. I know that it may have taken me 6 years to fall instantly in-love with you. But I just cannot lie to myself or to you about it, Kalinda. Please. Just tell me you will give me another chance?”
“It’s taken you 6 years to fall instantly in-love with me?” Kalinda smirked.
“Yip.” Alicia smiled sheepishly back.
“So you are saying that you love me?”
“Uh, I just said that.”
“No, you didn’t. You said you are in-love with me.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
“Nope, I want to hear you say it.”
“I love you, Kalinda.”
“Again?”
Alicia moved closer to her and held her face.
“I…. love…you.”
With each pause, she kissed Kalinda on each cheek, and then a slow kiss on her lips. It quickly heated up into a kiss even more passionate than the one they shared before. It was only the sound of Leela’s cry that interrupted them. They pulled apart and Kalinda sighed.
“Are you sure you are ready to raise another kid?” she said as she picked Leela up and cradled her in her arms. “I mean Zach is already in college and Grace is just about to fly the nest…”
Alicia just laughed, “you can’t get rid of me that easily, Kalinda. As long as we are together then I think I can handle just about anything.”
“Good, because it is your turn to change her diaper.” Kalinda said, handing Leela to Alicia.
“Gladly.” Alicia said, taking Leela to the nursery. “By the way,” she said over her shoulder. I assembled Leela’s cot while you were sleeping.
“You did? Wow, I’m impressed! How did you do that so fast?”
“I had an ulterior motive.”
“And what would that be?”
“Uh…. to impress you with my DIY skills. So you couldn’t possibly resist me.”
“Alicia, you had me at diaper-changing!"
~The End~