What the Hell??
Alright, honestly, what the hell did I do to deserve this?! Okay, I hate to complain, but this is worthy. An ex-boyfriend and very close friend of mine, Justin Pierson, passed away on Tuesday night in a car accident. It's really bizzare, because Justin always took BART home from work, and the one night he didn't this happened to him. He was in the car with some guy who thought it would be a good idea to drive 80-90 miles an hour in the rain on HWY 4. Well, I'm sure it won't be a big surprise to anyone that the driver lost control of the car and the car slid 200 ft into a tree, killing Justin instantly. I suppose it's true that you never know what you've got until it's gone. The first thing I experienced when it happened was regret. I can't stop beating myself up, asking myself why I didn't visit him all the times he asked me too, why I couldn't really think of anything to say when he told me that he loved me. I don't know if I believe in fate or not, but awhile back Justin was jumped and shot in the head and survived. I know I'm in denial, and the funeral Wednesday is going to be a horrible reality check for me.
Another thing that pretty much sucks is how much men are pigs. I was never the relationship type aside from Justin, and I just recently found someone who meant a hell of a lot to me, and even though people warned me about him, I defended him and started to catch some pretty strong feelings for him right away (something that those who know me best know I don't do). Well, he promised me that he would be there for me to help me get through this thing with Justin, and I had a feeling in my heart that with him there beside me I would be able to make it. Well, I heard some nasty rumors tonight that he was dating someone else, and I called him, with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomache, hoping he would deny it and everything would be fine. Well, instead of making me feel better, he admitted to the accusations, and didn't sound like he had a shard of regret of humility in his voice. I've always had to be the strong one in life, but right now I've never felt more empty, weak, and alone
Another thing that pretty much sucks is how much men are pigs. I was never the relationship type aside from Justin, and I just recently found someone who meant a hell of a lot to me, and even though people warned me about him, I defended him and started to catch some pretty strong feelings for him right away (something that those who know me best know I don't do). Well, he promised me that he would be there for me to help me get through this thing with Justin, and I had a feeling in my heart that with him there beside me I would be able to make it. Well, I heard some nasty rumors tonight that he was dating someone else, and I called him, with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomache, hoping he would deny it and everything would be fine. Well, instead of making me feel better, he admitted to the accusations, and didn't sound like he had a shard of regret of humility in his voice. I've always had to be the strong one in life, but right now I've never felt more empty, weak, and alone