homelife
Homelife is getting more and more unbearable. I'm smoking way too much (for me), and taking an ativan everyday. Mom has become a royal bitch. It's "shut your mouth" or "mind your business" or "fat ass". My level of shame is off the charts; my confidence is so low it's barely registering. I walk around like a zombie. All I want to do is sleep or disappear.
I had thought that I could make it to December until the next round of pre-service seminars begins for alternate teaching certification. That's three more months of this - I don't know if I can do it.
To make it all worse, all we've talked about in group(s) is toxic families and co-dependence. I'm sitting there filled to the brim with toxic shame, living in my toxic co-dependent family, and wanting to scream "I KNOW ALREADY! JUST TELL ME HOW TO COPE!!!!"
I know this all started around the same time as my "tantrum" in group. All the stuff that's been released is still circulating in my system. I wish I could either stuff it back where it came from or purge myself of it.
I had thought that I could make it to December until the next round of pre-service seminars begins for alternate teaching certification. That's three more months of this - I don't know if I can do it.
To make it all worse, all we've talked about in group(s) is toxic families and co-dependence. I'm sitting there filled to the brim with toxic shame, living in my toxic co-dependent family, and wanting to scream "I KNOW ALREADY! JUST TELL ME HOW TO COPE!!!!"
I know this all started around the same time as my "tantrum" in group. All the stuff that's been released is still circulating in my system. I wish I could either stuff it back where it came from or purge myself of it.