that day of the year - part one
Title: That Day of the Year
Author:
kalexico
Pairing, Character(s): Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Word Count: 2132
Summary: Quinntana angst/fluff.
_______
Santana closes all the applications on her computer and smiles at the wallpaper greeting her. It's a picture of her family.
She remembers having that picture taken. Karofsky had just broken up with his boyfriend and Santana had invited him to hang with her family for the day - he thoroughly enjoys spending time with the kids. They're standing in front of a tall oak tree, Santana's arm wrapped snuggly around Quinn's waist. They're both beaming with pride and joy.
Sitting on the arm that is not wrapped around Quinn is Ian, clinging to Santana's neck. The little guy adores his Mami and his favorite pastime is to pepper her with kisses. He's six. He's just as charismatic as Santana is and just as good at getting what he wants. Santana swears that she is not too blame - it's Quinn's fault for passing on those genes when it comes to their kid's eyes.
Quinn's hand is in the back pocket of Santana's jeans, her other hand rests on the shoulder of their eldest son, Kieren. Kieren looks a bit grumpy, but then he always does when he has to have his picture taken (especially when it's not announced and he hasn't had time to prepare to 'look his best' - he says that if he ends up on Facebook, he at least wants to make a bit of an impression on his mothers' friends). Quinn says he's just like Santana when she was his age - he's eight. At first, Santana wasn't too fond of the name, thinking it was a bit weird. But Quinn gave her those eyes and before she knew it, she was having him officialy registered as Kieren Oliver Fabray-Lopez.
Next to Kieren is Juliette (because Quinn likes that name and Santana really can't say no when Quinn gives her those eyes again, so she just calls her Jules), who is also eight and basically looks like a miniature version of Quinn. Her entire demeanour is very serious, and Santana swears that kid is no fun half of the time. She mainly says that because she knows that Juliette doesn't buy her bullshit the way the others do. Not that Santana loves her any less. Instead, Juliette quirks her eyebrow, just like Quinn. It's almost scary sometimes.
Elisa hangs on Juliette's arm. Elisa adores Juliette and when asked what she wants to be when she grows up, she always answers: "I want to be Juliette." Except she's nothing like Juliette. She's bubbly and energetic and too smart for her own good. She's four.
It's then that it hits her and she nearly snorts. Had anyone tried to tell her eighteen years ago that she'd end up having four kids with Quinn fucking Fabray, no way she would have believed them. Or that she'd end up not having much of a say in any of their names, just because Quinn knows how to look at her to get what she wants. Or that Dave Karofsky would be Uncle Dave and their kid's token teddy bear. She thinks back to that video she has of Kieren taking a piggyback ride on his back at Christmas three years ago. Who would've figured - McKinley High's biggest bully, so severely whipped by a bunch of kids.
She guesses that kind of applies to her as well. If only they didn't know how to look at her - and that goes for her wife most of all.
Santana looks at the clock and decides to go home instead of just going out for lunch. She thinks to herself that she should've stayed at home instead - they could do without her for one day, right? What was she even thinking, leaving the kids with Quinn when Quinn would obviously be having a hard time today? As she packs her things, she remembers never to buy the excuse of "they'll keep me distracted" again.
Half an hour later, she enters through the front door. She momentarily loses her breath as Ian runs into her like a canon ball, hugging her legs, his head bumping into her stomach.
"Mami!" he squeals in delight.
She grins, scoops him up in her arms and ruffles his head. "Hi there, buddy."
"Mommy said you wouldn't be home until tonight," he says, scrunching his eyebrows.
"I decided to come home earlier, see how my favorite boys and girls are doing."
She walks to the living room and puts him down on the couch. "Where are your brother and sisters?"
"Juliette said that she was writing and wanted to be left alone. Elisa is on a play date with Noelle. I don't know where Kieren is."
Santana is just about to express her hope that he isn't up in some sneaky nasty business when he enters the living room, looking a bit taken aback. He's normally raging with energy. He shuffles closer and Santana frowns - he's never this shy.
"Everything okay, bro?" She always calls him her bro. He thinks it's so cool.
"Why is Mommy crying?" he whispers.
Santana sighs. "Nothing for you to worry about. It's not your fault, Kieren, please remember that. Mommy's just a bit sad, that's all. You feel sad sometimes too."
"Why does she always feel sad on the 8th of June?" Kieren wonders aloud. "And today, it's even worse. She's been crying all the time when she thinks we don't see her. She told us to watch tv all morning and she went to your bedroom and she only came out to make us lunch, but she didn't talk to us. She just smiled, but I can see she's super sad, Mami."
This is nothing like Quinn. Quinn is normally very involved in their kids, always ready to play with them, help them, watch out for them, come up with crazy ideas to keep them occupied (and tire them out so that they fall asleep easily and she can spend some quality time with her gorgeous wife, as she states it).
But Kieren hit the nail on the head - today is the 8th of June, always a hard day for Quinn. Normally she goes to work, but this year she's working from home because there are renovations at her work place.
To make matters worse, today is 8 June 2028 - the day Beth turns 18.
"Kieren, why don't you help Ian getting to the next level of his game?"
"But Mami, I already showed him twice!"
"Show it again," Santana says firmly. "I have to talk to your Mommy and I don't want to be interrupted, okay?"
"Are you going to yell again?"
Santana frowns. "Yell?"
"To God. And Jesus, Mariah and Joseph. And his holy mother. In Spanish."
Oh.
"That reminds me, Mami - you always say that we can't say things like 'fuck' and 'shit' and 'motherfucking hell', but I don't understand. They're good things, right? Because you always say they're holy."
Okay then.
She blushes, curses mentally. She knows she is loud sometimes, but she tends to be extra super duper careful when the kids are around. They try to control themselves, but they're hardly ever home alone so it's bound to happen when they're there.
"Just - show him, okay, bro? I'll help you with your lay-up later."
"Okay," he smiles. "Are you sure Mommy's going to be okay? Her eyes are red and puffy."
"She'll be fine. Remember that she loves you very much and it's not your fault. Okay?"
He nods and stalks to his room, not waiting for his brother. Ian scrambles out of the couch and follows him.
Santana takes a deep breath, puts her bag away and follows her sons upstairs. Turning to the left, she softly walks to their bedroom. When she opens it, she can see Quinn lying on the bed, her back to the door.
Santana goes inside, walks around the bed and kneels. Quinn's eyes are closed, but they flutter open the moment Santana gingerly tucks a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Quinn's nose and lips are swollen from all the crying.
Santana presses a soft, heartfelt kiss on Quinn's lips.
"Hey, baby," Santana whispers.
"Santana?" Quinn's voice croaks. "Weren't you supposed to be out all day?"
"I don't know what I was thinking leaving you here. I should've known you needed me today." Santana walks around the bed again and gets in behind Quinn, wrapping her arms around her wife. Quinn immediately turns around in her embrace and rests her head on Santana's shoulder. Soon enough, she's sobbing her heart out.
Santana rubs Quinn's back soothingly and allows her wife to cling onto her as if her life depends on it. It breaks Santana's heart to see Quinn like this - so lost, so desperate, so intensely and insanely sad.
"I miss her so much," Quinn manages to say after a while. "I... my baby's turning 18 today, Santana, and I can't be there. I'd give anything to be there."
"I know, honey, I know."
"I don't even know if she knows that Shelby isn't her birth mother. Maybe she doesn't know that I'm out here, aching for her. I want so much to just tell her how beautiful she is, I want to hold her in my arms."
"Remember, Quinn - you did the best thing you could do for her."
For the first time, Quinn looks into Santana's eyes. "It's just... I love Kieren, Elisa, Ian and Juliette so much, but on days like today it feels like my family isn't... complete, you know? And it feels so - so - if I look at the life we're able to give them, and I could've given this to Beth -"
"No," Santana says. "You were fifteen, Quinn. You were too young to give her the life she deserves. You had no support, not enough to make it work. Yes, we're giving those bastards a good life, but you were twenty-five when you gave birth to Kieren and Juliette. We both had a job by then, the company started doing really well..."
"I know," Quinn croaks. "I just... god, I don't even know what she looks like."
"I bet she's breathtaking, just like you were at that age. Like you still are."
"I want to know her, Santana. I want to know if she's in love and what she likes, what she wants to do in life, who her friends are - if she's happy. If she realizes how much it hurt to give her away. If Shelby told her."
Santana kisses the tears on Quinn's cheeks away, but they're instantly followed by fresh ones. "You made a decision eighteen years ago, Quinn. You decided to think about what was best for Beth, you gave her the chance to have a normal life with a very caring and financially stable mother. You gave her the greatest gift, you showed her the ultimate form of love. You know that she may not know of your existence, but I have no doubt that she's happy. Think about it, Quinn. What if you were to see her, but couldn't talk to her? Or you could talk to her, even hug her maybe, and then you had to let her go forever again? Wouldn't it hurt so much more?"
"What I would give to hear her voice, Tana. Earlier, I literally had to stop myself from Googling her. To think she's probably only a few search results away, to think her picture is probably only a few clicks away. To think I could maybe talk to her..."
"But you don't know if she knows and that would be a horrible way to find out. Look, here's an idea. I'm going to call Shelby and ask her if Beth knows. If she doesn't, then that's that. If she does, I can ask her if you can talk to her, just to wish her a happy birthday. Nothing more."
"That would be wonderful, Tana."
"Mami?" Kieren's soft voice sounds from the doorway.
Santana looks over her shoulder. "Come here, bro."
Kieren walks over to them and because nobody is around, he allows Santana to drag him between his two mothers. Quinn can't help but crack a smile.
"Don't cry, Mommy," Kieren says. "You know that we love you. We'll always have your back."
Both Quinn and Santana laugh at the little boy repeating Santana's words whenever someone is sad. Quinn pulls him in her arms and holds him tightly.
"You know that I love you, right?" she asks him, pushing him even closer, pressing a kiss on is head.
"Yeah and I lu yu tu," he replies, his words muffled by Quinn's chest.
Santana gives Quinn another kiss and takes out her phone. Quinn nods nervously and Santana leaves the room to place the phone call that will break Quinn's heart either way.
>> next
Author:
kalexico
Pairing, Character(s): Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Word Count: 2132
Summary: Quinntana angst/fluff.
_______
Santana closes all the applications on her computer and smiles at the wallpaper greeting her. It's a picture of her family.
She remembers having that picture taken. Karofsky had just broken up with his boyfriend and Santana had invited him to hang with her family for the day - he thoroughly enjoys spending time with the kids. They're standing in front of a tall oak tree, Santana's arm wrapped snuggly around Quinn's waist. They're both beaming with pride and joy.
Sitting on the arm that is not wrapped around Quinn is Ian, clinging to Santana's neck. The little guy adores his Mami and his favorite pastime is to pepper her with kisses. He's six. He's just as charismatic as Santana is and just as good at getting what he wants. Santana swears that she is not too blame - it's Quinn's fault for passing on those genes when it comes to their kid's eyes.
Quinn's hand is in the back pocket of Santana's jeans, her other hand rests on the shoulder of their eldest son, Kieren. Kieren looks a bit grumpy, but then he always does when he has to have his picture taken (especially when it's not announced and he hasn't had time to prepare to 'look his best' - he says that if he ends up on Facebook, he at least wants to make a bit of an impression on his mothers' friends). Quinn says he's just like Santana when she was his age - he's eight. At first, Santana wasn't too fond of the name, thinking it was a bit weird. But Quinn gave her those eyes and before she knew it, she was having him officialy registered as Kieren Oliver Fabray-Lopez.
Next to Kieren is Juliette (because Quinn likes that name and Santana really can't say no when Quinn gives her those eyes again, so she just calls her Jules), who is also eight and basically looks like a miniature version of Quinn. Her entire demeanour is very serious, and Santana swears that kid is no fun half of the time. She mainly says that because she knows that Juliette doesn't buy her bullshit the way the others do. Not that Santana loves her any less. Instead, Juliette quirks her eyebrow, just like Quinn. It's almost scary sometimes.
Elisa hangs on Juliette's arm. Elisa adores Juliette and when asked what she wants to be when she grows up, she always answers: "I want to be Juliette." Except she's nothing like Juliette. She's bubbly and energetic and too smart for her own good. She's four.
It's then that it hits her and she nearly snorts. Had anyone tried to tell her eighteen years ago that she'd end up having four kids with Quinn fucking Fabray, no way she would have believed them. Or that she'd end up not having much of a say in any of their names, just because Quinn knows how to look at her to get what she wants. Or that Dave Karofsky would be Uncle Dave and their kid's token teddy bear. She thinks back to that video she has of Kieren taking a piggyback ride on his back at Christmas three years ago. Who would've figured - McKinley High's biggest bully, so severely whipped by a bunch of kids.
She guesses that kind of applies to her as well. If only they didn't know how to look at her - and that goes for her wife most of all.
Santana looks at the clock and decides to go home instead of just going out for lunch. She thinks to herself that she should've stayed at home instead - they could do without her for one day, right? What was she even thinking, leaving the kids with Quinn when Quinn would obviously be having a hard time today? As she packs her things, she remembers never to buy the excuse of "they'll keep me distracted" again.
Half an hour later, she enters through the front door. She momentarily loses her breath as Ian runs into her like a canon ball, hugging her legs, his head bumping into her stomach.
"Mami!" he squeals in delight.
She grins, scoops him up in her arms and ruffles his head. "Hi there, buddy."
"Mommy said you wouldn't be home until tonight," he says, scrunching his eyebrows.
"I decided to come home earlier, see how my favorite boys and girls are doing."
She walks to the living room and puts him down on the couch. "Where are your brother and sisters?"
"Juliette said that she was writing and wanted to be left alone. Elisa is on a play date with Noelle. I don't know where Kieren is."
Santana is just about to express her hope that he isn't up in some sneaky nasty business when he enters the living room, looking a bit taken aback. He's normally raging with energy. He shuffles closer and Santana frowns - he's never this shy.
"Everything okay, bro?" She always calls him her bro. He thinks it's so cool.
"Why is Mommy crying?" he whispers.
Santana sighs. "Nothing for you to worry about. It's not your fault, Kieren, please remember that. Mommy's just a bit sad, that's all. You feel sad sometimes too."
"Why does she always feel sad on the 8th of June?" Kieren wonders aloud. "And today, it's even worse. She's been crying all the time when she thinks we don't see her. She told us to watch tv all morning and she went to your bedroom and she only came out to make us lunch, but she didn't talk to us. She just smiled, but I can see she's super sad, Mami."
This is nothing like Quinn. Quinn is normally very involved in their kids, always ready to play with them, help them, watch out for them, come up with crazy ideas to keep them occupied (and tire them out so that they fall asleep easily and she can spend some quality time with her gorgeous wife, as she states it).
But Kieren hit the nail on the head - today is the 8th of June, always a hard day for Quinn. Normally she goes to work, but this year she's working from home because there are renovations at her work place.
To make matters worse, today is 8 June 2028 - the day Beth turns 18.
"Kieren, why don't you help Ian getting to the next level of his game?"
"But Mami, I already showed him twice!"
"Show it again," Santana says firmly. "I have to talk to your Mommy and I don't want to be interrupted, okay?"
"Are you going to yell again?"
Santana frowns. "Yell?"
"To God. And Jesus, Mariah and Joseph. And his holy mother. In Spanish."
Oh.
"That reminds me, Mami - you always say that we can't say things like 'fuck' and 'shit' and 'motherfucking hell', but I don't understand. They're good things, right? Because you always say they're holy."
Okay then.
She blushes, curses mentally. She knows she is loud sometimes, but she tends to be extra super duper careful when the kids are around. They try to control themselves, but they're hardly ever home alone so it's bound to happen when they're there.
"Just - show him, okay, bro? I'll help you with your lay-up later."
"Okay," he smiles. "Are you sure Mommy's going to be okay? Her eyes are red and puffy."
"She'll be fine. Remember that she loves you very much and it's not your fault. Okay?"
He nods and stalks to his room, not waiting for his brother. Ian scrambles out of the couch and follows him.
Santana takes a deep breath, puts her bag away and follows her sons upstairs. Turning to the left, she softly walks to their bedroom. When she opens it, she can see Quinn lying on the bed, her back to the door.
Santana goes inside, walks around the bed and kneels. Quinn's eyes are closed, but they flutter open the moment Santana gingerly tucks a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Quinn's nose and lips are swollen from all the crying.
Santana presses a soft, heartfelt kiss on Quinn's lips.
"Hey, baby," Santana whispers.
"Santana?" Quinn's voice croaks. "Weren't you supposed to be out all day?"
"I don't know what I was thinking leaving you here. I should've known you needed me today." Santana walks around the bed again and gets in behind Quinn, wrapping her arms around her wife. Quinn immediately turns around in her embrace and rests her head on Santana's shoulder. Soon enough, she's sobbing her heart out.
Santana rubs Quinn's back soothingly and allows her wife to cling onto her as if her life depends on it. It breaks Santana's heart to see Quinn like this - so lost, so desperate, so intensely and insanely sad.
"I miss her so much," Quinn manages to say after a while. "I... my baby's turning 18 today, Santana, and I can't be there. I'd give anything to be there."
"I know, honey, I know."
"I don't even know if she knows that Shelby isn't her birth mother. Maybe she doesn't know that I'm out here, aching for her. I want so much to just tell her how beautiful she is, I want to hold her in my arms."
"Remember, Quinn - you did the best thing you could do for her."
For the first time, Quinn looks into Santana's eyes. "It's just... I love Kieren, Elisa, Ian and Juliette so much, but on days like today it feels like my family isn't... complete, you know? And it feels so - so - if I look at the life we're able to give them, and I could've given this to Beth -"
"No," Santana says. "You were fifteen, Quinn. You were too young to give her the life she deserves. You had no support, not enough to make it work. Yes, we're giving those bastards a good life, but you were twenty-five when you gave birth to Kieren and Juliette. We both had a job by then, the company started doing really well..."
"I know," Quinn croaks. "I just... god, I don't even know what she looks like."
"I bet she's breathtaking, just like you were at that age. Like you still are."
"I want to know her, Santana. I want to know if she's in love and what she likes, what she wants to do in life, who her friends are - if she's happy. If she realizes how much it hurt to give her away. If Shelby told her."
Santana kisses the tears on Quinn's cheeks away, but they're instantly followed by fresh ones. "You made a decision eighteen years ago, Quinn. You decided to think about what was best for Beth, you gave her the chance to have a normal life with a very caring and financially stable mother. You gave her the greatest gift, you showed her the ultimate form of love. You know that she may not know of your existence, but I have no doubt that she's happy. Think about it, Quinn. What if you were to see her, but couldn't talk to her? Or you could talk to her, even hug her maybe, and then you had to let her go forever again? Wouldn't it hurt so much more?"
"What I would give to hear her voice, Tana. Earlier, I literally had to stop myself from Googling her. To think she's probably only a few search results away, to think her picture is probably only a few clicks away. To think I could maybe talk to her..."
"But you don't know if she knows and that would be a horrible way to find out. Look, here's an idea. I'm going to call Shelby and ask her if Beth knows. If she doesn't, then that's that. If she does, I can ask her if you can talk to her, just to wish her a happy birthday. Nothing more."
"That would be wonderful, Tana."
"Mami?" Kieren's soft voice sounds from the doorway.
Santana looks over her shoulder. "Come here, bro."
Kieren walks over to them and because nobody is around, he allows Santana to drag him between his two mothers. Quinn can't help but crack a smile.
"Don't cry, Mommy," Kieren says. "You know that we love you. We'll always have your back."
Both Quinn and Santana laugh at the little boy repeating Santana's words whenever someone is sad. Quinn pulls him in her arms and holds him tightly.
"You know that I love you, right?" she asks him, pushing him even closer, pressing a kiss on is head.
"Yeah and I lu yu tu," he replies, his words muffled by Quinn's chest.
Santana gives Quinn another kiss and takes out her phone. Quinn nods nervously and Santana leaves the room to place the phone call that will break Quinn's heart either way.
>> next