I am awesome
I've been with this guru and his people for a little over a year. There are several people at the temple that have been through a lot of stuff with me and have heard all my awful past and dark secrets and such. Over the weekend I volunteered to be up all night for four days to help out at this meditation program. One of the women in the program commented that last fall when we did another all night program together I had expressed a lot of concern about my physical ability to stay up all night and the effects on my health. Now here I am voluntary staying up to work all night for four nights and feeling fabulous. The other volunteers all took naps, but I only took like 20-30 min naps on two of the days. A year ago I would not have thought this was possible. Now I think it's fun! This is my life now. I was doing yoga while wearing a sari at 3am in the temple in order to help me stay awake. I have to just accept it. It might not be my life forever, but for at least the next few years I'm doing work in Hinduism with this guru and volunteering at the temple. Maybe after that I can go back to my tribe of Druids and Witches and Pagans, but maybe not? Either way I know I will end up in the right place.