I want more than I can have (Oneshot)
Title: I want more than I can have (Oneshot)
Pairing: TaeNy
Rating: G
Genre: Angst
Summary: The reason Taeyeon doesn't feel like Tiffany's best friend is because...
Tiffany has been lying motionless above her sheets for...she doesn’t know for how long. It has just been a long time since she closed her door.
“Taeyeon?” Tiffany utters carefully. She is in her mind, and she’s somewhere too close and it differs from lately, but it was her choice.
Then she hears it.
“Mm?” And it had begun.
On the floor beside the bed. Taeyeon lay down. It’s close but with a decided distance. Facing Taeyeon today would be the hardest part.
“Taeyeon, remember the first time we went to the carnival? You had your blue hood-“
“What are you trying to do?”
Taeyeon cuts Tiffany sharply and planned. Tiffany was deciding in her head to repeat and continue, but at the same time Taeyeon wasn’t just gonna lie there and listen to her.
Why did she know that even if it’s what they had agreed on?
“I’m, I’m just trying to talk about a happy memory?”
“Then pick a happy one.”
Tiffany opens her mouth but just remains silent. Taeyeon fills her in.
“Actually, why don’t you explain why that is a happy memory to you?”
Taeyeon asks and it sounds like her arms are crossed, possibly her legs too. Her expression, Tiffany can’t see it but it feels hard.
However, she proceeds to tell her.
“Mm okay, well we both bought those pretty matching necklaces, then we sat on the grass and ate candy. And we also stayed late because you wanted to and ride the fairy’s wheel.” Tiffany smiled. “On the fairy’s wheel, though, um, I spilled the popcorn all over you when you called my name once. I’m sorry about that.” She added an uncertain cough at the end, low.
Taeyeon is quiet.
And when it has been so long that Tiffany focuses on the ticking of the clock - she is afraid that she is getting side tracked.
“Just what friends-“
“I was gonna confess to you that day.”
Tiffany closes her eyes. It hurts.
“Taeyeon.” She calls.
“I have tried to confess ever since that day, but you were too distant. You are still so, damn, distant. I can’t even hold your hand anymore. I’m afraid you are afraid of me touching you.”
“I’m, I just, I can’t-“
“How long have you known?”
“3 years.”
And Taeyeon is shocked she answered. Her face heats going through the three years.
“That means 2 years before that day.”
Tiffany’s quietness feels a little like shame. Taeyeon almost get’s side tracked.
”You’re not even treating me like your friend now. What am I to you? Can you tell me that?”
Tiffany rolls to her left side.
“My best friend.”
“I don’t feel like one.”
“Because you don’t want to be one.”
Taeyeon looks at the ceiling and didn’t expect the turn.
“You are looking for water in a desert, Taeyeon, please stop. I love you, but I’m asking you not to love me more.”
She listens to her voice breaking.
“Taeyeon?”
And knows she’s horrible.
“I love you more than myself.”
The floor is getting hard now. No mat. A moment passes before Tiffany tries her out voice again.
“If you have no expectations, there will be no pain.”
It’s still there.
“Everybody has expectations.”
“That’s right. But everybody hurts too.”
Taeyeon wants to answer there. But no matter how much she tries, she can’t shake the feeling, the weakness, the inferior feeling. She’s late.
“You’re right.”
Taeyeon stares at the ceiling until she starts hearing soft sobs again.
“I want more than I can have.” Taeyeon says and Tiffany tries to be quieter to hear her. “Expectations and reality” Tiffany is scared of how clearly she listens, her heart pounding hard, but hardly. “I know why you called me in here before you did.” Taeyeon get’s up, a little unstable and sees Tiffany’s back, hands pulled to her face, legs angled.
Taeyeon’s whole body aches at the sight. She touches her face.
“Because you.”
Taeyeon wipes her cheek and blinks rapidly as tears fall.
”You are my life’s biggest pain.”
Pairing: TaeNy
Rating: G
Genre: Angst
Summary: The reason Taeyeon doesn't feel like Tiffany's best friend is because...
Tiffany has been lying motionless above her sheets for...she doesn’t know for how long. It has just been a long time since she closed her door.
“Taeyeon?” Tiffany utters carefully. She is in her mind, and she’s somewhere too close and it differs from lately, but it was her choice.
Then she hears it.
“Mm?” And it had begun.
On the floor beside the bed. Taeyeon lay down. It’s close but with a decided distance. Facing Taeyeon today would be the hardest part.
“Taeyeon, remember the first time we went to the carnival? You had your blue hood-“
“What are you trying to do?”
Taeyeon cuts Tiffany sharply and planned. Tiffany was deciding in her head to repeat and continue, but at the same time Taeyeon wasn’t just gonna lie there and listen to her.
Why did she know that even if it’s what they had agreed on?
“I’m, I’m just trying to talk about a happy memory?”
“Then pick a happy one.”
Tiffany opens her mouth but just remains silent. Taeyeon fills her in.
“Actually, why don’t you explain why that is a happy memory to you?”
Taeyeon asks and it sounds like her arms are crossed, possibly her legs too. Her expression, Tiffany can’t see it but it feels hard.
However, she proceeds to tell her.
“Mm okay, well we both bought those pretty matching necklaces, then we sat on the grass and ate candy. And we also stayed late because you wanted to and ride the fairy’s wheel.” Tiffany smiled. “On the fairy’s wheel, though, um, I spilled the popcorn all over you when you called my name once. I’m sorry about that.” She added an uncertain cough at the end, low.
Taeyeon is quiet.
And when it has been so long that Tiffany focuses on the ticking of the clock - she is afraid that she is getting side tracked.
“Just what friends-“
“I was gonna confess to you that day.”
Tiffany closes her eyes. It hurts.
“Taeyeon.” She calls.
“I have tried to confess ever since that day, but you were too distant. You are still so, damn, distant. I can’t even hold your hand anymore. I’m afraid you are afraid of me touching you.”
“I’m, I just, I can’t-“
“How long have you known?”
“3 years.”
And Taeyeon is shocked she answered. Her face heats going through the three years.
“That means 2 years before that day.”
Tiffany’s quietness feels a little like shame. Taeyeon almost get’s side tracked.
”You’re not even treating me like your friend now. What am I to you? Can you tell me that?”
Tiffany rolls to her left side.
“My best friend.”
“I don’t feel like one.”
“Because you don’t want to be one.”
Taeyeon looks at the ceiling and didn’t expect the turn.
“You are looking for water in a desert, Taeyeon, please stop. I love you, but I’m asking you not to love me more.”
She listens to her voice breaking.
“Taeyeon?”
And knows she’s horrible.
“I love you more than myself.”
The floor is getting hard now. No mat. A moment passes before Tiffany tries her out voice again.
“If you have no expectations, there will be no pain.”
It’s still there.
“Everybody has expectations.”
“That’s right. But everybody hurts too.”
Taeyeon wants to answer there. But no matter how much she tries, she can’t shake the feeling, the weakness, the inferior feeling. She’s late.
“You’re right.”
Taeyeon stares at the ceiling until she starts hearing soft sobs again.
“I want more than I can have.” Taeyeon says and Tiffany tries to be quieter to hear her. “Expectations and reality” Tiffany is scared of how clearly she listens, her heart pounding hard, but hardly. “I know why you called me in here before you did.” Taeyeon get’s up, a little unstable and sees Tiffany’s back, hands pulled to her face, legs angled.
Taeyeon’s whole body aches at the sight. She touches her face.
“Because you.”
Taeyeon wipes her cheek and blinks rapidly as tears fall.
”You are my life’s biggest pain.”