Pulled Along By Love Part 1 - PG-13 [Abiru Yuu/Yamapi]
Pulled Along By Love Part 1
tinyangl, 11610 words
Abiru Yuu/Yamashita Tomohisa, Hints of Abiru Yuu/Tanaka Koki, Issa (from Da Pump)/Abiru Yuu, and Kitagawa Keiko/Yamashita Tomohisa. Yamapi has a routine-even if he doesn't quite realize it himself-that Yuu really wishes she hadn't figured out herself. So when he brings her to Hawaii yet again, she doesn't know if she should hope that she's wrong or just accept what's to come.
A/N: Written to the prompt T&T's Venus for fic_games. All information about Abiru Yuu and her relationships is from Wiki or the various rumors all over the place - most from uwasako. As such, I took lots and lots of liberties. Lol Thanks to silver_rose88 for reading this over on multiple takes as it was being written and letting me know her opinion. As well as cynicalism for always listening to me whine away about this. You're both loved dearly. ♥♥♥ (Originally posted here.)
October 2008.
"Let's go away."
The voice startles Yuu out of her sleep, fingers gently skirt over her forehead, pushing her hair out of her eyes enough to make out the person in front of her. "Okay," she mumbles, barely able to see Yamapi's face. "In the morning." She's lying on her side with her face half-pressed against the pillow, her voice muffled as she speaks.
"Now," he says, voice laced with finality.
Yuu opens her eyes fully with a sigh, pushing up off the bed to lean up against her arm. "Is that so? Anywhere you want?"
"Anywhere," Yamapi murmurs, leaning in to press a kiss to the side of her lips and tucking her hair behind her ear. "Out of Tokyo. Out of Japan." Yuu frowns. "Hawaii. Let's go to Hawaii," he breathes.
Yuu sighs. "Okay. Hawaii." She throws the blankets off of her, getting off the bed. "How about your Jimusho?" she asks.
"No problem," Yamapi says, getting up as well and grabbing an already packed bag to the side of his cabinet. Yuu looks over at him, an eyebrow raised. "I have a week off for vacation," he adds in.
Yuu grabs an already packed bag as well, next to the drawer she had claimed as her own. "Hmm," she says in response, grabbing some clothes and heading out the door. She manages a glance at the clock on her way out and inwardly groans. It was only 3:24 A.M. She can hear Yamapi following behind her, but she pays him no heed. As she passes by the entrance, Yuu catches sight of the jacket Yamapi had just thrown over the nearest chair, his shoes strewn at the entrance way where he'd left it. She licks her lips and sighs.
Within minutes, Yuu finds herself inside the car and the bags tucked in the trunk - bright lights leaving her behind and Yamapi's stoic face beside her, lost to everything but the road and his own thoughts. She glances back out the window and frowns.
The plane ride to Hawaii goes smoothly - no sign of turbulence, no sign of disturbance, no sign of Yamapi even speaking to her. Yuu hates how familiar this feels.
---
June 2003.
"Should you be standing there?"
Yuu breathed, turning around to catch sight of someone standing close by. She recognized him in an instant, even if she didn't know him personally. Without a word, she turned on her heel, moving away from the Johnny's Jimusho building.
"Hey!" he called out, but her feet moved faster, her face flushing in embarrassment. She shouldn't have come. His hand was on her elbow and he yanked her back, throwing her off balance. The shock on his face at the act quickly changed to concern. "Sorry, I didn't mean to- I just meant-"
"Forget it," she snipped. His hand was still gripping to her arm and Yuu looked down, pointedly. Yamapi let go, a sheepish smile on his face.
"If you wanted to see Koki-" Yamapi started, but Yuu quickly cut him off. "I'm not."
Yamapi blinked. "Oh. I just thought-"
"Forget it," she repeated, just as bitterly. "I shouldn't have come in the first place."
"Why did you?" Yuu gave him a dark look and Yamapi scuffled his sneakers against the pavement. "Look. It's just that the Jimusho has a thing about us and girls. Usually, the guys tell their girlfriends to show up at the back door at least. I thought Koki would've-"
"He doesn't know I'm here," Yuu bit out. "He wouldn't want me here."
Yamapi blinked. Then again. "Wait, what?"
"Forget it."
"You've said that already."
Yuu stared. Yamapi only grinned. "Whatever. I'm leaving." She turned again, heading towards the train.
"Hey!" Yamapi called out; Yuu didn't turn. "I'm Yamashita Tomohisa. We go to the same school." Yuu scoffed inwardly―as though she didn't know something as simple as that. "See you around!" She didn't have to turn around to see that he was probably waving stupidly at her back. She refused to acknowledge her heart skipping a beat.
---
October 2008.
"Here's your room."
Yuu doesn't know when she's ever been so glad to see a bed. Except sleeping at 4 in the afternoon, even if it was in Hawaii time, feels strange when she thinks about it. Sighing, she plops herself on top of the bed, relishing in the feel of soft comforters on her skin and the relaxing mattress behind her back―the plane's chairs doesn't come close in comparison.
Yamapi follows behind her, making sure to tip the bellboy for carrying up their bags before the boy leaves. He doesn't even stop by the bed, but makes a beeline for the balcony, pushing the curtains out of the way and sliding the door open. Yuu sits up from the bed, watching as Yamapi leans against the balcony railing and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it up and inhaling.
She stands up, walking over and wrapping her arms around Yamapi from behind. Yuu buries her face against his back, her nose catching the scent of his cologne and the smoke from the cigarette "'Hisa, something's up, isn't it?"
Yamapi takes another drag from the cigarette, pulling away from Yuu's grasp and shifting sideways to throw an arm over her shoulders. He hands the cigarette over to her, which she takes and sucks at the end. She turns and blows the smoke right at Yamapi's face. He doesn't even flinch.
"Fine," she sighs, rolling her eyes. "Don't talk." She moves to walk back into the hotel room, but his hand at the crook of her elbow stops her in her tracks. She turns and meets his gaze - heavy and stark. The bags under his eyes have gotten darker―or has she just not noticed them darkening under all his usual makeup? She reaches out, fingertips brushing past the bags and sweeping the hair away from his face. Yamapi's other hand, with the cigarette pointed away from her, tucks her hair from her eyes, before he pulls her closer, pressing a kiss against her forehead.
"Go sleep," he murmurs, before pulling away and letting go. He turns back to the balcony, bringing the cigarette back to his lips. Yuu stares at him for a moment before turning back and walking inside.
The last thing she remembers before the room goes dark is Yamapi leaning forward on the railings, arms pressing against rough steel. The cigarette dangles precarious from his fingertips - his focus no longer on it, but the vibrant vision of Hawaii lying before him.
---
June 2003.
"Abiru-chan, back again?" the voice called out from halfway down the street.
Yuu cursed her luck, recognizing the voice immediately. It was maybe two weeks since she'd last visited - she'd even chosen a different day (a Saturday as opposed to Monday) and a different time (1 P.M. As opposed to 5 P.M.). Yet there he was - smiling at her, waving and jogging his way to where she was standing at the corner of the Johnny's Jimusho building, trying to blend herself into the background of the neighborhood. She sighed, wondering if it was too late to dash off like she hadn't heard him.
"Hey!" he greeted when he finally appeared in front of her. "Remember? I'm Yama-"
"I know who you are," Yuu interrupted sharply. "All of Japan knows who you are." The edges of Yamapi's lips twitched upwards at her words, but he seemed to be trying hard not to look too proud. Yuu almost cracked a smile, but she bit down at the bottom of her lip, blowing her hair out of her face a second later. "Look. I'm just gonna-"
"Are you here to see Koki?" Yamapi pressed, cutting her off suddenly. "I know KAT-TUN's meeting today."
Yuu swallowed the rest of her words, pursing her lips together before saying dryly, "I knew you were out of the loop, but this is ridiculous."
"What-"
"We broke up three weeks ago." Yamapi opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. Then it fell agape again, forming an "o" with his lips. His eyes darted from side to side, and Yuu almost felt bad for him for jumping like she had. "Look, it's not-"
"Did you not want to?"
Yuu stopped abruptly. "What?" she asked, her mouth agape, and her heart beat a little faster than it had before.
Yamapi averted his eyes from hers, staring across at some spot to the right side of her - maybe a speck of dirt on the street. He'd stuck his hands into his pockets, standing straight, but there was an air of awkwardness in the position―he couldn't look straight at her, nor could he stand still―rocking back and forth on the tips of his toes. "Did you not want to break up?" Yamapi said, finally meeting her eyes at the end of the question. The light caught his dirty blond hair, and Yuu wasn't quite sure why suddenly―she hoped suddenly―she found him maybe just a little adorable. "Is that why you keep coming back?"
"I-" Yuu stumbled over her thoughts, her words. "I don't- That's not- It's not how." She huffed. "I don't get why I'm talking about this with you of all people," she exhaled, her words laced with frustration.
Yamapi shrugged. "I can be a good listener when I like. Just ask Jin, I listen all the time." Then he paused, adding after a beat. "Although I'm not sure I actually know what he's talking to half the time." He shrugged. "But I do listen!"
The words were said so earnestly that Yuu wasn't sure what to make of it. She cracked a bit of a smile, shaking her head - the edges of her lips tugging too hard for her to resist. She tried to hide it with her hand, but when she met Yamapi's eyes, he was grinning widely back at her.
"Does that mean that you'll let me listen?"
"No," Yuu said with ease; the smile on Yamapi's face quickly disappeared. "Although you should get points on effort." Pulling her phone out of her bag, Yuu pressed it into Yamapi's hand. "Give me your phone number."
Yamapi blinked in surprise. "Eh?" he said dumbfounded.
"You offered." She reached over, moving to take her cell phone back. "But I suppose-"
He pulled back, holding the phone over his head. He wasn't that much taller than her, but still Yuu couldn't reach it. "Ugh," she mumbled, stepping back and crossing her arms. "Fine. Whatever."
Yamapi smirked at her, punching in his phone number and saving it. Yuu could see the knots of concentration in his forehead, and resisted from rolling her eyes. He then took out his own phone, punching in what she assumed was her number into his phone. "There you go," he said after a few minutes, handing the phone back to her. As soon as she got it, she scrolled down her phone book, but didn't catch sight of Yamapi's name.
"Where did-"
"You'll just have to wait and see." He grinned at her before lifting his arm to get a good look at his watch. "Shit. I gotta get going."
Yuu nodded, tucking her phone inside her purse. "See you later then?" she asked.
"Yeah. Stop stalking the Jimusho!" he called out, waving at her and dashing into the building. Yuu tried hard not to laugh, but as soon as his back disappeared through the doors, she sighed and gave in, laughing. Her phone started to ring from inside her bag, and she scrambled to pick it up. As soon as she saw the name, Yuu couldn't stop her laughter.
The Great Listener.
Yuu let the call go straight to voicemail.
---
October 2008.
"…Haruka ikoku no moonlight."
"….The moonlight of a distant foreign country."
Yuu jerks out of her sleep, the ending chimes of her ring tone fading into the dark. The cell phone brightens the room for just a moment before it goes dim again, plunging the room back to pitch black. Her body joints ache from everything, her head is hazy, and her eyes heavy with the hope for more sleep. She almost feels like slipping back into sleep, but her cell phone goes off again, her alarm for 9:30 P.M. in Japan time going off. Yuu reaches over and shuts it off, catching sight of the neon lights of 2:39 A.M. across the room. Sighing, she stretches on the bed, underneath a blanket she doesn't remember ever tucking under. When her arm hits empty air beside her, she frowns. Her eyes get used to the darkness in moments, and she can tell that nobody is in the room other than her - even the heavy, white curtains are pulled closed and the glass door shut behind it.
She sits up, sighing again and ruffling her already messy long hair with her free hand before leaning over to flick on the light beside her bed. The small lamp doesn't illuminate much, but it's enough for Yuu to move around the spacious room without trouble. She slips into the sandals she'd left beside the bed and walks over to the drawers where she suspects she'll find her clothes, already unpacked.
They are―neatly folded and placed one on top of the other. Yuu isn't quite sure what this says about Yamapi, but she appreciates it, pulling one of her maroon summer dresses and a black sweater to throw over it before heading straight to the bathroom.
Yuu makes her way down a path that doesn't exist, but is as familiar to her as everything else in this place. She doesn't even have to make sure that she's going the right way; her feet just automatically know. Her sandals dangle from her hands, her grip barely existent, and the dry sand underneath her feet is cold and refreshing, completely different from the scorching heat she's much too used to and half expects. Overhead, the sky is clear with the twinkling of tiny lights greeting her and the half moon glowing above the horizon, illuminating her way.
A distance away, Yuu can just make out a figure. She squints, but it only makes Yamapi look like he's about to be swallowed by darkness, so much that Yuu half-wonders if she should run and grab him before he disappears completely. She doesn't though. She walks forward slowly, the haze around him clearing as she takes each step.
He's watching the ocean come alive - waves crashing echo in her ears for days to come after they've left―a permanent sound in Hawaii that she manages to tuck to the back of her head when she's there. He lifts his hand, bringing a cigarette up to his lips and taking a puff. A cloud of pale gray practically glows in the night's sky.
"Fancy meeting you here," Yuu calls out when she's close enough for him to hear. She pushes her hair out of her face, her head tilting to the side as the wind dances through strands of hair. Yamapi glances over and the dull light from the cigarette is near enough to his face that Yuu can just make out the hint of a smile.
"A surprise indeed," Yamapi murmurs, pressing out the butt of his cigarette on an ash tray he'd set next to his feet. Yuu manages to catch sight of at least 3 finished cigarettes - she doesn't say a word. "What are you doing up?"
"Alarm went off," Yuu sighs, moving to stand beside him, staring out into the ocean. "If we were back in Tokyo, we'd probably be having dinner right now."
"Mmm."
"Have you even gotten any sleep?"
"Later," Yamapi says, his face set―Yuu finds she has too many moments where she just can't read him.
"As long as you get some," Yuu comments. The rustling beside her catches her attention, and when she looks over, Yamapi's sitting down, knees bent and relaxed and butt firmly on the ground. Without a word, Yuu sits down beside him, her legs tucked in and perpendicular to the ground―she ignores the feel of the sand particles digging into her skin; the fact that with the skirt sand was going to find its way inside. She instead focuses on the heavy weight of Yamapi's arm over her shoulders - warm and comfortable. Familiar. He pulls her towards him, his hand pressed against the side of her arm. She focuses on his strong shoulder, head leaning against it - her eyes drooping again without her realizing. She focuses on the sharp corner of his jaw - pointed out towards the ocean, towards something that Yamapi always looked at, something that doesn't physically exist.
Before she knows it, sleep takes her over, and when she opens her eyes again, Yamapi's warm breath hitting her skin. The sun is peeking out from below the horizon. Yamapi's arm is still wrapped around her shoulder, and even though it's now cold―as though he'd never moved it, not once for as long as they'd been sitting there―he's still warm against her skin.
"It's morning," Yamapi says, turning to face her. The bags under his eyes have only gotten darker and Yuu wonders if he really hadn't gotten any sleep.
"Can tell."
Yamapi chuckles, thumb rubbing in a circular pattern against her skin, warming her up. "Wanna get breakfast?"
Yuu hums lightly, suddenly aware of just how painful the sand is against her body and tries to ignore it, in favor of relishing the smile on Yamapi's face. "Later. The sun's rising." Yamapi raises an eyebrow at her. "It'd be rude to just leave."
He laughs, shaking his head. "That's the strangest thing I've ever heard you say."
"I think I got that from you actually," she retorts dryly.
Yamapi doesn't say anything, just laughs. Yuu feels her heart skip a beat, and then wonders why even to this day, he still has the same effect on her. His grip gets a touch tighter and Yuu sinks back into the warmth that is Yamapi's embrace.
---
July 2003.
"Karaoke's fine, isn't it?"
Yuu sighed as she hung up the phone. It was possibly the fifth time Yamapi had suggested karaoke, and she supposed the other four times she'd declined - by first saying no, and then hanging up three times―no wait, now it was four―didn't get her point across enough. It was getting ridiculous.
Her phone went off again and she glared down at the sound of some song from Tackey & Tsubasa that Yamapi had set as his ring tone as a joke. "It's so you can always tell when I'm calling!" he'd said, so ridiculously cheerful that even Yuu was taken in.
She picked up anyway. "Look, Yamashita-"
"How about just some food then?"
Yuu paused. "Should you be going anywhere with a girl?" She wondered if he could hear the lingering "like me" at the end of her question like she did.
"It'll be fine. We're only friends, right?"
"Right," she echoed.
"Great! I know the best place." She could hear his infectious smile over the phone―it was getting ridiculous she was starting to know so much about him.
Biting back her own smile, Yuu responded quickly. "Yeah, sure. I'll meet you at the Jimusho building?"
"Back door!" Yamapi immediately blurted out. "Don't forget."
Yuu rolled her eyes. "Hard to forget something that I didn't know to begin with."
"Aren't you a smart one?" Yamapi laughed - the sarcasm disappearing under his amusement. "I'll see you later."
"Mm," Yuu agreed. "Later." The sound of the dial tone rang in her ears before she finally shut it. Half of her wondered if this was the best decision, but she mentally flashed to the sight of Yamapi smiling back at her, and she thought that it might be a little worth it to give it a try.
Hell if she ever told him that though.
---
October 2008.
"Where is he now?"
"Hi, Akanishi-kun. Nice talking to you too," Yuu says dryly into her cell. Jin always manages to call on the first day―Yuu pretty much knows the unwritten schedule like the back of her hand.
"Hawaii?"
"Hawaii."
"So by the end of this week..." his voice trails off, the rest of sentence hanging in the air. But they both know exactly how it ends.
"Probably."
Pause. "Is he okay?" Yuu half wishes that he'd actually asked if she was okay, but Yamapi always did take precedence―Jin was his best friend after all. She side-steps the thought.
"If you mean, "Is he sleeping?" then the answer is no." Yuu sighs. "I think he hasn't slept for two days."
There's a pause on the other line and Yuu can hear Jin thinking - thinking about what to do for Pi (usually there isn't anything), thinking about what he should do next, thinking about what he'll do when Yamapi gets back. It's always the same. Sometimes, he even thinks about Yuu and what this means for her. "Look-" Jin starts, but the shower in the other room shuts off and Yuu shushes him. "Yuu," he tries to start again, but Yuu shushes him again. "You have to stop this."
"Akanishi, I’ll talk to you later," Yuu says, not concentrating. The door inches open, and Yuu can see a hint of light and steam coming into the room.
"Talk to you later." Jin hangs up before Yuu can even think to say good-bye, but she doesn’t care. She shuts her phone, slipping it into her pocket before meeting a dripping Yamapi at the doorway of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and another one in his hand.
"Was that Jin?" Yamapi asks, his voice slightly hollow―Yuu isn’t sure if she’s imagining it or not―as he rubs the towel against his hair, trying to dry it before tossing it aside against the drawers.
Yuu purses her lips before nodding. "Yeah," she says. "You know how he is."
"Did you tell him where we were?"
"Of course," Yuu says, leaning against the wall and watching as Yamapi’s lips and the edges of his eyes quirk downward.
"Great, he can spread the news."
Yuu sighs as Yamapi puts on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and plops himself on the couch, turning on the television. "That’s all?"
"There’s more to add?" Yamapi asks flippantly, his eyes now caught on some American show with people bungee jumping off a bridge.
Yuu pauses, trying to gauge Yamapi’s reaction, but she can’t get much when he’s not even looking at her. "I guess not," she comments a beat later. He looks up at her, smiling, before patting the spot next to him. Yuu rests on the couch next to him, tucked underneath his arm, comfortable and warm - as always. She doesn’t realize that she’s already asleep.
---
July 2003.
"What do you think you’re doing, Yamashita-kun?"
Yuu held her breath before she rounded the corner. It wasn’t as though she’d even seen him, but she recognized his voice without question.
"What are you talking about, Koki?" Yamapi asked, the same innocence in his voice that Yuu was used to.
"I’ve been hearing that you’ve been spending time with Yuu-chan. You do know that she’s my girlfriend, right?"
Yuu could hear the pause in Yamapi’s voice, the eye blink before he said, "I thought you two had broken up. That’s what Abiru-chan told me anyway."
Another pause, and Koki’s reluctant response of "Technically, we’ve broken up." followed, but a second later, Koki added. "But I don’t want to be. She-"
"She didn’t either." Yuu almost fumed at Yamapi just saying flat out something that she never wanted Koki to know, but he never said anything past that.
"What are you talking about?" Koki snapped.
"Absolutely nothing," Yamapi replied. "It's. ...Nothing."
"You-" Koki started, a growl in his voice before going quiet. "What does this have anything to do with you anyway?"
"Because I actually noticed her." Yamapi was quiet, no malice in his voice. Just a soft comment said plainly.
Yuu didn’t hear Koki respond back; all she heard was the sound of Koki’s footsteps against gravel as he walked back into the building, a door slamming behind him. Yamapi’s sigh of relief caught Yuu’s attention, and she heard him slump against a nearby wall, throwing down his bag. Her phone vibrated in her breast pocket a second later and Yuu almost jumped out of her skin when it started. Unintentionally, she let the phone go to voice mail and heard Yamapi’s soft, "Hey, Abiru-chan. Just wanted to see where you are. Hope you didn’t get lost. The back entrance is a little tough to find." He paused. "I hope to see you soon." Another pause before he abruptly added. "And this is Yamapi-Yamashita. Which you probably already knew, but just in case. Yeah. …See you later. Again." After he shut the phone, Yamapi let out a small curse, and Yuu realized just how easily he could make her smile.
She waited a few minutes just listening to the sound of her own breathing before steeling herself and rounding the corner. Yamapi’s eyes sparkled once he saw her, and a genuine smile graced his lips. Yuu felt herself give one in return, without even intending to.
"Hey. Didn’t get lost, huh?"
"Hard not to."
Yamapi’s grin got a touch brighter.
---
October 2008.
"Where in the world is Abiru Yuu?"
Is the question that startles Yuu out of bed, wide-eyed and blinking. She doesn’t remember at all sleeping in bed―hell, she doesn’t remember going to sleep at all. But she’s sprawled out on the bed, covers on top of her and no sign of any other life in the room. She sits up, stretching and taking in the sight of light spilling into the hotel room through the inch of space between the curtains. Yuu figures it must already be morning; that explains the missing Yamapi. Taking a few more minutes to stretch, Yuu tries hard to remember exactly what Yamapi would be doing at this time and it comes to her a second after she hears the crashing of waves outside her window.
With a small smile, Yuu throws the covers off and makes her way to the bathroom. She figures Yamapi can wait a few minutes for her (as though he’s really waiting, but Yuu likes to be a little positive sometimes) as she takes a well-needed shower and puts on a new outfit for the day.
It’s already 11 in the morning when Yuu finally walks outside onto the beach, foregoing the use of sandals―for now anyway―and staring out into the ocean, trying to see if she can spot, by some amazing feat, the sight of Yamapi out there with his surfboard. She doesn’t at first. But not many people are crazy enough to tackle the waves at this time, so it takes her almost no time.
When she does finally spot Yamapi, his body dances with the waves―weaving in and out like he’s water too. Yuu doesn’t realize that she’s even holding her breath as she watches Yamapi zoom through the wave, eyes narrowed - focused, always so focused. His arms are out in front and behind of him, trying to keep the precarious sense of balance that he desires. When he finally reaches the end and the surfboard skirts across the water, Yuu lets out that breath that echoes the one that Yamapi lets out feet away.
He falls into the water, pushing back his soaked bangs away from his face and turns at the perfect time to catch Yuu standing at the beach, arms behind her back and a smile on her face. She waves at him and he waves back, enthusiastic and then starts pointing behind him, asking without words if she’d seen what he’d just done.
Yuu laughs, nodding vigorously before her phone goes off―muted strains of Yokubou no Rain which she thinks is utterly inappropriate and she really needs to stop letting Yamapi choose her ring tones―and she lifts up her bag, pointing at it in hopes that Yamapi can see what she’s gesturing at.
He makes a visible head bob before starting towards the shore on the surfboard.
Yuu takes the phone call, her eyes never leaving the approaching Yamapi. "Hey, Toma-kun," she says out of habit.
"Abiru-chan!" Toma says cheerfully. "Any chance I can talk to Pi? Hasn’t been picking up his phone as expected. And since you’re attached to your phone and to Pi, well, you see where I’m going."
Yuu snorts, rolling her eyes. "I’d say that’s a lie, but there’s no point. Besides, Pi’s swimming in right now and there’s no way I’m letting his watery self go near my phone."
She can hear Toma’s frown through the phone. "Is that the only reason why?"
"Now you sound like Akanishi-kun," Yuu retorts dryly.
"You mean, being suspicious? Well-"
"Don't finish that sentence. I'm taking care of him, okay?" By this point, Yamapi’s on shore, surfboard tucked under his arm and skin glistening from sun reflecting off the water droplets clinging to him. Yuu openly stares; although she’s at least mindful to keep her mouth shut as she does so. Yamapi’s eyes seem to be shining, but Yuu half wonders if that’s really the water than his actual emotions. Toma’s babbling in her ear, Yuu ignoring him completely, but at this point, she's lost all sense of coherence as Yamapi walks up to her with a grin on his face, leaning over to peck her on the cheek before treading further down the beach towards his things and more importantly, his towel.
"Abiru-chan? Abiru-chan?!" is what Yuu hears when she finally refocuses, sputtering as she apologizes for not paying attention―she says it pointedly, not bothering to make excuses.
Toma snorts. "I guess I’ll take that to mean that you have other things to focus on then?"
"If I say, "Hell yes?""
"I’ll talk to Pi later this week then."
"Thank you," Yuu breathes as she watches Yamapi drag his towel down his chest, trying to dry off after shedding at least the top half of his wet suit. She thinks her mouth has gone dry.
"No problem. Go back to ogling your boyfriend." Toma laughs.
There’s a pause before Yuu can hang up. "By the way, are you in Hawaii?" he asks.
"Bye, Toma-kun," Yuu says abruptly, sidestepping his question. Yamapi walks towards her, his bag slung over his shoulder and the other arm holding his surfboard. "Ready for lunch?" Yuu asks him cheerfully.
Before he answers, Yamapi leans in, pecking her on the lips. "Had a good sleep?" Yamapi asks as they start trudging towards their hotel room.
"Good enough. And you?"
Yamapi makes a non-descriptive noise that Yuu takes to mean that he didn’t sleep at all and just doesn’t want to tell her (as always). "Lunch sounds good though. Been out here since early morning."
Yuu laughs, shaking her head. "At least I finally pried you out of the water."
"Only if you make it worth my time," Yamapi jokes before winking at her. He grins then looks away, walking off.
Yuu can feel the pang in her heart when she realizes with a start that she can't remember his genuine smile-not the ones that he just passes off as smiles. She spends a fleeting second wondering what could've brought this about―maybe it was the water; water was supposed to be re-invigorating after all. Yuu tucks away the sight of Yamapi’s smile before she throws herself back into their conversation.
---
October 2003.
"You're kidding me, right?"
Yuu closed her eyes, hoping she could somehow will herself to disappear at that moment―to get away from the disappointed look on Yamapi's face as he stared her down. But she didn't magically teleport somewhere when she opened her eyes again. All she saw was the wounded look in Yamapi's eyes.
"Look," she started, but didn't know where to continue from there. The words tumble in her head. School started. Koki was being his usual self. Yamapi was Yamapi―Yuu didn't mention that last one at all. She still liked Koki. They didn't really end, not really. Just a break. "Just a break," she says. "It had been just a break. Not a break-up."
"What's the difference? Yamapi asked sourly. Yuu resisted from frowning―he'd become so bitter lately, but she knew better than to broach that subject.
"There just is," Yuu insisted, even if she didn't know the answer to his question herself.
"So what does this mean?"
Yuu blinked, startled. "I-What?"
"Did he tell you to stay away from me or something? Is that why you're telling me?" Yamapi asked sharply, arms crossed.
"Wha-No! Koki has no say over things like that." Yuu frowned. "You've been acting weird lately. I know you've been through-"
"No," Yamapi interrupted. "I don't. That doesn't have anything to do with this."
"But it does. You don't seem to realize-"
"Abiru-chan, really. I don't want to talk about it," Yamapi said firmly.
Yuu faltered in her own insistence, and sighed. "Okay, but eventually-"
"Anyway, I'm sorry for snapping," Yamapi interrupted.
"It's okay," Yuu said, smiling. "I really meant it when I said Koki has no say over things like this." She gestured at the two of them. "I still want to be friends."
Yamapi laughed, although there was a tinge of bitterness in it―Yuu wasn't sure if that was just in general but because of her statement. "Congratulations, I'm glad you're happy."
Yuu grinned. "Un."
It ended up being a moot point really―Koki and Yuu coming back together, that is. It was fun, for the five months that they were together, but Koki was graduating and they decided that it'd probably be better for both of them if they broke up. Yuu realized as an afterthought that Yamapi was graduating too.
They hadn't spoken for four months―Yuu wondered if it was entirely her fault.
---
October 2008.
"If you could follow me please."
The restaurant’s server gestures them to follow their waiter to a table towards the side, right next to the windows and overlooking the ocean’s night sky―a sight Yuu and Yamapi were familiar with, but never minded seeing over and over again.
"Thank you," Yuu says as Yamapi pushes her chair in after she settles in. The waiter hands them their menus and Yuu looks up at Yamapi, taking in the sight of him in his suit and tie, and has to stop herself from suggesting that they forgo dinner and just head straight to dessert―as lame as that pick-up line is. Yuu shakes her head, staring down at her menu. It takes her a few minutes before she starts with the feeling of someone staring at her, and when she looks back up, Yamapi makes no move towards looking away.
"Yes?" She asks, leaning her elbows against the table.
"Like you didn't realize how gorgeous you look tonight," Yamapi retorts, glancing down at his menu.
Yuu feels her body go hot―flushing as she sits back and tries to remember to breathe (which is already hard enough in the tight red dress she has on). For a second, she thinks she must look like a cherry or something. "You're such a flatterer," she murmurs, her gaze still on Yamapi.
By the sudden smile on his face, Yuu figures Yamapi heard her perfectly. Yuu rolls her eyes, shaking her head and looking back down at her menu.
"You know," Yamapi starts as he puts down his menu. "I think we're overdressed."
Yuu snorts. "As in we're dressed period?"
"I like how you think." Yamapi smirks and Yuu has to resist from rolling her eyes.
"Food is good too. Remember that we haven't ea-" She stops short as her phone goes off, the beginning chimes of Hoshi wo Mezashite play through the restaurant. Yuu lunges for her phone, rushing to answer it, but Yamapi pulls it out of her hand―first checking to see who it is.
"Koyama!" he says cheerfully, but the dark look in his eyes is more honest than everything else. "What's up?"
Yuu can just imagine Koyama's possible discomfort―he probably hadn't expected Yamapi to answer her phone especially when his purpose was to update them―her really-on everything that'd been going on at the Jimusho.
"Oh, so we start work as soon as I get back?" Yamapi nods, listening to Koyama babble on the other line. He makes a talking hand gesture to her and Yuu laughs, a little strained, but she laughs.
"Thanks for telling me, Koyama. I'll call when I get back in Japan." Yamapi shuts her phone, hanging up and passing it back to Yuu. "He just wanted to tell me our work schedule."
"Ah," Yuu murmurs―as though she hadn't known. "Well, that's nice of him."
"Mmhmm. Isn't it?" Yamapi's eyes meet hers and Yuu hates that they lost the spark that had just been there five seconds ago.
"Well, food awaits, doesn't it?" Yuu says, looking down at her menu and shutting her phone off completely. Nobody usually calls anyway, but Yuu doesn't think she can handle it anymore―the switches in moods. Part of her is happy that they're in Hawaii.
---
November 2005.
"Are you okay?" Issa asked her when her grip got a touch tighter than usual.
Yuu gave him a shaky smile before turning to look him in the eye. "Yeah, I'm good," she murmured. When they walked down half the block, Yuu mustered the courage to look behind them and her fears were answered. Walking in the other direction, Yamapi had his arm around some girl―a girl that Yuu could've sworn looked vaguely familiar.
He started to turn his head and Yuu abruptly looked down her path again, hoping that he hadn't noticed her. It was a busy street―people miss other people easily.
She didn't miss him though. "Are you sure?" Issa asked again.
"Yeah, really. Let's get something to eat, okay?" she grinned up at him―Yamapi was a long time ago, after all. They didn't have ties anymore.
A month later during a Christmas party though, Yuu's proven wrong immediately. "Abiru-chan," Yamapi breathed when they came face to face.
Yuu froze, drink clutched in her hands as she fights not to take a sip just to "help her along." "Yamashita-kun," she says softly in greeting. "Merry Christmas. Celebrating it here?"
"Shouldn't I ask the same of you? Don't you have a boyfriend?" Yamapi raised an eyebrow.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Yuu countered―a week after the not-really-a meeting, rumors of a relationship between Yamapi and Kitagawa Keiko had sprung up. She realized then why the girl had seemed familiar.
"No, I don't," Yamapi answered coolly before taking a sip of his drink.
"I don't either," Yuu responded. Truthfully as she and Issa had broken up only just last week.
"Well, isn't this a sight?" Yamapi smirked. "Christmas day and neither of us have dates on such a romantic holiday."
Yuu laughed sardonically, clinking her glass against Yamapi's before finally drinking whatever she'd ordered at the bar. "We're an amazing pair."
"Merry Christmas indeed."
New Year's day, they found themselves less lonely in each other's arms.
---
October 2008.
"Renai no keishiki sekirara na ishiki..."
"Love's form, naked senses..."
It's usually on the third day - no, always on the third day. Yuu closes her eyes, her body arching towards Yamapi's touch as he hovers over her - eyes as intense as she's ever seen them. Her breath catches when his fingers skirt around the lining of her jeans, hands deftly unbuttoning them and pulling down the zipper. A thumb presses against her stomach, right below the belly button and trails gently downwards - all Yuu can feel is the sensation of his nail tickling at her skin, his touch so light that she half thinks that she's imagining it.
She moves her hand downwards, finding his and trying to guide him-as though he doesn't know-but he switches grips, the hand that was teasing her-that was coming close, but not really-disappears. Yamapi grips her hands with his freed hand, pinning them over her head and Yuu has to hold back a gasp when he finds her with his other hand.
It's beyond understanding in Yuu's opinion - the way he makes her lose it every time, the way his touches seem to set her blood boiling and her skin ablaze, the way that she finds herself always wanting more - always wanting something that she could never fully get.
When she opens her eyes, panting and struggling to find a sense of balance, his eyes are the first things she sees - dark and sharp. Focused. His fingers mark dots along her inner thigh - around her wrists and around her heart.
Yuu cries out when he moves, and Yamapi's body is closer - much closer than before. Sweat drips down both their bodies and the heat seems to fill the room. Yamapi's head leans against hers as he pants, pausing - trying to find the right pace. Yuu's past caring though - she jerks forward, and the sudden movement reminds her that Yamapi still has her hands above her head. She squirms, trying to get free from the restriction, but his grip only gets tighter and he jerks forward again.
His nails dig into her wrists, but her own are making permanent marks inside the palm of her hands-marks that form over old marks-perfect crescent arcs. The room isn't dark - not completely, even with the curtains drawn and the lights off. A hint of the sun outside makes its way in through the edges of the curtains, just enough light that Yuu can practically see the sweat glistening off of Yamapi's shoulder - the only view she has right now.
Yamapi shifts and Yuu has a perfect view of his face - white teeth biting down on his bottom lip, half-lidded eyes that see her and only her. Her voice has completely disappeared and all Yuu can hear is the sound of their own breathing, mingling in the air to become perfect harmony.
It only takes a second. Yuu feels Yamapi's grip on her hands loosening - she knows this means that he's losing control. She manages to wiggle out of his grip, hands flying to the sides of his face, and she tilts her own head towards his. Their lips meet and suddenly, it's like Yamapi's lost all sense of patience.
The urgency throws Yuu for a loop - her head spins and her heart pounds. Faster and faster. She throws her head back, the need for air too much and her hands grip to his shoulders and perfect crescents line down his back.
At the end of the day, it's perfect to them - the coming together of two bodies moving at the same time, speed, hearts with the same message. Yuu can barely hear the sound of her own voice mixing with Yamapi's, but all she knows is that the low groan coming from Yamapi's mouth sends her over the edge every time - eyes shutting as she does what she does best. React.
When Yuu finally opens her eyes again, she only hears Yamapi's gentle breathing beside her. A second later, she can hear the sound of his heartbeat, her head resting against his chest.
Yuu tilts her head upwards to catch sight of Yamapi sleeping, a peaceful expression on his face and she can't help, but smile. It was always the third day that he finally slept, and Yuu always let him.
She gets up, tucking one of the blankets out of Yamapi's hold and wrapping it around herself as she heads to the bathroom, ready for a nice bath. Before she fully enters, she looks back and Yamapi turns over in the bed, sleeping on his side, the blankets tangled in his legs.
Yuu thinks she could forever be happy with just that sight, but she crosses the thought of her head and promptly drops the blanket at the doorway.
Her cell phone lies on the night table beside the bed. Nobody dares to call on the third day.
---
December 2006.
"Merry Christmas," Yamapi murmured, leaning in to press kiss against the side of Yuu's throat.
"Much better Christmas than last year," Yuu laughs, molding her body against his, lifting up from the bed she was lying on.
"Considering how we're not single this year, hard not to be." Yamapi littered kisses along the side of her throat, stopping only due to the trouble of fabric.
Yuu giggled, fingers playing with the hair at Yamapi's nape. "Isn't this kinda wrong?" she asked, despite turning her head to give Yamapi better access to the other side of her throat which he proceeds to litter with more kisses.
"Wrong?"
"Yeah, wrong. Forgotten that word, 'Hisa?" Yuu joked just as Yamapi pushed the sleeve of her shirt out of the way.
"More like I never had it in my dictionary to begin with." His lips descended, moving along the line of her bra―downwards, downwards―trying to push her shirt out of the way without ripping it.
The doorknob jiggled behind them and Yuu tried to fight her burst of giggles as well as light moans. The former didn't win so much as she giggled when Yamapi slipped his hand under her shirt at the back, his hot touch burning his mark on her skin.
"Is anyone in there?" The person at the other side of the door yelled out.
"A little busy!" Yamapi called out.
Pause. "Pi, you better not be screwing Abiru-chan on my bed!" Ryo yelled. Yuu burst into giggles again and Yamapi rolled his eyes.
"Don't worry! I'm not," Yamapi retorted. "At least not yet."
Yuu smirked, leaning up to give him a kiss.
"If you're going to screw on my bed, at least have the decency to let me watch!"
"Don't you have a party to get back to?" Yamapi hissed in between kisses, his other hand busy with trying to get her jeans unbuttoned and off her.
"Not when there's one happening in my bedroom, obviously."
Yuu moaned loudly at that point―half because of Yamapi's hand, the other half because she just wanted to torture Ryo even more.
Ryo paused. "Fuck it. Just get me new sheets."
"Only if you want us to christen those too," Yamapi retorted.
Another pause. "Just give me the money, you fuckers."
Yamapi grinned down at Yuu before kissing her lightly. "Bet you I could make it so we wouldn't even have to do that."
Yuu gripped his forearm. "Before that, I think you have something else to attend to." Yamapi's eyes glittered before her.
---
October 2008.
"Tamerau nara wasuretai."
"If you're going to hesitate, I want to forget."
Yuu dreads the fourth day even more than the fifth day―even if the fifth's the day when everything technically comes to a head. No, it's the fourth day that she always antagonizes over. Yamapi seems to make it a point to avoid her on this day―Yuu chalks it up to him taking the day to "think" things over, a concept that Yuu thinks is ridiculous even though she's not even sure if that's what he really does.
She throws their curtains open, blanket wrapped around her and tied at the side to keep it sturdy. The brightness outside blinds her for a second before her eyes finally adjust. Taking a moment, Yuu just stares out the windows before starting to get ready. She had some sympathy shopping to get ready for after all.
Halfway through the day, Yuu's a few bags heavier, her bank account's a few thousands dollars lighter and her heart's a few notches happier than it was earlier. She stops at some cafe nearby and rewards herself with a really good strawberry smoothie with about ten bags littered around her seat.
Her phone rings―Konayuki plays throughout the busy cafe, but nobody other than her can hear it over the chatter. Yuu picks the phone up grinning. "Hey, Erika," she says, leaning against her propped elbow.
"Hey~" Erika greets; Yuu can hear the whipping wind on the other end―she figures Erika must be walking somewhere.
"What are you doing calling so early?"
"Please. This coming from the same girl who complains when I'm not up early enough?"
"Well, I never said I was complaining," Yuu laughs, taking a sip of her smoothie. "But really, what's up?"
"You up for having a shopping spree? I'm in Japan and was totally hoping for some girl time."
Yuu freezes, suddenly wishing that she really was in Japan. "I-" she starts, trying to figure out how to word it.
"Oh, come on," Erika whines on the other end. "Let me pry you away from that boyfriend of yours. He can handle you missing for a day."
"It's not that," Yuu starts. "It's just that I'm... I'm not exactly in Japan right now."
"What? Then where―" Erika starts and Yuu winces when she hears Erika's, "Oh, fuck."
"Erika, it's nothing-"
"You're in fucking Hawaii, aren't you?" Erika hisses.
"It's not a big deal," Yuu sighs.
"I was the one who helped you figure out just what that idiot does whenever you guys go to Hawaii and the one that had to pick you up from the airport the every time it happens. This is ridiculous, Yuu."
Yuu shrugs before realizing that Erika can't exactly see her over the phone. "Look," she starts, but stops short. "It's fine," Yuu says instead.
"I don't get why you keep going back to him when it's this stupid struggle between the two of you. Off, then on, then off, then on. You always act like everything's normal between you. And what's so fucking great about Yamashita anyway? He doesn't seem that wonderful to me."
"Erika," Yuu sighs―it's not the first time she's heard this from Erika.
"Maybe this time you'll learn that he's not good for you, Yuu. When he breaks your heart again."
"Maybe this time'll be different," Yuu says, but she doesn't really know if she should be saying something she doesn't really believe in either.
"You're being ridiculous."
"So you've said already." Yuu plays with the straw to her smoothie―then stops when she realizes that she'd polished off her drink without knowing.
Erika sighs on the other line. "Fine. Just. Call me when you get back. I'll pick you up from the airport." She pauses. "I'm sure you'll need a ride."
"Erika," Yuu starts, but Erika cuts her off. "I'll hope for the best, but... I'm not sure he'll pull through."
Yuu frowns, but she withholds from commenting further. "I'll talk to you later, Erika."
"See ya. I'll award you with that shopping trip when you get back."
Yuu shuts her phone and looks around her; the bags suddenly make her feel more depressed than happy. She frowns, putting her phone away and throwing away her drink before she grabs all her bags and heads to the hotel. She thinks she's had enough for the day―it was already 5 anyway.
---
November 2007.
"You're joking me," Yuu hissed.
Yamapi stood in front of her, half-frowning. "Not at all," he told her.
"You're breaking up with me?"
"Yes." It was a quick answer―suddenly, Yuu felt offended for not even warranting more of an explanation, more of something.
"That's all?" she asked incredulously. "I'm with you through everything and all I get is a 'Yes'?"
Yamapi licked his lips, scuffling his feet against the rug of their hotel room. "Look, it's not..." he started, but Yuu chucked a pillow at his head.
"You're a fucking asshole!" she continued to chuck whatever she could find at him―considering how close she was to the bed, it ended up being more pillows and sheets and some clothes. "Just because you're starting to get more jobs and more popular and, and..." Yuu found herself trying hard to breathe and just as she collapsed to the floor in sheer exhaustion, Yamapi's arms engulfed her.
"I'm sorry," he whispered against her skin. "I couldn't hold out anymore."
Yuu pulled back, incredulous. "What? Is there someone else―?"
Yamapi cut her off quickly. "No, the Jimusho..." His words trailed off but Yuu immediately hardened. Just the one word was enough for her―she'd been with Yamapi for almost two years by this point and the Jimusho didn't have a single good word to say about her. They'd been rather insistent that Yamapi and Yuu split up (and they had at least once or twice throughout their time together).
"You're kidding me," Yuu growled, pushing Yamapi away. "So now you're giving in? What the hell am I all of a sudden?"
"Yuu," Yamapi started.
"Abiru. You've lost the right to call me that after you let your work dictate everything you do. Even what girl you screw apparently." She stood up, heading towards the drawers and shoving everything she owned into her suitcase.
"Yuu," Yamapi said anyway, insistent. He walked over to her, hugging her from behind and leaning his head against her shoulder. Yuu froze, her hand wrapped around some shirt. "I just can't have you go through this again."
"Shouldn't I have a say in that?" Yuu snapped, trying hard to bat back her own tears―she wasn't that type of girl. She refused to be.
Yamapi sighed, just hugging her tighter.
"If you're splitting up with me, then you're not making things easier for me," Yuu forced out. Yamapi still held on, at least for a handful of long minutes before pulling back.
"I don't-"
"Save it," Yuu interrupted, shutting her eyes. She didn't look back as she heard Yamapi shuffle out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Yuu didn't collapse, she didn't burst into tears. She just continued to cram clothes into her suitcase, grabbing her ticket from the side desk and stepping out of their hotel room.
She refused to think on how she'd come all the way to Hawaii on Yamapi's request after he'd arrived for work with NewS. Once she arrived at the airport, she pleaded to get on an earlier flight which she was granted, and upon landing in Japan, called Erika to pick her up.
When she got into Erika's apartment, refusing to be alone for the night, Yuu pulled out her sleepwear from her suitcase, coming across a buttoned-down shirt that was most definitely not one of her own. Erika watched as for the first time that night, Yuu cried for everything.
Forward To Part 2
tinyangl, 11610 words
Abiru Yuu/Yamashita Tomohisa, Hints of Abiru Yuu/Tanaka Koki, Issa (from Da Pump)/Abiru Yuu, and Kitagawa Keiko/Yamashita Tomohisa. Yamapi has a routine-even if he doesn't quite realize it himself-that Yuu really wishes she hadn't figured out herself. So when he brings her to Hawaii yet again, she doesn't know if she should hope that she's wrong or just accept what's to come.
A/N: Written to the prompt T&T's Venus for fic_games. All information about Abiru Yuu and her relationships is from Wiki or the various rumors all over the place - most from uwasako. As such, I took lots and lots of liberties. Lol Thanks to silver_rose88 for reading this over on multiple takes as it was being written and letting me know her opinion. As well as cynicalism for always listening to me whine away about this. You're both loved dearly. ♥♥♥ (Originally posted here.)
October 2008.
"Let's go away."
The voice startles Yuu out of her sleep, fingers gently skirt over her forehead, pushing her hair out of her eyes enough to make out the person in front of her. "Okay," she mumbles, barely able to see Yamapi's face. "In the morning." She's lying on her side with her face half-pressed against the pillow, her voice muffled as she speaks.
"Now," he says, voice laced with finality.
Yuu opens her eyes fully with a sigh, pushing up off the bed to lean up against her arm. "Is that so? Anywhere you want?"
"Anywhere," Yamapi murmurs, leaning in to press a kiss to the side of her lips and tucking her hair behind her ear. "Out of Tokyo. Out of Japan." Yuu frowns. "Hawaii. Let's go to Hawaii," he breathes.
Yuu sighs. "Okay. Hawaii." She throws the blankets off of her, getting off the bed. "How about your Jimusho?" she asks.
"No problem," Yamapi says, getting up as well and grabbing an already packed bag to the side of his cabinet. Yuu looks over at him, an eyebrow raised. "I have a week off for vacation," he adds in.
Yuu grabs an already packed bag as well, next to the drawer she had claimed as her own. "Hmm," she says in response, grabbing some clothes and heading out the door. She manages a glance at the clock on her way out and inwardly groans. It was only 3:24 A.M. She can hear Yamapi following behind her, but she pays him no heed. As she passes by the entrance, Yuu catches sight of the jacket Yamapi had just thrown over the nearest chair, his shoes strewn at the entrance way where he'd left it. She licks her lips and sighs.
Within minutes, Yuu finds herself inside the car and the bags tucked in the trunk - bright lights leaving her behind and Yamapi's stoic face beside her, lost to everything but the road and his own thoughts. She glances back out the window and frowns.
The plane ride to Hawaii goes smoothly - no sign of turbulence, no sign of disturbance, no sign of Yamapi even speaking to her. Yuu hates how familiar this feels.
---
June 2003.
"Should you be standing there?"
Yuu breathed, turning around to catch sight of someone standing close by. She recognized him in an instant, even if she didn't know him personally. Without a word, she turned on her heel, moving away from the Johnny's Jimusho building.
"Hey!" he called out, but her feet moved faster, her face flushing in embarrassment. She shouldn't have come. His hand was on her elbow and he yanked her back, throwing her off balance. The shock on his face at the act quickly changed to concern. "Sorry, I didn't mean to- I just meant-"
"Forget it," she snipped. His hand was still gripping to her arm and Yuu looked down, pointedly. Yamapi let go, a sheepish smile on his face.
"If you wanted to see Koki-" Yamapi started, but Yuu quickly cut him off. "I'm not."
Yamapi blinked. "Oh. I just thought-"
"Forget it," she repeated, just as bitterly. "I shouldn't have come in the first place."
"Why did you?" Yuu gave him a dark look and Yamapi scuffled his sneakers against the pavement. "Look. It's just that the Jimusho has a thing about us and girls. Usually, the guys tell their girlfriends to show up at the back door at least. I thought Koki would've-"
"He doesn't know I'm here," Yuu bit out. "He wouldn't want me here."
Yamapi blinked. Then again. "Wait, what?"
"Forget it."
"You've said that already."
Yuu stared. Yamapi only grinned. "Whatever. I'm leaving." She turned again, heading towards the train.
"Hey!" Yamapi called out; Yuu didn't turn. "I'm Yamashita Tomohisa. We go to the same school." Yuu scoffed inwardly―as though she didn't know something as simple as that. "See you around!" She didn't have to turn around to see that he was probably waving stupidly at her back. She refused to acknowledge her heart skipping a beat.
---
October 2008.
"Here's your room."
Yuu doesn't know when she's ever been so glad to see a bed. Except sleeping at 4 in the afternoon, even if it was in Hawaii time, feels strange when she thinks about it. Sighing, she plops herself on top of the bed, relishing in the feel of soft comforters on her skin and the relaxing mattress behind her back―the plane's chairs doesn't come close in comparison.
Yamapi follows behind her, making sure to tip the bellboy for carrying up their bags before the boy leaves. He doesn't even stop by the bed, but makes a beeline for the balcony, pushing the curtains out of the way and sliding the door open. Yuu sits up from the bed, watching as Yamapi leans against the balcony railing and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it up and inhaling.
She stands up, walking over and wrapping her arms around Yamapi from behind. Yuu buries her face against his back, her nose catching the scent of his cologne and the smoke from the cigarette "'Hisa, something's up, isn't it?"
Yamapi takes another drag from the cigarette, pulling away from Yuu's grasp and shifting sideways to throw an arm over her shoulders. He hands the cigarette over to her, which she takes and sucks at the end. She turns and blows the smoke right at Yamapi's face. He doesn't even flinch.
"Fine," she sighs, rolling her eyes. "Don't talk." She moves to walk back into the hotel room, but his hand at the crook of her elbow stops her in her tracks. She turns and meets his gaze - heavy and stark. The bags under his eyes have gotten darker―or has she just not noticed them darkening under all his usual makeup? She reaches out, fingertips brushing past the bags and sweeping the hair away from his face. Yamapi's other hand, with the cigarette pointed away from her, tucks her hair from her eyes, before he pulls her closer, pressing a kiss against her forehead.
"Go sleep," he murmurs, before pulling away and letting go. He turns back to the balcony, bringing the cigarette back to his lips. Yuu stares at him for a moment before turning back and walking inside.
The last thing she remembers before the room goes dark is Yamapi leaning forward on the railings, arms pressing against rough steel. The cigarette dangles precarious from his fingertips - his focus no longer on it, but the vibrant vision of Hawaii lying before him.
---
June 2003.
"Abiru-chan, back again?" the voice called out from halfway down the street.
Yuu cursed her luck, recognizing the voice immediately. It was maybe two weeks since she'd last visited - she'd even chosen a different day (a Saturday as opposed to Monday) and a different time (1 P.M. As opposed to 5 P.M.). Yet there he was - smiling at her, waving and jogging his way to where she was standing at the corner of the Johnny's Jimusho building, trying to blend herself into the background of the neighborhood. She sighed, wondering if it was too late to dash off like she hadn't heard him.
"Hey!" he greeted when he finally appeared in front of her. "Remember? I'm Yama-"
"I know who you are," Yuu interrupted sharply. "All of Japan knows who you are." The edges of Yamapi's lips twitched upwards at her words, but he seemed to be trying hard not to look too proud. Yuu almost cracked a smile, but she bit down at the bottom of her lip, blowing her hair out of her face a second later. "Look. I'm just gonna-"
"Are you here to see Koki?" Yamapi pressed, cutting her off suddenly. "I know KAT-TUN's meeting today."
Yuu swallowed the rest of her words, pursing her lips together before saying dryly, "I knew you were out of the loop, but this is ridiculous."
"What-"
"We broke up three weeks ago." Yamapi opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. Then it fell agape again, forming an "o" with his lips. His eyes darted from side to side, and Yuu almost felt bad for him for jumping like she had. "Look, it's not-"
"Did you not want to?"
Yuu stopped abruptly. "What?" she asked, her mouth agape, and her heart beat a little faster than it had before.
Yamapi averted his eyes from hers, staring across at some spot to the right side of her - maybe a speck of dirt on the street. He'd stuck his hands into his pockets, standing straight, but there was an air of awkwardness in the position―he couldn't look straight at her, nor could he stand still―rocking back and forth on the tips of his toes. "Did you not want to break up?" Yamapi said, finally meeting her eyes at the end of the question. The light caught his dirty blond hair, and Yuu wasn't quite sure why suddenly―she hoped suddenly―she found him maybe just a little adorable. "Is that why you keep coming back?"
"I-" Yuu stumbled over her thoughts, her words. "I don't- That's not- It's not how." She huffed. "I don't get why I'm talking about this with you of all people," she exhaled, her words laced with frustration.
Yamapi shrugged. "I can be a good listener when I like. Just ask Jin, I listen all the time." Then he paused, adding after a beat. "Although I'm not sure I actually know what he's talking to half the time." He shrugged. "But I do listen!"
The words were said so earnestly that Yuu wasn't sure what to make of it. She cracked a bit of a smile, shaking her head - the edges of her lips tugging too hard for her to resist. She tried to hide it with her hand, but when she met Yamapi's eyes, he was grinning widely back at her.
"Does that mean that you'll let me listen?"
"No," Yuu said with ease; the smile on Yamapi's face quickly disappeared. "Although you should get points on effort." Pulling her phone out of her bag, Yuu pressed it into Yamapi's hand. "Give me your phone number."
Yamapi blinked in surprise. "Eh?" he said dumbfounded.
"You offered." She reached over, moving to take her cell phone back. "But I suppose-"
He pulled back, holding the phone over his head. He wasn't that much taller than her, but still Yuu couldn't reach it. "Ugh," she mumbled, stepping back and crossing her arms. "Fine. Whatever."
Yamapi smirked at her, punching in his phone number and saving it. Yuu could see the knots of concentration in his forehead, and resisted from rolling her eyes. He then took out his own phone, punching in what she assumed was her number into his phone. "There you go," he said after a few minutes, handing the phone back to her. As soon as she got it, she scrolled down her phone book, but didn't catch sight of Yamapi's name.
"Where did-"
"You'll just have to wait and see." He grinned at her before lifting his arm to get a good look at his watch. "Shit. I gotta get going."
Yuu nodded, tucking her phone inside her purse. "See you later then?" she asked.
"Yeah. Stop stalking the Jimusho!" he called out, waving at her and dashing into the building. Yuu tried hard not to laugh, but as soon as his back disappeared through the doors, she sighed and gave in, laughing. Her phone started to ring from inside her bag, and she scrambled to pick it up. As soon as she saw the name, Yuu couldn't stop her laughter.
The Great Listener.
Yuu let the call go straight to voicemail.
---
October 2008.
"…Haruka ikoku no moonlight."
"….The moonlight of a distant foreign country."
Yuu jerks out of her sleep, the ending chimes of her ring tone fading into the dark. The cell phone brightens the room for just a moment before it goes dim again, plunging the room back to pitch black. Her body joints ache from everything, her head is hazy, and her eyes heavy with the hope for more sleep. She almost feels like slipping back into sleep, but her cell phone goes off again, her alarm for 9:30 P.M. in Japan time going off. Yuu reaches over and shuts it off, catching sight of the neon lights of 2:39 A.M. across the room. Sighing, she stretches on the bed, underneath a blanket she doesn't remember ever tucking under. When her arm hits empty air beside her, she frowns. Her eyes get used to the darkness in moments, and she can tell that nobody is in the room other than her - even the heavy, white curtains are pulled closed and the glass door shut behind it.
She sits up, sighing again and ruffling her already messy long hair with her free hand before leaning over to flick on the light beside her bed. The small lamp doesn't illuminate much, but it's enough for Yuu to move around the spacious room without trouble. She slips into the sandals she'd left beside the bed and walks over to the drawers where she suspects she'll find her clothes, already unpacked.
They are―neatly folded and placed one on top of the other. Yuu isn't quite sure what this says about Yamapi, but she appreciates it, pulling one of her maroon summer dresses and a black sweater to throw over it before heading straight to the bathroom.
Yuu makes her way down a path that doesn't exist, but is as familiar to her as everything else in this place. She doesn't even have to make sure that she's going the right way; her feet just automatically know. Her sandals dangle from her hands, her grip barely existent, and the dry sand underneath her feet is cold and refreshing, completely different from the scorching heat she's much too used to and half expects. Overhead, the sky is clear with the twinkling of tiny lights greeting her and the half moon glowing above the horizon, illuminating her way.
A distance away, Yuu can just make out a figure. She squints, but it only makes Yamapi look like he's about to be swallowed by darkness, so much that Yuu half-wonders if she should run and grab him before he disappears completely. She doesn't though. She walks forward slowly, the haze around him clearing as she takes each step.
He's watching the ocean come alive - waves crashing echo in her ears for days to come after they've left―a permanent sound in Hawaii that she manages to tuck to the back of her head when she's there. He lifts his hand, bringing a cigarette up to his lips and taking a puff. A cloud of pale gray practically glows in the night's sky.
"Fancy meeting you here," Yuu calls out when she's close enough for him to hear. She pushes her hair out of her face, her head tilting to the side as the wind dances through strands of hair. Yamapi glances over and the dull light from the cigarette is near enough to his face that Yuu can just make out the hint of a smile.
"A surprise indeed," Yamapi murmurs, pressing out the butt of his cigarette on an ash tray he'd set next to his feet. Yuu manages to catch sight of at least 3 finished cigarettes - she doesn't say a word. "What are you doing up?"
"Alarm went off," Yuu sighs, moving to stand beside him, staring out into the ocean. "If we were back in Tokyo, we'd probably be having dinner right now."
"Mmm."
"Have you even gotten any sleep?"
"Later," Yamapi says, his face set―Yuu finds she has too many moments where she just can't read him.
"As long as you get some," Yuu comments. The rustling beside her catches her attention, and when she looks over, Yamapi's sitting down, knees bent and relaxed and butt firmly on the ground. Without a word, Yuu sits down beside him, her legs tucked in and perpendicular to the ground―she ignores the feel of the sand particles digging into her skin; the fact that with the skirt sand was going to find its way inside. She instead focuses on the heavy weight of Yamapi's arm over her shoulders - warm and comfortable. Familiar. He pulls her towards him, his hand pressed against the side of her arm. She focuses on his strong shoulder, head leaning against it - her eyes drooping again without her realizing. She focuses on the sharp corner of his jaw - pointed out towards the ocean, towards something that Yamapi always looked at, something that doesn't physically exist.
Before she knows it, sleep takes her over, and when she opens her eyes again, Yamapi's warm breath hitting her skin. The sun is peeking out from below the horizon. Yamapi's arm is still wrapped around her shoulder, and even though it's now cold―as though he'd never moved it, not once for as long as they'd been sitting there―he's still warm against her skin.
"It's morning," Yamapi says, turning to face her. The bags under his eyes have only gotten darker and Yuu wonders if he really hadn't gotten any sleep.
"Can tell."
Yamapi chuckles, thumb rubbing in a circular pattern against her skin, warming her up. "Wanna get breakfast?"
Yuu hums lightly, suddenly aware of just how painful the sand is against her body and tries to ignore it, in favor of relishing the smile on Yamapi's face. "Later. The sun's rising." Yamapi raises an eyebrow at her. "It'd be rude to just leave."
He laughs, shaking his head. "That's the strangest thing I've ever heard you say."
"I think I got that from you actually," she retorts dryly.
Yamapi doesn't say anything, just laughs. Yuu feels her heart skip a beat, and then wonders why even to this day, he still has the same effect on her. His grip gets a touch tighter and Yuu sinks back into the warmth that is Yamapi's embrace.
---
July 2003.
"Karaoke's fine, isn't it?"
Yuu sighed as she hung up the phone. It was possibly the fifth time Yamapi had suggested karaoke, and she supposed the other four times she'd declined - by first saying no, and then hanging up three times―no wait, now it was four―didn't get her point across enough. It was getting ridiculous.
Her phone went off again and she glared down at the sound of some song from Tackey & Tsubasa that Yamapi had set as his ring tone as a joke. "It's so you can always tell when I'm calling!" he'd said, so ridiculously cheerful that even Yuu was taken in.
She picked up anyway. "Look, Yamashita-"
"How about just some food then?"
Yuu paused. "Should you be going anywhere with a girl?" She wondered if he could hear the lingering "like me" at the end of her question like she did.
"It'll be fine. We're only friends, right?"
"Right," she echoed.
"Great! I know the best place." She could hear his infectious smile over the phone―it was getting ridiculous she was starting to know so much about him.
Biting back her own smile, Yuu responded quickly. "Yeah, sure. I'll meet you at the Jimusho building?"
"Back door!" Yamapi immediately blurted out. "Don't forget."
Yuu rolled her eyes. "Hard to forget something that I didn't know to begin with."
"Aren't you a smart one?" Yamapi laughed - the sarcasm disappearing under his amusement. "I'll see you later."
"Mm," Yuu agreed. "Later." The sound of the dial tone rang in her ears before she finally shut it. Half of her wondered if this was the best decision, but she mentally flashed to the sight of Yamapi smiling back at her, and she thought that it might be a little worth it to give it a try.
Hell if she ever told him that though.
---
October 2008.
"Where is he now?"
"Hi, Akanishi-kun. Nice talking to you too," Yuu says dryly into her cell. Jin always manages to call on the first day―Yuu pretty much knows the unwritten schedule like the back of her hand.
"Hawaii?"
"Hawaii."
"So by the end of this week..." his voice trails off, the rest of sentence hanging in the air. But they both know exactly how it ends.
"Probably."
Pause. "Is he okay?" Yuu half wishes that he'd actually asked if she was okay, but Yamapi always did take precedence―Jin was his best friend after all. She side-steps the thought.
"If you mean, "Is he sleeping?" then the answer is no." Yuu sighs. "I think he hasn't slept for two days."
There's a pause on the other line and Yuu can hear Jin thinking - thinking about what to do for Pi (usually there isn't anything), thinking about what he should do next, thinking about what he'll do when Yamapi gets back. It's always the same. Sometimes, he even thinks about Yuu and what this means for her. "Look-" Jin starts, but the shower in the other room shuts off and Yuu shushes him. "Yuu," he tries to start again, but Yuu shushes him again. "You have to stop this."
"Akanishi, I’ll talk to you later," Yuu says, not concentrating. The door inches open, and Yuu can see a hint of light and steam coming into the room.
"Talk to you later." Jin hangs up before Yuu can even think to say good-bye, but she doesn’t care. She shuts her phone, slipping it into her pocket before meeting a dripping Yamapi at the doorway of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and another one in his hand.
"Was that Jin?" Yamapi asks, his voice slightly hollow―Yuu isn’t sure if she’s imagining it or not―as he rubs the towel against his hair, trying to dry it before tossing it aside against the drawers.
Yuu purses her lips before nodding. "Yeah," she says. "You know how he is."
"Did you tell him where we were?"
"Of course," Yuu says, leaning against the wall and watching as Yamapi’s lips and the edges of his eyes quirk downward.
"Great, he can spread the news."
Yuu sighs as Yamapi puts on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and plops himself on the couch, turning on the television. "That’s all?"
"There’s more to add?" Yamapi asks flippantly, his eyes now caught on some American show with people bungee jumping off a bridge.
Yuu pauses, trying to gauge Yamapi’s reaction, but she can’t get much when he’s not even looking at her. "I guess not," she comments a beat later. He looks up at her, smiling, before patting the spot next to him. Yuu rests on the couch next to him, tucked underneath his arm, comfortable and warm - as always. She doesn’t realize that she’s already asleep.
---
July 2003.
"What do you think you’re doing, Yamashita-kun?"
Yuu held her breath before she rounded the corner. It wasn’t as though she’d even seen him, but she recognized his voice without question.
"What are you talking about, Koki?" Yamapi asked, the same innocence in his voice that Yuu was used to.
"I’ve been hearing that you’ve been spending time with Yuu-chan. You do know that she’s my girlfriend, right?"
Yuu could hear the pause in Yamapi’s voice, the eye blink before he said, "I thought you two had broken up. That’s what Abiru-chan told me anyway."
Another pause, and Koki’s reluctant response of "Technically, we’ve broken up." followed, but a second later, Koki added. "But I don’t want to be. She-"
"She didn’t either." Yuu almost fumed at Yamapi just saying flat out something that she never wanted Koki to know, but he never said anything past that.
"What are you talking about?" Koki snapped.
"Absolutely nothing," Yamapi replied. "It's. ...Nothing."
"You-" Koki started, a growl in his voice before going quiet. "What does this have anything to do with you anyway?"
"Because I actually noticed her." Yamapi was quiet, no malice in his voice. Just a soft comment said plainly.
Yuu didn’t hear Koki respond back; all she heard was the sound of Koki’s footsteps against gravel as he walked back into the building, a door slamming behind him. Yamapi’s sigh of relief caught Yuu’s attention, and she heard him slump against a nearby wall, throwing down his bag. Her phone vibrated in her breast pocket a second later and Yuu almost jumped out of her skin when it started. Unintentionally, she let the phone go to voice mail and heard Yamapi’s soft, "Hey, Abiru-chan. Just wanted to see where you are. Hope you didn’t get lost. The back entrance is a little tough to find." He paused. "I hope to see you soon." Another pause before he abruptly added. "And this is Yamapi-Yamashita. Which you probably already knew, but just in case. Yeah. …See you later. Again." After he shut the phone, Yamapi let out a small curse, and Yuu realized just how easily he could make her smile.
She waited a few minutes just listening to the sound of her own breathing before steeling herself and rounding the corner. Yamapi’s eyes sparkled once he saw her, and a genuine smile graced his lips. Yuu felt herself give one in return, without even intending to.
"Hey. Didn’t get lost, huh?"
"Hard not to."
Yamapi’s grin got a touch brighter.
---
October 2008.
"Where in the world is Abiru Yuu?"
Is the question that startles Yuu out of bed, wide-eyed and blinking. She doesn’t remember at all sleeping in bed―hell, she doesn’t remember going to sleep at all. But she’s sprawled out on the bed, covers on top of her and no sign of any other life in the room. She sits up, stretching and taking in the sight of light spilling into the hotel room through the inch of space between the curtains. Yuu figures it must already be morning; that explains the missing Yamapi. Taking a few more minutes to stretch, Yuu tries hard to remember exactly what Yamapi would be doing at this time and it comes to her a second after she hears the crashing of waves outside her window.
With a small smile, Yuu throws the covers off and makes her way to the bathroom. She figures Yamapi can wait a few minutes for her (as though he’s really waiting, but Yuu likes to be a little positive sometimes) as she takes a well-needed shower and puts on a new outfit for the day.
It’s already 11 in the morning when Yuu finally walks outside onto the beach, foregoing the use of sandals―for now anyway―and staring out into the ocean, trying to see if she can spot, by some amazing feat, the sight of Yamapi out there with his surfboard. She doesn’t at first. But not many people are crazy enough to tackle the waves at this time, so it takes her almost no time.
When she does finally spot Yamapi, his body dances with the waves―weaving in and out like he’s water too. Yuu doesn’t realize that she’s even holding her breath as she watches Yamapi zoom through the wave, eyes narrowed - focused, always so focused. His arms are out in front and behind of him, trying to keep the precarious sense of balance that he desires. When he finally reaches the end and the surfboard skirts across the water, Yuu lets out that breath that echoes the one that Yamapi lets out feet away.
He falls into the water, pushing back his soaked bangs away from his face and turns at the perfect time to catch Yuu standing at the beach, arms behind her back and a smile on her face. She waves at him and he waves back, enthusiastic and then starts pointing behind him, asking without words if she’d seen what he’d just done.
Yuu laughs, nodding vigorously before her phone goes off―muted strains of Yokubou no Rain which she thinks is utterly inappropriate and she really needs to stop letting Yamapi choose her ring tones―and she lifts up her bag, pointing at it in hopes that Yamapi can see what she’s gesturing at.
He makes a visible head bob before starting towards the shore on the surfboard.
Yuu takes the phone call, her eyes never leaving the approaching Yamapi. "Hey, Toma-kun," she says out of habit.
"Abiru-chan!" Toma says cheerfully. "Any chance I can talk to Pi? Hasn’t been picking up his phone as expected. And since you’re attached to your phone and to Pi, well, you see where I’m going."
Yuu snorts, rolling her eyes. "I’d say that’s a lie, but there’s no point. Besides, Pi’s swimming in right now and there’s no way I’m letting his watery self go near my phone."
She can hear Toma’s frown through the phone. "Is that the only reason why?"
"Now you sound like Akanishi-kun," Yuu retorts dryly.
"You mean, being suspicious? Well-"
"Don't finish that sentence. I'm taking care of him, okay?" By this point, Yamapi’s on shore, surfboard tucked under his arm and skin glistening from sun reflecting off the water droplets clinging to him. Yuu openly stares; although she’s at least mindful to keep her mouth shut as she does so. Yamapi’s eyes seem to be shining, but Yuu half wonders if that’s really the water than his actual emotions. Toma’s babbling in her ear, Yuu ignoring him completely, but at this point, she's lost all sense of coherence as Yamapi walks up to her with a grin on his face, leaning over to peck her on the cheek before treading further down the beach towards his things and more importantly, his towel.
"Abiru-chan? Abiru-chan?!" is what Yuu hears when she finally refocuses, sputtering as she apologizes for not paying attention―she says it pointedly, not bothering to make excuses.
Toma snorts. "I guess I’ll take that to mean that you have other things to focus on then?"
"If I say, "Hell yes?""
"I’ll talk to Pi later this week then."
"Thank you," Yuu breathes as she watches Yamapi drag his towel down his chest, trying to dry off after shedding at least the top half of his wet suit. She thinks her mouth has gone dry.
"No problem. Go back to ogling your boyfriend." Toma laughs.
There’s a pause before Yuu can hang up. "By the way, are you in Hawaii?" he asks.
"Bye, Toma-kun," Yuu says abruptly, sidestepping his question. Yamapi walks towards her, his bag slung over his shoulder and the other arm holding his surfboard. "Ready for lunch?" Yuu asks him cheerfully.
Before he answers, Yamapi leans in, pecking her on the lips. "Had a good sleep?" Yamapi asks as they start trudging towards their hotel room.
"Good enough. And you?"
Yamapi makes a non-descriptive noise that Yuu takes to mean that he didn’t sleep at all and just doesn’t want to tell her (as always). "Lunch sounds good though. Been out here since early morning."
Yuu laughs, shaking her head. "At least I finally pried you out of the water."
"Only if you make it worth my time," Yamapi jokes before winking at her. He grins then looks away, walking off.
Yuu can feel the pang in her heart when she realizes with a start that she can't remember his genuine smile-not the ones that he just passes off as smiles. She spends a fleeting second wondering what could've brought this about―maybe it was the water; water was supposed to be re-invigorating after all. Yuu tucks away the sight of Yamapi’s smile before she throws herself back into their conversation.
---
October 2003.
"You're kidding me, right?"
Yuu closed her eyes, hoping she could somehow will herself to disappear at that moment―to get away from the disappointed look on Yamapi's face as he stared her down. But she didn't magically teleport somewhere when she opened her eyes again. All she saw was the wounded look in Yamapi's eyes.
"Look," she started, but didn't know where to continue from there. The words tumble in her head. School started. Koki was being his usual self. Yamapi was Yamapi―Yuu didn't mention that last one at all. She still liked Koki. They didn't really end, not really. Just a break. "Just a break," she says. "It had been just a break. Not a break-up."
"What's the difference? Yamapi asked sourly. Yuu resisted from frowning―he'd become so bitter lately, but she knew better than to broach that subject.
"There just is," Yuu insisted, even if she didn't know the answer to his question herself.
"So what does this mean?"
Yuu blinked, startled. "I-What?"
"Did he tell you to stay away from me or something? Is that why you're telling me?" Yamapi asked sharply, arms crossed.
"Wha-No! Koki has no say over things like that." Yuu frowned. "You've been acting weird lately. I know you've been through-"
"No," Yamapi interrupted. "I don't. That doesn't have anything to do with this."
"But it does. You don't seem to realize-"
"Abiru-chan, really. I don't want to talk about it," Yamapi said firmly.
Yuu faltered in her own insistence, and sighed. "Okay, but eventually-"
"Anyway, I'm sorry for snapping," Yamapi interrupted.
"It's okay," Yuu said, smiling. "I really meant it when I said Koki has no say over things like this." She gestured at the two of them. "I still want to be friends."
Yamapi laughed, although there was a tinge of bitterness in it―Yuu wasn't sure if that was just in general but because of her statement. "Congratulations, I'm glad you're happy."
Yuu grinned. "Un."
It ended up being a moot point really―Koki and Yuu coming back together, that is. It was fun, for the five months that they were together, but Koki was graduating and they decided that it'd probably be better for both of them if they broke up. Yuu realized as an afterthought that Yamapi was graduating too.
They hadn't spoken for four months―Yuu wondered if it was entirely her fault.
---
October 2008.
"If you could follow me please."
The restaurant’s server gestures them to follow their waiter to a table towards the side, right next to the windows and overlooking the ocean’s night sky―a sight Yuu and Yamapi were familiar with, but never minded seeing over and over again.
"Thank you," Yuu says as Yamapi pushes her chair in after she settles in. The waiter hands them their menus and Yuu looks up at Yamapi, taking in the sight of him in his suit and tie, and has to stop herself from suggesting that they forgo dinner and just head straight to dessert―as lame as that pick-up line is. Yuu shakes her head, staring down at her menu. It takes her a few minutes before she starts with the feeling of someone staring at her, and when she looks back up, Yamapi makes no move towards looking away.
"Yes?" She asks, leaning her elbows against the table.
"Like you didn't realize how gorgeous you look tonight," Yamapi retorts, glancing down at his menu.
Yuu feels her body go hot―flushing as she sits back and tries to remember to breathe (which is already hard enough in the tight red dress she has on). For a second, she thinks she must look like a cherry or something. "You're such a flatterer," she murmurs, her gaze still on Yamapi.
By the sudden smile on his face, Yuu figures Yamapi heard her perfectly. Yuu rolls her eyes, shaking her head and looking back down at her menu.
"You know," Yamapi starts as he puts down his menu. "I think we're overdressed."
Yuu snorts. "As in we're dressed period?"
"I like how you think." Yamapi smirks and Yuu has to resist from rolling her eyes.
"Food is good too. Remember that we haven't ea-" She stops short as her phone goes off, the beginning chimes of Hoshi wo Mezashite play through the restaurant. Yuu lunges for her phone, rushing to answer it, but Yamapi pulls it out of her hand―first checking to see who it is.
"Koyama!" he says cheerfully, but the dark look in his eyes is more honest than everything else. "What's up?"
Yuu can just imagine Koyama's possible discomfort―he probably hadn't expected Yamapi to answer her phone especially when his purpose was to update them―her really-on everything that'd been going on at the Jimusho.
"Oh, so we start work as soon as I get back?" Yamapi nods, listening to Koyama babble on the other line. He makes a talking hand gesture to her and Yuu laughs, a little strained, but she laughs.
"Thanks for telling me, Koyama. I'll call when I get back in Japan." Yamapi shuts her phone, hanging up and passing it back to Yuu. "He just wanted to tell me our work schedule."
"Ah," Yuu murmurs―as though she hadn't known. "Well, that's nice of him."
"Mmhmm. Isn't it?" Yamapi's eyes meet hers and Yuu hates that they lost the spark that had just been there five seconds ago.
"Well, food awaits, doesn't it?" Yuu says, looking down at her menu and shutting her phone off completely. Nobody usually calls anyway, but Yuu doesn't think she can handle it anymore―the switches in moods. Part of her is happy that they're in Hawaii.
---
November 2005.
"Are you okay?" Issa asked her when her grip got a touch tighter than usual.
Yuu gave him a shaky smile before turning to look him in the eye. "Yeah, I'm good," she murmured. When they walked down half the block, Yuu mustered the courage to look behind them and her fears were answered. Walking in the other direction, Yamapi had his arm around some girl―a girl that Yuu could've sworn looked vaguely familiar.
He started to turn his head and Yuu abruptly looked down her path again, hoping that he hadn't noticed her. It was a busy street―people miss other people easily.
She didn't miss him though. "Are you sure?" Issa asked again.
"Yeah, really. Let's get something to eat, okay?" she grinned up at him―Yamapi was a long time ago, after all. They didn't have ties anymore.
A month later during a Christmas party though, Yuu's proven wrong immediately. "Abiru-chan," Yamapi breathed when they came face to face.
Yuu froze, drink clutched in her hands as she fights not to take a sip just to "help her along." "Yamashita-kun," she says softly in greeting. "Merry Christmas. Celebrating it here?"
"Shouldn't I ask the same of you? Don't you have a boyfriend?" Yamapi raised an eyebrow.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Yuu countered―a week after the not-really-a meeting, rumors of a relationship between Yamapi and Kitagawa Keiko had sprung up. She realized then why the girl had seemed familiar.
"No, I don't," Yamapi answered coolly before taking a sip of his drink.
"I don't either," Yuu responded. Truthfully as she and Issa had broken up only just last week.
"Well, isn't this a sight?" Yamapi smirked. "Christmas day and neither of us have dates on such a romantic holiday."
Yuu laughed sardonically, clinking her glass against Yamapi's before finally drinking whatever she'd ordered at the bar. "We're an amazing pair."
"Merry Christmas indeed."
New Year's day, they found themselves less lonely in each other's arms.
---
October 2008.
"Renai no keishiki sekirara na ishiki..."
"Love's form, naked senses..."
It's usually on the third day - no, always on the third day. Yuu closes her eyes, her body arching towards Yamapi's touch as he hovers over her - eyes as intense as she's ever seen them. Her breath catches when his fingers skirt around the lining of her jeans, hands deftly unbuttoning them and pulling down the zipper. A thumb presses against her stomach, right below the belly button and trails gently downwards - all Yuu can feel is the sensation of his nail tickling at her skin, his touch so light that she half thinks that she's imagining it.
She moves her hand downwards, finding his and trying to guide him-as though he doesn't know-but he switches grips, the hand that was teasing her-that was coming close, but not really-disappears. Yamapi grips her hands with his freed hand, pinning them over her head and Yuu has to hold back a gasp when he finds her with his other hand.
It's beyond understanding in Yuu's opinion - the way he makes her lose it every time, the way his touches seem to set her blood boiling and her skin ablaze, the way that she finds herself always wanting more - always wanting something that she could never fully get.
When she opens her eyes, panting and struggling to find a sense of balance, his eyes are the first things she sees - dark and sharp. Focused. His fingers mark dots along her inner thigh - around her wrists and around her heart.
Yuu cries out when he moves, and Yamapi's body is closer - much closer than before. Sweat drips down both their bodies and the heat seems to fill the room. Yamapi's head leans against hers as he pants, pausing - trying to find the right pace. Yuu's past caring though - she jerks forward, and the sudden movement reminds her that Yamapi still has her hands above her head. She squirms, trying to get free from the restriction, but his grip only gets tighter and he jerks forward again.
His nails dig into her wrists, but her own are making permanent marks inside the palm of her hands-marks that form over old marks-perfect crescent arcs. The room isn't dark - not completely, even with the curtains drawn and the lights off. A hint of the sun outside makes its way in through the edges of the curtains, just enough light that Yuu can practically see the sweat glistening off of Yamapi's shoulder - the only view she has right now.
Yamapi shifts and Yuu has a perfect view of his face - white teeth biting down on his bottom lip, half-lidded eyes that see her and only her. Her voice has completely disappeared and all Yuu can hear is the sound of their own breathing, mingling in the air to become perfect harmony.
It only takes a second. Yuu feels Yamapi's grip on her hands loosening - she knows this means that he's losing control. She manages to wiggle out of his grip, hands flying to the sides of his face, and she tilts her own head towards his. Their lips meet and suddenly, it's like Yamapi's lost all sense of patience.
The urgency throws Yuu for a loop - her head spins and her heart pounds. Faster and faster. She throws her head back, the need for air too much and her hands grip to his shoulders and perfect crescents line down his back.
At the end of the day, it's perfect to them - the coming together of two bodies moving at the same time, speed, hearts with the same message. Yuu can barely hear the sound of her own voice mixing with Yamapi's, but all she knows is that the low groan coming from Yamapi's mouth sends her over the edge every time - eyes shutting as she does what she does best. React.
When Yuu finally opens her eyes again, she only hears Yamapi's gentle breathing beside her. A second later, she can hear the sound of his heartbeat, her head resting against his chest.
Yuu tilts her head upwards to catch sight of Yamapi sleeping, a peaceful expression on his face and she can't help, but smile. It was always the third day that he finally slept, and Yuu always let him.
She gets up, tucking one of the blankets out of Yamapi's hold and wrapping it around herself as she heads to the bathroom, ready for a nice bath. Before she fully enters, she looks back and Yamapi turns over in the bed, sleeping on his side, the blankets tangled in his legs.
Yuu thinks she could forever be happy with just that sight, but she crosses the thought of her head and promptly drops the blanket at the doorway.
Her cell phone lies on the night table beside the bed. Nobody dares to call on the third day.
---
December 2006.
"Merry Christmas," Yamapi murmured, leaning in to press kiss against the side of Yuu's throat.
"Much better Christmas than last year," Yuu laughs, molding her body against his, lifting up from the bed she was lying on.
"Considering how we're not single this year, hard not to be." Yamapi littered kisses along the side of her throat, stopping only due to the trouble of fabric.
Yuu giggled, fingers playing with the hair at Yamapi's nape. "Isn't this kinda wrong?" she asked, despite turning her head to give Yamapi better access to the other side of her throat which he proceeds to litter with more kisses.
"Wrong?"
"Yeah, wrong. Forgotten that word, 'Hisa?" Yuu joked just as Yamapi pushed the sleeve of her shirt out of the way.
"More like I never had it in my dictionary to begin with." His lips descended, moving along the line of her bra―downwards, downwards―trying to push her shirt out of the way without ripping it.
The doorknob jiggled behind them and Yuu tried to fight her burst of giggles as well as light moans. The former didn't win so much as she giggled when Yamapi slipped his hand under her shirt at the back, his hot touch burning his mark on her skin.
"Is anyone in there?" The person at the other side of the door yelled out.
"A little busy!" Yamapi called out.
Pause. "Pi, you better not be screwing Abiru-chan on my bed!" Ryo yelled. Yuu burst into giggles again and Yamapi rolled his eyes.
"Don't worry! I'm not," Yamapi retorted. "At least not yet."
Yuu smirked, leaning up to give him a kiss.
"If you're going to screw on my bed, at least have the decency to let me watch!"
"Don't you have a party to get back to?" Yamapi hissed in between kisses, his other hand busy with trying to get her jeans unbuttoned and off her.
"Not when there's one happening in my bedroom, obviously."
Yuu moaned loudly at that point―half because of Yamapi's hand, the other half because she just wanted to torture Ryo even more.
Ryo paused. "Fuck it. Just get me new sheets."
"Only if you want us to christen those too," Yamapi retorted.
Another pause. "Just give me the money, you fuckers."
Yamapi grinned down at Yuu before kissing her lightly. "Bet you I could make it so we wouldn't even have to do that."
Yuu gripped his forearm. "Before that, I think you have something else to attend to." Yamapi's eyes glittered before her.
---
October 2008.
"Tamerau nara wasuretai."
"If you're going to hesitate, I want to forget."
Yuu dreads the fourth day even more than the fifth day―even if the fifth's the day when everything technically comes to a head. No, it's the fourth day that she always antagonizes over. Yamapi seems to make it a point to avoid her on this day―Yuu chalks it up to him taking the day to "think" things over, a concept that Yuu thinks is ridiculous even though she's not even sure if that's what he really does.
She throws their curtains open, blanket wrapped around her and tied at the side to keep it sturdy. The brightness outside blinds her for a second before her eyes finally adjust. Taking a moment, Yuu just stares out the windows before starting to get ready. She had some sympathy shopping to get ready for after all.
Halfway through the day, Yuu's a few bags heavier, her bank account's a few thousands dollars lighter and her heart's a few notches happier than it was earlier. She stops at some cafe nearby and rewards herself with a really good strawberry smoothie with about ten bags littered around her seat.
Her phone rings―Konayuki plays throughout the busy cafe, but nobody other than her can hear it over the chatter. Yuu picks the phone up grinning. "Hey, Erika," she says, leaning against her propped elbow.
"Hey~" Erika greets; Yuu can hear the whipping wind on the other end―she figures Erika must be walking somewhere.
"What are you doing calling so early?"
"Please. This coming from the same girl who complains when I'm not up early enough?"
"Well, I never said I was complaining," Yuu laughs, taking a sip of her smoothie. "But really, what's up?"
"You up for having a shopping spree? I'm in Japan and was totally hoping for some girl time."
Yuu freezes, suddenly wishing that she really was in Japan. "I-" she starts, trying to figure out how to word it.
"Oh, come on," Erika whines on the other end. "Let me pry you away from that boyfriend of yours. He can handle you missing for a day."
"It's not that," Yuu starts. "It's just that I'm... I'm not exactly in Japan right now."
"What? Then where―" Erika starts and Yuu winces when she hears Erika's, "Oh, fuck."
"Erika, it's nothing-"
"You're in fucking Hawaii, aren't you?" Erika hisses.
"It's not a big deal," Yuu sighs.
"I was the one who helped you figure out just what that idiot does whenever you guys go to Hawaii and the one that had to pick you up from the airport the every time it happens. This is ridiculous, Yuu."
Yuu shrugs before realizing that Erika can't exactly see her over the phone. "Look," she starts, but stops short. "It's fine," Yuu says instead.
"I don't get why you keep going back to him when it's this stupid struggle between the two of you. Off, then on, then off, then on. You always act like everything's normal between you. And what's so fucking great about Yamashita anyway? He doesn't seem that wonderful to me."
"Erika," Yuu sighs―it's not the first time she's heard this from Erika.
"Maybe this time you'll learn that he's not good for you, Yuu. When he breaks your heart again."
"Maybe this time'll be different," Yuu says, but she doesn't really know if she should be saying something she doesn't really believe in either.
"You're being ridiculous."
"So you've said already." Yuu plays with the straw to her smoothie―then stops when she realizes that she'd polished off her drink without knowing.
Erika sighs on the other line. "Fine. Just. Call me when you get back. I'll pick you up from the airport." She pauses. "I'm sure you'll need a ride."
"Erika," Yuu starts, but Erika cuts her off. "I'll hope for the best, but... I'm not sure he'll pull through."
Yuu frowns, but she withholds from commenting further. "I'll talk to you later, Erika."
"See ya. I'll award you with that shopping trip when you get back."
Yuu shuts her phone and looks around her; the bags suddenly make her feel more depressed than happy. She frowns, putting her phone away and throwing away her drink before she grabs all her bags and heads to the hotel. She thinks she's had enough for the day―it was already 5 anyway.
---
November 2007.
"You're joking me," Yuu hissed.
Yamapi stood in front of her, half-frowning. "Not at all," he told her.
"You're breaking up with me?"
"Yes." It was a quick answer―suddenly, Yuu felt offended for not even warranting more of an explanation, more of something.
"That's all?" she asked incredulously. "I'm with you through everything and all I get is a 'Yes'?"
Yamapi licked his lips, scuffling his feet against the rug of their hotel room. "Look, it's not..." he started, but Yuu chucked a pillow at his head.
"You're a fucking asshole!" she continued to chuck whatever she could find at him―considering how close she was to the bed, it ended up being more pillows and sheets and some clothes. "Just because you're starting to get more jobs and more popular and, and..." Yuu found herself trying hard to breathe and just as she collapsed to the floor in sheer exhaustion, Yamapi's arms engulfed her.
"I'm sorry," he whispered against her skin. "I couldn't hold out anymore."
Yuu pulled back, incredulous. "What? Is there someone else―?"
Yamapi cut her off quickly. "No, the Jimusho..." His words trailed off but Yuu immediately hardened. Just the one word was enough for her―she'd been with Yamapi for almost two years by this point and the Jimusho didn't have a single good word to say about her. They'd been rather insistent that Yamapi and Yuu split up (and they had at least once or twice throughout their time together).
"You're kidding me," Yuu growled, pushing Yamapi away. "So now you're giving in? What the hell am I all of a sudden?"
"Yuu," Yamapi started.
"Abiru. You've lost the right to call me that after you let your work dictate everything you do. Even what girl you screw apparently." She stood up, heading towards the drawers and shoving everything she owned into her suitcase.
"Yuu," Yamapi said anyway, insistent. He walked over to her, hugging her from behind and leaning his head against her shoulder. Yuu froze, her hand wrapped around some shirt. "I just can't have you go through this again."
"Shouldn't I have a say in that?" Yuu snapped, trying hard to bat back her own tears―she wasn't that type of girl. She refused to be.
Yamapi sighed, just hugging her tighter.
"If you're splitting up with me, then you're not making things easier for me," Yuu forced out. Yamapi still held on, at least for a handful of long minutes before pulling back.
"I don't-"
"Save it," Yuu interrupted, shutting her eyes. She didn't look back as she heard Yamapi shuffle out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Yuu didn't collapse, she didn't burst into tears. She just continued to cram clothes into her suitcase, grabbing her ticket from the side desk and stepping out of their hotel room.
She refused to think on how she'd come all the way to Hawaii on Yamapi's request after he'd arrived for work with NewS. Once she arrived at the airport, she pleaded to get on an earlier flight which she was granted, and upon landing in Japan, called Erika to pick her up.
When she got into Erika's apartment, refusing to be alone for the night, Yuu pulled out her sleepwear from her suitcase, coming across a buttoned-down shirt that was most definitely not one of her own. Erika watched as for the first time that night, Yuu cried for everything.
Forward To Part 2