Life as a Musical
I've been going through all of my music today, sorting parts of my itunes library. I do this randomly... it would take me a week without sleep to actually sort all of it, but I make dents in it every now and then. Anyway, going through my library and listening to old/new songs... makes me think about different stages in my life.
So here are some songs I've been listening to, and what parts of my life they make me think about. Sometimes these songs are to a T, and I love it a little bit. I have so much music its impossible to go through all of it. I was making a country playlist so these are mostly country songs for now.
"Let it Roll" by Little Feat
Its not the lyrics in the song, its the song that brings back memories of me riding with my dad in his blue truck, going back and forth from the base and home. Back when Zack was a baby and it was just me and my daddy. I was 4, and I was so little that my feet barely reached over the edge of the seat. We used to sing to the song all the time, even though I didn't really know the words. When we sang "oooooh" we used to do a greased lightning move with our hands, and then he'd tickle me and make me laugh.
"Papa, Can You Hear Me?" by Charlotte Church
My father and I have always been very close. This song makes me think of my relationship with my dad when I was young, when I was small enough that I had to hop onto his lap and he would lift me up and throw me into the air. When he was the only person who could hug me just the right way to make me stop crying.
"Green Grass and High Tides" by the Outlaws
Makes me think of when I did motocross with my brothers. We used to always listen to this song when we drove out to the track, or when we were putting on our gear.
"I Can't Drive 55" by Sammy Hagar
GOT MY LICENSE, WOOOO!
"Jukebox Blues" by June Carter Cash
Not really about a stage in my life or any particular feelings, but its one of my favorite memories from the end of my Senior year of high school, when I performed in Spring Show. It makes me think of talking with Jake after the show, sitting at the foot of the stage and joking with him and Matrex until after midnight.
"Teardrops on my Guitar" by Taylor Swift
This song came out summer before my sophomore year of college, and I was into Tim at the time. At the early bits of our friendship when I first started to like him, I had to keep my feelings to myself because he was still with his girlfriend, and I didn't want to make any problems for them. Didn't want to be "the other girl".
"Gunpowder and Lead" by Miranda Lambert
The feelings I kept in when I found out Tim had been playing me... Wrath, my favorite of the sins.
"Hillbilly Deluxe" by Brooks & Dunn
Summer before my sophomore year when my brother and I used to drive around in his truck, blasting country music. Anything by Jason Aldean makes me think of him too, especially Amarillo Sky and Hicktown. :)
"Bridge Over Troubled Waters"
My relationship with my mother in the past few years, especially recently.
"It Ain't Me Babe" by June Carter Cash and Johnny Cash
The first time Matt and I drove out to El Paso, we played Johnny Cash music for hours, and he played this song dozens of times so we could sing together.
"You Light Up My Life" by Leann Rimes
How I felt about Matt during our first year together. :)
"Turn Me On" by Norah Jones
Becoming comfortable with sex and my feelings for Matt in the early parts of our relationship.
"Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
When the rumors were circling around about Matt and those two hostesses from work, this song played over and over in my head. If I found out it was true... the things I would do.... but I ended up trusting him and giving him the benefit of the doubt.
"Save Me From Myself" by Christina Aguilera
How I felt about Matt and I towards the end of our relationship, when we started to have problems and things got rough. When I started to have terrible doubts about us, but he stayed strong and confident about our future together. "It's not so easy, lovin me. It gets so complicated, all the things you gotta be. Everything's changin, but you're the truth. I'm amazed by all your patience, everything I put you through..."
"Bones" by Little Big Town
When I broke things off with Matt in July, I was afraid that this was who he really was. I found out a few months later that it was true.
"Nowhere Warm" by Kate Havnevik
The first week after I broke up with Matt. This was the part of me that I pretended wasn't there, the part of me that I locked away to move forward. During the day I would be normal, but when I laid down to go to bed and my mind returned to him, this was what I was constantly fighting to repress. I love the lyrics "I'm sure you're on your way home"; there was a soft hope in the back of my mind that wished he would show up at my door to talk everything out. As each day went by, this hope eventually faded.
"My Immortal" by Evanescence
The lyrics. My feelings towards Matt when I saw him again for the first time after our breakup, and again, when I moved back to San Marcos. This song makes me think of when he came to my apartment and we drank wine. It was the first time I ever saw him drunk, and he confessed to me that he was still in love with me, and how much he was hurt by our breakup. He cried in front of me, and it was so hard for me to look away and not go back to him. I had to keep these feelings to myself.
"You Should've Said No" by Taylor Swift
The lyrics. This song makes me think of how I felt when I walked in on Matt and Stacie, when Matt officially threw away any chance of us ever working things out or getting back together.
"Walk Away" by Christina Aguilera
This song was practically on repeat in my life during those two months when Matt and I went back and forth between each other, fighting about getting back together, especially when he reached out to me and pulled back, slept with me but kept his feelings from me.
"You're Not Sorry" by Taylor Swift
Again, the lyrics. The best description of my feelings that weekend after I saw Matt's demon. After I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him, deleted my number from his phone, walked out of his apartment, drove myself home, and deleted his number from my phone. I had fully planned on cutting him out of my life. I felt so empty and robotic that weekend, sitting in white clothes, meditating, centering myself. Steeling myself. It's strange looking back on that, remembering the state I was in those two months, and seeing myself now. Seeing how I so easily leave myself at the door when I go out to see him now. Every bit of me that he sees now is a mask, none of it is real. I feel sorry that he forced my hand this way, but I don't think he is.
"You Lost Me" by Christina Aguilera
The lyrics of this song are LITERALLY, to a T, of how I felt Sunday, wearing white, when he came to apologize to me and talk to me about how he'd disrespected me after our breakup.
"Lover I Don't Have to Love" by Bettie ServeertThe best description of my self-destructive state of mind this past month.
"Stronger Than Ever" by Christina Aguilera
How I felt two weeks ago when I came back from visiting my family. This has been my ballad the past to weeks as I've been taking my strides forward in my personal life and otherwise.
"Samson" by Regina Spektor
Looking back on my feelings for Jackson all those years ago.
"Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas
Elizabeth and I's ballad of unending friend-cousin-ship.
Okay, I seriously have so much more to add to this but I have to go to lab now. Later!
So here are some songs I've been listening to, and what parts of my life they make me think about. Sometimes these songs are to a T, and I love it a little bit. I have so much music its impossible to go through all of it. I was making a country playlist so these are mostly country songs for now.
"Let it Roll" by Little Feat
Its not the lyrics in the song, its the song that brings back memories of me riding with my dad in his blue truck, going back and forth from the base and home. Back when Zack was a baby and it was just me and my daddy. I was 4, and I was so little that my feet barely reached over the edge of the seat. We used to sing to the song all the time, even though I didn't really know the words. When we sang "oooooh" we used to do a greased lightning move with our hands, and then he'd tickle me and make me laugh.
"Papa, Can You Hear Me?" by Charlotte Church
My father and I have always been very close. This song makes me think of my relationship with my dad when I was young, when I was small enough that I had to hop onto his lap and he would lift me up and throw me into the air. When he was the only person who could hug me just the right way to make me stop crying.
"Green Grass and High Tides" by the Outlaws
Makes me think of when I did motocross with my brothers. We used to always listen to this song when we drove out to the track, or when we were putting on our gear.
"I Can't Drive 55" by Sammy Hagar
GOT MY LICENSE, WOOOO!
"Jukebox Blues" by June Carter Cash
Not really about a stage in my life or any particular feelings, but its one of my favorite memories from the end of my Senior year of high school, when I performed in Spring Show. It makes me think of talking with Jake after the show, sitting at the foot of the stage and joking with him and Matrex until after midnight.
"Teardrops on my Guitar" by Taylor Swift
This song came out summer before my sophomore year of college, and I was into Tim at the time. At the early bits of our friendship when I first started to like him, I had to keep my feelings to myself because he was still with his girlfriend, and I didn't want to make any problems for them. Didn't want to be "the other girl".
"Gunpowder and Lead" by Miranda Lambert
The feelings I kept in when I found out Tim had been playing me... Wrath, my favorite of the sins.
"Hillbilly Deluxe" by Brooks & Dunn
Summer before my sophomore year when my brother and I used to drive around in his truck, blasting country music. Anything by Jason Aldean makes me think of him too, especially Amarillo Sky and Hicktown. :)
"Bridge Over Troubled Waters"
My relationship with my mother in the past few years, especially recently.
"It Ain't Me Babe" by June Carter Cash and Johnny Cash
The first time Matt and I drove out to El Paso, we played Johnny Cash music for hours, and he played this song dozens of times so we could sing together.
"You Light Up My Life" by Leann Rimes
How I felt about Matt during our first year together. :)
"Turn Me On" by Norah Jones
Becoming comfortable with sex and my feelings for Matt in the early parts of our relationship.
"Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
When the rumors were circling around about Matt and those two hostesses from work, this song played over and over in my head. If I found out it was true... the things I would do.... but I ended up trusting him and giving him the benefit of the doubt.
"Save Me From Myself" by Christina Aguilera
How I felt about Matt and I towards the end of our relationship, when we started to have problems and things got rough. When I started to have terrible doubts about us, but he stayed strong and confident about our future together. "It's not so easy, lovin me. It gets so complicated, all the things you gotta be. Everything's changin, but you're the truth. I'm amazed by all your patience, everything I put you through..."
"Bones" by Little Big Town
When I broke things off with Matt in July, I was afraid that this was who he really was. I found out a few months later that it was true.
"Nowhere Warm" by Kate Havnevik
The first week after I broke up with Matt. This was the part of me that I pretended wasn't there, the part of me that I locked away to move forward. During the day I would be normal, but when I laid down to go to bed and my mind returned to him, this was what I was constantly fighting to repress. I love the lyrics "I'm sure you're on your way home"; there was a soft hope in the back of my mind that wished he would show up at my door to talk everything out. As each day went by, this hope eventually faded.
"My Immortal" by Evanescence
The lyrics. My feelings towards Matt when I saw him again for the first time after our breakup, and again, when I moved back to San Marcos. This song makes me think of when he came to my apartment and we drank wine. It was the first time I ever saw him drunk, and he confessed to me that he was still in love with me, and how much he was hurt by our breakup. He cried in front of me, and it was so hard for me to look away and not go back to him. I had to keep these feelings to myself.
"You Should've Said No" by Taylor Swift
The lyrics. This song makes me think of how I felt when I walked in on Matt and Stacie, when Matt officially threw away any chance of us ever working things out or getting back together.
"Walk Away" by Christina Aguilera
This song was practically on repeat in my life during those two months when Matt and I went back and forth between each other, fighting about getting back together, especially when he reached out to me and pulled back, slept with me but kept his feelings from me.
"You're Not Sorry" by Taylor Swift
Again, the lyrics. The best description of my feelings that weekend after I saw Matt's demon. After I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him, deleted my number from his phone, walked out of his apartment, drove myself home, and deleted his number from my phone. I had fully planned on cutting him out of my life. I felt so empty and robotic that weekend, sitting in white clothes, meditating, centering myself. Steeling myself. It's strange looking back on that, remembering the state I was in those two months, and seeing myself now. Seeing how I so easily leave myself at the door when I go out to see him now. Every bit of me that he sees now is a mask, none of it is real. I feel sorry that he forced my hand this way, but I don't think he is.
"You Lost Me" by Christina Aguilera
The lyrics of this song are LITERALLY, to a T, of how I felt Sunday, wearing white, when he came to apologize to me and talk to me about how he'd disrespected me after our breakup.
"Lover I Don't Have to Love" by Bettie ServeertThe best description of my self-destructive state of mind this past month.
"Stronger Than Ever" by Christina Aguilera
How I felt two weeks ago when I came back from visiting my family. This has been my ballad the past to weeks as I've been taking my strides forward in my personal life and otherwise.
"Samson" by Regina Spektor
Looking back on my feelings for Jackson all those years ago.
"Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas
Elizabeth and I's ballad of unending friend-cousin-ship.
Okay, I seriously have so much more to add to this but I have to go to lab now. Later!