I'm losing my faith.
In humanity, to be completely honest. It's like, just when you think a person can change, they prove you wrong. Time and time again.
I'm gonna rant here about it cause I have no other safe place to do it. I'm not one to incriminate my best friend, I want things to work out for him, even if the biggest roadblock is his own damned stupidity.
This friend, has been, will be, and is a cheater. If you know anything about the moral views I actually hold dear, you know above all things the one thing I cannot forgive is cheating.
Yet time and time and time again, this kid has done it.
He has hurt other friends of mine, and he has hurt me. I trust the kid, he tells me he is gonna change, I believe him.
One time I even told him that this was it, if I found out that he had actually cheated on his girlfriend at the time that we couldn't be friends anymore.
I suppose I never found out for certain that it was true, but several people said that they saw it (mind you they were people that didn't like him, but all things considered what reason does that kind of person have to lie, the like me too and wouldn't try to ruin a friendship)
and then he ended up cheating on her probably a second time (or the first)
He is pretty much with a wonderful girl. A great damned girl, who loves him, who gave him her innocence.
Who spends money, time, and creative energy completley devoted to just seeing a smile on his face.
Sure she lives far away, and people have urges, I get that.
But what makes him and I any different? is it will?
I've had successful relationships with girls who live even further away.
In fact the girl I like now, who even though she has a boyfriend, I have pretty much devoted myself too, and I'm not running around truing to sleep with or do any kind of sexual act with girls.
I'm smiling, hoping for the best, and doing what I can to make each moment with her the best I can.
Cause shes worth it.
I guess thats what it is maybe? a matter of worth, although he apparently loves this girl, maybe she isn't worth the trouble to him? maybe it was a fluke.
Maybe love is dead, at least for him.
I guess this is why I'm losing faith.
I know I'll forgive him, I'm not even angry, I'm just incredibly disappointed, I hate lying, I hate keeping secrets.
And now I have one to keep, from a lovely girl who he means the world too.
this hurts me more than it should.
I just don't know what to think anymore, If people can't change, if the world can't be a better place, whats the point.
the worst thing is, I can't find myself a girl who cares about me half as much as she does for him.
and if I do theirs always some sort of major roadblock that ultimately keeps her and I apart.
Why is this? when I am an honest guy, the kind that devotes myself endlessly to people I care about, why am I alone? when the guilty, the cheaters of the world are constantly falling in and out of love, when I can't even feel it's sweet embrace.
I guess it's like they say, good guys do finish last.
makes me wish I wasn't a good guy.
heck even if I wasn't it probably wouldn't help, I sincerely doubt you can be fat and an asshole.
Life, please give me something to believe in, something good you know?
Between this and the whole my mom having an auto-immune disease that is potentially worse than lupus...I I just need something to make me smile....right now.
I'm gonna rant here about it cause I have no other safe place to do it. I'm not one to incriminate my best friend, I want things to work out for him, even if the biggest roadblock is his own damned stupidity.
This friend, has been, will be, and is a cheater. If you know anything about the moral views I actually hold dear, you know above all things the one thing I cannot forgive is cheating.
Yet time and time and time again, this kid has done it.
He has hurt other friends of mine, and he has hurt me. I trust the kid, he tells me he is gonna change, I believe him.
One time I even told him that this was it, if I found out that he had actually cheated on his girlfriend at the time that we couldn't be friends anymore.
I suppose I never found out for certain that it was true, but several people said that they saw it (mind you they were people that didn't like him, but all things considered what reason does that kind of person have to lie, the like me too and wouldn't try to ruin a friendship)
and then he ended up cheating on her probably a second time (or the first)
He is pretty much with a wonderful girl. A great damned girl, who loves him, who gave him her innocence.
Who spends money, time, and creative energy completley devoted to just seeing a smile on his face.
Sure she lives far away, and people have urges, I get that.
But what makes him and I any different? is it will?
I've had successful relationships with girls who live even further away.
In fact the girl I like now, who even though she has a boyfriend, I have pretty much devoted myself too, and I'm not running around truing to sleep with or do any kind of sexual act with girls.
I'm smiling, hoping for the best, and doing what I can to make each moment with her the best I can.
Cause shes worth it.
I guess thats what it is maybe? a matter of worth, although he apparently loves this girl, maybe she isn't worth the trouble to him? maybe it was a fluke.
Maybe love is dead, at least for him.
I guess this is why I'm losing faith.
I know I'll forgive him, I'm not even angry, I'm just incredibly disappointed, I hate lying, I hate keeping secrets.
And now I have one to keep, from a lovely girl who he means the world too.
this hurts me more than it should.
I just don't know what to think anymore, If people can't change, if the world can't be a better place, whats the point.
the worst thing is, I can't find myself a girl who cares about me half as much as she does for him.
and if I do theirs always some sort of major roadblock that ultimately keeps her and I apart.
Why is this? when I am an honest guy, the kind that devotes myself endlessly to people I care about, why am I alone? when the guilty, the cheaters of the world are constantly falling in and out of love, when I can't even feel it's sweet embrace.
I guess it's like they say, good guys do finish last.
makes me wish I wasn't a good guy.
heck even if I wasn't it probably wouldn't help, I sincerely doubt you can be fat and an asshole.
Life, please give me something to believe in, something good you know?
Between this and the whole my mom having an auto-immune disease that is potentially worse than lupus...I I just need something to make me smile....right now.