RIP JuLeS

[kaitlinkane]

Today was a weird day. Very depressing and upsetting.. Today is 9 months since the accident. When I saw Heather crying this morning, I wanted to break down. The rest of the day was rough to sit through classes and concentrate. ALl I could think about was what I was going to say when I got to Julian's grave. After school, I went by a flower shop and

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<3

[xi4love23you04x]

It really meant a lot to me when you came and gave me a hug this morning. Thank you a lot. I know all of this is hard, and we are all dealing with it in so many different ways. As for me, it's seeing a therapist, reading books on death and dying, and going to talk to Jules. It really really does help a lot. Last night I had a dream that Brad and I were driving south down US1 heading for I guess his house (?) and an accident happened right in front of us. The Accident. The whole thing. It was like I was watching it all over again. (In the dream) Brad kept trying to cover my eyes so I couldn't see it but my curiosity wouldn't let me. I had to see it. It was so weird. Seeing it. The night before the 9 month anniversary. I wished so bad I would have been knocked out during the accident so I wouldn't have to live the rest of my life seeing it, dreaming it, and hearing it in everything I do. I don't know if you watched the OC Thursday night but when that old man died, the only thing I could see was Jules. Because that's exactly how he looked too. I know this all might sound really weird or I don't know, irrelevant, but I just want people to understand how safe you should be and I'm so glad that you do. I don't want a pity party. I don't want sympathy, I just want everyone to try to understand how hard it is to just be me when I am haunted by the noises, the smells, the looks, the pain, the suffering, the people, every single day. I am so thankful to be alive, I'm so thankful to have Dana and Sally, I'm so thankful to have you after what I said to you, and I'm so thankful that Jules is our guardian angel now, and he's safe from this cruel world. It's hard to understand but we all have a purpose, and Jules was apparent. He brought smiles to everyone he walked by. We will all miss him it's true, but in the end, we'll all be together, together once again.
Thanks Kaitlin for everything, for just being there. I know we haven't been close, and I know we have had some rough times, but we are all in this together, and I can't thank you enough for just being a friend.
Love always,
Heather