[I22] MISFIRE (2/2)
Prompt Code: I22
Title: Misfire
Kyungsoo awakes in a real hospital bed. An I.V has been stuck in his arm and a patient bracelet strangles with left wrist. Jongin grabs his hand.
“You’re awake?” he said.
Kyungsoo groans. His head is pounding. Jongin’s eyes look red and puffy. Has he been crying?
“Jongin?” said Kyungsoo meekly.
“It’s okay, Soo. You don’t have to say anything.”
Jongin continues to stroke Kyungsoo’s hand. He would find the situation soothing if it weren’t for his raging headache.
A doctor soon came in the room. He no longer held a smile on his face, but instead a solemn blankness.
“While you were unconscious, we ran some tests. Some scans have revealed a tumor pressing on your occipital lobe.”
The doctor pauses.
“This is where your brain processes sight. The tumor is what has been causing your headaches. Unfortunately, if left unattended, the tumor will just grow. You will need surgery. I will send the neurosurgeon in to discuss his plan with you. The sooner you have the surgery, the better.”
The doctor left.
The buzzing returned. It was quiet this time, but more frightening now that Kyungsoo knew what it was.
“Soo.” Jongin croaks.
He looks like he’s barely holding himself together, he’s probably only doing so for Kyungsoo’s sake.
“I’ll be here the whole time. I will never leave, okay hyung?”
Kyungsoo nods, wishing he could tell Jongin that he was grateful. He felt that if he opened his mouth sobs would heave from his chest. He didn’t want to cry.
Another man entered the room.
“Hello Kyungsoo. I am your surgeon. We will have to perform the surgery tonight due to the size of the tumor.”
Kyungsoo remained dazed and the buzzing grew louder. He could see the doctor continue to speak and Jongin asking questions.
Only a few words made it in through the barrier of noise.
Death
Blind
Risk
The swirls of cotton candy returned and Kyungsoo felt dizzy.
His bed was moving. He could see Jongin, he walking beside the bed. His bronze face was open and concerned. He tried to smile and speak reassuringly to Kyungsoo, but there was fear in his eyes.
Jongin stopped the doctors and nurses pushing his bed. He looked into Kyungsoo’s eyes and cupped his face with his hands. Kyungsoo saw his lips moving, but couldn’t hear anything. Flashes of light began to go off behind Jongin. Kyungsoo tried to focus on his face, wondering if he’d ever see it again. Soon a black spot began covering everything Kyungsoo saw, like an eclipse. The bed rolled away, leaving Jongin behind and Kyungsoo in the dark.
~~~
The surgery was successful.
That’s what the doctors told Jongin.
Those are the words that Jongin was clinging to as he waited in Kyungsoo’s room. His hand was wrapped around Kyungsoo’s smaller hand.
The doctor thought Kyungsoo might have his sight when he woke up. Might.
Kyungsoo would be groggy when he first woke up, the doctors would try a series of reaction tests as soon as he opened his eyes.
Jongin felt weak looking at the boy in front of him. They shaved his long, dark hair and had placed a large bandage over his incision. Machines beeped and needles prodded his pale arms. Jongin was glad that Kyungsoo had been unconscious when they had put in all the needles. Kyungsoo’s worst fear was shots.
Kyungsoo had told him that the first time they hung out.
Jongin halted the ride to memory lane. Dwelling on the past wouldn’t help Kyungsoo. He had to be strong, he couldn’t cry. Jongin had to be Kyungsoo’s support, his shelter in a storm.
Jongin felt Kyungsoo’s hand twitch. He pulled his head from the bed and looked at Kyungsoo. His head moved slightly and he took in a deep breath. Jongin hit the button paging the doctors.
“Kyungsoo?” Jongin said gently.
Incoherent mumbles came from Kyungsoo as he began to fidget. A team of two doctors came into the room, one going to Kyungsoo and the other checking the machines.
“Can you hear me, Kyungsoo?” the doctor said.
“You’re waking up from your surgery.”
The doctor pulled up one of Kyungsoo’s eyelids and shone a flashlight into it. He did the same to the other.
“Can he see?” said Jongin, frantically.
“We’ll have to wait until he opens his eyes by himself to confirm. It should only take a few minutes.”
To confirm what? To confirm that he was blind? That his life had been changed forever? Jongin inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself.
Kyungsoo was alive. They had caught the tumor. His fever and headaches would never come back.
Kyungsoo stirred and tried to speak, slurring his words.
His eyes opened.
“Jongin?” he muttered.
Jongin felt a wave of relief build him up.
“Are you there?”
And Jongin came crashing down.
“Yeah, Soo. I’m here.” Jongin kept his voice unwavering.
He tightened his hold on Kyungsoo’s hand.
“I can’t see you. Where are we?”
Jongin looked at the doctors. His will power cracked as a tear escaped down his cheek.
“I’m one of your doctors, Kyungsoo. We removed your tumor completely during surgery.”
The other doctor stepped up.
“Can you see this light, Kyungsoo?”
Silence.
“No.”
~~~
When Kyungsoo came home from the surgery, he sent everyone away. He told his butlers to never answer the door and he never answered the phone. He heard texts and calls beep in the distance, but never tried to find his phone. It would die eventually and leave to his quiet darkness.
The staff began bringing in appliances and devices made for blind people. They even hired a braille tutor. Kyungsoo rejected everything except the clock that spoke the time out loud.
He stuck to his routine of being baby feed pills and guided around his home like a stranger.
Noises startled him easily, his pride being deeply cut into every time he jumped or flinched. He began to feel despair and hopeless eat away. Sometimes, they invited their friends embarrassment to the dinner party.
~~~
Kyungsoo had dismissed his help after dinner and was determined to find his way to the stairs on his own. He knew that there was a silver banister guarding the stairs as they spiral up. They were surely just within his reach.
In a rage, he spins rapidly with hands outstretched. The sound of glass shattering meets his ears. The crash seems to rip through him in slow motion and the fear of the unknown, the great black void hits him all at once. What has fallen to the ground could have easily been a lamp or vase, but Kyungsoo feels certain that it is his soul that he hears crumbling now.
How can he be so lost in his own home? How can not be able to walk without fear? Kyungsoo dropped to his knees and let his tears flow. Darkness and tears, that’s all his eyes could produce now.
He rubbed his eyes and traced the tears as they fell. If he kept touching them and bothering them, perhaps his eyes would brighten up and reveal the world. Kyungsoo knew that it was a brain problem and that his eyes were physically in perfect health.
The thought further infuriated him as he crashed his hands into the glass shards. He sobs as he throws the shards away from him. Logic is thrown out the window as he allows his rage take over. In his fit, Kyungsoo doesn’t hear the footsteps approaching.
Soon, arms wraps themselves around Kyungsoo and whisper his name. It’s Onew. Relief that he can recognize something in this darkness floods his senses and he begins to calm down.
Onew picks him off the ground, tsking at the display in front of him. Kyungsoo’s porcelain hands are dripping with blood, his face is tear stained, and his eyes are red and puffy.
“Come, let’s get you to the kitchen to clean up Soo.” Onew said gently.
Kyungsoo allows himself to be guided by his hyung, not even trying to find his way alone. Kyungsoo’s steps are less hesitant and unsteady when Onew helps him. Kyungsoo gladly takes his supportive shoulder.
“I thought you were in America?” said Kyungsoo.
Onew ushers Kyungsoo onto the counter near the sink as he begins gathering first aid materials. Warm,wet towels press onto Kyungsoo’s palms. Onew slowly washes off the blood and adds bandages to the few minor cuts on his brother.
“It was the ugly fish lamp that dad got from Canada last spring.” Onew said, ignoring his brother’s question. “Really, you’ve done us all a kindness.”
Onew hoped his words would somehow soothe his brother or coax him into talking. He put his hand on Kyungsoo’s chin and raised his face. Kyungsoo’s eyes quickly shut. Onew remembered him making a comment earlier about him being uncomfortable with the thought of people looking at his lifeless eyes.
“Don’t close your eyes, Kyungsoo. Don’t hide from me.” Onew said softly.
A shock ran through Kyungsoo as he jolted awake. A pang hit his heart as his dream washed over him. Soon it would become foggy, perhaps he would even forget it. Onew wasn’t here. No one was here. Kyungsoo felt sweaty, his palms were clammy. The dream was replaying over and over. Kyungsoo took in a deep breathe and tried to clear his thoughts. He wasn’t sure, but he thought it was still night. He slowly reached over to his clock and pressed the button that made it annouce the time.
“It is 3:54 AM.” said the robot voice.
Before he knew it, Kyungsoo had his phone in his hands and had dialed the number he knew by heart. After a few suspenseful rings, a deep, sleep-scratched voice answered.
“Soo?” Jongin said.
Kyungsoo immediately felt bad for waking Jongin. Really this whole thing was stupid. He couldn’t just call people in the middle of the night because he had a bad dream.
“ I-I’m sorry Jongin. I didn’t mean to call. Go back to sleep.”
Kyungsoo hung up.
~~~
The sound of his blaring alarm clock came too soon. Kyungsoo had had a restless night, full of tosses and turns. He flung his arm over to silence the alarm. In his irritated state, he knocked the darn thing off his bed stand.
Kyungsoo groaned as he dropped to the floor in search for the clock. It only took a few moments to locate it and quiet its alarm. With a dejected sigh, Kyungsoo picked himself up and went down stairs.
He walked straight past the butler waiting at the bottom of the staircase. With a mission in mind he walked into the front study. Years of living in this house helped him find the ugly fish lamp from his dreams.
Kyungsoo picked up the lamp. With a sigh, he dropped it. He dropped it straight on to polished the porcelain floor. The shatter reassured him. A worried butler cried from the other room and soon came running. Despite his cries, Kyungsoo felt better. He felt calm.
As he walked away from the crime scene and into the kitchen, he called Chanyeol.
“Can you come pick me up today?”
“Um yeah, sure.” a confused Chanyeol responded.
“Wait Soo. Don’t hang up.” he continued.
Kyungsoo waited.
“Are you, um, okay? It’s been awhile.”
Kyungsoo could hear the hurt in his friend’s voice. He momentarily regretted his hermit behavior.
“I’ll be okay.” said Kyungsoo.
~~~
When Chanyeol picked up Kyungsoo, he noticed the bags under his eyes. Kyungsoo’s hair had been shaved and a thick scar from surgery was clearly visible. Chanyeol brought his friend in for a hug. Kyungsoo preferred not to touch people, but Chanyeol’s warmth was comforting.
A man in a suit came running from the house.
“Sir, you forgot your guide stick.” he said.
Kyungsoo wrinkled his nose.
“I don’t want it.”
The man tried to give the stick to Chanyeol,but he decided not to take it. Instead, he placed Kyungsoo’s hand on his arm and led him to the car.
With both Chanyeol and Kyungsoo firmly buckled, Chanyeol turned to Kyungsoo. His head was looking straight forward. Chanyeol couldn’t tell where his eyes were looking because Kyungsoo had put on some sunglasses.
Chanyeol cleared his throat.
“Where do you want to go?”
Kyungsoo sat still for a moment. Chanyeol was worried that he somehow hadn’t heard him.
“I just need to leave. I don’t have a destination in mind.”
Chanyeol decided to take him to the park with the duck pond. It was a familiar place and it shouldn’t be too busy. It would also be quiet.
The drive to central campus was quiet. A calm hung in the air. Chanyeol felt a little awkward,but he was glad that Kyungsoo had reached out to him. He had told Baekhyun, who wanted to tag along. Chanyeol said that they shouldn’t overwhelm him.
The car stopped.
“Where are we?” said Kyungsoo.
“The park.”
Kyungsoo nodded and opened his car door. Chanyeol rushed over to his side to help guide him to a bench. The duo sat in silence for a while before Kyungsoo spoke up.
“This sucks.”
Chanyeol smiled solemnly.
“Yeah, it does.” he agreed.
“I just….” Kyungsoo trailed off.
“I don’t understand why this happened really.” he said. “I had a tumor. That’s not something that really happens to people. You hear about it, see it on television, but it doesn’t happen to you.”
“People don’t find love and then get blinded by a brain tumor.”
Chanyeol was surprised to hear Kyungsoo talk about Jongin.
It was silent again.
“Have you talked to him? To Jongin?” said Chanyeol.
“No.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t count the frantic phone call in the middle of the night. He doesn’t want to bother Jongin anymore. Jongin should go be happy in the sunlight, not stuck in the dark with him.
Chanyeol doesn’t know how to continue.
“Baekhyun misses you.”
Kyungsoo gave a slight grin.
“I miss Baekhyun.”
The two friends sit in the park for a while longer. Chanyeol offers to buy a snack or a sweet,but Kyungsoo declines. He says he feels nauseous around food still, a side effect from the surgery and the tumor.
~~~
Day by day Kyungsoo did more and more. Soon he visited with Baekhyun as well as Chanyeol. He finally accepted the braille tutor and began to put his all into learning braille. His college had contacted him, telling him that he can come back any time. He knew that it was mostly because of his family, but he is thankful just the same.
One afternoon, Chanyeol and Baekhyun had come over to eat lunch. Kyungsoo had slowly become able to eat again and his friends wanted to celebrate his one of his favorite meals. The butler let his friends in and Kyungsoo stood smiling in front of the door.
He smile almost immediately dropped when he heard a third person enter. He slowly backed up a few steps.
“Chanyeol.” he said, his voice full of warning.
“We had to.” said Baekhyun.
Next the voice that Kyungsoo had been dreading and yearning for spoke.
“Kyungsoo.” Jongin said.
It sounded like he was tired. He almost sounded like he was holding back tears.
Kyungsoo shook his head.
“No.” he muttered.
“Don’t look at me. Please leave.” Kyungsoo said with all the dignity he had left.
“Kyungsoo.” Jongin said again.
He reached out to take Kyungsoo’s hand. Kyungsoo immediately took his hand back. His feet continued to backup and he had lost his placing in the room. He didn’t know where he had wandered so he couldn’t escape.
The stress of this incident, the trauma of the tumor, and his yearning for Jongin took over as he began to cry. A single tear dripped down his cheek before Jongin had grabbed him and held him close.
Jongin stroked Kyungsoo’s hair and it only made him cry harder. Everything came crashing down on him now that he was in safe arms.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun let themselves out as Jongin guided Kyungsoo to a plush sofa. There he laid Kyungsoo’s head on his chest and continued to hold him. He whispered soft words, trying to make Kyungsoo feel better.
Everything was accented since his lost his sight. He could hear Jongin’s heartbeat and smell his comforting scent. Jongin’s sweater felt soft and his words went directly to Kyungsoo’s own heart.
Kyungsoo’s sobs slowed into a trickle of hiccups. Jongin continued to stroke his hair.
“Thank you.” said Kyungsoo.
Jongin acknowledged Kyungsoo with a kiss to his temple.
“I know why you didn’t want to see me.” Jongin began gently.
“I understand and I forgive you, but I want you to know that you were wrong. You did not and will not spare me any pain by staying away from me. I want to be who you depend on. I want to love you, hyung.”
Kyungsoo’s breath halted at Jongin’s words. Jongin knew exactly what his thoughts were. He had never had anyone like Jongin before. He wanted to raise himself and kiss Jongin’s lips, but an overwhelming dread told him that he wouldn’t be able to find them.
“Kiss me Jongin.”
And Jongin did.