[A24] TOGETHER, HAND IN HAND
Prompt Code: A24
Title: Together, Hand In Hand
Rating: PG-13
Side Pairings (if any): Past!Hyunsik/Kyungsoo, Hyunsik/Chungha
Warnings: : ageswap? mpreg
Word Count: 6,900-ish
Summary: Kyungsoo never believes in a happy ending. But maybe, it’s not the happy ending that matters.
AN: Hello prompter-nim, I’m very very (x200) sorry if my fic doesn’t meet your expectations. I have a great time writing this, but I am sorry if I kind of twisted your prompt here and there a little bit. But things aside, I hope you enjoy this! And thank you for bby N for always being there of coz we r in this 2gether yeah. (and much kisses for mods ily)
Two lines.
Kyungsoo’s legs are turning to jelly at that instant, he’s silently thankful he’s leaning on the door or his bottom will surely hit the floor harshly. Kyungsoo feels choked up, everything around him is fading out and all he can hear is his heart thumping and he feels his chest tightens with every breath he takes.
Now, what should I do?
There is only one name that appears on his mind. There’s no doubt, this is also his and he should know, Kyungsoo’s rational mind says. But being the pessimistic person as he is, his mind comes up with a question, will he take any responsibility of it?
They just, broke up, like three weeks ago. Or more so, he dumped Kyungsoo out of nowhere. Through a short text message. Not even a call, or face-to-face. But, no matter how his ex-boyfriend is such a douche and no matter how much Sehun lectures him that he’s just not the one, Kyungsoo. All he did to you is treating you like some kind of a game, Kyungsoo has no doubt that he still loves his ex, and still wants to get back together. A sliver of hope forming inside Kyungsoo’s head, will he come back to him if he knows this? Will he come running and hug Kyungsoo like they used to?
There is only one way to answer, that is to meet him and ask him directly. Kyungsoo reaches out his shaky arm to grab on his phone on the vanity table, dialling the number he knows like the back of his hand, putting it on loud speaker. The tell-tale dialling sound fills the bathroom, and when the one on the other end picks up, Kyungsoo is greeted by the sound of loud bass thumping in the background.
“Hello?”
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, “Hyun--Hyunsik? This is--”
“Kyungsoo? Why did you call?” The man answers, and right after that Kyungsoo can hear him flirting with somebody Kyungsoo doesn’t want to know.
“No, no..” Kyungsoo hurriedly answers, “Can, can we meet? I have something to tell you.”
“What? What is it about?”
“Please, just hear me. I have something to tell you….” Kyungsoo bites his lower lips, trying to keep the sobs that are threatening to come out. He can’t break down right now, he needs to face Hyunsik soon.
He hears Hyunsik sighs, “Okay then, my usual club. In five minutes.”
Hyunsik doesn’t even feel the need to wait for Kyungsoo’s answer and the line goes dead. But Kyungsoo is paying no mind about it and quickly changing his clothes to suit the cold weather outside. As he makes his way out of his apartment, he can’t stop praying that everything will be okay.
Everything will be okay, right baby?
---
The temperature tonight is quite on the warm side, as warm as it can be for winter. The snow that fell the night before had melted and created puddle of water on the street and sidewalks. Despite that, Jongin decided to get dinner at the restaurant near his apartment for tonight. He needed to move his muscle a bit after three days being cooped up inside his apartment because of the freezing temperature outside.
He was about to make a turn when he heard shouting from across the street. At first Jongin wanted to just ignore it, because there is a bar across the street and when in a place that has many alcohols, fights are bound to happen. But then there was the sound of palm meeting skin that made him turn around and search for the source of the sound.
"Please! Hyunsik, please! Don't leave me, please!" A man was practically begging at the other man, tears were running down past his cheeks and he was hyperventilating. "Please, it's also your child.."
The bigger man of the two tsks, "I don't want anything to do with that child, Kyungsoo! Not when I finally have Chungha right now!" and suddenly he grabs the smaller man's arms and pulls him, "Let's go to the doctor, let's abort the baby so we don't have to deal with it."
Hearing the girl’s name and the word abort seems to waken up Jongin's sense and he stops on his track, looking at the two with disbelief. And it does the same too to the smaller man, he pulls his arm away from the other man's/Hyunsik's grip.
"No, never mind." Kyungsoo's voice becomes cold, his whole demeanor changing in a split second. "Chungha? That girl you met behind me when we were still in a relationship?”
“Yes, and we are a happy couple right now so I can’t let you and your baby ruin all of this.”
The Kyungsoo guy lets out an eerie laugh, almost sounding scary at how lifeless it sounds. “I should’ve guessed, but I dismissed the thought. But I think I thought of you too high. Now that I know, I couldn’t care less about you and Chungha right now, it’s up to you guys”
“But if you ask me to abort this baby, then the answer is no. This baby doesn’t do anything wrong.”
"Okay, you know the deal, then. You're alone in this." Hyunsik threatens.
"I'll figure it out myself." Kyungsoo says before turning around and walks away, voice cold and walk confident. Hyunsik doesn't make any move to stop Kyungsoo, only blows his cigarettes one more time and then walking inside the club once again.
Jongin pulls himself out of his trance after watching the whole ordeal. He doesn't know what got into him but his feet brings him to follow Kyungsoo from across the street, his eyes trained to the smaller man’s figure and just then he realizes that Kyungsoo is shaking.
---
"I'll figure it out myself" Kyungsoo is glad his voice doesn't come out wavering, but full of confidence and as cold as it can be. He turns around and starts to walk, glad to be the one who gives the last talk.
Thousands of things are running inside his mind as he walks. Starting from the time when he and Hyunsik met each for the first time, to the time he asked Kyungsoo to be his boyfriend, all of their date, the time they did ‘it’ for the first time. Kyungsoo used to believe in a happy ending, used to believe for a forever with Hyunsik. He imagined getting married and rent an apartment for two, maybe starting a family when they are both ready.
But clearly the world is not that kind to him. Here he is, getting pregnant without having any idea how to be parents, and only has his own self to figure things out with. Realization hits him hard, he can’t do this alone. He just graduated from the college a few months ago, haven’t made any success in job-hunting and still stick to his job of waiting tables at a restaurant in Gangnam.
How could he raise a baby in this condition?
Tears starting to collect on the corner of his eyes, part of him wanting to go back and search for Hyunsik again, probably begging or doing anything to make the man willing to go through with this together. That part of him also hoping for Hyunsik to run at him, stop him and hug him, telling Kyungsoo that they’re in this together.
Another part of him says no, he can’t go back to that man. That man who dumped him three weeks ago through text message without no absolute reason, only to be in a relationship with another girl not long before that. That man who thinks aborting the baby in Kyungsoo’s womb is the right thing to do.
His mind is in a mess and Kyungsoo doesn’t even realize he’s now crossing the street. A loud honking from a car pulling him out of his mind but when he looks at his side, the car’s front lights are blinding and so close…
This is it, Kyungsoo thinks.
He closes his eyes, waiting for the inevitable hit. But instead the feeling of the hard cold metal of the car hood on his body, he feels something warm and firm around his body. He feels himself being dragged to somewhere not far.
“Hey, are you okay?” The warmth around him moves to warm hands holding on his shoulders, and just now Kyungsoo braves himself to open his eyes. There is a man standing in front of him, looking at him with worried eyes. “Hey, are you okay?” The man asks again.
“What… What happened?” Kyungsoo manages to croak out, mind hazy.
“You almost got hit by a car just before. Luckily, I was on the scene and I saw the car before you, and I managed to pull you quick enough before the car can hit you.” The man in front of him sighs, “Please look carefully before you cross the street next time…”
“O--okay, I was just…” I was just so caught up..
“It’s okay.. I.. I saw…”
Kyungsoo looks up immediately, eyes wide in surprise. “”You saw the fight?” You saw how he dumped me?
The guy scratches the back of his head, looking at everywhere but Kyungsoo. “I might have heard almost...all?”
Kyungsoo doesn’t know what gets into him, upon hearing that someone out there knows the internal battle inside him, and that someone looking at him with pure concern in his eyes, unlike the bastard he thought he loved before.
He breaks down.
---
Jongin never face a situation like this in his life. He never faced someone crying until his body shakes uncontrollably in his life. So when Kyungsoo does just that, he doesn’t know what to do. He awkwardly pats the man softly at his back, waiting until Kyungsoo calms down enough for him to ask him where he lives so he can walk him back home.
Surprisingly, Kyungsoo lives in the same apartment building as him. Same floor. Two doors on his left.
Why did they never cross path before?
Kyungsoo is still sobbing silently when they arrive in front of his apartment door, but way calmer than he is fifteen minutes prior. Jongin helps him getting into his bed, tucking him under the blankets and turning off the lights on his way out.
Jongin stands awkwardly outside of Kyungsoo’s bedroom door, unsure of what to do. Should he stay? Or should he leave?
In the end, he decides to leave, but not before leaving a note lightly explaining everything on the refrigerator door. He makes a reminder inside his head to check on Kyungsoo by the morning.
---
“Ah, I should buy some meat...” Kyungsoo mumbles as he turns around and walks to the meat section. He’s in the supermarket right now, making time after his part time work is done. He’s trying to buy something (healthy) for his late dinner other than opting for his usual daily ramen cups. Too much MSG is not good for the baby, he read on an article online.
“What meat would you like to buy, sir?” The butcher behind the counter greets him, friendly and all smiles. Kyungsoo likes this supermarket.
“I would like to buy 500grams of grinded beef, please.”
The butcher nods and goes to grab Kyungsoo’s order while the customer waits while massaging his lower back softly. His body aches a lot these days, probably because of adjusting to the new tiny being inside of him. Sometimes, it aches so much he lashes at everyone about everything, but not today. His day has been fine today. No picky customer at the restaurant he works at and his manager turned out to be more understanding that he thought he was. Well, Kyungsoo almost scared Mr. Wu will fire him because of it, but the male just sincerely congratulate him and also promise to adjust Kyungsoo’s schedule so he won’t feel too tired.
Kyungsoo walked out of the restaurant with a smile on his face, despite the tiredness latching on his bones. Now, he just needed his grinded beef, go home, cook dinner, and sleep until noon because tomorrow is Sunday. What a perfect plan.
The butcher comes back and smiles regretfully at Kyungsoo, oh Kyungsoo doesn’t like where this is going. “We’re sorry, sir. But we ran out of grinded beef, maybe you want another type of meat?”
Kyungsoo frowns, “Why?”
The butcher seems to be quite surprised with the question but still answering kindly, “There was a rush at noon today at the supermarket, sir. And it’s already quite late too.”
“So, you blame me? You blame me because I come here too late?” Kyungsoo asks, his lips starting to tremble. There goes his perfect plan for the night. Now he can’t eat his dinner, for God’s sake!! He’s going to starve, he’s going to die starving because he comes to the supermaket too late because he had to work for his being and also his baby’s being………..
“No… No, sir… That’s not what I--” The butcher stutters, looking left and right for someone that can probably help him.
“But you said so yourself.” Kyungsoo sniffles, he hates crying at public. But he just can’t help it right now. A kind of panic rises inside of him, his breathing is getting faster with fat tears running down his cheeks. He just wants his grinded beef. Is that too much to ask?
“Hey, are you alright?” A voice comes from Kyungsoo’s side. He looks at his side to find a man standing close to him, “Hey, Kyungsoo, you alright?”
Ah, this is the man who saved him from getting hit by a car. Kyungsoo looks at his eyes, filled with same concern just like a week ago. “I’m not! Because I just happened to clock out work too late, and I can’t get the meat for my dinner.”
“I’m going to starve, and I’m going to die, this baby is going to die, and I’ll be the shittiest parent on the planet because I kill my child before he or she is even born!” Kyungsoo continously shouts. “I’ll surely go to hell!!” Jongin thanks the Heavens at the fact the supermarket is practically empty except for both of them and the clueless butcher.
“Hey.. Hey.. Hey.. You’re not going to starve..” Jongin awkwardly circles his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders, half-hugging him. “There’s another meat for you to pick. Or how about another dinner menu?”
Kyungsoo looks up to meet Jongin’s eyes, pouting. “But I need that type meat for my spaghetti.. And I can’t cook anything other than that… I can cook ramen…. But that’s unhealthy for the baby..” Kyungsoo caress his still small baby bump. It’s still his second month afterall.
Jongin only laughs lightly and pats Kyungsoo’s back with a smile, “Okay then. I’ll cook for you. How about that?”
At the mention of that, Kyungsoo lights up. “Really?!” But then he backs away suddenly, looking at Jongin suspiciously. “But how could I trust you? We only met twice, including today. You could be after my kidney! Or even my ex’s friend that’s trying to get rid of my baby! No, no, please don’t take my baby. The baby is the only one I have left in this world and I can’t.…”
“Hey...Hey…” Jongin stops Kyungsoo’s random babbling once again, leaning closer but still making enough space for Kyungsoo not to panic. “If all that you said are true, then I could do it the night we met. You practically fell asleep on me, you know. And I have to carry you home.”
Kyungsoo blushes at the memory, how could he embarrass himself like that? More than that, in front of a stranger. “I’m sorry… For suspecting you like that…” Kyungsoo fumbles with his fingers, cheeks tinted pink because of embarrassment. “Does the offer still on, though?” Kyungsoo looks at Jongin with wide eyes, and Jongin can only stares at him dumbly before nodding.
“Yes! So, come on come on now let’s go!” Kyungsoo claps happily and walks away first, definitely feeling a whole lot better right now. He stops few seconds later after he realizes Jongin is not following him, “Jongin! Come on?”
“I’ll be there in a sec!” Jongin replies, before turning to the butcher. “Please understand him, he’s pregnant. So, you know… Pregnancy hormones…”
“Ah….” The butcher nods understandingly, “That..explains everything..”
“Nah… Now, I’m going to get going first. Have a good night.”
---
“Thank you, so much for your kindness today, Jongin-ssi,” Kyungsoo smiles shyly, “You already saved me twice, I don’t know what I could do to pay you back..”
“Ah, it’s nothing, really.” They are now in front of Jongin’s apartment, with the taller sending the other off. Kyungsoo is surprised to the fact that they’re actually neighbors, but Kyungsoo just moved there about two months before and he’s been busy with his part-time job to say hi to his neighbors. “Just stay healthy for you and the baby, will you?”
Something warm seeps into Kyungsoo’s chest, and he suddenly feels lighter. Like the weight in his shoulders has been lifted, even only a bit. He doesn’t want to think too much into it, but he’s happy there is someone looking out for him. The fact that he’s not alone.
“If I end up naming my child after you, don’t be surprised.”
“Then it would be an honor, Kyungsoo-ssi.”
Kyungsoo looks down at his watch, “I think it’s too late already.. I should go back at home so you can rest. Thank you for today, Jongin-ssi.”
“Just Jongin, please. We’re friends already, right?”
“Jongin-hyung?” Kyungsoo tries, and Jongin just laughs.
“I feel old. Leave out the hyung.” Jongin answers, “Be careful on your way home! And if you ever feel hungry and in need of food, don’t hesitate to knock on my door! Please don’t die because of malnutrition!”
---
People come and go, and for everyone that goes away from our life, there will be another one that will fill the empty space in your life. And that's what just happens to Kyungsoo. His one crazy ex-boyfriend might leave him all alone to deal with his pregnancy, but it opens the door for Jongin to come right into Kyungsoo's life.
Kyungsoo's life is by no means getting easier, if ever, it only gets harder. When the nauseas starting to kick in every morning, he barely eats anything until Jongin insists to spoon-feeding him until the whole plate is finished. When his feet starting to ache, he barely moves and his bestfriend Sehun has to bare with whining Kyungsoo asking to be massaged. Kyungsoo is thankful with the two, being there even if they have a life of their own. Being there for him even if they don’t have to, they have a choice to not too.
Being his neighbor and living alone, unlike Sehun who lives on the other part of the city and with his boyfriend, Jongin is the one who usually comes to Kyungsoo's rescue when the older needs something. When Kyungsoo wants tteokbokki in the middle of the night? Jongin will buy it. When he is too scared to go to the doctor's appointment alone? Jongin will accompany him up to the waiting room.
The time they spend together is enjoyable, at least for Kyungsoo. They can talk nonsense until the recent political issue (Jongin being more aware of it even if he's a dance teacher). They can spend hours just watching movies in Kyungsoo's battered couch together after dinner.
Kyungsoo can't help but..... Starting to grow feelings to the older man.
Some people might argue that Kyungsoo is probably just missing some affection and when he gets it from Jongin, he likes it, that’s why he doesn’t want to be away from the older. Kyungsoo already thinks about that probability, and he's afraid that he only likes Jongin because of that, just because he wants the affection he never got from his ex. Jongin definitely deserves better than someone who uses him like that.
But when one day Jongin fell asleep on one of their movie night and turned out that he's sick, Kyungsoo found himself sitting by the living room sofa, worrying about Jongin's health while dipping the wet cloth into the cold water and put it in Jongin's forehead. Hoping his fever will die soon. And when Jongin woke up the next morning feeling healthy and thanked Kyungsoo about the porridge he made for breakfast, Kyungsoo felt butterflies fluttering inside his stomach and his heartbeat might just went faster at the sight of Jongin's smile and rosy cheeks.
He asked Sehun one day, "Is it okay, to fall in love like this?"
"Of course you can, Kyungsoo." Sehun smiled at him, and Kyungsoo just didn't know how happy Sehun was when he heard his best friend talking about Jongin. He is just glad his best friend found another someone and forget his crappy ex-boyfriend. "You're single, and he's single. It's allowed, right? Just ask him out."
"But, I'm pregnant!" Kyungsoo retorted, reaching out for his apple juice. Sehun only gives him a 'and so what?' look, to which Kyungsoo replied with an exasperated sigh. "It's not that easy, Sehun. And by the way, I don't know.... Whether he is single.. Or not.... I don’t even know if he's gay or not! Dammit."
Despite the amount of time they spent together and also the amount of things they talked about, the topic of relationships never came out. Jongin never asked about Kyungsoo's ex (to which Kyungsoo is grateful about) unless necessary, nor he mentioned anything about his relationship history. And Kyungsoo is always afraid he might cross some lines if he ever asks something about it.
Seeing how Jongin seems to be always there, Kyungsoo guesses that he might be single. But it’s never good to assume.
It's all remained a mystery, until one day.
It all happens on a night, around two months after they know each other. It is raining cats and dogs, and Kyungsoo is drenched from head to toe because he ran from the train station to his apartment building, forgetting to grab his umbrella because he rushed to work this morning. His hands fumble for his key on his pocket, but frowning when he feels nothing.
He slings his bag forward to search inside it, doesn’t care about his wet hands giving dark stains here and there. He just wants to get inside his apartment, change his clothes and feed his baby. But he has to be disappointed again because he ends up with nothing.
“Oh my God, not today…”
“Kyungsoo?” A voice prevents him from dumping all the contents of his bag on the floor, frustrated. He snaps his head to the side to find Jongin, looking fine in his all black formal attire, different for his usual t-shirt and sweatpants look. Kyungsoo eyes the black umbrella in his hold.
“I didn’t bring my umbrella today.. And also, I think I also left my key.” Kyungsoo huffs, arms wrapped around his stomach, trying to warm it up. But his effort is met with no avail, with his wet t-shirt sticking to his wet body. “Can I.. borrow your shirt, Jongin? I don’t want her to get cold..”
“Let’s just stay at my apartment for tonight. I’ll lend you some clothes and you can take my bed.” Jongin rushes Kyungsoo inside his apartment before the older can even say anything. He sits Kyungsoo on the sofa, not minding the water dripping into the cotton of his sofa. He then disappears inside a room, to come out a few minutes later with a towel and a set of clothes.
“I don’t know if it will fits.. She wore this when she was pregnant before, so I think it will..” Jongin hands him the clothes and Kyungsoo nods before walking to the bathroom.
The clothes turn out to perfectly fit Kyungsoo's frame, because it is indeed the clothes for those who are pregnant. The model is a bit too girly for Kyungsoo’s liking but he’s dry and his baby bump is warm, those are all that matter. Kyungsoo walks out of the bathroom to Jongin sliding a glass of warm chocolate to him from across the kitchen island, Kyungsoo spots a pot above the stove so he figures maybe Jongin is cooking something.
“The dumpling soup will take a while, so drink the hot chocolate first to warm yourself up. Okay?”
Kyungsoo only nods and a comfortable silence dawns upon them. The only sound in the room is their breaths in rhythm with each other. “You said she just before, have you already figured out the gender of your baby?” Kyungsoo hums as a response, “I just visited my doctor today, and I asked him to tell me! I was so nervous..."
Jongin goes silent for a while, mindlessly stirring the pot. “I'm sorry I couldn't make it, I was..." His words hang in the air and Kyungsoo feels dark clouds looming on top of Jongin's head.
"It's okay," Kyungsoo quickly answers, trying to lighten the mood up. " A girl would be wonderful, wouldn’t it?”
Another silence. It's like Jongin is thinking about what to answer. That never happened before and Kyungsoo is afraid something is wrong. "I think so… No, I think it is wonderful. It’s going to be wonderful.” There’s something in Jongin’s voice that is kind of odd, like it holds another meaning, and it sounded more sincere and truthful than usual, or more so, like coming from personal experience.
"You sounded just like an experienced dad, you know..” Kyungsoo tries to joke, to which Jongin doesn't reply, or laugh.
"I don’t know you will have pregnancy clothes being stored in your house, but I’m thankful because it is helping me at times like this,” Kyungsoo says again, eyeing Jongin who still has his back to Kyungsoo. But then Jongin puts the bowl in front of him, and Kyungsoo is too excited at the thought of filling his empty stomach, he misses the sadness in Jongin’s face. "Me and my baby will eat well, Jongin! Thank you!”
Silence comes looming over them, and unlike the usual comfortable one, it's uncomfortable. And Kyungsoo only realizes that Jongin is not eating his soup after he has finished his own bowl. He pokes Jongin's arm with his finger. "You are being pretty silent today.. Did something happen?” Kyungsoo asks finally.
Seconds pass, minutes pass and Jongin still doesn't say anything. He doesn't look at Kyungsoo's eyes either, opting to cast his gaze on the table. Kyungsoo sees a tear drops on the table when Jongin finally begins to talk, "Do you know why I can't go to the doctor appointment with you today?"
"This is her birthday today. My wife." Kyungsoo feels his hope shatters when he hears the words coming out of Jongin's mouth. Wife? So Jongin is married all these times? But, if he is, why did Kyungsoo never see her even once? There is no picture of a woman in Jongin's apartment too, beside the picture of his mom and sisters.
"And also today, exactly, two years ago, she died. She died with our daughter. Our one year old daughter." Jongin takes a deep breath. Kyungsoo pales, that explains the formal black attire the other wore before....
"We were just on our second year of marriage at that time, blessed with one beautiful daughter. They’re both bright, fun, downright lovable. We were happy, so happy.” Jongin continues in between his sobs. Each sobs bringing another knife piercing into Kyungsoo's heart, he can't see Jongin like this. He can't.
"Until that car crash happened..."
"It was me, it was all my fault. We weren’t supposed to go for the movies that night, we weren’t supposed to get out at all. But I insisted, I insisted we catched that last movie together. If only I didn’t, if only….” Jongin halts in the middle of his sentences because he can’t keep in his sobs anymore, Kyungsoo quickly goes around the kitchen table to pull him into a hug.
“Jongin….” Kyungsoo pulls himself from the hug to inspect Jongin’s tear-streaked face. He looks broken. He looks.. broken. And Kyungsoo can't imagine how Jongin felt back then, losing his two loved ones at the same time, and have to live with the guilt, even if everybody but Jongin himself knows it's not his fault. Kyungsoo doesn't want to imagine, how much sleepless night Jongin had spent on his bed, looking at the other side of the bed and picturing his late wife there. How much tears he had spent crying inside his late daughter's bedroom.
Another realization hits Kyungsoo and his stomach falls for what he knows exactly why. The fact that Jongin is still very much in love with his late wife, still deeply longing for her and their daughter. That he might not stand a chance.
Kyungsoo lets Jongin cries, his own heart crying alongside him. When finally Jongin’s sobs are reduced into little sniffles, Kyungsoo guides the taller to his bedroom, lying him down on the bed and tucking the blanket under his chin. After making sure Jongin is deep asleep, he gets out of the room and grabs his phone to call someone.
"Hello, Sehun? Can you pick me up at my apartment building? I don't I can't be here any longer, I need a time away."
---
Kyungsoo tries to stay away from Jongin after that, which the younger is confused about the reason why. He starts to reject Jongin's dinner offer, opting to buy take out or eat at a restaurant before coming home so he can decline Jongin's offer. He starts to go home late at night, only coming home when the clock hits eleven or no less than that, to avoid bumping into Jongin in the hallway. He starts to go out at Saturday night too, saying he has plans with his friends or Sehun already, so he can avoid his usual weekly movie night with Jongin.
The younger has been asking him why does he avoiding him? And Kyungsoo only answers with the same sentence everytime, "I'm not avoiding you, Jongin. I'm just busy."
But Jongin just won't take it, "Is it me? Is it something that I did? Is it something that I said?" He will ask and give Kyungsoo that kick puppy look, and damn Jongin for knowing Kyungsoo's weakness. He almost tempted to say the reason and confess right there, but Kyungsoo held himself back. "It's not your fault Jongin, nor anyone's fault. I'm just merely getting busier."
Kyungsoo knows what he does is not fair to Jongin. But he himself doesn't know how to face the younger when everytime he looks at his face Kyungsoo remembers how much he loves the man, and yet he doesn't stand a chance because the said man is still in love with his late wife.
But Kyungsoo knows he can't avoid Jongin forever, and there will be time Jongin's patience runs out, and Kyungsoo will have to explain everything. He just hopes he is ready when the time comes.
---
Sunday morning finds Kyungsoo in the yard of his apartment building, the fire alarm just went off an hour ago and sent every tenants running out panickly outside. And no exception happened to Kyungsoo, he almost tripped twice on his way down but thankfully nothing happened and him and most importantly, his baby bump is safe.
Kyungsoo feels himself squirming in place. The morning air is not so cold, because the sun has started to peek in through the clouds and he managed to grab his blanket before going out of his apartment before. But what makes him uncomfortable is the stares other people has been giving him for the past hour.
He is in his sixth month now and that means his baby bump is more visible for everyone to see, his pajama is not helping either because he still wears his old pajamas before he got pregnant.
He unconsciously tightens the blanket around his frame. Kyungsoo thought he could use to this, the judgemental stares, the pitiful stares thrown at him. And also he thought he is already immune to the soft but malicious whispers.
But today proves that he is not. He has Jongin before to convince him that instead of the word 'pitiful', Kyungsoo should be crowned as someone 'powerful'. For having power to stand on his own even if he's left alone in his pregnancy, for having the power to not let anyone's words make him aborting his child.
But Jongin is not here, Jongin is not here to comfort him. Jongin is not here to say the words to him. He knows Jongin is just somewhere in the yard with him, but that doesn’t mean the other man wants to accompany Kyungsoo after what Kyungsoo has done to him.
The group of nosy ajummas are standing close to him and their whispers turn louder, as if they want Kyungsoo to hear it. Or maybe they want Kyungsoo to hear it. For him to know how slutty he is for getting pregnant without a husband. For him to know how pitiful he is for being all alone. For him to know how much a failure he is.
It's getting unbearable, tears are starting to form on the corner of his eyes and he already thinks about calling his friend and just crash at their place for the mean time. But then someone pulls him into their arm and lets him hide his face in their chest. Soft pats are given to his back and it calms him down. The scent of this person calms him down. The warmth of this person calms him down. Everything about this person calms him down.
It's Jongin.
"Don't mind them, don't mind them. You don't need to hear them. You're not what they say you are." Jongin whispers it over and over to him, and Kyungsoo gives in. No longer wanting to avoid Jongin.
---
With giving in, comes confrontation. After the officials stated that the building is safe, and the small fire in the fifth floor has died down, they are allowed to go back to their place. And when Kyungsoo tries to detach himself from Jongin's hug and goes back, Jongin circles his fingers on his wrist, looking at him with pleading eyes.
So, here they are. In Jongin's living room after almost two months of Kyungsoo avoiding Jongin.
It's Jongin who breaks the silence, "It has something to do with me, right?"
"What is "it", Jongin?"
"You, avoiding me." Kyungsoo sighs as he places the cup of tea on the living room table, ready for a long talk. "Yes, it is." Jongin looks like he wants to ask again but Kyungsoo stops him, "Let me talk first."
"I'll be honest here. I have a feeling for you, Jongin." Kyungsoo starts, "You are always there, even if you don't have to. Taking care of me, granting my cravings, accompanying me. Doing everything that the baby of my baby didn't."
"At first, I was afraid. If this feeling is only because how the way you make me feel. You are nice to me, and so I like that." Kyungsoo smiles faintly, "And you don't deserve that. So I decided to just see. But then one night you got sick, and I found myself worrying. I found myself thinking of a thousand ways to make you feel better but yet I can't come up with anything other than basic knowledge because I suck at household matters."
"And then you smiled at me, the next morning. It just felt different with the butterflies it had caused. You felt better and you thanked me for breakfast. And all that happened the night before and that morning, proved to me that I'm probably already in too deep."
"But life is so full of surprise, huh?" Kyungsoo chuckles to himself, but it sounds empty. "Not long after that, you told me that you actually married before. And also had daughter. No wonder you really know how to take care someone who is pregnant. You really know what to give to someone who is pregnant. Heck, you have pregnancy clothes! That would be weird if you haven't married before, right?"
Kyungsoo's vision is starting to blur, he keeps on going. "And that was when I know that I have no chance. The way you talked about her, the way your gazes were, people can easily say that you're still in love with her. I don't blame you for that, though. But I envy her, I envy her so much...."
"I envy her that she had someone like you. So loyal, so faithful, so beautiful. And so in love with her." His voice shakes even harder with every word being said, but he's not done.
"Then who I am to destroy or even want something as beautiful as that? So, I made distance. I stayed away. I don't want to set up myself for another heartbreak. It's better if I get out of this early before it is too late. I--"
"Don't you think you are selfish, Kyungsoo?"
Kyungsoo is a bit taken aback by Jongin's sudden words, but he nods and prepares to answer. "Yes--"
"So if you know that you are selfish, why did you still do it?"
"I don't want to set up myself for another heartbreak, Jongin. You don't have to understand me."
"So you think it is okay to avoid me. And give myself a heartbreak instead?"
"You know I don't--" Kyungsoo wants to reply but stops when he realizes Jongin's last question meant. "What?"
Jogin is now facing Kyungsoo, face hard like he's trying not to blow up at Kyungsoo. But when his eyes meet Kyungsoo's, no words can explain what he sees other than fondness and... Affection. "Now this is my turn to talk."
"I was so surprised when I didn't find you on the living room that morning. I thought something bad happened but then I saw your note on the fridge. I tried to call you but you didn't pick up. I thought you just didn't see, but you didn't call back.
"I tried to ask you but you always said it's okay. But you were clearly avoiding me. I tried to ask whether it has something to do with me, whether it is my fault, but you said it's not. Did you really think I would buy all that?"
"Look at me." Jongin say softly, "My wife wish before she let out her last breath on that hospital bed, is for me to be happy again. To search for another someone that will take care of me when she isn't there anymore. At first, I was sure that I wouldn't be able to love someone as much as I love her."
"But then I meet you. And I finally can say that I was wrong. You came, and I love you. I love you. And I’m not even saying this because of my wife’s wish or what. I’m saying this because I truly feel this and I want you to know. I want you to know that I want us together as much as you want it too.”
---
Kyungsoo didn't believe in happy ending. He thought that it was too fairytale-like, and even the 8 year-old him knew that real life is not like those in fairytale. With his parent's sudden death, he was made even more sure that happy ending was only an illusion, it wasn't real. At least for him.
His ex-boyfriend changed his mind, a little bit. He started believing on happy endings when he saw how steady their relationship were. He even let his mind thinking about how their future would be like, and he was sure he could have his happy ending with his boyfriend at that time. But then, his boyfriend left him. Alone and pregnant. Kyungsoo was angry at himself for letting himself fall into the illusion of happy ending.
But then Kim Jongin came waltzing into his life. From a sudden meeting at that night when he lost his hope on happy ending for the second time. Kim Jongin saving him from an almost sure kill. Kim Jongin saving him from his embarrassing tantrum at supermarket. Kim Jongin saving him from dying because of malnutrition because he can't cook for life. Kim Jongin saving him from staying in cold outside of his apartment as the result of his own clumsiness. Kim Jongin saving him from thinking that he is what those nosy neighbor think he is.
Kim Jongin already saw everything, had been given countless chances to not involved and step away from the mess called Kyungsoo’s, and here he is in every step of the way.
"You're not sleeping?" Kyungsoo's train of thought is halted by Jongin's question, he looks at his side to see the other slipping under the sheets and shifts closer. And of course, not forgetting to put his legs in between Kyungsoo's and put his palm over Kyungsoo’s baby bump, caressing it softly.
"I'm waiting for you," Kyungsoo answers.
"What were you thinking?"
Kyungsoo doesn't answer, but instead turning his body around to face Jongin fully. He reaches out a hand to caress Jongin's cheek softly like he's so delicate, like he can't believe Jongin is here. Kyungsoo runs his finger to the sharp edges on Jongin's face, to the subtle prick on his chin, to the dry lips that are slightly parted, to the eyebrows that scrunching because it's ticklish, to the eyebag that formed from God knows how many sleepless night.
"Let me save you this time, will you?" Kyungsoo whispers to Jongin, "So you will never grow old alone. And maybe, we both can have our happy ending."
Kyungsoo lands a peck on Jongin's lips before burying himself on Jongin's embrace. Kyungsoo still doesn't believe in happy ending, because he feels that he isn't there yet. But maybe, it's not always about the happy ending that matters, maybe it is all about the story.
The story of Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin, starting from now.