Thoughts about LJ and etiquette
We think of our LJ's as our own (semi)private thoughts, not realizing LJ is actually a news medium; we're all the journalists, writing about the subjects we know best: ourselves. We may have noble thoughts of "using other peoples' stories to inspire us", but let's face it -- the true "AHA!" moments are relatively few, and mostly what we want is the new dish, the new drama in peoples' lives. Perhaps I'm being overly pessimistic, but I know I fall into the trap all the time.
When I login and nothing comes, mostly it's because the stuff on my mind is same old, same old. I realize "No one wants to hear this again," and they probably don't, though they'll politely skim it and probably give the same advice they've given before. Now, some people will inevitably say, "It's your journal; don't censor yourself!" But if LJ is just another news medium, SSDD is not news, and you know how people feel about yesterday's news...
Why do I write this? Because this topic seems to come up again and again in people who think LJs should be like a normal, paperbound journal and use it therapeutically. People say, "Don't censor yourself," but I've seen it time and again -- that never works unless filters are set up VERY carefully. If something brand new is trying to poke through, then it's worth writing about and putting out there for the general "friends" filter, or even for the general public. Otherwise, behind a filter it goes, where only the writer or a few trusted friends can see it.
Unfortunately, the system doesn't distinguish between the "friends" filter (the broadest) and any custom filters -- both get the same lock icon. Perhaps a shorthand would be helpful, like [very tight filter] in the subject line or tags can help each other know what to expect from the post. Also, when the post is done, go back and put in LJ-CUTs around sections that don't really further the point, but are mostly a working-out of ideas. It can give the reader a better idea about what's important and what's not.
On a personal level, I have to say that I tend to skip repetitive posts, no matter how much I love you. This is not a judgment of you, or a, "I wish s/he'd just snap out of it" (though sometimes it is, LOL), it's protecting me. The extreme empath in me feels the pain of my friends anew each time you write about it. It's intense because I know there's nothing I can do to "fix" you, which I ultimately want to do every time I read emotional posts. Nothing good comes of worrying for you, which is all I will really do by reading rehashes of the same thing. Again, it's not about judgment, it's about protecting me. I feel a little guilty about that, but it's the honest truth. (Maybe it's a consequence of watching Fox's new show, To Tell the Truth tonight, LOL).
I'm going out on a limb, but I believe that in our heart of hearts, we KNOW the answer to our own problems -- we just are too afraid to follow through. Most LJers (myself included) could stand to hear the message, "Do something about it or move on." We get misled by the sense of community created by LJ comments, though, and use them for self-validation, but not for growth. It gives us courage to try, perhaps, but does that really matter? "Do or not do; there is no try."
--
Lest anyone think it's about them in particular, it's not -- it's for several people (myself included) who feel a bit inhibited on their own journals of late. Now you know what to expect of my LJ, and hopefully have gained some insight about your own.
When I login and nothing comes, mostly it's because the stuff on my mind is same old, same old. I realize "No one wants to hear this again," and they probably don't, though they'll politely skim it and probably give the same advice they've given before. Now, some people will inevitably say, "It's your journal; don't censor yourself!" But if LJ is just another news medium, SSDD is not news, and you know how people feel about yesterday's news...
Why do I write this? Because this topic seems to come up again and again in people who think LJs should be like a normal, paperbound journal and use it therapeutically. People say, "Don't censor yourself," but I've seen it time and again -- that never works unless filters are set up VERY carefully. If something brand new is trying to poke through, then it's worth writing about and putting out there for the general "friends" filter, or even for the general public. Otherwise, behind a filter it goes, where only the writer or a few trusted friends can see it.
Unfortunately, the system doesn't distinguish between the "friends" filter (the broadest) and any custom filters -- both get the same lock icon. Perhaps a shorthand would be helpful, like [very tight filter] in the subject line or tags can help each other know what to expect from the post. Also, when the post is done, go back and put in LJ-CUTs around sections that don't really further the point, but are mostly a working-out of ideas. It can give the reader a better idea about what's important and what's not.
On a personal level, I have to say that I tend to skip repetitive posts, no matter how much I love you. This is not a judgment of you, or a, "I wish s/he'd just snap out of it" (though sometimes it is, LOL), it's protecting me. The extreme empath in me feels the pain of my friends anew each time you write about it. It's intense because I know there's nothing I can do to "fix" you, which I ultimately want to do every time I read emotional posts. Nothing good comes of worrying for you, which is all I will really do by reading rehashes of the same thing. Again, it's not about judgment, it's about protecting me. I feel a little guilty about that, but it's the honest truth. (Maybe it's a consequence of watching Fox's new show, To Tell the Truth tonight, LOL).
I'm going out on a limb, but I believe that in our heart of hearts, we KNOW the answer to our own problems -- we just are too afraid to follow through. Most LJers (myself included) could stand to hear the message, "Do something about it or move on." We get misled by the sense of community created by LJ comments, though, and use them for self-validation, but not for growth. It gives us courage to try, perhaps, but does that really matter? "Do or not do; there is no try."
--
Lest anyone think it's about them in particular, it's not -- it's for several people (myself included) who feel a bit inhibited on their own journals of late. Now you know what to expect of my LJ, and hopefully have gained some insight about your own.