for all the things i cannot say to your face
And I can't because it won't be seen in the right light, if seen at all. I've chosen between Chris and multiple people before, because he wants me to choose. He demands it. And I've listened before, I've followed. Listened to his every whim, apologized for my past that he does not accept. And he thinks he's the bitch? Not that I take pride in being submissive, just that he's got it wrong. All wrong.
He doesn't know what he had (for the good), and he doesn't know that it's gone.
He doesn't know that I'm disconnecting. That he lost me for a reason. My grip started slipping with his insecurity, which is at the base of all of this. The odd thing is, that today it blew up, today when he had family drama. Is it wrong of me to consider that maybe this fight is due to blowing off steam/ creating more drama to make up for other things that bother him in his life? I really want to know, is it? Not even with sarcasm.
I think that if he cared as much as I want someone to care, he would not force me in this position. He would accept me for my faults, accept me for my past. He would listen to what I have to say. He would not be so quick to react, but to think first. He has so many flaws. Ones I thought I could help, but that I realize now are too much.
And this will hurt. Dear Lord, will this hurt. But people are made to heal. And there's a better time to all of this.
He doesn't know what he had (for the good), and he doesn't know that it's gone.
He doesn't know that I'm disconnecting. That he lost me for a reason. My grip started slipping with his insecurity, which is at the base of all of this. The odd thing is, that today it blew up, today when he had family drama. Is it wrong of me to consider that maybe this fight is due to blowing off steam/ creating more drama to make up for other things that bother him in his life? I really want to know, is it? Not even with sarcasm.
I think that if he cared as much as I want someone to care, he would not force me in this position. He would accept me for my faults, accept me for my past. He would listen to what I have to say. He would not be so quick to react, but to think first. He has so many flaws. Ones I thought I could help, but that I realize now are too much.
And this will hurt. Dear Lord, will this hurt. But people are made to heal. And there's a better time to all of this.