I hate this. The sheer weight of it all gets unbearable, I get whiny and dramatic and need other people to pick me back up, and even once I'm better and ready to go on, it's never done. I know it'll happen again and again and again. It'll never stop. This is my life.

As much as I like reading poetry, the authors' essays on their creative processes still feel like a stab in the gut. Good to know some things don't change.

It just hurts so much when people who at least pretend to care about me so glaringly fail to give a shit about anything I'm going through as regards gender identity. I tell them I'm genderqueer; they still talk to me like "you women are this, you women do that". I tell them what pronouns I prefer; they don't use them. I try to explain my experience ( Read more... )

Cut my neck open down the side, pin it out on the dissection board. Show everyone what's in there. Cut my eyes out, pin them out on the dissection board. Show everyone what's in there. Cut my throat with a box cutter, no one sees. High collars for the rest of the week. We can't come out and say "you did this to me", they wouldn't understand if we ( Read more... )

The inability to function independently is there, whatever we call it-did you know I've never made a doctor's appointment for myself? that I've never gotten a job on my own?-but no one believes me, so "mental illness sufferer" is something only other people get to be. I sure as fuck didn't consent, not to being fondled on the subway nor to being ( Read more... )

I don't know, maybe it's me, but "part of you still needs this mental-illness identity" sounds a lot like "you're making it up, you're not really sick".

Stop trying to make me hate who you want me to hate. I decide who I hate as a matter of human dignity. Not you.

Cyanide is difficult to get without certifications and permits. Arsenic is more easily had, but its symptoms resemble those of cholera, which are highly unpleasant ( Read more... )

During my time at Queens College, my lunch break was sometimes upwards of two hours. When I had that much time and the weather was good, sometimes I would go to Kissena Park. I had a favorite tree there, with enough low forks and sturdy branches to make it easy for a non-athletic beginner with a fear of heights to climb up a little and survey all ( Read more... )

I had it all planned out, except for where I'd get the rope. I don't really want to go on. Don't wanna. Can't make me. But then I think about you and your adorable smile and how happy you always are to see me and...I have to.

"Give me something sharp so that I can take my body off and go walking through the deep ocean. Take my skin and use it to dress the statues. There's a seam right here in the back, and if I dig my nails in hard enough, my body will come right off and then you can take my skin and use it to dress the statues. I think it was the Romans-was it the ( Read more... )