So much....
These past few weeks have been an ultimate nightmare. Depression/anxiety at it's highest lately. Kids are home from school until August/September so I've been dealing with them fighting 24/7 and I'm so stressed from that it's not funny. Got cut hours at work so instead of 40 hours I'm only working 30 a week. Guy I like says he likes me but also says he can't make his move just in case his ex comes back... I haven't dated in years and now this... Makes me realize why I stopped dating in the first place. I try so hard I'm doing it all by myself now and all I want is a little help. Something to relieve some stress but it's not possible. I try to get a shower and kids fight, cook dinner.. kids fight... Clean house... Kids fight... One goes to work with me daily and as soon as we walk in the door when we get home... They fight.. they don't stop till bedtime and even then I don't have 5 min to myself ever anymore. I have cried myself to sleep every single night for months. Some nights I don't sleep. Everything has me so bad I've had days where I just want to say fuck it. But alas I can't because I have two lives that depends on me. Well more than that if you add the cats I feed outside and the dog inside. I love my kids and my fur babies but damn idk how much more I can handle. Everything is taking its toll and I'm ready to scream and not stop.. I can't even do anything without kids fighting. I just want a break for even a few hours. Five minutes to myself so I can breathe.. but nope I'll never get it. Oh well when this is all done and over with I can't wait for them to go back to school so I can have my quiet days back to myself.